Snicker..Snicker

[vixenbabe]

A husband and wife are getting ready for bed. The wife is standing in front of a full length mirror taking a hard look at herself.

" You know love" she says. "I look in the mirror and I see and old woman. My face is all wrinkled, my boobs are barely above my waist, my ass is hanging out a mile. I've got fat legs and my arms are all flabby". She turns to her hubby and says, " Honey, please tell me something that will make me feel good about myself".

He thinks a bit and says, " Well, at least there is nothing wrong with your eyesight".

 

[vixenbabe]

A married couple are on holiday is Jamaica, They are touring the marketplace looking for goods and such, when they pass this small sandal shop.

From inside they hear the shopkeeper with a thick Jamacian accent say, " Come in. Come into my humble shop. I have some special sandals that you both be interested in. Once your hubby puts 'dem on his feet 'day make him wild for much sex".

The wife is alll excited and says, " Hon, please buy a pair. You ain't what you use to be in the ole sack".

The hubby felt he really did not need them but wanted to shut his wife up.

The Jamaican says, " Just try 'dem on mon".

After a few minutes of badgering from his wife, he slips the sandals on.

As he got the sandals on both feet he gets this wild look in his eyes. He yanks down his pants, grabs the Jamacian guy, pulls his pants down and bends him over the counter. The Jamiacian then begins screaming, " You got 'dem on 'de wrong feet!".

 

[WODIN]

LMAO!

 

[vixenbabe]

Little David was in his 5th grade class when the teacher asked the kids what their father's did for a living. All the typial kids answers came up- fireman, policeman,saleman, doctor, etc. David was being veru quiet so the teacher would not ask him about his dad.

The teacher then asks lil Dave what his daddy does for a living. David replies, " Well, my dad is an exotic dancer in a gay cabaret and takes hios clothes off in front of other men. Then he goes into the back ally and makes love to toher men".

The teacher, shaken by his statement, hurriedly set the other kids to work on a project.

She pulls David aside and asks, " Your dad really does not do such a thing for a living does he?"

Little David says, " No, but he plays football for the New York Giants and I was too embarrassed to say that in front of all the other kids".

 

[The_Ghost]

A husband and wife are getting ready for bed. The wife is standing in front of a full length mirror taking a hard look at herself.

" You know love" she says. "I look in the mirror and I see and old woman. My face is all wrinkled, my boobs are barely above my waist, my ass is hanging out a mile. I've got fat legs and my arms are all flabby". She turns to her hubby and says, " Honey, please tell me something that will make me feel good about myself".

He thinks a bit and says, " Well, at least there is nothing wrong with your eyesight".

 

[Y_lifter]

LOL @ the Sandals

 

[vixenbabe]

A burly body builder is taking a walk in the park on warm summer day. He is approached by a pretty lady in a string bikini.

" Excuse me sir" says the bombshell. " Will you please support a very important cause? See that huge Elm tree over there? The park wants to cut that pretty tree down. Would you please hug the tree for me?"

The bodybuilder is smitten with her boobs and would walk on glass just to have a few more minutes looking at her. So...he hugs the tree to show his support.

As soon as he gets his burly arms around the tree. The pretty woman snaps handcuffs onto his wrists. Strips him naked and steals his wallet.

After several hours handcuffed to the tree naked. A homeless man happens upon the bodybuilder.

'What the hell happened to you?" The burly body builder tells his story to the man.

The homeless man kisses the bodybuilder on the lips and un-zips his filthy pants and says, 'It's just NOT your day is it?"

 

[WODIN]

OH SHIT!

 

[vixenbabe]

Wodin...Walk in the park much?

;-)

 

[WODIN]

Wodin...Walk in the park much?

;-)

Not since that whole elm tree incident.

 

[sh4dowf4lcon]

LMAO

 

[vixenbabe]

 

[juve]

The homeless man kisses the bodybuilder on the lips and un-zips his filthy pants and says, 'It's just NOT your day is it?"

LMAO.....