Please Scroll Down to See Forums Below
napsgear
genezapharmateuticals
domestic-supply
puritysourcelabs
UGL OZ
UGFREAK
napsgeargenezapharmateuticals domestic-supplypuritysourcelabsUGL OZUGFREAK

Please Help a insecure woman

mrstamiina

mrstamiina

New member
I need all your help because I am not sure what to do. My girlfriend wants to lose weight which I don’t mine but right now she thinks she’s fat. I mean 250 pounds fat. She only weighs about 130lbs at about 5’7 but wants to be about 110.

It took me a year to get her to start lifting weights, I think the energy I wasted trying to get her to lift weights would have been better spent on my own life, but I do care about her.
She doesn’t like lifting weights because you get that pump and it makes her feel bigger . lol

She wants to just run her ass off.

I told her it will take time before you see results but like most girls she wants to see results over night.

The big problem is, I am a very strong guy, booth mentally and physically. I find her to be extremely weak but I look at it as she s a girl and most girls are weak.

I tell myself how much I love myself, she tells herself how much she hates herself.
Its reached a point where all my friends and I say how good she looks now but she doesn’t care. She doesn’t like it.
And this is where it hurts the most, not only she doesn’t want to go out anymore or be seen at the gym, she won’t take her shirt of to have sex. And I love the way she looks and told her. And she has no desire to have sex at all.

She stopped watching simple TV shows because there will be a girl in it or in bikinis. For example WWE or Fear Factor, music videos etc.
24/7 she belittles herself, tells me how she can’t fit into anything and how everybody is looking at her because she’s fat.

Now when I met my girlfriend she was starving herself and was weighing about 106lbs, no ass and no tits. Now she’s got boobs a ass and looking better every day but hates the way she looks. Her exact words is “ I want to look slim and straight”. The only way I know you can look like that is by starving yourself.

Well theres a lot more about this insecurity issue but I think you guys get the idea.
My question is, what do you think I should do? I told her the relationship would be perfect if she dropped the insecurity crap. I know I won’t be able to take much more of this.

Any advice or help well be great.
 
Honestly I think she needs therapy.

You can't MAKE someone feel better about themselves, they have to do that on their own. She needs to talk to a professional.
 
Yeah, she needs a shrink. She's got anorexia, which will eventually kill her if she doesn't get help. Good luck.
 
MrStamiina said:
Is there specialist on this subject or should she just go to any of them?

Also, isnt therapy expensive?
Click to expand...

therapist who specializes in eating disorders, image disorders, something siilar. Yes, it can be expensive, but isn't it worth it if the alternative is starving yourself to DEATH.
 
A negative body image like she has isn't something to mess around with. The money will be worth it, no matter how much it costs. You can't make her like herself. I agree, therapy is in order.
 
Ugh -- I'd offer up a swift kick in the ass- I'm 5'7" - my best competition weight was 133 lb. I couldn't get down to 110 unless I chopped off a leg & an arm.

If she's truly believes she needs to be 110, then she will go anorexic, eat nothing & do cardio all day. She may "want" to do that, but if she isn't actually doing it, I guess you don't need to run out & have her committed. Plenty of women obsess about their weight, for exactly the reasons you said. Something short of sending her off to a $$$ therapist is to at least see if she can put some logic behind her image of herself -- WHY does she feel she's fat? If she idolizes the chicks on Fear Factor, will she also want to eat cow guts & rotten leaves while jumping off a building?? Seriously, what is the tangible reason that justifies her view of herself? If she can't come up with one, then she should understand that it's is ok to feel like she feels occassionally- I think its a "female thing" to a point. But not literallly.

If that doesn't work, cart her off to the shrink. A poor self image is destructive.

:)
 
Sassy69 said:
WHY does she feel she's fat? If she idolizes the chicks on Fear Factor, will she also want to eat cow guts & rotten leaves while jumping off a building?? Seriously, what is the tangible reason that justifies her view of herself?
Click to expand...
And likewise, the question that I would ask her is whom she feels has a great body for comparison purposes. I'll bet she'd be surprised at their weight. (And to be a broken record here: The scale means nothing. Weight is not a good measure of fitness.)
I honestly can't think of any really good looking actresses who are 5'7" and 110 pounds. And like Sassy said, you won't find any in fitness.
She definitely does have an eating disorder, or will...
 
