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By: Mel Young
Before we get to the "meat" of the subject, let’s set the record straight. While not specifically intended to do so, this rant probably has something in it to offend just about everybody in these days of political correctness. That means a few e-mail messages consisting of mostly four-letter words and derivatives thereof, questioning my ancestry, informing me of what "sucks" in general terms, and, quite obviously, displaying their fourth-grade-flunkout mentality, at best. That’s OK. My mama never raised no shrinking violets. I’m perfectly capable of replying to certain people who have earned that honor, in language of the "lower deck" that would make a thirty-year Navy Chief blush with envy.
Another thing. Emeril, who made the "pork fat rules" slogan famous, is not high on my list of people these days. Anyone, ignorant enough, indifferent enough, or just plain liberal enough to rant and rave that Rosie-the-gun-grabber "rules", and display a miniature bus with Rosie hogging the whole front end, is in need of a serious attitude adjustment. If that were not damming enough, he’s jumped into the bayou with the lowest of the lowest of the bottom crawlers, Harry and Linda, the infamous Bloodworth Thomasons; the baja-Clinton bunch who promoted and announced their proud support for every single lowlife, dishonest, immoral, and treasonous act the infamous Criminal-in-Chief pulled off, out, or at. They produce his sit-com, if it’s still running.
Now...on to pork fat.
I take considerable exception to the teachings of various religions that denounce the poor pig as being unclean or having hooves that do not fit the Biblical image of what a critter should walk on. Let’s face it. Back in those days, they didn’t know what a germ was. They didn’t know much about filth and sanitation. Their lives were ruled by often ridiculous speculation and mysticism, attributed to religious roots, and many made no sense whatsoever. One could even go so far as to speculate that much of it was "hogwash", pun intended.
If you take the tack that God created the heavens, the earth, and everything on it, then I find it a contradiction that God, who is perfect and never made a mistake, screwed up big time when he created the pig. (When I moved to snow country in Idaho years ago and found out the disgusting fact that flies hibernated through the winter instead of dying, I figured that had to be God’s major screwup.)
Take two pigs and two men. No clothing for the men. Place them in identical, dirt-floored cages with straw scattered around. Feed them the absolute worst, filthy, spoiling, often already rotten, unmentionable slops with a pan of dirty water. No cleanup. No shoveling. Make sure they are out in the hot sun, the rain and cold. If you rig any sort of lean-to shelter, make sure it’s totally inadequate to the task. Leave them in these cages for a few months and then tell me who or what is dirtier...the pigs or the men. That is, if you can tell them apart.
If I recall my basic biology, animalogy or whatever other "ology" I was supposed to study way-back-when, but didn’t, pigs are the only mammal, other than man, which both sunburns and has sweat glands. In it’s free state, the pig baths in mud to protect it’s skin and cool itself. It will never, willingly, take a dump and then lay in it like, say, a cow. If the water is available, the pig will bath itself at least once a day and usually, more often. In it’s wild state, a pig often works very hard, digging, nosing with it’s tusk, working hard to locate anything it can eat. Quite frankly, if you had your nose in the ground, shoving dirt around, working to find roots, grubs, a snake, anything to eat, quite frankly, you, too, would sound like......like a...........hell!, you’d sound like a damned pig too!
As for the hooves bit, that’s almost as ridiculous as the Kosher thing. Take a sharp knife of a certain mathematical size in proportion to a cow’s neck size, cut the cow’s throat and if the knife doesn’t have a nick in the blade afterwards, the meat is good to eat. Is there some "logic" to this? You can damned-sure betcha that if I were gutting out a buck or whatever and nicked my knife blade, the last thing on my mind would be tossing the carcass. Meat is meat and mumbo-jumbo is mumbo-jumbo!
And, for crying out loud, whether you like the Biblical theory or that of Evolution, all of the creatures; God’s or Darwin's, are usually equipped for the terrain they live in and the life they must lead. For some strange reason, I can’t picture a pig, for instance, plodding hundreds or thousands of miles across desert sand with a pack of trade goods on it’s back. Likewise, it would be a very funny looking, not to mention, very lame camel which tried to live by using it’s padded feet to dig through hard dirt and rock, day in and day out, to find a meal; not to mention eating snakes, grubs, just about anything.
