Once a cheater always a cheater?

[jerseyart]

Can a person who cheats change their stripes?

How about a person with a repetitive history of such, with accompanying lying to cover up his or her activities? Throw in multiple false statements with respect to "never doing that again"

Curious what people think on the topic, and how much would you as a partner/spouse take before you were done with that other person.

 

[rnch]

my past experiences with these types tell me that they do NOT change their ways on a long term basis.

 

[Smurfy]

chances are slim. id say its a red flag.

 

[KillahBee]

yes they can. but it's not easy. I have cheated on every serious girlfriend I have ever had. That being said, I feel that I have grown up since then a have the ability to not cheat again. But, only time will tell. I guess a person's age, experiences and make-up are all big factors too.

 

[jerseyart]

My personal belief is that a liar and a cheater are an unsalvagable mix.

People who are willing to acknowledge and own up to their faults at least are always potentially kept in check by their honesty (they know they will face consequnces for what they do).

But if one routinely lies to avoid consequences, then they will only ever feel constrained by the likelihood of getting caught.

 

[jerseyart]

yes they can. but it's not easy. I have cheated on every serious girlfriend I have ever had. That being said, I feel that I have grown up since then a have the ability to not cheat again. But, only time will tell. I guess a person's age, experiences and make-up are all big factors too.

Did you acknowledge your transgressions when/if caught. Or did you just lie like a mo fo?

 

[MrMuscle]

I belive that you are hard pressed to change a person like that.

 

[KillahBee]

Did you acknowledge your transgressions when/if caught. Or did you just lie like a mo fo?

A) never really got caught
B) if I was close to getting caught, lied like a mofo.

not gonna try and rationalize what I did, and also not going to say I felt real guilty about it. cause I didn't. I was also somewhat young and in college.

 

[*MissFit*]

Yes someone can change.. "u can't change for someone.. but u can change because of someone." (I made this up but think its really fitting.. I love to sum up ideas with one liners)

People make footprints in our lives regardless of whether we realize it or not.. these footprints shape us and make us the person we are to become.

 

[from zero]

They can change. More than likely, they won't.

 

[biteme]

"If I can change, and you can change,......... THEN EVERYBODYYYY CAN CHANGEEE!!!!!" Rocky to the Russian crowd in Rocky vs. THe Russian Giant.

 

[IwouldSlamU]

people that cheat all the time=no people that have done it once in the past and have realized what they have done=yes

 

[starfish]

My personal belief is that a liar and a cheater are an unsalvagable mix.

People who are willing to acknowledge and own up to their faults at least are always potentially kept in check by their honesty (they know they will face consequnces for what they do).

But if one routinely lies to avoid consequences, then they will only ever feel constrained by the likelihood of getting caught.

Liars are my biggest pet peeve....How freaking pathetic.

 

[Dial_tone]

There is a difference between someone who cheats and someone who cheated. You can treat somebody like crap and drive them to someone else. If they keep repeating the behavior they should just leave, imo.

 

[curling]

I think they can change. Especially, if they get the help from above.

 

[Y_lifter]

Even if they could change,

every time they come home late etc. ,
what would you be thinking in the back of your mind ?

Sad but true..

 

[jerseyart]

Liars are my biggest pet peeve....How freaking pathetic.

I share the sentiment, but Im curious as to how others view the scenario.

Personally I might overlook a one time fuck up, but something that continued over an extended period of time, with significant lying to coverup, speaks volumes about a person. If they can maintain such deciet and duplicity for so long, there really isnt any inate check within them to prevtn similar future behavior.

Coupled with the fact that sexual urges are among the most difficult to control under the best of scenarios.

 

[Dial_tone]

Liars are my biggest pet peeve....How freaking pathetic.

I would agree with that.

