Please Scroll Down to See Forums Below 
new gym search (insanely long)
The doors on my gym have been permanently padlocked.
I got a flyer from a local "hardcore" gym down the road that said they'd give a free week and then a free 6 months when you join for a year if you were a member of my gym- for $250.
i went there and my ponytailed workout partner was going in too.
great. not.
anyway, the manager is there. gay as a blade or whatever else is super gay.
he touched vern (my workout friend) or whatever his silly name is and said "wow... you look thoowwwww GOOD".
um. ok... they had a private moment i guess.
we go to workout and i'm not used to the benches at all. then i realize, there is no decline bench.
the gay manager says "you could bring the decline bench (for doing situps or using dumbells i guess) over to the thmith machine."
no thanks.
i finish benching and we head over to the lat pulldown machine. everything in this place looks brand new and plentiful, but i realized the equipment is barely adjustable. the uprights on the bench had 2 position. "too low" and "i can't reach it". the pad that holds your knees down on the lat machine doesn't move at all.
then i see another problem. i can't reach the attachment. Not even if i'm on my toes. Now, i know this gym is going to be mostly men, since there's NO cardio equipment, but seriously... i'm not a dwarf.
so vern has to grab the bar for me and pull it down. its got 120 lbs attached to it so he's got to get a good grip on it, which apparently meant getting a little too intimate with the back of my neck for comfort while i was sitting on the seat.
gaymanager comes over to talk to vern. "thow... how many cleinth do you think you'll be bringing uth?" vern says it depends on what kind of deal they can get. gaymanager looks at me says "well... we can work it out."
I said "i don't even do cardio, but its bothering me that here i don't even have the option."
now, in my location, we have serious winters. i MIGHT want to warm up on something.
gaymanager tells me i could use the jumprope.
uh huh.
so ok, we've both had it. this isn't going to work. vern can't train clients if there's no treadmill. No woman is going to want to join that gym and all his clients are women. and i don't jump.
we walk out the front door and go one block down to "valencia". we are now in another town. its a town of big haired, camaro driving women and guys in wifebeaters driving stupid cars with air spoilers.
Except, this gym is hopping. loud pumping music, treadmills everywhere facing tv's with sign on them saying what channel to tune your walkman onto. stairclimbers, eliptical machines, etc.
Girls in full makeup and their hair "done" wearing designer velour sweats on all of them.
behind that is miles of circuit machines, where you swipe your card and it remembers your settings. TONS of machines. i dont even know what half of them did.
the manager there takes a look at us and says "i think you want something more serious" and takes us downstairs. its NICE. all the stuff i want- decline benches, regular benches power racks, squat racks, etc.
and its not all fancy down there. its just normal.
we go back up and vern talks to the manager about becoming a trainer there. he has to promise 5 clients to join. we agreed that although i'm not a client, i'd be one of them. i asked if i can use chalk and they said nobody ever does, but i can. they said they don't have many female lifters and none that powerlift. i'm used to that, but this isn't an intimidating place. AND they are open 24 hours during the week!!!! so, we're impressed, although the price is $350 and its a few miles from my house and parking is sparse in the afternoon.
we walk back to the first gym and go back in, where there was now a bunch of people from our place that just shut down. everyone is asking what happened, why'd they close, etc., like we're representatives. i'm like a broken record- telling people i didn't work there. they shut down, etc.
anyway, gaymanager wants to close the deal with vern. he comes sashaying over and says "tho... can i talk to you? out-thide?"
vern leaves and i follow. our workout stuff is in my gymbag in my car and i was leaving anyway. i can't leave till vern gets his stuff so i'm just standing there listening.
gaymanager says "mmm. we need more trainerth that look like YEW." to vern.
and again, touches his arm and runs his hand down his bicep.
i'm shuffling my feet.
gaymanager says "maybe we should talk privately?"
and looks at me.
i said "oh... ok..um.. i'll be at my car".
at the same time vern says "NO!!!!!!!!! she can stay."
gaymanager says "well... i wanted to talk to you about money. about the price for your clients and your fee and all".
vern says "she can stay"
so they talk a bit and then go to shake hands.
thats when i saw... the handshake lingered WAYYYYY too long for two men to be holding hands. gaymanager sees me staring, trying to figure out what is going on and if either of them LIKES standing there holding hands or if one of them is trying to get away, since frankly, i don't know a damn thing about vern other than that stupid ponytail and the guy wears way too much cologne and worships the mirror.
gaymanager looks at me and says "is she a client"?
he's looking at me, i'm looking at them holding hands in a psuedo handshake, and vern is glaring at the handshake and gaymanager, back and forth. he pulls his hand away and says "NO. she's with me."
gaymanager looks back at him and says "oh. like WITH you?"
and in unison and way too loud, i say "NO!!!"
at the exact same time vern says "YES!!"
extremely awkward moment.
that of course, i need to turn into a joke because i'm rediculously uncomfortable.
i don't know WHAT the hell came over me, what i was thinking or anything, but i said "i'm his mother."
vern is 46.
ok, so i start laughing for no reason, gaymanager is looking at me like i'm retarded, and vern is ready to rip the guys head off.
we said "ok, see you soon". and gaymanager again touches vern, nods his head at me, and swishes inside.
that gym, is NOT a possibility.
i'm going to keep looking this weekend and use my free pass at valencia for the next two weeks.
