parents what would you do???????

[biteme]

My ex and her boyfriend took my daughter who is nearly 11 and his son who is 9, on a skiing trip with them. They had one room in the hotel and they made my daughter sleep in the same bed with the boy while they slept in the other bed. It's not the first time they have done this. I called the guy's house to tell him how I feel about it and noone answered. Later my daughter called his house and said that she had tried to call and my ex told her to leave a message or they wouldn't pick up the phone. Do not want to deal with me I guess. Opinions of how you other parents would handle this?

 

[TxArmyGuy]

I would confront her face to face and let it be known that you feel this was irresponsible and will not be tolerated...Doesn't sound like they have any respect for your wishes

Tell your daughter that if it happens again to call you right away so, and for her to sleep on the floor...

I would not allow this to continue, I think you have everyright to be upset about this. I know I would be

 

[bullett]

If you are paying child support, I would take them to court, grounds for dismissal, as well as to gain full custody.

Have your attorney write her a letter forbidding that to happen again. The best way is to use the legal system, if she "doesn't want to deal with you"

 

[Warik]

I'd be pissed. Why didn't your ex sleep with your daughter and have the boyfriend sleep with his son?

That's very irresponsible.

-Warik

 

[biteme]

Thanks guys. I can't deal with her because she refuses to. So I'm going to deal with him. He did call back and made excuses as to why it occurred. They were at hotel and he didn't have a choice. The kids were watching movies and fell asleep. I know he's lying because unbeknowst to him, me and his ex talk and she told me that my ex threw a fit about having to sleep with him. He also bragged about how much money he had to spend as if that justified everything. They are both habitual liars. I told him that I would appreciate it if this didn't happen again. We'll see what happens.

 

[SofaGeorge]

What's wrong with that?

Are you *insinuating* incest? If so..that's disgusting and shame on you.

When i was growing up, i sometimes had to sleep with my sister or uncle or someone else when guests came over. I didn't care -- i was more worried about elbows from her than anything disgusting in nature.

There's no law that prevents this as there's nothing to prevent. People in the first world are so spoiled --- this is common in majority of countries in the world where beds are expensive and rooms are small.

Of course, i assume they didn't have a rollaway available. If they did and didn't elect to pay the $25 extra -- that's probably your argument there, not the fact that a brother and sister had to sleep in the same bed. What about when they both fall asleep in the backseat of a car?

-= nav =-

Biteme, I understand why you are pissed off by your ex... but I have to agree with Nav on this. Sleeping with... next to... anyone isn't a big deal. I've slept 14 people in one hotel room with everybody crashing on the floor. I've slept on backpack treks where you snuggled against anyone you could because it was 15 below outside your creaky shack or you were trying to find the one dry spot where the rain wasn't creeping through.

The big issue here is whether or not the situation upsets your daughter... and that your ex seems pretty vindictive about not communicating with you and raising your daughter in a way that you BOTH agree is acceptable.

You are in a tough situation and I don't think there are any easy answers other than that you keep as open a dialog as you can maintianed with your daughter.

Good luck.

 

[Bikini Mod]

Nav, George - I don't think that biteme is insinuating incest AT ALL. These two children ARE NOT brother and sister - their parents are lovers. Their is no legal commitment of any sort here.

I agree with Warik.

*heavens open and I side step lightning*

I am one of the most liberal people around when it comes to human sexuality. I was born and raised in the US but my upbringing was very European (they tend to be far less uptight then Americans when it comes to matters of nudity/sexuality/sleeping arangements/bodily functions, etc) and I WOULD BE UPSET BY THIS.

I think that it was VERY IRRESPONSIBLE and disrespectful of the children for the two adults to share a bed...

If the children didn't mind sleeping in the same bed, I wouldn't be thrilled about it, but I wouldn't have a cow either. My girls have shared a bed with each other and their cousins (male and female) since they were out of the crib (barely 2).

BUT - I would not share a bed with a lover in front of my children or even under the same roof. We could be fully clothed, it wouldn't matter. I am open with my children and THEY KNOW that when a man and a woman share a bed it is because their relationship IS PHYSICAL. Perhaps if they were older (meaning teens) I might view this differently, but for now, it is my opinion.

Biteme - I think your ex and her boyfriend are disrespectful and irresponsible, but she won't be losing custody over something like this. To even pursue it legally is an excerise in futility and an expensive one at that. The best you can do is TRY to talk to your ex and her boyfriend LIKE ADULTS WITHOUT THE CHILDREN PRESENT. If that doesn't work, talk to your daughter and ask her how she feels about it. If it doesn't bother her, then it shouldn't bother you. BUT, if she is bothered tell her to stand up for herself and tell her mother how she feels. If she feels "uncomfortable" with this option then tell her that she can always call you or talk to you.