According to what I’ve been told by some religious folks, I am indeed, a terrible sinner for craving such nasty goodies as lobster, catfish, shrimp, scallops, a tasty abalone steak, or maybe, a halibut fillet. A man could starve if he listened to every religious taboo. Besides, goat is not exactly what I have in mind when I think of a good roast or steak. It doesn’t fit the bill for a delicious, genuine, caritas and rice burrito or caritas tacos, either.
Personally, I don’t see much In the way of credibility where folks who eat goats are concerned. Show me one modern, industrialized, successful nation today which raises and consumes goats as a prime meat source and I’ll show you a serious case of wishful thinking.
Those who eat camels don’t seem to do all that well either, except when selling oil at obscene profits, stolen from the mostly Christian, beef and pork eaters of the world, who originally searched for, drilled and discovered it, and developed the refineries to process it and the super tankers and pipelines to transport and ship it, not to mention, buying it.
DISCLAIMER:
While the following idea has been floating around on the net, I tried to do some research and only succeeded, partially. I offer it for your consideration, in light of the fact that the most expensive military, supposedly belonging to the nation with the highest technology in the world, still does not have ammunition that is reliable; especially in the area of bombs and twenty-million-buck-a-pop missiles. (My golly....we had this problem early in WW II and sixty years later, we still haven’t learned the lesson.) Could there just be a far cheaper and more effective way to stop the terrorist, asteroid orifices (there...I said it nicely!)?
According to the story, Blackjack Pershing was sent back to the Philippines for a second tour around 1908 or 1909 and placed in charge of military operations in the back yard of the infamous Moros, who were and remain, to this day, fanatical Muslim terrorist in the region.
It seems that the Moros had killed, wounded, captured and tortured a goodly number of American soldiers and John Pershing was sent to put a stop to it. Now here is where the beauty of the idea rests, true story or not.
Islamic/Muslims are scared absolutely fece-less by even the thought of touching a pig. In their religion, as in so many others, pigs are unclean. According to what I’ve read and heard, Muslims who eat or touch pork will be forever unclean, themselves. This means that should they pull off a kamikaze terrorist act and kill themselves, and have any contact with a pig, they will not make it to the Muslim version of Heaven; which seems more like a harem, in that it is supposed to contain an everlasting supply of virgins to deflower, and the enemies of the deceased, whom he killed in battle, shall serve as his personal slaves, for eternity.
THE FOLKS WHO PANDER TO THE MUSLIMS WITH ALL OF THAT POLITICALLY- CORRECT CRAP ABOUT HOW PEACE LOVING AND KINDLY THE ISLAMIC RELIGION IS, NEED TO HAVE A SERIOUS REALITY CHECK. From the Moors of North Africa and Spain, throughout the Islamic world, peace and kindness have never existed in their vocabulary. The terrors and horrors of the Barbary Coast, and the fate of any poor Christian unlucky enough to be captured by the Moors and other pirates of the Mediterranean Coast between the Atlantic and Egypt, are legend. Being slowly tortured to death or spending the rest of your limited life as a galley-slave, rowing a pirate chebek was not exactly a chosen profession. Think of the words "barbarian", "barbarous", etc. Now, you know their origins.
OK....pigs = unclean = no-no’s for Muslims = Muslims going to Muslim hell if they touch a pig or consume pork. That’s a simple enough equation.
According to the story, Blackjack Pershing, along with one or more of his officers, came up with an idea. They rounded up a bunch of the Morro terrorist who had been killing Americans, made them dig their own mass grave, and then watch as the American firing squad members liberally lubricated their rounds with pig grease. That in itself, must have brought more than one Islamic bowel to a state of total evacuation, if you catch my drift. (Do they wear diapers under those robes, or just on their heads?)
After the terrorist were shot and their bodies shoved into the mass grave, the soldiers liberally distributed pig guts over each body before covering them up. So much for the promised trip to Islamic happy-fornication-grounds!
OH......one slightly important bit of information: Blackjack kept one terrorist alive to watch the whole thing, then turned him loose to take the tale back to the rest of them. According to the rumor, Islamic, fundamentalist terrorism vanished in the Philippines for a goodly number of years after that.
Fast-forward to the present. I have a couple of friends in Iowa who assure me that Iowa has more than enough pig-pooh to support this entire anti-terrorist operation, and then some. It is also believed that, in the spirit of patriotism, the big pork slaughterhouses would happily give or offer a good discount to the United States Military, on tons and tons of pig guts.
