Question for single parents

[seaking420]

How do you guys work out your kids birthday or holidays with the mother/father of your child. The holidays seem like are easier to deal with, but birthdays seem like are going to be hard. Not sure how this is going to work out.

 

[snacky cake]

Devin's daddy never has bothered to see him, send a card, ask about him. Hell, I dont' think he even knows or cares what his name is.

However, to answer your question, when I used to take clients through mediation on these issues I used to suggest every other holiday; mom gets kids on her birthday; dad gets kids on his birthday; one gets kids on x-mas eve; one gets kids on x-mas day; mom gets them on mother's day; dad gets them on father's day; children's birthdays are either every other year or alternating years with the other parent getting them on the weekend after their birthday if they don't get them that day; or half day here and half day there. Really, I could usually work out an agreeable arrangement for the parents.

 

[Smurfy]

I get my son during the week and my ex gets him on some weekends (right now its once a month usually due to geography but it used to be every weekend). If my son's bday fell on a weekday, then he was with me, if it fell on a weekend, he was with his dad. Then each of us would throw our own parties for him on different days too. YOu just find a way to work it out. But dont cause an epic battle over it. Your child's bday should be totally stress free for them, the last thing you want them to remember is that growing up, their parents always fought over the birthday. thats just not right or fair. (not saying you would, but i know it happens)

 

[seaking420]

thanks both of you for your info......when i think of shit like this I second guess getting divorced...

 

[musclemom]

My current husband and his ex (and I) get along which makes things TONS easier.

When you have a pissed off ex it's hard, they take pleasure in turning the knife and it can be REALLY fucking hard if they don't think twice about using the kid as a weapon.

If the ex is being a baby seriously try to cultivate the attitude, "Whatever causes the kid the least stress, fuck it, it's just another day." You can have a beautiful turkey dinner any day of the year, you can celebrate xmas ANY time in December (my coven, for example, is celebrating Yule on Dec. 6). It's not the DATE that matters, it's the sincerity of the feelings.

 

[seaking420]

My current husband and his ex (and I) get along which makes things TONS easier.

When you have a pissed off ex it's hard, they take pleasure in turning the knife and it can be REALLY fucking hard if they don't think twice about using the kid as a weapon.

If the ex is being a baby seriously try to cultivate the attitude, "Whatever causes the kid the least stress, fuck it, it's just another day." You can have a beautiful turkey dinner any day of the year, you can celebrate xmas ANY time in December (my coven, for example, is celebrating Yule on Dec. 6). It's not the DATE that matters, it's the sincerity of the feelings.

you....you're good....you have a gift my friend.....I totally agree....I feel exactly the same about that, my biggest thing is his birthday since he is so young(3). But you're right its not the date ite the sincerity of the feelings

 

[Bikini Mod]

When my ex would not allow me to be with/see or talk to my oldest on her 9th birthday or have them see or speak to me on mine (our birthdays are only a few days apart) it broke me in for the rest of our lives. In other words: EVERY DAY I get to spend with my kids is like mother's day, birthday and christmas all rolled into one.

We would even not take down the christmas tree (even though there were only brown needles left) and had New Year's celebration on midnight of another day - we just didn't change the calendar and *viola* it was THAT DAY FOR US.

If I only knew then what I know now, I would have treasured every day we had together all the more.

Use the example of my family's tragedy so that when you want to be petty and argue (whether you were wronged on not) you bite your tongue and do what is right FOR YOUR SON.

 

[EnderJE]

Dang bro. Turning to EF to gauge how your pending divorce will work out? I hope it works out well for you.

 

[walliwalibus]

Dang bro. Turning to EF to gauge how your pending divorce will work out? I hope it works out well for you.

No shit, I agree especially in C@C..... (cough cough) some people might uh,...... have fun with that subject. My wife has children who has their own so that would make her a grandmother correct. So I play the grandfather role well, but with my wife's children I just act as a close friend when needed. And her and her EX don't speak at all, but they are at the same family functions. It isn't about the couple just like _________ said above me. It's about the children.

No dammit, I am not as old as you think. My wife has 12 years on me LOL.

 

[seaking420]

Dang bro. Turning to EF to gauge how your pending divorce will work out? I hope it works out well for you.

well I figured there are plenty of divorced people on here so who else to ask then people who are going or have been through it.

 

[Bikini Mod]

I don't think he was gauging how his divorce will turn out but rather asking a legitimate question from many people who have had experience with the issue.

If I only had someone like me to advise me back in the day, I would have made VERY DIFFERENT decisions.