I think she likes nasty skinny, flat chested no ass runway models.

She doesn't relize that most of them starve them selves or its natrual. Or alot of coke and xtc.

Has any of you run into this problem before, either with yourself or somebody you know?

Help please..
 
Refer her to psychotherapy and leave.

MAybe hold off on the sex until marriage next time, too.
 
JEEEEEEZUS........won't take off the shirt for sex?

She really needs help. This is the most classic case of anorexia nervosa. We studied a hospital in one of my Biopsychology classes (psychopathology, actually) that actually admits ppl like her and not only deals with the food aspect, but ALSO, and most importantly w/ the self-confidence issue. I can't remember the name of the place, but I do remember that they had a damn good turn-around rate. Anyone know the name of this place?

PS: 95% of runway models are NASTY. If she's into models, tell her to check out Victoria Secret.....they have actual meat on the bones........much sexier.
 
And even the fitness girls have an "off season" -- the people you see captured in the pages of the muscle mags or the fashion mags do NOT always look that great. There's 'off season" and also air brushing. There is no reason to make yourself feel bad that you can't live up to this perceived image that isn't even reality. Those who actually do manage to maintain those looks will probably (if they haven't already) develop severe problems later in life for abusing their bodies like they do.

Its good to have goals if you want to improve yourself, but the goals REALLY need to be realistic. If not, then the validity of the goal itself needs to be questioned & realistic goals reset. Chasing an image is just a waste of the precious life that God gave you.
 
rvd_brock said:
JEEEEEEZUS........won't take off the shirt for sex?

She really needs help. This is the most classic case of anorexia nervosa. We studied a hospital in one of my Biopsychology classes (psychopathology, actually) that actually admits ppl like her and not only deals with the food aspect, but ALSO, and most importantly w/ the self-confidence issue. I can't remember the name of the place, but I do remember that they had a damn good turn-around rate. Anyone know the name of this place?

PS: 95% of runway models are NASTY. If she's into models, tell her to check out Victoria Secret.....they have actual meat on the bones........much sexier.
Click to expand...


I would like the name too?
 
...Now when I met my girlfriend she was starving herself and was weighing about 106lbs, no ass and no tits. Now she’s got boobs a ass and looking better every day but hates the way she looks. ...
Click to expand...
That's what can happen with starvation. The body eventually turns a corner and starts storing every calorie as fat (because starvation eats up muscle tissue resulting in lowered metabolism, plus a bunch of other factors related to survival.) You might think she looks better, but if she's still trying to starve herself, it sounds like she has or is on her way to an eating disorder.

Eating disorders have one of the highest mortality rates of all psychiatric illnesses. More than body image, eating disorders are about control. People with eating disorders typically feel that food intake and how their bodies look is the only thing in life they can control.

ED's are extremely difficult to treat, as the sufferer doesn't believe they have a problem (because starvation can alter brain chemistry) and will resist attempts by others to help. Help is perceived as a threat that people just want make them fat.

I wasted 20 years of my life with an eating disorder, and believe me, it's a sucky way to live. Physically I got over it with therapy and medication, but mentally I didn't get over it until I took up weight training (which soon led me to adopt a better diet). Then I discovered how I could REALLY control my body. Plus by the time I reached my mid 30's, I was seeing that super skinny didn't look cute - it looked OLD.

The thing that turned me on to weight training was learning that muscle burns calories even at rest, and the fact that a pound of muscle takes up less space than fat. I knew I couldn't spend the rest of my life living on air, besides I really like to eat, yet in my family it is virtually a requirement to be thin. Muscle lets me do both.
 
Here's a review of a very good book I read when it came out over ten years ago.

Review of The Beauty Myth by Naomi Wolf

I would suggest, if she's a reader, that you get her a copy of it. You might want to read it, too, to get a better idea of the cognitive problems many in our culture experience as a result of the images we're saturated with.
 