Could it just be time for common sense and a bit of history to take hold here and try a radically different way to deal with the terrorist? After all, it’s a well-known military secret that things are NOT going well with our sissified, COOified ground troops over there. Last week, according to what I read, the military quietly removed all women from combat duties in the area. Could it just be that they can’t fight their way out of a paper bag and are the preferred targets of the Taliban bunch for a rather un-COO system of torture and rape, consistent with their many hundreds of years of well-known Islamic "hospitality" toward their enemies?
LET’S SEND A MESSAGE TO ALL ISLAMIC TERRORIST, WORLDWIDE.
Put it on FOX Cable News, Clinton News Network, Sky News....any and all of the satellite news channels that are seen around the world.
"DON’T F--K WITH THE BUZZ SAW!"
Here is what I would love to see and hear on the news......
"The United States Military is issuing every combat soldier a small container of a specially- processed pig grease with which to lubricate their ammunition. Every American bomb and missile will contain pig parts and pig grease. Every round fired from an American or British aircraft will be lubricated with pig grease.
"You screw with the United States or Britain, we will catch you. When we do, we will shoot your ass with pig-grease-lubricated rounds, and we will liberally cover your miserable hide with pig guts, toss a Christian Cross on top, have a Jewish Rabbi send you on your way in Hebrew, then cover you up as your sorry remains start to rot and become as one with the pig guts.
"You pull off one of your terrorist suicide acts; no matter how big the explosion or how widespread the destruction, YOU WILL LEAVE YOUR DNA AT THE SCENE. We will scoop up what is left, mix it with pig guts and accord your bits and pieces the same burial as your whole-bodied brothers in terror.
"Furthermore, we will spray your hideouts, training camps, trails; anyplace you live or travel, liberally, with pig-poo, which will mix with the soil so that everywhere you travel, the dust and dirt you collect on your bodies and clothing and breath in will contain pig-crap.
"YOU WANT A JIHAD.....WE WILL GIVE YOU ONE PIG-OUT OF A JIHAD! GOT THE PICTURE???"
Lock and Load!
Before we get to the "meat" of the subject, let’s set the record straight. While not specifically intended to do so, this rant probably has something in it to offend just about everybody in these days of political correctness. That means a few e-mail messages consisting of mostly four-letter words and derivatives thereof, questioning my ancestry, informing me of what "sucks" in general terms, and, quite obviously, displaying their fourth-grade-flunkout mentality, at best. That’s OK. My mama never raised no shrinking violets. I’m perfectly capable of replying to certain people who have earned that honor, in language of the "lower deck" that would make a thirty-year Navy Chief blush with envy.
Another thing. Emeril, who made the "pork fat rules" slogan famous, is not high on my list of people these days. Anyone, ignorant enough, indifferent enough, or just plain liberal enough to rant and rave that Rosie-the-gun-grabber "rules", and display a miniature bus with Rosie hogging the whole front end, is in need of a serious attitude adjustment. If that were not damming enough, he’s jumped into the bayou with the lowest of the lowest of the bottom crawlers, Harry and Linda, the infamous Bloodworth Thomasons; the baja-Clinton bunch who promoted and announced their proud support for every single lowlife, dishonest, immoral, and treasonous act the infamous Criminal-in-Chief pulled off, out, or at. They produce his sit-com, if it’s still running.
Now...on to pork fat.
I take considerable exception to the teachings of various religions that denounce the poor pig as being unclean or having hooves that do not fit the Biblical image of what a critter should walk on. Let’s face it. Back in those days, they didn’t know what a germ was. They didn’t know much about filth and sanitation. Their lives were ruled by often ridiculous speculation and mysticism, attributed to religious roots, and many made no sense whatsoever. One could even go so far as to speculate that much of it was "hogwash", pun intended.
If you take the tack that God created the heavens, the earth, and everything on it, then I find it a contradiction that God, who is perfect and never made a mistake, screwed up big time when he created the pig. (When I moved to snow country in Idaho years ago and found out the disgusting fact that flies hibernated through the winter instead of dying, I figured that had to be God’s major screwup.)
