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no support from parents

ck2006

New member
being excited about going to start training for my first bodybuilding competition, I told my mom. She blasted me, told me that I shouldn't spend time doing stupid things like that and I should concentrate on my family. So very frustrated right now. My husband is supportive right now, but I haven't started training yet, though he does get pissy with me when I tell him I don't want to go out to dinner, and I haven't even started. I am feeling guilty and I haven't even started. I work out 6 times a week now, and nobody said anything until I told them about the competition. Anyway, just wanted to vent...
 
ck2006 said:
being excited about going to start training for my first bodybuilding competition, I told my mom. She blasted me, told me that I shouldn't spend time doing stupid things like that and I should concentrate on my family. So very frustrated right now. My husband is supportive right now, but I haven't started training yet, though he does get pissy with me when I tell him I don't want to go out to dinner, and I haven't even started. I am feeling guilty and I haven't even started. I work out 6 times a week now, and nobody said anything until I told them about the competition. Anyway, just wanted to vent...
I'm so sorry! It's so hard to try to do something important to you when the people you're depending on to support you let you down.

One VERY important thing I heard here was that your MARRIED...meaning... all that REALLY matters is that your husband learns to "deal" - and hopefully more than that - with your new livestyle. You CAN still go out to eat, you just need to learn how to order things and WHAT to order.

As far as mom goes....she needs to know that HER priorities will be different than YOURS. Keep your chin up. sometimes it's just better NOT to talk to some people about certain issues.

Stick with it...if you really want it and it's important to you, you can do it! :heart:
 
Yup, I am taking your advice, ignoring her comments and telling her nothing. The whole eating out thing is hard, especially when I don't know exactly what to eat now. Been reading a lot of posts, and I know I have to fit in more protein, and get some protein shakes.

Thank you very much for your words of support.
 
We are here for you. Many of us have passed throught the exact same thing, and it is really difficult when no-one close wants to support. I think that the most important thing to remember is that you're doing it because you want to, that will make you feel fulfilled. Some people may think it is weird our diet habits, that is waste of time or $$, but you cannot change other people... changes for them may be hard but they do happen at really slow paces

I went through a lot of resistance in my family. It took a lot of time for them to get the idea that this is really important for me.

Any advice you'd like come here, even just for venting!
 
ck, do what's right for you always and you will be happy in life. If you don't do this maybe you will regret it for the rest of your life. Your familly will learn to support you perhaps only when they see how well you have done once you win that trophy!
 
We are here for you...I don't get any support from my family or friends outside of ef they think I am nuts....but the girls here are great and they understand that drive
 
ck2006 said:
being excited about going to start training for my first bodybuilding competition, I told my mom. She blasted me, told me that I shouldn't spend time doing stupid things like that and I should concentrate on my family. So very frustrated right now. My husband is supportive right now, but I haven't started training yet, though he does get pissy with me when I tell him I don't want to go out to dinner, and I haven't even started. I am feeling guilty and I haven't even started. I work out 6 times a week now, and nobody said anything until I told them about the competition. Anyway, just wanted to vent...


Vent away sometimes that just what we need to feel better.

Just do what is best for you and we are hear for you if you need us. :)
 
Thank you, my husband told me my mom is jealous, I hope not and if she is I wish she would handle it different, but like all of you have said. People don't like change and I can't change people.
Thanks for the support and letting me vent! :)
 
ck2006 said:
Yup, I am taking your advice, ignoring her comments and telling her nothing. The whole eating out thing is hard, especially when I don't know exactly what to eat now. Been reading a lot of posts, and I know I have to fit in more protein, and get some protein shakes.

Thank you very much for your words of support.

For a competition program that is easy to understand, pick up a copy of the e-book Burn the Fat, Feed the Muscle by Tom Venuto. It covers the basics in nutrition, cardio and weights for beginner to advanced competition. AND best of all, it is all in one place, not spread all over the board!

Good luck in your quest!
 
Is it for men and women, will it have specific diet and programs for both?
Thanks for the suggestion!
 
ck2006 said:
Thank you, my husband told me my mom is jealous, I hope not and if she is I wish she would handle it different, but like all of you have said. People don't like change and I can't change people.
Thanks for the support and letting me vent! :)


I have the same problem with my mom. She tells me all the time she can't tell a difference in me at all. I'll ask her can you tell I've lost inches she says no,well I don't pay attention. You know I'm not the person to ask that. The woman only sees me like once a month how could she not know.

Hubby says that she doesn't want me to get smaller than she is and she tries to make me feel bad about myself to discourage me. Yes I can see her doing this b/c she's done it before but man it's my mom I would like to think he's being supportive ykwim.
 
