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Relationships - Keeping your guard up is good

  • Thread starter Thread starter *MissFit*
  • Start date Start date
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*MissFit*

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It;'s funny because when your young and as you get older your told that you should discuss everything with the person you want to spend the rest of your life with.

But as i get older. i realize this is less and less true.

You gain experiences, life lessons and i guess you have more things under your belt.

People become less accepting.. and I think when you get into a relationship with someone you have to consider this before you tell them anything..

The reason why im saying this is because i see every day that people in relationships use the past of their loved ones against them.., people judge others based on decisions they made in thier youths and.. i dunno.. i just think its a crock of shit..

i'm just thinking and typing at the same time so deal with it..

My point is.. secrets are good.. and i guess i think they keep you safe in a lot of respects. and if you don't feel comfortable telling the person your with stuff, it's probably better to keep it to yourself..

I see so many threads where people appear vulnerable and it always has to do with emotions.. and usually because we open ourselves up to others.. and fine by staying closed it's not really lving and it's not necessarily a life i want to lead.. but u also can't leave yourself wide open.. It's good to be a little guarded..
 
I'm the exact opposite. Where I'm from, you are taught at an early age to ALWAYS have your guard up. Because of that I've had walls built up around me for most of life and I'm tired of it. I have pushed so many people out of my life because I felt the need to protect myself.

I'm so comfortable now with sharing everything about myself. I truly love the fact that I can share my dreams, desires, goals, needs, faults & failures with someone and not feel ashamed or embarassed. I feel absolutely free. I think that being open and able to trust someone is the start to building a solid foundation for a good friendship/relationship. I can't worry about the "what ifs". Yes, there are some things that will come out later in lieu of when I first get to know someone. No, I'm not saying to jump into something being blind and naive. But anyone that isn't mature enough to like me/love me for the person I am now and not use things from my past to judge me isn't worth my time.
 
Honestly I've had such high walls up around my heart for so long I really thought I'd turned into a cold uncaring bitch. My feelings have been off to maintain my sanity and try to protect myself from my life for so long I forgot what it was like to really feel.

So I suppose being guarded is one thing. But it can go too far and you can forget just how good life and other people can be. I've lived a sham life for so long. Now I'm in reality and the highs are high, the lows are low, but at least it's real.
 
Dont spend your time making an emotional on/off switch....because someday your gonna get to throw it for the first time. Trust me, you don't wanna be there when the lights go out.

Did I just fucking say that?
 
Luckily I'm in a very open relationship where we've discussed alot about our pasts, etc...
as a result, we've actually helped each other out alot and have grown closer b/c of this. But that's just my personal situation...
although I don't usually like lying to someone I care for.

I'll agree though on the fact that some use others' pasts against them...
if you have any minute grain of love for them ya won't resort to this.

Peace
:cool:
 
I have been on the other end of this...the one being lied to cause she thought exactly like you...like i was gonna judge her...and now I find out from other people and she looks like a bigger jerkoff....and causes more trouble in the end
 
I think that keeping your guard up is normal but sometimes it harms a relationship
 
my wife is the queen of walls. when i met her she was so shelled up at 19 it was sad. it took me several years to just put a crack in the wall but i thought i had broken them down. we dated 3 years, got married, had a son together. life was great. he turned 2 and all hell broke loose. she starts telling me things that she doesnt like which before that she told me that she liked. i mean she was a completely different person because she lied to me about a lot of things.

the whole thing was she was so afraid that i didnt actually love her and i was just saying it to be nice. she thought when i complimented her i was just saying it to be nice. and when i wanted us to make love she said she felt it was only because i was horny and she is there. she never took me seriously and the entire time i thought she dropped those walls and started really believing me. but she only pretended to believe. we went through hell for a little while and almost didnt make it. but i never gave up. i knew how she really felt. i knew that she loved sex but didnt want to admit it. i knew she took me seriously but didnt want to admit it. she always had her guard up as if one day i was going to say i was lying all those times i said i love you and when i said you were pretty. but i never ever even thought the opposite. put it this way, a marriage councelor told me to leave that i didnt deserve to be put through this. that i was giving all to a failing relationship and that she was blocking me so bad it was tearing me up. i said fuck that and stuck it out.

to me she was the most beautifull woman in the world both inside and out. she is so passionate in the bed it drives me nuts. now she believes me and every word i say. now that she has opened herself up and started telling me everything she feels and thinks. her needs and wants, her desires, i was able to give them to her or help her along.

