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Sweet!
A few months ago I was reading a website that detailed ways to fuck with the nigerian scammers.
So I ponied up and posted my e-mail address at a site they suggest and forgot about it, until now.
Here it is, with my reply...
~snip~
Dearest Ibrahim Ahmed,
I am shocked and amazed at the bureaucratic manner with which Nigerian federal government handles such commercial matters, especially with such delicate situations such as the fate of Ms. Virginia Chaplin.
I would be more than happy to help in any manner I possibly can. But as I am a paranoid businessman, I require a few minor assurances that this is a legitimate request on your behalf.
Firstly, do you happen to have access to Ms. Chaplin’s obituary from a local newspaper?
Secondly, do you know what Ms. Chaplin did for a living?
Lastly, and most assuredly not leastliest, might I have a photograph of you in front of your office?
Yours in Spirit,
Jonathon Orinthal Karuthers Esquire (Campbell) III
--- IBRAHIM AHMED <[email protected]> wrote:
> FROM: IBRAHIM AHMED
> ROYAL TRUST & SECURITIES BANK
> VICTORIA ISLAND.
> LAGOS NIGERIA.
> DATE:14 JUNE. 2003
>
> DEAR FRIEND,
>
> MY NAME IS IBRAHIM AHMED.
>
> PERSONAL ASSISTANT TO DIRECTOR INTERNATIONAL
> REMITTANCE DEPARTMENT ROYAL
> TRUST & (SECURITIES) BANK OF NIGERIA.
>
> I AM WRITTING IN RESPECT OF A FOREIGN CUSTOMER OF MY
> BANK (MS. VIRGINIA
> CHAPLIN, 72, GEORGETOWN, MAINE) WHO PERISHED IN A
> FATAL CAR ACCIDENT ON
> THE 19 NOV,1999 WITH TWO OF HER STAFFS ON THEIR WAY
> TO ABUJA (FCT) TO ATTEND
> A BOARD MEETING WITH THE VICE PRESIDENT OF NIGERIA.
>
> SIR, SINCE THE DEMISE OF MS. VIRGINIA CHAPLIN, I
> PERSONALLY HAVE WATCHED
> WITH KEEN INTEREST TO SEE THE NEXT OF KIN BUT ALL
> HAS PROVED ABORTIVE AS
> NO ONE HAS COME TO CLAIM HIS FUNDS OF USD41.5M,
> [FOURTY-ONE MILLION FIVE
> HUNDRED THOUSAND UNITED STATES DOLLARS] HAS BEEN
> WITH OUR BANK HERE FOR A
> VERY LONG TIME.ON THIS NOTE I DECIDED TO SEEK FOR
> WHOM HIS NAME SHALL BE
> USED AS THE NEXT OF KIN, AS NO ONE HAS COME UP TO
> PUT CLAIM AS THE NEXT OF
> KIN TO THIS FUNDS AND THE BANKING ETHICS HERE DOES
> NOT ALLOW SUCH MONEY TO
> STAY MORE THAN FIVE YEARS, BECUASE AFTER FIVE YEARS
> THE MONEY WILL
> BECALLED BACK TO THE BANK TREASURY AS UNCLAIMED
> BILL.
>
> IN VIEW OF THIS I GOT YOUR CONTACT THROUGH MY
> COUNTRY'S FOREIGN TRADE
> MISSION AFTER I WAS CONVINCED IN MY MIND THAT YOUR
> NAME/COMPANY COULD BE
> USED AS THE NEXT OF KIN TO THIS CLAIM.THE REQUEST OF
> THE FOREIGNER AS A
> NEXT OF KIN IN THIS BUSINESS IS OCCASIONED BY THE
> FACT THAT THE CUSTOMER
> WAS A FOREIGNER AND A NIGERIAN CANNOT STAND AS THE
> NEXT OF KIN TO A
> FOREIGNER.
>
> I AGREED THAT 30% OF THIS MONEY WILL BE FOR YOU AS A
> FOREIGN PARTNER IN
> RESPECT OF PROVIDING AN ACCOUNT WHILE 10% WILL TAKE
> OF ANY EXPENSIS THAT
> MIGHT BE INCURED IN THE PROCEES OF SUCCEEDING THE
> TRANSFER AND THE REST
> WILL BE FOR ME. THEREAFTER I WILL VISIT YOUR COUNTRY
> FOR DISBURSEMENT AS I
> AM ALMOST DUE FOR RETIREMENT.
>
> UPON THE RECEIPT OF YOU, I WILL SEND YOU BY FAX OR
> E-MAIL A DRAFT
> APPLICATION OF CLAIM WHICH YOU WILL SEND TO THE BANK
> AS THE NEXT OF KIN
> AND THE NEXT STEP TO TAKE.
>
> I WILL NOT FAIL TO BRING TO YOUR NOTICE THAT THIS
> BUSINESS IS HITCH FREE
> AND THAT YOU SHOULD NOT ENTERTAIN ANY FEAR AS THE
> WHOLE REQUIRED
> ARRANGEMENT AS BEEN PERFECTED FOR THE TRANSFER.
> HOPING TO HEAR FROM YOU FROM MY PERSONAL
>
> BEST REGARDS,
>
> IBRAHIM AHMED.