 

[GoldenDelicious]

depedns if they loved the person they cheated on, and how mature they were when they cheated

if people cheat when theyre young, naive, and maybe a bit unsure of how strongly they feel for their partner, i think that they may not be so inclined once they mature a bit, and find someone that they truly care for

if the person is older, mature, and cares deeply for their partner, but betrays their trust by cheating on them regardless, then i think they are likely to be intrinsically very selfish people, and will probably do it over. i dont think that the whole "cheating is betraying" concept is so subtle that it takes years of dating and life experience to work out - if you do it, chances are youre just a selfish asshole, and will never change

cheers

 

[Megalomaniac]

Can a person who cheats change their stripes?

How about a person with a repetitive history of such, with accompanying lying to cover up his or her activities? Throw in multiple false statements with respect to "never doing that again"

Curious what people think on the topic, and how much would you as a partner/spouse take before you were done with that other person.

I think that person will only change with a significant event in their life. Some event that identifies where there mistake was made and why not to make it again. Only a humbled, matured cheater or liar will truly see a different way.

 

[jerseyart]

Golden

Spot on regarding the selfishness. In the end it all comes down to too much self love, which never changes

 

[KillahBee]

Golden

Spot on regarding the selfishness. In the end it all comes down to too much self love, which never changes

I can only imagine what you will say to this Jers, but I can honestly say that the times I cheated on my girl(s), it had nothing to do with them or the way I feel about them. My cock was hungry and it needed to eat. very simple. now, I am not saying that it wouldn't hurt them or that I did not consider thay, but I am simply saying that I truly believe some people (mostly men) have the ability to have a sexual experience outside of their relationship that is based solely on that - sexual needs.

 

[Evil_Frisky]

I'm a firm believer in.. If you cheat something is missing.. If something is missing.. wtf are you still doing with that person. I've NEVER cheated, never had the desire to..

As for cheaters changing.. Doubtful. And even if they do, and you stay with them, Its always in the back of your mind, you can forgive but Honestly, Will you ever forget.

 

[Dial_tone]

What if you were the "other" man/woman and you may or may not have been the only person they had cheated with? Would you trust that person in a monogamous relationship?

 

[GoldenDelicious]

Golden

Spot on regarding the selfishness. In the end it all comes down to too much self love, which never changes

yep, i just had this convo last night, when talking to a guy i know (cheats on his fiancee) who was talking about a mutual friend (also cheats on his fiancee, heavily) where the first guy tried to justify the second guys actions because he had been burnt by a previous relationship (in which he also cheated on the girl, anyway)

at the end of the day, both of those guys cheated simply because they liked all the things associated with fresh conquests, and (excuse the crassness) fresh pussy. its amazing how an otherwise rational, intelligent person will try to rationalise extremely selfish behaviour

i was a real bastard though to him though, because he was there with his fiancee (the one he cheats on) and while i was talking to her in front of him (loudly) i said "wow, xxxxxx, i didnt recognise you! i thought that your fincee xxxxxxx must be cheating on you with a new, prettier girl!"

hehehehe i quite liked the way his face froze, and the little eye shift she did with that fake smile while her suspicions ran amok and especially the way i came out of it looking like a nice guy dropping cute compliments

hehe. mofo. thatll teach ya

 

[jerseyart]

I can only imagine what you will say to this Jers, but I can honestly say that the times I cheated on my girl(s), it had nothing to do with them or the way I feel about them. My cock was hungry and it needed to eat. very simple. now, I am not saying that it wouldn't hurt them or that I did not consider thay, but I am simply saying that I truly believe some people (mostly men) have the ability to have a sexual experience outside of their relationship that is based solely on that - sexual needs.

Everything is relative to the situation man. A single guy in college dating a chick for a few months and cheating is one thing. It sucks, but hopefully at some point the person grows up.

A wife or husband cheating on their spouse (or family if there are kids) is a whole different level of infidelity. Its all relative to the importance of the commitment made.

The issue though isnt whether one could go tap some ass and still not become emotionally involved with the other person. The point is if you actually loved your spouse/partner more than you do yourself you wouldnt be cheating at all.

I agree with Golden, the worst part really isnt the actual cheating to me at least, but the underlying issue of ones dishonestly and self love. Those are far more defining issues in the relationship.