My husband read an article that said that mothers are jealous of their daughters because they are able to do what they weren't in their generation. I try to be understanding to that, but if it is true, why can't they break the cycle and just be happy for us? I really hope I never do that to my daughters!
 
ck2006 said:
My husband read an article that said that mothers are jealous of their daughters because they are able to do what they weren't in their generation. I try to be understanding to that, but if it is true, why can't they break the cycle and just be happy for us? I really hope I never do that to my daughters!


God if my mom knew half of what I've done she would have a big coniption fit. LOL And I'm in my 30's LOL.

I agree just be happy please. I guess the cycle stops with us!!!
 
I am in my 30's too and I think my biggest problem is also trying to win her approval with everything. I know I have to learn that not everybody will like the choices I make but as long as my kids are happy and my husband and me that is all that matters.
It is funny when you are over weight everybody tells you (especially my mom) you could lose weight, then when you finally are they tell you that you are losing too much or that it is enough.
I have learned from the last few months, nobody likes change, or has a hard time excepting it. My mother and mother in law both want to lose weight, and I tried helping them but they don't like the diet I am on, and it isn't for everybody, but then they need to find their own way and quit shitting on mine because it is working.
It was also funny this week because I ate way to much cause I got really frustrated and all my mom could say was that I was eating too much! But back on track this week.
 
I must be really lucky! My mom doesn't say much, she just listens and asks a question or two. She understands that when I feel something is important, it's best to just let me do it. She's always been that way.

I could NEVER be jealous of my daughter! That's just WRONG!!!!
 
I wish, my mom always says something, but then it is my fault for always telling her. As for my daughters and my sons, I know, I always encourage them to do their best and support them in everything, even if it isn't something I agree with. I want my kids to succeed no matter what it is they choose to do. If my kids can do things I haven't been able to do, I am very happy for them.
Mothers, gotta love them!
 
ck2006 said:
I am in my 30's too and I think my biggest problem is also trying to win her approval with everything. I know I have to learn that not everybody will like the choices I make but as long as my kids are happy and my husband and me that is all that matters.
It is funny when you are over weight everybody tells you (especially my mom) you could lose weight, then when you finally are they tell you that you are losing too much or that it is enough.
I have learned from the last few months, nobody likes change, or has a hard time excepting it. My mother and mother in law both want to lose weight, and I tried helping them but they don't like the diet I am on, and it isn't for everybody, but then they need to find their own way and quit shitting on mine because it is working.
It was also funny this week because I ate way to much cause I got really frustrated and all my mom could say was that I was eating too much! But back on track this week.


I think with my mom and myself our biggest issue is that she had me when she was 15 yrs old and did the best she could but didn't get to do any of the stuff normal kids her age got to do b/c of me. I'm glad she kept me but I understand the sacrifices she had to make.
 
If it helps you at all, I did my first show when i was 35, mom freaked out. She kept saying "Don't get big!" I was like, "Ma, I lost 30 lb." One reality is that there is a pereception of "competition" that the general public sees that makes them think its too extreme, etc. I personally think it is very important to acknowledge that this perception does exist - regardless of what you actually end up looking like - and as you are seeing, doing a competition is really just a very specific program that isn't much different from being a regular gym nut. But people just freak out when they hear about. To this day, 6 years and 2 more competitions after that first competition, I still can't discuss diet w/ my mom w/o her getting upset. Its two very different approaches to dieting. What is interesting tho, is that I can explain to her very simply why she has the problems she has (not enough protein & skinny fat) but she just won't hear it. She & my dad eat very clean, but simply not enough protein and she could be eating better carbs. They are in their mid 60s, walk 5 miles / day, do step classes & some resistance training classes. But the whole diet thing really freaks them out.

My best advice to keep things in perspective -

- Don't make a big thing out sayign you are going to do a competition. If it becomes a constant focus that you keep bringing up in conversation, people around you will get sick of hearing it and get pissed off or simply not talk to you anymore because of it.

- Get a good diet laid out - there are lots here - and you can manage getting your meals in even if you go out - I always get asked if *whatever restaurant* is on my diet. I just say - if I can get salad & chicken & a plain potato, I'm fine. The sore spots come if they want to go out for pizza. If I can't eat clean, I won't go. That is harder w/ a family. (I am single w/ a cat.) But also show your husband the point in your diet / prep where you have to stop going out - that is usually around 4 weeks out from your target date.