Take two pigs and two men. No clothing for the men. Place them in identical, dirt-floored cages with straw scattered around. Feed them the absolute worst, filthy, spoiling, often already rotten, unmentionable slops with a pan of dirty water. No cleanup. No shoveling. Make sure they are out in the hot sun, the rain and cold. If you rig any sort of lean-to shelter, make sure it’s totally inadequate to the task. Leave them in these cages for a few months and then tell me who or what is dirtier...the pigs or the men. That is, if you can tell them apart.
If I recall my basic biology, animalogy or whatever other "ology" I was supposed to study way-back-when, but didn’t, pigs are the only mammal, other than man, which both sunburns and has sweat glands. In it’s free state, the pig baths in mud to protect it’s skin and cool itself. It will never, willingly, take a dump and then lay in it like, say, a cow. If the water is available, the pig will bath itself at least once a day and usually, more often. In it’s wild state, a pig often works very hard, digging, nosing with it’s tusk, working hard to locate anything it can eat. Quite frankly, if you had your nose in the ground, shoving dirt around, working to find roots, grubs, a snake, anything to eat, quite frankly, you, too, would sound like......like a...........hell!, you’d sound like a damned pig too!
As for the hooves bit, that’s almost as ridiculous as the Kosher thing. Take a sharp knife of a certain mathematical size in proportion to a cow’s neck size, cut the cow’s throat and if the knife doesn’t have a nick in the blade afterwards, the meat is good to eat. Is there some "logic" to this? You can damned-sure betcha that if I were gutting out a buck or whatever and nicked my knife blade, the last thing on my mind would be tossing the carcass. Meat is meat and mumbo-jumbo is mumbo-jumbo!
And, for crying out loud, whether you like the Biblical theory or that of Evolution, all of the creatures; God’s or Darwin's, are usually equipped for the terrain they live in and the life they must lead. For some strange reason, I can’t picture a pig, for instance, plodding hundreds or thousands of miles across desert sand with a pack of trade goods on it’s back. Likewise, it would be a very funny looking, not to mention, very lame camel which tried to live by using it’s padded feet to dig through hard dirt and rock, day in and day out, to find a meal; not to mention eating snakes, grubs, just about anything.
According to what I’ve been told by some religious folks, I am indeed, a terrible sinner for craving such nasty goodies as lobster, catfish, shrimp, scallops, a tasty abalone steak, or maybe, a halibut fillet. A man could starve if he listened to every religious taboo. Besides, goat is not exactly what I have in mind when I think of a good roast or steak. It doesn’t fit the bill for a delicious, genuine, caritas and rice burrito or caritas tacos, either.
Personally, I don’t see much In the way of credibility where folks who eat goats are concerned. Show me one modern, industrialized, successful nation today which raises and consumes goats as a prime meat source and I’ll show you a serious case of wishful thinking.
Those who eat camels don’t seem to do all that well either, except when selling oil at obscene profits, stolen from the mostly Christian, beef and pork eaters of the world, who originally searched for, drilled and discovered it, and developed the refineries to process it and the super tankers and pipelines to transport and ship it, not to mention, buying it.
DISCLAIMER:
While the following idea has been floating around on the net, I tried to do some research and only succeeded, partially. I offer it for your consideration, in light of the fact that the most expensive military, supposedly belonging to the nation with the highest technology in the world, still does not have ammunition that is reliable; especially in the area of bombs and twenty-million-buck-a-pop missiles. (My golly....we had this problem early in WW II and sixty years later, we still haven’t learned the lesson.) Could there just be a far cheaper and more effective way to stop the terrorist, asteroid orifices (there...I said it nicely!)?
According to the story, Blackjack Pershing was sent back to the Philippines for a second tour around 1908 or 1909 and placed in charge of military operations in the back yard of the infamous Moros, who were and remain, to this day, fanatical Muslim terrorist in the region.
It seems that the Moros had killed, wounded, captured and tortured a goodly number of American soldiers and John Pershing was sent to put a stop to it. Now here is where the beauty of the idea rests, true story or not.
Islamic/Muslims are scared absolutely fece-less by even the thought of touching a pig. In their religion, as in so many others, pigs are unclean. According to what I’ve read and heard, Muslims who eat or touch pork will be forever unclean, themselves. This means that should they pull off a kamikaze terrorist act and kill themselves, and have any contact with a pig, they will not make it to the Muslim version of Heaven; which seems more like a harem, in that it is supposed to contain an everlasting supply of virgins to deflower, and the enemies of the deceased, whom he killed in battle, shall serve as his personal slaves, for eternity.
