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2Thick Captured in Canada, RCMP victory
Sunday, December 14, 2003
QUEBEC, Canada — Canadian forces, acting on an anonymous tip, were guided to a local 99-cent store, where 2Thick was reportedly in hiding. 2Thick, who's real name is Mordecai Goldblum, had been in hiding since the early 90's. He had been on the run for possession of a 'Wicked Lat Spread' which is illegal in Canada, and for knowingly preaching material, which incited a 1997 riot, in which 20 people were injured.
"This is a great victory for us, and for the people of Canada" said Jacque D'Aubigne
Asked how and where Mr. Goldblum was caught, Canadian officials released this statement:
"Well, we were getting tips of a man who matched his description, who was rummaging through local garbage heaps and other pro-Marxist organizations. So, we decided to set up a task force to net him. Canadian officials suggested we tear up small copies of 'Communist Manifesto' and place the pieces at the 'hot zones' that were recently targeted. We knew that eventually we'd capture him, it was only a matter of time."
Residents of Quebec were stunned. "Well, I thought this was another urban legend, like Big Foot or Michael Jackson or something," says Nathan, 17, who refused to give his last name, "I mean, this is a man who's been on the run for a long time, yet he's massive! Did you see his back?"
Albert Steinberg, of the National Jewish Coalition, was enraged when he heard the news. "This is absolutely the worst thing Canada has ever done! I served in the Canadian Army, and I know what atrocities are, and 2Thick's capture surpasses everything!"
Canadian officials have yet to comment on 2Thick's fate, but were certain that 2Thick would get a taste of the Canadian Justice System.
Photograph by James Fields, Associated Press
Sunday, December 14, 2003
QUEBEC, Canada — Canadian forces, acting on an anonymous tip, were guided to a local 99-cent store, where 2Thick was reportedly in hiding. 2Thick, who's real name is Mordecai Goldblum, had been in hiding since the early 90's. He had been on the run for possession of a 'Wicked Lat Spread' which is illegal in Canada, and for knowingly preaching material, which incited a 1997 riot, in which 20 people were injured.
"This is a great victory for us, and for the people of Canada" said Jacque D'Aubigne
Asked how and where Mr. Goldblum was caught, Canadian officials released this statement:
"Well, we were getting tips of a man who matched his description, who was rummaging through local garbage heaps and other pro-Marxist organizations. So, we decided to set up a task force to net him. Canadian officials suggested we tear up small copies of 'Communist Manifesto' and place the pieces at the 'hot zones' that were recently targeted. We knew that eventually we'd capture him, it was only a matter of time."
Residents of Quebec were stunned. "Well, I thought this was another urban legend, like Big Foot or Michael Jackson or something," says Nathan, 17, who refused to give his last name, "I mean, this is a man who's been on the run for a long time, yet he's massive! Did you see his back?"
Albert Steinberg, of the National Jewish Coalition, was enraged when he heard the news. "This is absolutely the worst thing Canada has ever done! I served in the Canadian Army, and I know what atrocities are, and 2Thick's capture surpasses everything!"
Canadian officials have yet to comment on 2Thick's fate, but were certain that 2Thick would get a taste of the Canadian Justice System.
Photograph by James Fields, Associated Press