I know it's hard, believe me.... my husband won't be poking any puddy any time soon as he is far too obsessed with my comings and goings, but eventually *GOD I HOPE* he'll be getting a life of his own. I don't know what kind of situations will arise. I can only continue to talk to my girls about EVERYTHING and try to make them feel like they can come to me with anything.

 

[SofaGeorge]

Nav, George - I don't think that biteme is insinuating incest AT ALL. These two children ARE NOT brother and sister - their parents are lovers. Their is no legal commitment of any sort here.

I agree with Warik.

*heavens open and I side step lightning*

I am one of the most liberal people around when it comes to human sexuality. I was born and raised in the US but my upbringing was very European (they tend to be far less uptight then Americans when it comes to matters of nudity/sexuality/sleeping arangements/bodily functions, etc) and I WOULD BE UPSET BY THIS.

I think that it was VERY IRRESPONSIBLE and disrespectful of the children for the two adults to share a bed...

If the children didn't mind sleeping in the same bed, I wouldn't be thrilled about it, but I wouldn't have a cow either. My girls have shared a bed with each other and their cousins (male and female) since they were out of the crib (barely 2).

BUT - I would not share a bed with a lover in front of my children or even under the same roof. We could be fully clothed, it wouldn't matter. I am open with my children and THEY KNOW that when a man and a woman share a bed it is because their relationship IS PHYSICAL. Perhaps if they were older (meaning teens) I might view this differently, but for now, it is my opinion.

Biteme - I think your ex and her boyfriend are disrespectful and irresponsible, but she won't be losing custody over something like this. To even pursue it legally is an excerise in futility and an expensive one at that. The best you can do is TRY to talk to your ex and her boyfriend LIKE ADULTS WITHOUT THE CHILDREN PRESENT. If that doesn't work, talk to your daughter and ask her how she feels about it. If it doesn't bother her, then it shouldn't bother you. BUT, if she is bothered tell her to stand up for herself and tell her mother how she feels. If she feels "uncomfortable" with this option then tell her that she can always call you or talk to you.

I know it's hard, believe me.... my husband won't be poking any puddy any time soon as he is far too obsessed with my comings and goings, but eventually *GOD I HOPE* he'll be getting a life of his own. I don't know what kind of situations will arise. I can only continue to talk to my girls about EVERYTHING and try to make them feel like they can come to me with anything.

Bikinimom... I'll do a mea culpa mea culpa here. I asked my girlfriend and daughter (17) about this... and they both about went ballistic. They both said this could make an 11 year old girl feel extremely uncomfortable... and the bottom line here is how she feels and is treated.

My daughter siad she would have slept on the floor and refused to sleep in the bed.

I'm actually surprised. I did not anticipate how strongly the two women in my life would feel about this.

 

[biteme]

Yes my daughter is very uncomfortable with it and Nav they are not related. I feel that it is extremely inappropriate for a boy and a girl to share a bed together while each of their parents sleeps in a bed right beside them. And the courts would agree with this I know. I have already talked to my attorney about it. Problem is, it will be very expensive to pursue. His ex-wife and I are both going to put pressure on them about this. She is going to call my ex next.

 

[Bikini Mod]

George - I am not at all uptight, but like I said, this would REALLY BOTHER ME!

I feel for you biteme and if you have his ex on your side as well perhaps the two IRRESPONSIBLE parties will be able to remove thier heads from their asses before somebody removes it for them.

You could get your underpants in a buch with all kinds of legal bullshit drama, but would the end justify the means? I mean, your daughter has already had to suffer through the bullshit of the divorce. Yea, your exwife sounds EXTREMELY selfish, but would it REALLY be worth it to get laywers involved?

It is good that you and his exwife are on the same side about this issue. I think that the two of you should talk to your children and tell them that regardless of the fact that they would be causing "some friction" between the adults involved (his father and her mother) they most certainly should feel comfortable telling thier parents that they ARE NOT HAPPY WITH THIS.

My oldest daughter asked me if I was having sex with my bf after he met them in September. (I discuss every topic openly with my children.) I told her that it was an inappropriate question as she was a child and I was her mother. BUT, I did tell her that I would NEVER sleep in the same bed with a man while under the same roof with THEM unless I was legally married because that just would not be proper. She was very comforted by my answer and said, "OK Mommy."

I hope it goes well for you, Biteme.

I don't even know your ex and I would like to bitchslap her.

 

[madbomber31]

ya know what.... my biggest problem would be having the adults sleeping in the same bed IN FRONT of the children....

he's 11, she's 9... i'm guessing they didnt care that much (just a guess)...

but the adults should set a better fucking example...

mommy and boyfriend in bed together, not good.

 

[TxArmyGuy]

Amen Mad