all of this happened when we were only married for 3 years, we are going on 10 next april. our relationship is so strong right now it is unbelieveable. i love her so much i still cant wait till she comes home from work. i call her some times and ask her to leave early. sometimes i call her just to hear her voice. god she has a sexy voice. i love everything about this woman. i send flowers to her job for no reason at all besides to say i love you. all of her co-workers are envious. that makes me feel special. and i love making her feel special. i dont over do it, i do it sporatically so it is a surprise each time.

i can go on all day about her. we met when we were both 19 and we knew right then and there we were going to be with each other forever. i guess the clue was when i asked her to dance and she said yes, we danced for 5 slow songs straight and didnt even realize it, we got so lost in each others embrace, each others words, we had so much in common. god i love that woman.
 
not a lie hun.. but the truth is.. there r some things that r better left.. unsaid..

CENTURION44 said:
soooner or later youll find someone who will love and accept you for who you really are until then...theres no point in living a lie...
Click to expand...
 
I think it is good to be cautious but putting up walls to high make it impossible for someone to really get to know and to really ever care for you. In time I let someone special in on all my goods if he holds it against me then he is not someone I want to be spending the rest of my life with so no real lose either way.
 
There's a time and a place for everything..

don't bare your soul on the first date.. of course not. But if he/she can't accept you for all your faults, weaknesses, strenghts, wrong doings, etc etc.. then It won't ever work out.

There is no such thing as a secret... You may think there is but sooner or later everything comes to the surface.
 
good point...QT...and in my book Ommision is the same lieing...weve all done things were not proud of shit if a girl asks me..why would i leave some of it out to make it sound better than it really is...is she cant accept it...its her loss.
 
^^ and to add to my statement

I'm honest and open. Though I shell up my emotions at times, I don't ever hold back when I feel one way or another.. I just have a difficult time expressing emotionally.. not verbal.

I still hold up a wall.. but working on that. Alot of barriers to break down and bridges to rebuild from a past of hurt.. but I don't hold back saying how I feel.
 
If you don't give everything you have into a relationship you will never get everything out of it. Eventually, you will find the right person who will give everything too.
Don't ever settle. Live your life to the fullest and expect the best.
 
exotic_island_girl said:
as I soon as I get a puppy..i'll get rid of my man. i'll be petrosexual.

lol
Click to expand...


Just leave out that whole Peanut Butter thing... NO sex with puppies m'kay :worried:
 
exotic_island_girl said:
ha ha sicko.. ewwww. ur nasteee.


lol
Click to expand...


I like to F**k like an animal but I don't f**k animals.. LOL

Follow my lead ;)
 
Frisky said:
Just leave out that whole Peanut Butter thing... NO sex with puppies m'kay :worried:
Click to expand...

I watched a horse have sex with a lady on DVD...














and I jerked off to it...

















My sex therapist says thats not normal...















Of course she is giving me a hand job when she tells me that...

















I like candy!
 
slat1 said:
I watched a horse have sex with a lady on DVD...
and I jerked off to it...
my sex therapist says thats not normal...
Of course she is giving me a hand job when she tells me that...
I like candy!
Click to expand...

:lmao:

Yikes about the horse... that lady will never be the same :worried:
 
Frisky said:
:lmao:

Yikes about the horse... that lady will never be the same :worried:
Click to expand...

You should have seen the finish!
Ever see someone throw a 5 gallon bucket of water on something? :evil:
 
did you see that vid that BRR posted up..shit..a guy took it in the rear from a Horse...OUCH!.....who in their right fuggin mind would do that shit...
 
CENTURION44 said:
did you see that vid that BRR posted up..shit..a guy took it in the rear from a Horse...OUCH!.....who in their right fuggin mind would do that shit...
Click to expand...

Seriously, at most I would let the horse stick a finger back there :verygood:
 
slat1 said:
You should have seen the finish!
Ever see someone throw a 5 gallon bucket of water on something? :evil:
Click to expand...

OMG that just made me sick.. :worried:
 
CENTURION44 said:
LMFAO!...But really a finger or two would be ok...might even tickle a bit...
Click to expand...

:rainbow:
 
a10j10 said:
Luckily I'm in a very open relationship where we've discussed alot about our pasts, etc...
as a result, we've actually helped each other out alot and have grown closer b/c of this. But that's just my personal situation...
although I don't usually like lying to someone I care for.
I'll agree though on the fact that some use others' pasts against them...
if you have any minute grain of love for them ya won't resort to this.
Click to expand...
Wifey & I know everything important there is to know. There are a few minor things about my past that I haven't told her, that are irrelevant & would be hurtful. She has maybe done the same. If we were spiteful, hurtful people, we could fuck each other up pretty good.
 
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