Online dating profiles

[chesty]

...who can find the most obnoxious, male or female.
I'll start with a mild one and we go from there.

TracieTVE
38-year-old woman
Phoenix, Arizona, United States
seeking men 35-44
within 50 miles of Phoenix, Arizona

Relationships: Divorced
Have kids: None
Want kids: Definitely
Ethnicity: White / Caucasian
Body type: Athletic and toned
Height: 5'3" (160.0cms)
Religion: Christian / Other
Smoke: No Way
Drink: Social drinker, maybe one or two


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

About me and what I'm looking for
New to Arizona-I relocated here from Seattle last July. I moved here to be closer to my family, they relocated to the sun over the past several years. I am fortunate that I did not have to change jobs when I moved. My current career requires a lot of travel so I just need an airport close by. I guess you can say I am fortunate or unfortunate, because traveling a lot makes it very difficult to meet new people in a new city. One of my on going goals is to cut back on my work travel and find a balance between work and pleasure. I do believe life is too short and we need to live it. I do enjoy traveling, would prefer it is more for pleasure than for work. I have enjoyed the move to AZ, all though I miss my friends in Seattle, I am really looking forward to meeting new people. A little about me- I am a very honest, compassionate, committed person. I enjoy spending time with family and friends. Working out is a passion of mine, I do enjoy my daily run, it is a time to reflect and decompress. I enjoy going to professional sporting events, concerts, local art shows and festivals, I enjoy the theater, or snuggling up on the couch and watching a DVD. I enjoy creating memories with the person I am with. I definitely have a girly girly side and enjoy fashion, home decorating and shopping. I'm a true romantic and love Happy Endings!

You are- Honest, compassionate, loyal, fun, energetic, generous, out going, succesful, passionate, true to yourself, true to your family and friends and someone who makes me laugh. Someone that wants to feel special and wants to make me feel special. I would like to meet someone with similar interests to mine, but I love learning new things so that is not as important to me as finding a true friend that possibly can turn into more.

 

[EnderJE]

Where's that post of the Personal Ad where the girl said that she didn't want her man watching any porn or wanting too much sex?

 

[biteme]

Where's that post of the Personal Ad where the girl said that she didn't want her man watching any porn or wanting too much sex?

LOL. That was the woman that e-mailed me.

 

[pdaddy]

"Bachelor with 40 acres of excellent land would like to made acquaintance of lady with tractor; matrimony in mind. Please send picture of tractor. Box 325476, Atwater"

 

[pdaddy]

Luarel L.

Age: 46
Height: 5'
Weight: 140
Occupation: Retired paralegal/Web designer/personal trainer
Location: Walnut Creek, California
Sexual History: Before I got married, I kept the names of men I slept with in a binder.


"I have herpes, but I don't give it away. I've got fabulous boobs, and I'm only slightly overweight. My skin, however, is embarrassingly loose from years of yo-yo dieting. I have a golden retriever and five rabbits. The dog sleeps on my bed, and the rabbits live in the kitchen. My health is good except for the chronic depression, the two heart attacks I had last year, the sciatica, and the degenerative joint disease. I am a recovering drug addict, a recovering bulimic, a recovering shopaholic, and a recovering sex addict. "

http://a820.g.akamai.net/7/820/822/1d/www.esquire.com/img/brutal/laurel_portrait.jpg

 

[pdaddy]

Elise Levy

Age: 22
Height: 5'1"
Weight: 105
Occupation: Student
Location: Berkeley, California
Beware: If you have a small penis, I'll likely gossip about it with my friend.

I'm beautiful, lithe, and charming. I dance twelve hours of ballet a week, like to wear corsets during sex, and sleep in ducky pajamas. So why do I need to place an ad? I'm greedy. The only thing that makes me happy is cash in my account. The larger the diamonds, the wider my smile. I know there are men out there who want a pretty young thing on their arm and who are willing to spoil them to keep them there. I want to meet those men. I can be your devoted girl, I can make your coworkers green with envy, I can charm my way into your boss's inner circle. I can be as good for you as you are for me. So let's make a deal.

http://a820.g.akamai.net/7/820/822/1d/www.esquire.com/img/brutal/elise_portrait.jpg

 

[pdaddy]

Laine Doss

Age: 37
Height: 5'5"
Weight: 135
Occupation: Actress
Embarrassing fact: Went on a blind date with a blind man.
Location: Jersey City, New Jersey
Marriage philosophy:
I hated it. I would marry again only for money.