THE FOLKS WHO PANDER TO THE MUSLIMS WITH ALL OF THAT POLITICALLY- CORRECT CRAP ABOUT HOW PEACE LOVING AND KINDLY THE ISLAMIC RELIGION IS, NEED TO HAVE A SERIOUS REALITY CHECK. From the Moors of North Africa and Spain, throughout the Islamic world, peace and kindness have never existed in their vocabulary. The terrors and horrors of the Barbary Coast, and the fate of any poor Christian unlucky enough to be captured by the Moors and other pirates of the Mediterranean Coast between the Atlantic and Egypt, are legend. Being slowly tortured to death or spending the rest of your limited life as a galley-slave, rowing a pirate chebek was not exactly a chosen profession. Think of the words "barbarian", "barbarous", etc. Now, you know their origins.
OK....pigs = unclean = no-no’s for Muslims = Muslims going to Muslim hell if they touch a pig or consume pork. That’s a simple enough equation.
According to the story, Blackjack Pershing, along with one or more of his officers, came up with an idea. They rounded up a bunch of the Morro terrorist who had been killing Americans, made them dig their own mass grave, and then watch as the American firing squad members liberally lubricated their rounds with pig grease. That in itself, must have brought more than one Islamic bowel to a state of total evacuation, if you catch my drift. (Do they wear diapers under those robes, or just on their heads?)
After the terrorist were shot and their bodies shoved into the mass grave, the soldiers liberally distributed pig guts over each body before covering them up. So much for the promised trip to Islamic happy-fornication-grounds!
OH......one slightly important bit of information: Blackjack kept one terrorist alive to watch the whole thing, then turned him loose to take the tale back to the rest of them. According to the rumor, Islamic, fundamentalist terrorism vanished in the Philippines for a goodly number of years after that.
Fast-forward to the present. I have a couple of friends in Iowa who assure me that Iowa has more than enough pig-pooh to support this entire anti-terrorist operation, and then some. It is also believed that, in the spirit of patriotism, the big pork slaughterhouses would happily give or offer a good discount to the United States Military, on tons and tons of pig guts.
Could it just be time for common sense and a bit of history to take hold here and try a radically different way to deal with the terrorist? After all, it’s a well-known military secret that things are NOT going well with our sissified, COOified ground troops over there. Last week, according to what I read, the military quietly removed all women from combat duties in the area. Could it just be that they can’t fight their way out of a paper bag and are the preferred targets of the Taliban bunch for a rather un-COO system of torture and rape, consistent with their many hundreds of years of well-known Islamic "hospitality" toward their enemies?
LET’S SEND A MESSAGE TO ALL ISLAMIC TERRORIST, WORLDWIDE.
Put it on FOX Cable News, Clinton News Network, Sky News....any and all of the satellite news channels that are seen around the world.
"DON’T F--K WITH THE BUZZ SAW!"
Here is what I would love to see and hear on the news......
"The United States Military is issuing every combat soldier a small container of a specially- processed pig grease with which to lubricate their ammunition. Every American bomb and missile will contain pig parts and pig grease. Every round fired from an American or British aircraft will be lubricated with pig grease.
"You screw with the United States or Britain, we will catch you. When we do, we will shoot your ass with pig-grease-lubricated rounds, and we will liberally cover your miserable hide with pig guts, toss a Christian Cross on top, have a Jewish Rabbi send you on your way in Hebrew, then cover you up as your sorry remains start to rot and become as one with the pig guts.
"You pull off one of your terrorist suicide acts; no matter how big the explosion or how widespread the destruction, YOU WILL LEAVE YOUR DNA AT THE SCENE. We will scoop up what is left, mix it with pig guts and accord your bits and pieces the same burial as your whole-bodied brothers in terror.
"Furthermore, we will spray your hideouts, training camps, trails; anyplace you live or travel, liberally, with pig-poo, which will mix with the soil so that everywhere you travel, the dust and dirt you collect on your bodies and clothing and breath in will contain pig-crap.
"YOU WANT A JIHAD.....WE WILL GIVE YOU ONE PIG-OUT OF A JIHAD! GOT THE PICTURE???"
Lock and Load!