A few months ago I was reading a website that detailed ways to fuck with the nigerian scammers.
So I ponied up and posted my e-mail address at a site they suggest and forgot about it, until now.
Here it is, with my reply...
~snip~
Dearest Ibrahim Ahmed,
I am shocked and amazed at the bureaucratic manner with which Nigerian federal government handles such commercial matters, especially with such delicate situations such as the fate of Ms. Virginia Chaplin.
I would be more than happy to help in any manner I possibly can. But as I am a paranoid businessman, I require a few minor assurances that this is a legitimate request on your behalf.
Firstly, do you happen to have access to Ms. Chaplin’s obituary from a local newspaper?
Secondly, do you know what Ms. Chaplin did for a living?
Lastly, and most assuredly not leastliest, might I have a photograph of you in front of your office?
Yours in Spirit,
Jonathon Orinthal Karuthers Esquire (Campbell) III
--- IBRAHIM AHMED <[email protected]> wrote:
> FROM: IBRAHIM AHMED
> ROYAL TRUST & SECURITIES BANK
> VICTORIA ISLAND.
> LAGOS NIGERIA.
> DATE:14 JUNE. 2003
>
> DEAR FRIEND,
>
> MY NAME IS IBRAHIM AHMED.
>
> PERSONAL ASSISTANT TO DIRECTOR INTERNATIONAL
> REMITTANCE DEPARTMENT ROYAL
> TRUST & (SECURITIES) BANK OF NIGERIA.
>
> I AM WRITTING IN RESPECT OF A FOREIGN CUSTOMER OF MY
> BANK (MS. VIRGINIA
> CHAPLIN, 72, GEORGETOWN, MAINE) WHO PERISHED IN A
> FATAL CAR ACCIDENT ON
> THE 19 NOV,1999 WITH TWO OF HER STAFFS ON THEIR WAY
> TO ABUJA (FCT) TO ATTEND
> A BOARD MEETING WITH THE VICE PRESIDENT OF NIGERIA.
>
> SIR, SINCE THE DEMISE OF MS. VIRGINIA CHAPLIN, I
> PERSONALLY HAVE WATCHED
> WITH KEEN INTEREST TO SEE THE NEXT OF KIN BUT ALL
> HAS PROVED ABORTIVE AS
> NO ONE HAS COME TO CLAIM HIS FUNDS OF USD41.5M,
> [FOURTY-ONE MILLION FIVE
> HUNDRED THOUSAND UNITED STATES DOLLARS] HAS BEEN
> WITH OUR BANK HERE FOR A
> VERY LONG TIME.ON THIS NOTE I DECIDED TO SEEK FOR
> WHOM HIS NAME SHALL BE
> USED AS THE NEXT OF KIN, AS NO ONE HAS COME UP TO
> PUT CLAIM AS THE NEXT OF
> KIN TO THIS FUNDS AND THE BANKING ETHICS HERE DOES
> NOT ALLOW SUCH MONEY TO
> STAY MORE THAN FIVE YEARS, BECUASE AFTER FIVE YEARS
> THE MONEY WILL
> BECALLED BACK TO THE BANK TREASURY AS UNCLAIMED
> BILL.
>
> IN VIEW OF THIS I GOT YOUR CONTACT THROUGH MY
> COUNTRY'S FOREIGN TRADE
> MISSION AFTER I WAS CONVINCED IN MY MIND THAT YOUR
> NAME/COMPANY COULD BE
> USED AS THE NEXT OF KIN TO THIS CLAIM.THE REQUEST OF
> THE FOREIGNER AS A
> NEXT OF KIN IN THIS BUSINESS IS OCCASIONED BY THE
> FACT THAT THE CUSTOMER
> WAS A FOREIGNER AND A NIGERIAN CANNOT STAND AS THE
> NEXT OF KIN TO A
> FOREIGNER.
>
> I AGREED THAT 30% OF THIS MONEY WILL BE FOR YOU AS A
> FOREIGN PARTNER IN
> RESPECT OF PROVIDING AN ACCOUNT WHILE 10% WILL TAKE
> OF ANY EXPENSIS THAT
> MIGHT BE INCURED IN THE PROCEES OF SUCCEEDING THE
> TRANSFER AND THE REST
> WILL BE FOR ME. THEREAFTER I WILL VISIT YOUR COUNTRY
> FOR DISBURSEMENT AS I
> AM ALMOST DUE FOR RETIREMENT.
>
> UPON THE RECEIPT OF YOU, I WILL SEND YOU BY FAX OR
> E-MAIL A DRAFT
> APPLICATION OF CLAIM WHICH YOU WILL SEND TO THE BANK
> AS THE NEXT OF KIN
> AND THE NEXT STEP TO TAKE.
>
> I WILL NOT FAIL TO BRING TO YOUR NOTICE THAT THIS
> BUSINESS IS HITCH FREE
> AND THAT YOU SHOULD NOT ENTERTAIN ANY FEAR AS THE
> WHOLE REQUIRED
> ARRANGEMENT AS BEEN PERFECTED FOR THE TRANSFER.
> HOPING TO HEAR FROM YOU FROM MY PERSONAL
>
> BEST REGARDS,
>
> IBRAHIM AHMED.