Buried under a mountain of credit-card bills and debt from spending like Paris Hilton on a bender, I live in the lousy part of Jersey City with three dogs and two rats, named Ratso Rizzo and Albino Andy. My dogs misbehave and are small toy poodles—the kiss of death for any man. I am a runner and an actress, but I am forced to do bad interactive murder mysteries that I refer to as "leading parts in off-Broadway plays." Even though I run marathons, I still can't lose those few pounds. But I can probably kick someone to death with my legs of steel.

http://a820.g.akamai.net/7/820/822/1d/www.esquire.com/img/brutal/laine_portrait.jpg

 

[pdaddy]

Dave Scheffler

Age: 57
Height: 6'2"
Weight: 255
Occupation: Graphic artist
Location: New Jersey
Number of sexual partners:15 to 20 (not at once, however)
Last time had sex: June 2003

I'm an overweight, middle-aged underachiever. The skull tattoos on my arms complement my wardrobe, which I call rural proletarian. I sleep on the floor in a sparsely furnished apartment. I urinate frequently and pick my nose. I'm embarrassed that I own a Bible. After a tragic foray into Santeria, I've incurred crushing debt.
SEXUAL HABITS:
Can be summed up simply: brief digital, extended oral, premature genital. I have herpes.

http://a820.g.akamai.net/7/820/822/1d/www.esquire.com/img/brutal/dave_portrait.jpg

 

[chesty]

I am a: 38 yr old woman

located in: Dewey, Arizona, United States

looking for: 30 to 49-year old man

within 200 miles of Dewey, Arizona, United States

relationships: No Answer

my ethnicity: White / Caucasian

body type: Athletic and toned

height: 5’ 6” (167.6 cms)



About me and who I'd like to date
Young energetic individual who is seeking a challenging, intelligent, athletic man to compliment my witty, spunky side. Willing to take risks, challenge me intellectually, and above all give it to me straight. Enjoy taking in a game, camping, travel, or just being outdoors.

I'm looking to meet someone who is secure with who he is and what he has to offer in an relationship. Intelligent, honest, athletic individual who likes live with the cup is always half full philosophy. Understands the importance of setting goals and living life to the fullest. Playful and fun, willing to laugh at himself and all of life's many situations. Willing to work hard for something he believes in. Not afraid to take on the challenge of taking a chance in a relationship no matter how bad their previous experiences may have been. Like to take long walks on a beach, check out museums, hike or attend a professional or college sporting event. Like to spend time outside and be spontaneous.

Appearance

height: 5’ 6” (167.6 cms)

eyes: Green

hair: Auburn / Red

body type: Athletic and toned

body art: No Answer

best feature: No Answer

Interests


sports and exercise: Dancing, Running, Walking / Hiking, Baseball, Basketball, Billiards / Pool, Football, Hockey, Volleyball

common interests: Coffee and conversation, Cooking, Fishing/Hunting, Gardening/Landscaping, Movies/Videos, Playing cards, Playing sports, Shopping/Antiques, Travel/Sightseeing

Lifestyle

exercise habits: Exercise 3-4 times per week

daily diet: No Answer

smoke: No Way

drink: No Answer

job: No Answer

income: No Answer

my place: Live with kids

have kids: Yes, and they live at home

how many: 2

want kids: No Answer

pets:

I have: Cats, Dogs, Fish

I don't have, but like: No Answer


Background/Values

ethnicity: White / Caucasian

faith: Spiritual but not religious

education: Graduate degree

languages: English

politics: Conservative

About My Date

hair: Any

eyes: Any

height: 5’ 9” (175.0 cms) to 6’ 4” (193.0 cms)

body type: About average, Athletic and toned

languages: Any

ethnicity: White / Caucasian, Latino / Hispanic

faith: Christian / Catholic, Christian / Protestant, Christian / Other, Jewish, Christian / LDS, Spiritual but not religious

education: High school, Bachelors degree, Graduate degree, PhD / Post Doctoral

job: Executive / Management, Financial services, Political / Govt / Civil Service / Military, Artistic / Creative / Performance, Sales / Marketing, Technical / Computers / Engineering, Teacher / Professor, Medical / Dental / Veterinary, Labor / Construction, Self-Employed, Student

income: Any

smoke: No Way

drink: Social drinker, maybe one or two

relationships: Never Married, Widowed, Divorced

have kids: Yes, and they live at home, Yes, and they live away from home, Yes, and sometimes they live at home

want kids: Any

turn-ons: Skinny dipping, Flirting, Thrills, Public displays of affection, Dancing, Brainiacs

turn-offs: Body piercings, Long hair

 

[chesty]

This one can't spell

About me and who I'd like to date
A little about me... I'm an extremely pationate, spiritual and playful mom who takes advantage of lifes unpredictable nature to teach my daughter to become a well-rounded, caring person. We've had many struggles in our life and have accepted these challenges to help build our strong characters. I'm a preschool Speech-Language Pathologist who works in the public school district and am very passionate about helping young children with communication disabilities. I love what I do, really, summer's off and the hours have nothing to do with my passion for my job, no really!!! I'm looking for a partner to compliment all of my strengths. I'm independent and a sense of humor is a way to my heart. Loyality, honesty and compassion are also qualities that are extremely important. We love to laugh and somebody whose spontaneous, romantic, considerate and fun-loving would mesh quite-well with our personalities. I'd just like to add... My daughter and I luv sports (watching, playing and attending). PACKER FANS-waiting to take a trip to Lambeau Field!!!! COWBOY FANS NEED NOT APPLY!!! By the way...I know the packer's are not so hot this year...it's a sensitive issue... and yes, I know the difference between true life issues and a football game...just a little statement for those who really believe football is one of the gifts I consider to be the 3 most important in life...the 3rd would actually be basketball....depends on the time of year...

