Neighbors....

[toga22]

I thought when little old ladies got old they were suppose to be sweet? My next door neighbor has to be the biggest $&%#@ this side of the Mississippi.

In the past month she has called the police on me about 10 times...and so far, even though I know that she must be losing it, I have been very accomodating.

Well, to solve her complaints about my dog, I put in an invisible fence about 3 weeks ago, and at that time I also raked and mowed her whole backyard.
Yesterday, the police come pounding on my door yet again....

"Your neighbor has found a pile of poop in her yard. Can you come and identify it?" I am thinking you have got to be kidding....So I walked over there to look at the "pile" and say "Well, sir, I must admit it...I am the one that crapped in her yard. I dropped the load in her yard yesterday..pretty impressive, eh?"
"Mam, I am trying to be serious here..." he says while trying not to smile.

"Oh, so am I, Mr. Offiicer...maybe you should take a sample of the evidence and take it down to your lab for analysis...btw..did you comb the area for fingerprints?"

Needless to say....the pile remained in her yard... I am now considering putting in a 12 foot high privacy fence. I should put the panels in backyards, so she has to pay the taxes on it..lol

~toga

 

[The Shadow]

Go to Wal-mart and pick-up the following items:

Duct Tape
Nylon Rope
A clock
Some copper wiring
A shotgun
Some shells
A map
Raspbery Jam

.....and let the good times roll.

 

[toga22]

Haha....don't tempt me Corn, I have considered it...

Hmmmm...btw, what is the raspberry Jam for

~toga

 

[The Shadow]

Haha....don't tempt me Corn, I have considered it...

Hmmmm...btw, what is the raspberry Jam for

~toga

The map and jam are for the celebratory toga party that shall ensue......

 

[WODIN]

Go to Wal-mart and pick-up the following items:

Duct Tape
Nylon Rope
A clock
Some copper wiring
A shotgun
Some shells
A map
Raspbery Jam

.....and let the good times roll.

I would go with strawberry jam.

 

[toga22]

I would go with strawberry jam.

Hmmm..raspberry is my favorite AND if I fed it to my neighbor, the seeds might just get stuck in her dentures. Maybe that would keep her busy for awhile...lol

~toga

 

[saint808]

the police asked you to identify dog shit.... ok first off tell em to go actually do their job and protect people and stop going dooor to door and asking people to identify dog feces... i mean seriously... ummmm... yess officer that indeed is dog shit... second off... walk next door and knock on her door and ask her her what the fuck her problem is... tell her all the stuf you have done and tried to be accomodating... and if that doesn't work... i suggest that you yourself actually go over and shit in her yard.

 

[toga22]

Saint...

Actually I have talked to her...and have done as much as I can to be neighborly...
I have shoveled her driveway countless times this past winter, I cut down a dead tree in her yard... She used to have an old refridgerator sitting in her back yard along with other trash...and I removed and paid for the "landfill fees"...

I really don't know what her real problem with me is. I know she hates the fact that I work nights...and everytime she calls the police she tells them, "You know...she works nights..and has many scary looking late night visitors..."

Who knows? I guess some people she never can be happy....

~toga

 

[beastboy]

Give her your dog's electric collar as a gift and tell her it is a necklace for Montgomery Ward's. Then invite her over for a cup of tea , and some crossword puzzles.

That should do the trick!!

 

[HumorMe]

I have shoveled her driveway countless times this past winter, I cut down a dead tree in her yard... She used to have an old refridgerator sitting in her back yard along with other trash...and I removed and paid for the "landfill fees"...
~toga

I think I am in love!

 

[the nature boy]

he wanted you to identify the poop? lmao!!!

Toga: "We'll officer, this poop looks and smells like a black labrador. So it's not my dog."

Officer: "That will be determined after we run some DNA tests ma'am."

 

[saint808]

Saint...

Actually I have talked to her...and have done as much as I can to be neighborly...
I have shoveled her driveway countless times this past winter, I cut down a dead tree in her yard... She used to have an old refridgerator sitting in her back yard along with other trash...and I removed and paid for the "landfill fees"...

I really don't know what her real problem with me is. I know she hates the fact that I work nights...and everytime she calls the police she tells them, "You know...she works nights..and has many scary looking late night visitors..."

Who knows? I guess some people she never can be happy....

~toga

then it's obvious what to do.... next time you see her tell her that she should enjoy life.. because her's will prolly not be that much longer.

 

[Mysterio]

You guys think you have it bad........I caught my neighbor outside naked, burning a tree, while he was shooting up heroin.

 

[bigguns7]

Toga, if you were my neighbor, it wouldn't bother me a bit if you shit in my yard. Asa matter of fact, you're welcome to come to my house and shit anywhere you'd like sweetheart.