"The Beauty Myth" is an excellent book. "My mother myself" is also very good as it can help you examine how you became so insecure. Negative self worth like she has can be very destructive. I've had a very low self esteem in the past & it can be very hard to get over.
 
jenscats5 said:
"The Beauty Myth" is an excellent book. "My mother myself" is also very good as it can help you examine how you became so insecure. Negative self worth like she has can be very destructive. I've had a very low self esteem in the past & it can be very hard to get over.
Click to expand...

So did the book help or change you?
 
It sounds like you're dating my ex. Seriously.

She was anorexic/bulimic. Was in a lot of therapy - shrink and group and pills and had been since she was around 13. She was 25 at the time we dated. 5'7 and her 'record' was 80 pounds. Whe I met her she was doing ok though at 95.

Anyway it really sounds like your gf has an eating disorder. Has she admitted this to you? It's really hard to talk to them about it unless the are already aware of the situation. And even then there isn't much that you as an individual will be able to do for her except be there and encourage her to take care of herself. Whatever you do - getting pissed and angry at her about it simply will NOT help. Telling her that skinny girls look gross won't make her want to get better. It'll just make her think that you don't find her attractive and she'll do stuff like keep her shirt on during sex. I've been there and man it's frustrating as hell. It defies all logic. Maybe you could bring up the subject and maybe find some way to get her into a therapy session? If she really does have an eating disorder then that's the only thing that's gonna help. You may even have to get drastic and talk to her parents about it. Have some kind of intervention. I dunno.

Good luck though.

FitFossil said:
ED's are extremely difficult to treat, as the sufferer doesn't believe they have a problem (because starvation can alter brain chemistry) and will resist attempts by others to help. Help is perceived as a threat that people just want make them fat.
Click to expand...

Exactly. It's impossible to reason with them about it. "I don't CARE what other girls look like" "I don't WANT to look normal". "I dont WANT to get better". They buy clothes that are too small and then complain that they are fat because they cant fit in them. Sigh. I know this is mean to say but she and I broke up last November and I don't miss being a part of that lifestyle one bit.

Congrats FitFossil on working through your issues. I know it's an extremely hard thing to do and it takes a shit load of courage. I wish I had been a member of this board last year.

hb
 
FF, what you said about bodybuilding being a postive way of taking control is right on. Eating disorders often have little to do with self esteem and everything to do with control. I got back into bodybuilding myself because I needed to feel like there was something I could control, after life had served me too many bits of chaos--finding out that my best friend had been a victim of incest at the hands of her father, who lives around the corner from me. (Now she's starting to take control of her own life and fitness by walking, rather than acting out in some of the ways that she was when she began her recovery.)
 
Both books helped me realize where my insecurity was coming from & a little how to deal with it, but my self esteem was so very low that I needed therapy. I went thru 3 therapists before finding the right one & that helped tremendously. Yeah, it can cost, but living your life hating yourself is worse.

Both books made me more self aware, I should say.
 
I second Wend. Coming at weight lifting from the other side of the spectrum (overweight) I find it empowering to control my body and what happens to it. I can see where that could be very helpful to an anorexic/bulemic--unless they started doing hours of cardio to try and get even thinner.

Weight lifting, sculpting your body, is the way to go.
 
She seems like se wants to look like one of those bone thin supermodels. She need to stop looking at those fashion magazines. If she burns enough muscle off she will get down to 110. She will look malnurished and sick.

She has been brainwashed by the media. Tell her that those models doont even look like that in person. I've seen them in person and those pictures are altered to hide any flaws like cheese and any fat that they may not want to show.



First she needs therapy.........
 
She s looking for a therapist for next year.

She started lifting weights and working out properly.

I think she s eating better. Just so this isnt a short term effect, Ill make sure she gets proper help.
 
For me, refocusing my compulsions towards diet/exercise towards weight lifting and eating clean saved me. I'm still little but I'm 30+ pounds heavier than I was a few years ago. And now that my wrist is completely healed up and not bothering me I'm excited to grow in this upcoming year.

