Not so holy nuns

[The Dude]

A train hits a busload of nuns and they all perish.

Before they can be admitted to heaven, they must first answer a question from St. Peter who is waiting for them at the Pearly Gates.

He asks the first nun. "Sister Margaret, have you ever had any contact with a penis?" The nun giggles and replies "Well once I touched the head of one with the tip of my finger." St. Peter says "OK, dip the tip of your finger in the holy water and pass through the gate."

St. Peter asked the next nun the same question, "Sister Elizabeth have you ever had any contact with a penis?" The nun is a little reluctant but replies, "Well once I was stepping over a naked man on the beach and my foot brushed against his penis." St. Peter says "OK dip your foot in the holy water and pass through the gate."

All of a sudden there is a lot of commotion in the line of nuns, one nun is pushing her way to the front of the line. When she reaches the front of the line. St. Peter asks, "Sister Beatrice, what seems to be the rush?"

The nun replies, "If I'm going to have to gargle the holy water, I want to go before Sister Mary sticks her ass in."

 

[The Dude]

Vaseline has many uses.

This guy has always dreamed of owning a Harley Davidson. One day he has finally saved enough money, so he goes down to the dealer. After he picks up the perfect bike, the dealer tells him about an old biker trick that will keep the chrome on his new bike free from rust.

The dealer tells him that all he has to do is to keep a jar of Vaseline handy and put it on the chrome before it rains and everything will be fine. He happily pays for the bike and leaves.

After a couple of months he meets a lady and she asks him to take her home to meet her parents over dinner. He readily accepts and the date is set. At the appointed time he picks her up on his Harley and they ride to her parents' house.

Before they go in, she tells him that they have a family tradition that whoever speaks first after dinner must do the dishes.

After a delicious dinner everyone sits in silence waiting for the first person to speak and get stuck doing the dishes. After a long 15 minutes the young man decides to speed things up, so he reaches over and kisses the girl in front of her family. No one says a word.

Emboldened, he throws her on the table and has sex with her in front of everyone. No one says a word. Now he is getting desperate, so he grabs her mother and throws her on the table. They have even wilder sex. No one says a word.

By now he is thinking of what to do next when he hears thunder in the distance. His first thought is to protect the chrome on his Harley, so he reaches into his pocket and pulls out his jar of Vaseline.

And the father shouts, 'Okay damn it, I'll do the dishes.'

 

[naturally anabolic]

 

[nevertoobig]

 

[danielson]

LMFAO!!!