Convertives again are trying to make people believe God was part of the founding father's agenda.
As I watched fellow members of "God's Own Party" (GOP) throw themselves before live television cameras last night to approximate outrage over a Nixon-appointed circuit judge (damn, we can't blame this on Clinton) taking umbrage in the recitation that we are one nation "under God," it struck me that it is rather less plausible that we are in fact "one Nation" – regardless of whom we may find ourselves under.
The court's decision, however, is rather convenient for Christians. After all, it will be far easier for Jerry Falwell to roust up some tithes for his latest pyramid scheme by using Old Glory sporting a huge phlegm ball from the judicial bench than blaming the fires in Arizona and Colorado on Planned Parenthood in cahoots with insolent drag queens in the Castro. And while the Senate passing a resolution 99-0 tonight to bravely support the Pledge of Allegiance may not win any inclusions in the last-Kennedy-you-can't-say-anything-bad-about's "Profiles in Courage," it does provide a convenient opportunity to feign conviction.
As for this "one Nation under God" slogan, many of my brethren in the Republican party (and even some Demon-crats) have resorted to some histrionic history in support of the supposedly objectionable statement. Fortunately for us, the past has proven to be a rather malleable thing.
History is like shampoo: exotic or generic, the last step is always
"repeat." Like bad fashion, if you wait long enough, you'll see something you wisely threw out on someone younger and wonder, "Why wasn't I there to warn them?" Since we're apparently helpless to avoid our past's obdurate cycles, isn't it a better use of our time simply to change the past, rather than try to sidestep its inevitable encore?
Conservative Americans have embraced inventive revisionism with alacrity. After all, it is rather inconvenient to acknowledge that the men who forged our wonderful democracy were products of the Enlightenment and viewed the Bible with alarming skepticism. Indeed, Thomas Jefferson had the temerity to refer to that lovely leather-bound book as a "dunghill." (Oct 12, 1813 letter to John Adams.) And John Adams wrote: "This would be the best of all possible worlds, if there were no religion in it!" (April 19, 1817 letter to Thomas Jefferson.) Frankly, who can forgive
Adams for signing the Treaty of Tripoli, which provides in Article 11 that "The Government of the United States is not in any sense founded on the Christian religion"?
Faced with such unsavory facts, Christian conservatives have had no choice but to recreate the Founding Fathers in THEIR image! Suddenly, our nation's history is imbued with Puritanical showmanship for piety that our actual ancestors were apparently too preoccupied by thinking to display. Many assume that the logan "In God We Trust" has been stamped n coinage and ourthouses since before the Liberty Bell got its unsightly rack. Not so. Our national motto is the less divisive (and decipherable) E
Pluribus Unum ("out of many, one"). We didn't decide to flaunt our distrust of people who actually lived in our country by adopting "In God We Trust" until the 1950's cried out for a gesture to thumb our noses at the godless commies in the USSR.
This fervor to sideline an eagle and adopt a national mascot who could not only fly, but also damn people who rubbed us the wrong way, led to the insertion of the words "under God" (which is similar to being under Pat Buchanan, only not quite so hairy) into the Pledge of Allegiance during the last gasp of Christian America, known more generally as the "McCarthy Era."
Peggy Noonan has made a busy vocation out of turning Ronald Reagan, a divorced man who didn't speak to his children and was almost impeached for Iran-Contra, into her mascot for "character." Our current President is assisting Peggy's wistful efforts by banning the disclosure of all the Reagan administration documents, which threaten to intrude on the conservative gilded recollection of Reagan's magnificence.
But, truly, why should we have to pause 200 – or even 20 – years to make history more presentable and palatable? In this age of instant gratification, we can't be expected to wait until so-called "time" passes to allow less energetic historians an opportunity to languidly "reflect." Being admirably proactive, we have now taken to revising our history while we are actually living it the first time.
Just look at how we are industriously repackaging our current leader before he even leaves office. In a time of crisis, we needed an eloquent and polished President so, like a Southern seamstress in a rush might say, we "whipped one up!" Indeed, believing that Shrub is competent and an eminent statesman is simply the result of our shared anxiety and earnest desire for
it to be so. This mirage is akin to our nation having a collective
hysterical pregnancy. I can only hope future generations are grateful for the time we have saved them by altering history before it has even slipped into their meddlesome hands.