I'm glad to hear that she's looking into help. Hopefully she can feed that negative energy into her training and grow emotionally and physically stronger over time.
 
I am so sorry that your girlfriend has a serious eating disorder. All the symptoms are there: seeing herself fatter than she is, dieting incessently, too much aerobic exercise.

The only way to deal with it is for her to seek professional help with someone specializing in counselling for eating disorders. This is a serious disorder and has a better prognosis if she gets help sooner rather than later. Iif she refuses help, move on or you will be swept up into the problem. Good for you to recognize the problem and ask for help yourself!
 
MrStamiina said:
She s looking for a therapist for next year.

She started lifting weights and working out properly.

I think she s eating better. Just so this isnt a short term effect, Ill make sure she gets proper help.
Click to expand...

That was a great update to hear! (New Year's Resolutions!!) Give your g/f our best wishes and congrats on her positive efforts. Best of luck going forward!
 
MrStamiina said:
I think she likes nasty skinny, flat chested no ass runway models.

She doesn't relize that most of them starve them selves or its natrual. Or alot of coke and xtc.

Has any of you run into this problem before, either with yourself or somebody you know?

Help please..
Click to expand...

Wow. This all sounds too familiar. Your girlfriend seriously needs help. I used to be one of those nasty skinny models. At my lowest weight a year ago I weighed in at 100lbs @5'4. I was trying to make up for my (lack of) height by dropping weight. I found CBT (cognitive behavioral therapy) best for 'reprogramming' my thoughts. She needs to learn self-esteem etc. To learn to value herself independently of her physique. It'll take time tho - 28years of self-destructive thoughts wont disappear in just a few sessions. Since then I've put on more than 30lbs post-vacation. It sounds crazy but back then I would have seriously killed myself if I weighed over 120. Seriously.

After reading all the girls' posts Ive realized that I want to become a fitness model. To be empowered with reshaping my body in a positive way - healthily, rather than starving it to anorexia & bulimia again. Im in absolute awe of the girls on the board with muscle, shape, determination. Wend, Jenscat, Raina, girls - your posts have been inspirational.

MrStamiina: approach your gf with patience, for a longterm solution therapy is the best option, its great to hear that she's looking for a therapist herself & she's eating well etc. - good luck, feel free to PM me if your gf needs anything. xo
 
jenscats5 said:
"The Beauty Myth" is an excellent book. "My mother myself" is also very good as it can help you examine how you became so insecure. Negative self worth like she has can be very destructive. I've had a very low self esteem in the past & it can be very hard to get over.
Click to expand...


I read a couple pages of The Beauty Myth and I could be wrong but it looked like alot of man bashing. Very pro feminest.

I don't want her to hate men...

Please tell me I'm wrong and what makes this book different from other self help books for woman.
 
It's not really male bashing, it's more media bashing than anything else. In fact, she even discusses how anorexia is on the rise in young men who are also being affected by the images of overly thin or cut young men on TV and in fashion mags.

And btw, one can be a feminist without hating men. I'm a feminist (NOT a femi-nazi, which is a different thing), and I love my husband and my son and my brother and my father (may he rest in peace). I even love some things about men in general, like the way y'all have soft hearts but pretend not to.

I also recognize that many men are dismissive of women, that many men objectify women (like the way some of y'all on this board call obese women "fatties" and seem to think that they deserve less than humane treatment, or the way some of you assess a woman on the shape of her breasts or ass rather than the content of her character), and that many men are threatened by an assertive, intelligent female. This doesn't mean I hate men, just that I recognize that there's a long way to go in the relationships between men and women in our culture (though not as far as in other cultures, of course). To deny that women have gotten (and continue to get) a raw deal is just buttheaded. The Beauty Myth is an attempt to describe (for the sake of changing attitudes and helping those who need it) how that raw deal has played out for women in terms of body-image.

It won't make her hate you. But it might help her love herself.
 
One thing you must remember "You can't make her better"!
It has to come from within her.

Just let her know you are there if she needs you..
 
