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Rules to Enter Texas:
Applies to each person as they enter Texas. Learn & remember: East Coast and California-types pay particular attention!
1. Pull your droopy pants up. You look like an idiot.
2. Let's get this straight; it's called a "gravel road." I drive a pickup truck because I want to. No matter how slow you drive, you're going to get dust on your sedan. Drive it or get out of the way.
3. They are cattle & oil wells. That's what they smell like to you. They smell like money to us. Get over it. Don't like it? I-20 and I-10 go east and west, I-35 goes north and south. Pick one.
4. So you have a $60,000 dollar car. We're impressed. We have quarter-million dollar cotton strippers that we drive 3 weeks a year.
5. So every person in every pickup waves. It's called being friendly. Try to understand the concept.
6. If that cell phone rings while a bunch of doves are coming in, we WILL shoot it out of your hand. You better hope you don't have it up to your ear at the time.
7. Yeah, we eat catfish & crawdads. You really want sushi & caviar? It's available at the corner bait shop.
8. The "Opener" refers to the first day of deer season. It's a religious holiday held the closest Saturday to the first of November.
9. We open doors for women. That is applied to all women, regardless of age, size, looks, or hair color.
10. No, there's no "vegetarian special" on the menu. Order steak. Or you can order the Chef's Salad and pick off the 2 pounds of ham & turkey.
11. You bring "coke" into my house, it better be brown, wet, and served over ice. You bring "Mary Jane" into my house, she better be cute, know how to shoot, clean fish, and drive a truck.
12. College and High School Football is as important here as the Lakers and the Knicks, and more fun to watch.
13. Yeah, we have golf courses. But don't hit the water hazards - it spooks the fish.
14. Always remember what our great governor Sam Houston once said: "Texas can make it without the United States, but the United States can't make it without Texas."
15. We are home to the 5 time Super Bowl Champion Dallas Cowboys. Dont wear no other jersey to our stadium, you will be horse whipped and hog tied in the parking lot before the game.
GOD BLESS TEXAS!!!
Applies to each person as they enter Texas. Learn & remember: East Coast and California-types pay particular attention!
1. Pull your droopy pants up. You look like an idiot.
2. Let's get this straight; it's called a "gravel road." I drive a pickup truck because I want to. No matter how slow you drive, you're going to get dust on your sedan. Drive it or get out of the way.
3. They are cattle & oil wells. That's what they smell like to you. They smell like money to us. Get over it. Don't like it? I-20 and I-10 go east and west, I-35 goes north and south. Pick one.
4. So you have a $60,000 dollar car. We're impressed. We have quarter-million dollar cotton strippers that we drive 3 weeks a year.
5. So every person in every pickup waves. It's called being friendly. Try to understand the concept.
6. If that cell phone rings while a bunch of doves are coming in, we WILL shoot it out of your hand. You better hope you don't have it up to your ear at the time.
7. Yeah, we eat catfish & crawdads. You really want sushi & caviar? It's available at the corner bait shop.
8. The "Opener" refers to the first day of deer season. It's a religious holiday held the closest Saturday to the first of November.
9. We open doors for women. That is applied to all women, regardless of age, size, looks, or hair color.
10. No, there's no "vegetarian special" on the menu. Order steak. Or you can order the Chef's Salad and pick off the 2 pounds of ham & turkey.
11. You bring "coke" into my house, it better be brown, wet, and served over ice. You bring "Mary Jane" into my house, she better be cute, know how to shoot, clean fish, and drive a truck.
12. College and High School Football is as important here as the Lakers and the Knicks, and more fun to watch.
13. Yeah, we have golf courses. But don't hit the water hazards - it spooks the fish.
14. Always remember what our great governor Sam Houston once said: "Texas can make it without the United States, but the United States can't make it without Texas."
15. We are home to the 5 time Super Bowl Champion Dallas Cowboys. Dont wear no other jersey to our stadium, you will be horse whipped and hog tied in the parking lot before the game.
GOD BLESS TEXAS!!!
Yes he did say that. Texas has not always been part of the Union, as you well know. 