The doors on my gym have been permanently padlocked.
I got a flyer from a local "hardcore" gym down the road that said they'd give a free week and then a free 6 months when you join for a year if you were a member of my gym- for $250.
i went there and my ponytailed workout partner was going in too.
great. not.
anyway, the manager is there. gay as a blade or whatever else is super gay.
he touched vern (my workout friend) or whatever his silly name is and said "wow... you look thoowwwww GOOD".
um. ok... they had a private moment i guess.
we go to workout and i'm not used to the benches at all. then i realize, there is no decline bench.
the gay manager says "you could bring the decline bench (for doing situps or using dumbells i guess) over to the thmith machine."
no thanks.
i finish benching and we head over to the lat pulldown machine. everything in this place looks brand new and plentiful, but i realized the equipment is barely adjustable. the uprights on the bench had 2 position. "too low" and "i can't reach it". the pad that holds your knees down on the lat machine doesn't move at all.
then i see another problem. i can't reach the attachment. Not even if i'm on my toes. Now, i know this gym is going to be mostly men, since there's NO cardio equipment, but seriously... i'm not a dwarf.
so vern has to grab the bar for me and pull it down. its got 120 lbs attached to it so he's got to get a good grip on it, which apparently meant getting a little too intimate with the back of my neck for comfort while i was sitting on the seat.
gaymanager comes over to talk to vern. "thow... how many cleinth do you think you'll be bringing uth?" vern says it depends on what kind of deal they can get. gaymanager looks at me says "well... we can work it out."
I said "i don't even do cardio, but its bothering me that here i don't even have the option."
now, in my location, we have serious winters. i MIGHT want to warm up on something.
gaymanager tells me i could use the jumprope.
uh huh.
so ok, we've both had it. this isn't going to work. vern can't train clients if there's no treadmill. No woman is going to want to join that gym and all his clients are women. and i don't jump.
we walk out the front door and go one block down to "valencia". we are now in another town. its a town of big haired, camaro driving women and guys in wifebeaters driving stupid cars with air spoilers.
Except, this gym is hopping. loud pumping music, treadmills everywhere facing tv's with sign on them saying what channel to tune your walkman onto. stairclimbers, eliptical machines, etc.
Girls in full makeup and their hair "done" wearing designer velour sweats on all of them.
behind that is miles of circuit machines, where you swipe your card and it remembers your settings. TONS of machines. i dont even know what half of them did.
the manager there takes a look at us and says "i think you want something more serious" and takes us downstairs. its NICE. all the stuff i want- decline benches, regular benches power racks, squat racks, etc.
and its not all fancy down there. its just normal.
we go back up and vern talks to the manager about becoming a trainer there. he has to promise 5 clients to join. we agreed that although i'm not a client, i'd be one of them. i asked if i can use chalk and they said nobody ever does, but i can. they said they don't have many female lifters and none that powerlift. i'm used to that, but this isn't an intimidating place. AND they are open 24 hours during the week!!!! so, we're impressed, although the price is $350 and its a few miles from my house and parking is sparse in the afternoon.
we walk back to the first gym and go back in, where there was now a bunch of people from our place that just shut down. everyone is asking what happened, why'd they close, etc., like we're representatives. i'm like a broken record- telling people i didn't work there. they shut down, etc.
anyway, gaymanager wants to close the deal with vern. he comes sashaying over and says "tho... can i talk to you? out-thide?"
vern leaves and i follow. our workout stuff is in my gymbag in my car and i was leaving anyway. i can't leave till vern gets his stuff so i'm just standing there listening.
gaymanager says "mmm. we need more trainerth that look like YEW." to vern.
and again, touches his arm and runs his hand down his bicep.
i'm shuffling my feet.
gaymanager says "maybe we should talk privately?"
and looks at me.
i said "oh... ok..um.. i'll be at my car".
at the same time vern says "NO!!!!!!!!! she can stay."
gaymanager says "well... i wanted to talk to you about money. about the price for your clients and your fee and all".
vern says "she can stay"
so they talk a bit and then go to shake hands.
thats when i saw... the handshake lingered WAYYYYY too long for two men to be holding hands. gaymanager sees me staring, trying to figure out what is going on and if either of them LIKES standing there holding hands or if one of them is trying to get away, since frankly, i don't know a damn thing about vern other than that stupid ponytail and the guy wears way too much cologne and worships the mirror.
gaymanager looks at me and says "is she a client"?
he's looking at me, i'm looking at them holding hands in a psuedo handshake, and vern is glaring at the handshake and gaymanager, back and forth. he pulls his hand away and says "NO. she's with me."
gaymanager looks back at him and says "oh. like WITH you?"
and in unison and way too loud, i say "NO!!!"
at the exact same time vern says "YES!!"
extremely awkward moment.
that of course, i need to turn into a joke because i'm rediculously uncomfortable.
i don't know WHAT the hell came over me, what i was thinking or anything, but i said "i'm his mother."
vern is 46.
ok, so i start laughing for no reason, gaymanager is looking at me like i'm retarded, and vern is ready to rip the guys head off.
we said "ok, see you soon". and gaymanager again touches vern, nods his head at me, and swishes inside.
that gym, is NOT a possibility.
i'm going to keep looking this weekend and use my free pass at valencia for the next two weeks.
Last edited:
Long post but well worth the read best of luck finding a new gym Sugarplum.