 

[the nature boy]

you're welcome to come to my house and shit anywhere you'd like sweetheart.

that sweet talk gets em every time!!

 

[SofaGeorge]

Toga, this is going to take a little artistic effort on your part but it is going to be well worth it.

Go to your local supermarket and get a large jar of Peter Pan Chunky peanut butter. Then head back home and stay up all night in your living room sculpting a large doggy poop out of the peanut butter. Before dawn arrives, slip into your neighbors yard with your doggy poop sculpture and put it right in front of her front door. Then sit back and watch Saturday morning cartoons until the police come and bang on your door and ask you if you can identify the dog poop in your neighbors yard. Look very concerned and ask the nice policeman a lot of questions as you walk out to inspect the dog poop. ("Did you sniff it? My dog likes to eat hickory beef jerky so his poop always smells a bit hickory.") When you finally get out to the poop... get down on your hands and knees to inspect it closely from every angle. Sniff it perodically while muttering things like "Yup... a faint scent of Kennel Ration. My dog love Kennel Ration." Finally, reach down with two finger a scoop up some poop. Examin the big glob on you fingers for a moment then quickly jam it in your mouth to taste it. Chomp down and chew it for a moment - then look at the cop and say, "Nope. That's not my dog." Then quietly bid them good day and go back into your house.

I guarantee you the police will never come to your house and ask you to identify poop again.

 

[toga22]

Sofa George~
Haha...That is Classic!! And a great idea!! It is time to put my artistic talent to good use!!

beastboy~
My dog doesn't really even need the collar...he is afraid of the flags marking the "line". She might as well put it to good use...

bigguns~
Aww...thanks sweetie. I am not quite "house-broken" yet. But I am working on it..

~toga

 

[big4life]

I really don't know what her real problem with me is. I know she hates the fact that I work nights...and everytime she calls the police she tells them, "You know...she works nights..and has many scary looking late night visitors..."

Who knows? I guess some people she never can be happy....

~toga

I didn't think that she could see me.

I'll try to be more descrete next time.

 

[toga22]

I didn't think that she could see me.

I'll try to be more descrete next time.

Yep, big4life....

You are going to have to start parking in the garage. And when you drive down my street, turn off the headlights so she doesn't see you coming...

~toga

 

[big4life]

Yep, big4life....

You are going to have to start parking in the garage. And when you drive down my street, turn off the headlights so she doesn't see you coming...

~toga

I'll just fly in next time.


Maybe I can bomb her from the air?

 

[Austin316]

lol more patience then I have, Id prob tell her to go fuck herself lol, ummm well for starters STOP DOING FAVORS FOR THE OLD HAG!!! lol

get your fence and leave the harpy bitch to wallow in her own self misery

 

[spongebob]

if you were my nieghbor, i'd wipe your dogs ass after he shit in my yard, if thats what it would take to get them drawers off.

 

[fistfullofsteel]

Knuckles, Fingers, and I can come over and break her arms so she won't be able to pick up the phone anymore.

Stop trying to be nice to that bitch. That isn't getting you anywhere. Strike fear in her.

A scene from "Bronx Tale:"

Would you rather be loved or feared?

Feared?

Why?

Because it lasts longer.

 

[toga22]

Would you rather be loved or feared?

Feared?

Why?

Because it lasts longer.

Haha...Fistfull!!

I really don't think I am too intimadating...

I can't even scare a bird out of my yard...let alone a mean, bitchy hag...lol

~toga

 

[fistfullofsteel]

Haha...Fistfull!!

I really don't think I am too intimadating...

I can't even scare a bird out of my yard...let alone a mean, bitchy hag...lol

~toga

That's what happens when you are too lovable.

 

[gotmilk]

My next door neighbor has to be the biggest $&%#@ this side of the Mississippi. ~toga

HA! Now I know that you live on the other side of the Mississippi....cause my neighbor is a walking corpse who has decided to be the biggest bitch before she croaks.....

Good thing I can head to Cape Cod for the Summer and if I am lucky....her old ass will keel over.

 

[toga22]

Re: Re: Neighbors....

Good thing I can head to Cape Cod for the Summer and if I am lucky....her old ass will keel over.

Maybe if I am lucky...we will have an extreme heat wave here this summer..and she will be forced to stay inside...Then again, who am I kidding...I live in Wisconsin!!

Fistfull...Did you mean to say gullible?

~toga

 

[fistfullofsteel]

Re: Re: Re: Neighbors....

Maybe if I am lucky...we will have an extreme heat wave here this summer..and she will be forced to stay inside...Then again, who am I kidding...I live in Wisconsin!!

Fistfull...Did you mean to say gullible?

~toga

Nope, I said "LOVABLE"