Guy or girl having a rough time with the s/o goes to a bar, things get out of hand, and they have a one night stand is one thing. That going on for weeks or months, or even involving multiple different people, is an altogether different problem. The first might be a mistake, the second is a reflection of the person involved

 

[milo hobgoblin]

Well, generally speaking yes.. its genetic. People who cheat do not get the same emotional benefit from monogomous relationships that non cheaters do.

It doesnmt mean they dont love their mates.. they just dotn develop the same sexual attachment.. I think its related to seratonin after sexual contact and the bonding effect thats created.

It doesnt occur for them.

 

[jerseyart]

Well, generally speaking yes.. its genetic. People who cheat do not get the same emotional benefit from monogomous relationships that non cheaters do.

It doesnmt mean they dont love their mates.. they just dotn develop the same sexual attachment.. I think its related to seratonin after sexual contact and the bonding effect thats created.

It doesnt occur for them.

Is that a fact? I never heard of that before. Are you in the medical field Milo, or referecing something you have read?

 

[starfish]

Well, generally speaking yes.. its genetic. People who cheat do not get the same emotional benefit from monogomous relationships that non cheaters do.

It doesnmt mean they dont love their mates.. they just dotn develop the same sexual attachment.. I think its related to seratonin after sexual contact and the bonding effect thats created.

It doesnt occur for them.

Where do you get that from?

If it's true...they should have the guts to be honest with their mate and not make a committment in the first place.

It's too easy for people to just make excuses for their behavior anymore.

 

[wutangnomo]

Once a cheater always a cheater! No two ways about it. Please spare me all the rationalisation and scientific mumbo jumbo please. You'll never find a woman who admits to cheating. A man yes, but a woman never. Asking such a question on elite is probably not best given that I'm sure a good 50% of the people here are cheating on their partners in some form.

 

[jerseyart]

wutangnomo
Yeah, but the enablers are almost as sad and pathetic

 

[Dial_tone]

Once a cheater always a cheater! No two ways about it. Please spare me all the rationalisation and scientific mumbo jumbo please. You'll never find a woman who admits to cheating. A man yes, but a woman never. Asking such a question on elite is probably not best given that I'm sure a good 50% of the people here are cheating on their partners in some form.

All generalizations are wrong.....except mine.

 

[H_T_]

..............dog will hunt.

 

[milo hobgoblin]

It was a study done.. the gene was actually isolated.

No Im not in the medical profession.. I did some research in Molecular Bio a few years back .. but left the field shortly after college (Molec. Bio major/Biochem minor)

It was a valid peer reviewed study.. I dont remember which journal.. sorry.

I have no doubt it will be repeated many times.

BTW its not as if people consciouly realize this till much later in life.. may try to have happy monogomous relationships and realize something always seems ot be "missing"

Maybe we as a society should stop narrowly trying to define relationships

 

[ChefWide]

Y-lifter has a valid, albeit depressing, point.

Once the sanctity of truth has been violated, its a tremendously long term thing to repair if that EVER is possible.

I did my 12 years without ever crossing that line, ever. It was done to me by someone I was engaged to years ago and I swore I would never do that to anyone.

Once a cheater always a cheater? Maybe not, but once you break that trust, can you ever put it back? No, not ever. Close, but never the same.

 

[yomama]

Can a person who cheats change their stripes?

How about a person with a repetitive history of such, with accompanying lying to cover up his or her activities? Throw in multiple false statements with respect to "never doing that again"

Curious what people think on the topic, and how much would you as a partner/spouse take before you were done with that other person.

No. Its in the genes. Like me for example. I just cant stop. It's like a cocain addiction, you're always looking to cheat.

I know my wife would never cheat on me, but if she ever did, I'd probably forgive her. I would draw the line at 5times. ...or if she got an STD.

Once a cheater always a cheater? Maybe not, but once you break that trust, can you ever put it back? No, not ever. Close, but never the same.

I got my trust back into the relationship.