- Prepare your husband for those days when you are going to more prone to getting pissy - these are very similar to that one day of that time of the month - but are usually just a low-carb day. But remember that its NOT HIS JOB to "deal" or "understand' you when you do get pissy on low carb days or when you are frustrasted w/ your progress. It is absolutely YOUR ISSUE TO DEAL WITH because YOU chose to go this route. I'm not picking on your goals to compete at all, but I am telling you that your mood is determined by what you eat and you will hit days when you are very bored w/ your diet, maybe stressed by the demands of the program, tired, or you are just on very low carb. I REALLY suggest that you keep a food & mood diary to help you. Be VERY aware of what days you are low on cals or carbs or doing particularly heavy training (e.g. leg day) and when you feel very on edge or find yourself getting pissy w/ people. Then be aware of that, maybe lock yourself away or make the best effort you can to avoid any provocational situations, or let your husband know ahead of time that its a low carb day & can he help a little more w/ the kids today or something like that. Or prepare yourself ahead of time to be more relaxed and less on edge or quick to respond on those days before you realize that its the low-carb or the cals or the training that is putting you in an edgy, pissy mood before you go off on someone when you dont' mean to & they can't figure out what the hell crawled up your ass & died.

Also you didn't say specifically what type of competition you are doing - figure or BB? BB is more extreme than figure, figure is an easier one to present to people to say "look at the amazing bodies on these girls & how feminine they are." Often people assume BB means you are going to look like a giant steroided out male bodybuilder. Its REALLY important to keep these perceptions straight for the people around you. My mom still tells me to "not get big" - and every time I still drop 20-30 lb.

Something also to keep in mind - after the competition, you will experience a rebound and again you are dealing w/ your pereception of yourself and dealign w/ "coming down" from the competition itself. You've finally achieved a goal you set for yourself but the reality of competition is that you DON"T maintain that look. People always think you look sickly, too thin, etc. when you are competing - so you can always say that you only are like that for a few days. But also you don't remaining wonderfully lean after a show. You will rebound because the whole process of show prep is to look that way at show time. Not setting a healthy maintainable look to keep over a long time. Its intended to be a short term look and your body will go back to a degree. Also prepare yourself for that post -show rebound - it is a known real physical & mental reaction to all that focused dieting & training. So allow for it and dont' let yourself feel bad about yourself when you are post show & the weigth, etc. starts coming back. Just like eveything else - keep the range of the extremes to a minimum. Ease back into "normal eating" and just keep your head on an even keel. You have to go thru it once to really understand what I'm talking about it, but it does exist and it helps to at least be aware of it.
 
wow, lots of info, thanks, I am doing Bodybuilding and I see my trainer today for a fitness test, I am assume she will give me a diet later. I don't think I eat enough proteins now or calories. But I guess she will let me know. As for the getting big, at first am I going to get fat? that is one thing I worry about, because they told me I have to bulk up a little. Even if I did get big, which I don't think I will, I wouldn't care.
You hit the mark with the mood swings, it isn't anybody's fault but my own, so I will be more mindful of them when I see them, I get them now and I am not training really hard but I am on a low carb diet, and I quit smoking, so my family really loves me!
 
ck2006 said:
Is it for men and women, will it have specific diet and programs for both?
Thanks for the suggestion!

Yeah, talks about both. Not a huge amount on program - but solid on eating and the reasons why.
 
ck2006 said:
I am in my 30's too and I think my biggest problem is also trying to win her approval with everything. I know I have to learn that not everybody will like the choices I make but as long as my kids are happy and my husband and me that is all that matters.
It is funny when you are over weight everybody tells you (especially my mom) you could lose weight, then when you finally are they tell you that you are losing too much or that it is enough.
I have learned from the last few months, nobody likes change, or has a hard time excepting it. My mother and mother in law both want to lose weight, and I tried helping them but they don't like the diet I am on, and it isn't for everybody, but then they need to find their own way and quit shitting on mine because it is working.
It was also funny this week because I ate way to much cause I got really frustrated and all my mom could say was that I was eating too much! But back on track this week.

I'm 36 and my mom (if alive) would be 76.....so, depending on her age - it just could be the "generational" thing.....Their generation just didn't do this kind of weird fitness stuff....I know, if alive, my mom would have a fit with me and my fitness lifestyle - but as a kid - she always made fun of me for being chubby.... :rolleyes: You can't win....

But, like the others said - focus on your kids & hubby....My hubby was stressed during my comps last year, frustrated & hated it & me at times....but he said recently how interesting & fascinating he found the whole thing....

Just come here for support!!
 
Sorry to barge into your forum ladies. I was doing a search & ended up here.
I think all of you ladies are fantastic, for taking initiative & making changes, or chasing after a goal.
One thing I've found with my wife & her mother, is whenever my wife talks to Mom about doing something, Mom always says something supportive, then subtly finds fault with whatever wifey is trying to do. She has been this way since we got married, so wifey no longer tells Mom about anything, until after the fact.
ck, good luck with your endeavers. There's a lot of good info on hear to help you out, & good people to help you sort through it.
 
Thank you for your best wishes, I truly do appreciate it. I have decided to ignore what my mother says, because I do know she is just worried and isn't fully educated on the subject. I have using this site faithly for research, so many people with lots of information, this site rocks, not only for the info but for the people!
 
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