MrStamiina said:



I read a couple pages of The Beauty Myth and I could be wrong but it looked like alot of man bashing. Very pro feminest.

I don't want her to hate men...

Please tell me I'm wrong and what makes this book different from other self help books for woman.
Click to expand...

I didn't consider it to be "men bashing" either but I also think it depends on the person who reads it & how they choose to take it. Society & the media (mostly ruled by men so I could see why you think that) have largely been responsible for how women think of themselves & the value placed on their identity in relation to looks. Also, how this affects upbringing by their mothers based on how the moms were taught.

To me, it's more of a liberating concept as once you realize where the pressure to look a certain way is coming from, it can be freeing. Once you realize that it's society that expects this of you, then you can choose to accept it or not.

Women & men are different & are supposed to be & we should celebrate & appreciate & love those differences.

Ok I'm done rambling......LOL :D
 
jenscats5 said:


I didn't consider it to be "men bashing" either but I also think it depends on the person who reads it & how they choose to take it. Society & the media (mostly ruled by men so I could see why you think that) have largely been responsible for how women think of themselves & the value placed on their identity in relation to looks. Also, how this affects upbringing by their mothers based on how the moms were taught.

To me, it's more of a liberating concept as once you realize where the pressure to look a certain way is coming from, it can be freeing. Once you realize that it's society that expects this of you, then you can choose to accept it or not.

Women & men are different & are supposed to be & we should celebrate & appreciate & love those differences.

Ok I'm done rambling......LOL :D
Click to expand...

But,

I would think all women know Society & the media is the cause of it. The problem is women agree with what media and society tells them.
right??
 
Actually, a lot of women are not aware that it is society & the media.....or they internalize it....but, yes they do believe the unrealistic expections put on them by society/media which is why knowledge is power to free yourself from continuing the unhealthy cycle....which it is...an unhealthy cycle.....plus the more people who reject society's expectations & accept that everone can be beautiful & different will change it eventually....

Unfortunately a lot of people are "sheep" who blindly follow which is why education is the key......

I hope I'm making somewhat of a bit of sense but not sure I am.....oh well, good discussion
 
jenscats5 said:
Actually, a lot of women are not aware that it is society & the media.....or they internalize it....but, yes they do believe the unrealistic expections put on them by society/media which is why knowledge is power to free yourself from continuing the unhealthy cycle....which it is...an unhealthy cycle.....plus the more people who reject society's expectations & accept that everone can be beautiful & different will change it eventually....

Unfortunately a lot of people are "sheep" who blindly follow which is why education is the key......

I hope I'm making somewhat of a bit of sense but not sure I am.....oh well, good discussion
Click to expand...


AHAHAH the funny thing i, I called her a "sheep" yesterday. Her reply was "there are more sheep then wolves" what ever that means.
 
I would hate to be a sheep.

I'd rather be a horse. Any wolf comes near me and he'll get a good hoof lashing!
 
wend said:
I would hate to be a sheep.

I'd rather be a horse. Any wolf comes near me and he'll get a good hoof lashing!
Click to expand...

I'm a Leo, so I'll be a cat any day......love kitties -- I have 3 of them.

Hoof lashing -- LOL
 
MrStamiina said:
I need all your help because I am not sure what to do. My girlfriend wants to lose weight which I don’t mine but right now she thinks she’s fat. I mean 250 pounds fat. She only weighs about 130lbs at about 5’7 but wants to be about 110.

It took me a year to get her to start lifting weights, I think the energy I wasted trying to get her to lift weights would have been better spent on my own life, but I do care about her.
She doesn’t like lifting weights because you get that pump and it makes her feel bigger . lol

She wants to just run her ass off.

I told her it will take time before you see results but like most girls she wants to see results over night.

The big problem is, I am a very strong guy, booth mentally and physically. I find her to be extremely weak but I look at it as she s a girl and most girls are weak.

I tell myself how much I love myself, she tells herself how much she hates herself.
Its reached a point where all my friends and I say how good she looks now but she doesn’t care. She doesn’t like it.
And this is where it hurts the most, not only she doesn’t want to go out anymore or be seen at the gym, she won’t take her shirt of to have sex. And I love the way she looks and told her. And she has no desire to have sex at all.