 

[chesty]

Hmmmm........... Well I love passionate kisses in the warm Arizona rains (when we get them), men who aren't afraid to express themselves, animals, the little things ie: a love-note on the bathroom mirror! And I am not a paid member! I am originally from Montana but have lived all over including Europe and Mexico, but very down to earth and do not care for braggers or pretentious people (if ya got it, ya don't need to announce it). I am 36, single, no children, professional, just purchased my own home, so I am not looking for someone to "help" me, just my best friend/lover/prince or whatever you want to call it. I want someone who will compliment myself and my life, not COMPLICATE it with drama and confusion. Someone who I can love "just as they are" and them to feel the same about me. Someone that I feel compelled to do sweet things for not someone who expects it. Anyway, enough of that.......... I would like someone who either has no children or has older ones. I love children but am not looking to inherit another woman's "tribe". I am getting a little old in my opinion to have my own children, but I try never to say never, anything is possible in the right situation. I do have a four-legged angel, a 10 pound Chihuahua (and no, she is not a yapper) that I adore, so I need someone who shares my interest in animals and does not own a HUGE Rotty or some such that would want to eat my sweetie haha. Have you ever felt that electricity just from making eye contact? Wanted to kiss someone just because you couldn't help yourself? Thought about that someone and they suddenly call? Felt completely at ease with someone no matter what the situation? That is what I want and I do not intend to settle for less, neither should you! Thanks for taking the time to read my ramblings, and I look forward to hearing from you.

 

[HardHat87]

Elise Levy

Age: 22
Height: 5'1"
Weight: 105
Occupation: Student
Location: Berkeley, California
Beware: If you have a small penis, I'll likely gossip about it with my friend.

I'm beautiful, lithe, and charming. I dance twelve hours of ballet a week, like to wear corsets during sex, and sleep in ducky pajamas. So why do I need to place an ad? I'm greedy. The only thing that makes me happy is cash in my account. The larger the diamonds, the wider my smile. I know there are men out there who want a pretty young thing on their arm and who are willing to spoil them to keep them there. I want to meet those men. I can be your devoted girl, I can make your coworkers green with envy, I can charm my way into your boss's inner circle. I can be as good for you as you are for me. So let's make a deal.

http://a820.g.akamai.net/7/820/822/1d/www.esquire.com/img/brutal/elise_portrait.jpg

I would pimp smack her.

 

[chesty]

she looks like someone kicked her in the teeth!

 

[EnderJE]

Luarel L.

Age: 46
Height: 5'
Weight: 140
Occupation: Retired paralegal/Web designer/personal trainer
Location: Walnut Creek, California
Sexual History: Before I got married, I kept the names of men I slept with in a binder.

"I have herpes, but I don't give it away. I've got fabulous boobs, and I'm only slightly overweight. My skin, however, is embarrassingly loose from years of yo-yo dieting. I have a golden retriever and five rabbits. The dog sleeps on my bed, and the rabbits live in the kitchen. My health is good except for the chronic depression, the two heart attacks I had last year, the sciatica, and the degenerative joint disease. I am a recovering drug addict, a recovering bulimic, a recovering shopaholic, and a recovering sex addict. "

http://a820.g.akamai.net/7/820/822/1d/www.esquire.com/img/brutal/laurel_portrait.jpg

She would of been great. 25 years ago!

 

[EnderJE]

Elise Levy

Age: 22
Height: 5'1"
Weight: 105
Occupation: Student
Location: Berkeley, California
Beware: If you have a small penis, I'll likely gossip about it with my friend.

I'm beautiful, lithe, and charming. I dance twelve hours of ballet a week, like to wear corsets during sex, and sleep in ducky pajamas. So why do I need to place an ad? I'm greedy. The only thing that makes me happy is cash in my account. The larger the diamonds, the wider my smile. I know there are men out there who want a pretty young thing on their arm and who are willing to spoil them to keep them there. I want to meet those men. I can be your devoted girl, I can make your coworkers green with envy, I can charm my way into your boss's inner circle. I can be as good for you as you are for me. So let's make a deal.

http://a820.g.akamai.net/7/820/822/1d/www.esquire.com/img/brutal/elise_portrait.jpg

Why do I think that some guy with aids is going to get her? Dunno.

 

[PBR]

online dating profiles =

CHESTY - did you go on your date yet with the m/c girl????