She stopped watching simple TV shows because there will be a girl in it or in bikinis. For example WWE or Fear Factor, music videos etc.
24/7 she belittles herself, tells me how she can’t fit into anything and how everybody is looking at her because she’s fat.

Now when I met my girlfriend she was starving herself and was weighing about 106lbs, no ass and no tits. Now she’s got boobs a ass and looking better every day but hates the way she looks. Her exact words is “ I want to look slim and straight”. The only way I know you can look like that is by starving yourself.

Well theres a lot more about this insecurity issue but I think you guys get the idea.
My question is, what do you think I should do? I told her the relationship would be perfect if she dropped the insecurity crap. I know I won’t be able to take much more of this.

Any advice or help well be great.
Click to expand...

As mentionned by others, this girl badly needs therapy and to gain back her self-esteem. 5'7, 130lbs is not fat at all. Of course, this aint model's shape but at the same time, there's no hurry to lose weight.

The main problem with her is that once she'll reach 110lbs, she wont be happy. Trust me. Then your friend will be looking for 105lbs, then 100lbs.
 
MrStamiina said:


But,

I would think all women know Society & the media is the cause of it. The problem is women agree with what media and society tells them.
right??
Click to expand...



Has she started reading the Women's Board?
 
Can some one tell me why she gets upset when somebody tells her she looks good or compliments her??

She thinks there lying....
 
I used to get upset...well, not upset, but suspicious, when someone complimented me. I just figured they were trying to manipulate me somehow.
 
It can be hard to accept compliments especially if you had my mother! No compliments, no being proud of ya, etc and there was always a "but." Or sideways comments....oh it's too bad you're not thin like your friend Jessica.....Jen's really strong, she eats like a truck driver, would never wear frilly dresses....

If women were raised like that -- pressure from their mother's to be thin, not eat, blah blah blah....it's hard to lose that mindset and be accepting of who you are & how others see you....
 
wend said:
I used to get upset...well, not upset, but suspicious, when someone complimented me. I just figured they were trying to manipulate me somehow.
Click to expand...




True!


She may also feel, no matter what she does and how hard
she works out, she's never good enough.
 
I hate to say it but its worse then before.

WHATS WRONG WITH YOU GIRLS?


I've been with this girl for 3 years and she's so crazy that she thinks shes fat and won't even take her shirt off for sex.

What do you think i should do?
 
MrStamiina said:
I hate to say it but its worse then before.

WHATS WRONG WITH YOU GIRLS?


I've been with this girl for 3 years and she's so crazy that she thinks shes fat and won't even take her shirt off for sex.

What do you think i should do?
Click to expand...

Actually counseling for both of you might be a good idea in that she can help deal with her demons and you can learn 1) not to enable her mental self-mutilation and 2) how to deal with her on your level....
 
MrStamiina said:
Is there specialist on this subject or should she just go to any of them?

Also, isnt therapy expensive?
Click to expand...

No Sir! If you live a fairly large city, there are government programs that help individuals in need of couseling. The cost is based on her income, so $ is not an issue. There are all types of couseling centers even some sponsored by churches, organizations, etc. You just have to do some research and ask ask ask. Ask everyone! But before you start asking, she has to be ready to take that next step. Do not put pressure or she may never want to "find out whats wrong with her"
 
The thing about consulting is; if she's not ready to get better it won't help
her.
Does she even think she has a problem?
 
You must log in or register to reply here.

Similar threads

lilj888
My girl on anavar
Replies
20
Views
4K
Tiger Salman Khan
Tiger Salman Khan
L
Woman needing advice
Replies
24
Views
3K
25homes
25homes
R
sermorelin help
Replies
8
Views
614
Ulter
Ulter
A
2nd ever cycle need help
Replies
17
Views
1K
25homes
25homes
4
FAKE Pfizer Genotropin Napsgear
Replies
16
Views
2K
jasonhill800
jasonhill800
Top Bottom