need some help with this paper.

[flex123]

I just had to write a quick summary and reponse to this HBO documentary. I'm a pretty shitty writer so I just wanna know if one of you good writers on here can quickly review and maybe be my editor

Thanks and very much appreciation for anyone who wishes to spare some time for me.

 

[flex123]

I could post it here if you would like.

 

[distanced]

POST IT HERE FOR SURE

ENGLISH AND HISTORY HAVE ALWAYS BEEN TWO OF MY FAVORITES AND I WOULD BE MORE THAN HAPPY TO ASSIST

 

[flex123]

The Unchained Memories: Readings from the slave narratives, is a HBO documentary with some famous stars like Opera Winfrey, Whoopi Goldberg, Samuel L. Jackson and many others. The basis came from a project done in the 1930’s. During that time the WPA sent out writers to conduct interviews with some of the 100,000 former slaves, the last of the slave generation who were still alive. In 2003 HBO used the narratives to conduct a documentary. The basis of the show had the actors read the narratives in the dialect they perceived the people would sound like. The show showed pictures of slaves and showed them along with the narrative of the readings.
During the show a couple of things stood out from the rest. The thing that I noticed the most was the intenseness of the readings and reaction it got out of me. I sat watching the show and at times I was disgusted with the extreme degrading of human beings that these people had to receive from their owners. Another thing that jumped out at me was at one reading they described the pride one of the slaves had for her duties. She described how she always picked her limited amount allowed each day. Other things that came out about the show, was when one couple was talking about their separate lives and treatment they received from their different owners. The man was talking about how he was grateful for being free while his wife was angry for leaving the plantation because she thought she was better off their. She said she would rather be with her owner where she had food and was provided with the things she needed, rather then living free and starve.
The documentary done by HBO I believe is a great review on the history and the lives of slaves that needs to be remembered. Many stories and movies have been done on the life of the slaves, but to see a true documentary on the words from actual slaves shows more impact then seeing Hollywood films on the history of these people. The words of some of these narratives have left a strong impact on me and made gave me a strong sense of resentment towards a country that could treat people in such a bad and inhuman manor.

 

[MortyJackson]

You definitely need some editing on that mofo.

 

[2Shy]

I'm a tough critiquer. Find your own voice; don't necessarily accept all of my suggestions.

The Unchained Memories: Readings from the slave narratives, (Delete comma and italicize or underline the title of the documentary) is a HBO documentary with some famous stars like Opera Winfrey, Whoopi Goldberg, Samuel L. Jackson and many others. The basis came from a project done in the 1930’s. During that time the WPA sent out writers to conduct interviews with some of the 100,000 former slaves, the last of the slave generation who were still alive. The WPA (okay, I have no idea what the WPA is, so write it out with (WPA) in parens. After that you can call it the WPA) interviewed 100,000 former slaves--the last of their generation-- in the 1930s. In 2003 HBO used the narratives to conduct a documentary "HBO filmed a documentary based on these narratives". The basis of the show had Delete and start with "the actors"the actors read the narratives in the dialect Okay, this "they perceived" bit is awkward. How about "dialect of the time" or just "read the narratives as though they were playing the part of the former slave"? they perceived the people would sound like. The show showed pictures of slaves and showed them along with the narrative of the readings. just write "showed photos of the slaves during the readings"
During the show a couple of things stood out from the rest. The thing that I noticed the most was the intenseness of the readings and reaction it got out of me. I most noticed the intensity of the readings and my reaction to them. I sat watching the show and delete. Begin with "at times" at times I was disgusted with the extreme degrading of human beings that these people had to receive from their owners. Wordy. Not sure exactly what you're trying to say. I imagine something along the lines of "I was disgusted that human beings could totally degrade other human beings like this." I suggest a brief example from the documentary here to demonstrate your point. Another thing that jumped out at me how did it jump out at you? Were you touched? Amazed? Surprised? Dismayed? was at one reading they described the pride one of the slaves had for her duties. How about begin this sentence with "One of the slaves described how proud she was of her duties"? BTW, this confuses me. Was she proud because she picked her limited amount? Your sentences make it sound that way. She described how she always picked her limited amount limited amount of what? Don't assume the reader knows. allowed each day. Other things that came out about the show, was when Omit first part of sentence.one couple was talking replace "was talking" with "talked" about their separate lives and treatment they received from their different owners. The man was talking replace "was talking" with "talked" about how he was grateful for being free while his wife was angry for leaving for who leaving? both of them? Just him? Change to "his wife was angry that they left the plantation. the plantation because she thought she was better off their you mean "there". She said she would rather be with her owner where she had food and was provided with the things she needed, rather then living free and starve either write "live free and starve" or "living free and starving.".
The documentary done by HBO I believe insert "HBO's documentary" and delete preceding words is a great review on the history and the lives of slaves that needs "history and lives" NEED to be remembered, not NEEDS to be remembered. Many stories and movies have been done on the life of the slaves, but to see a true documentary on the words I suggest "and hear the words of" instead of "on the words from" from actual slaves shows more impact then seeing Hollywood films on the history of these people. You have a couple sentences in one loooong one. Try "Seeing a true documentary and hearing the words of actual slaves impacted me more than any book or Hollywood movie about them ever could." The words of some of DELETEthese narratives delete "have left a strong impact on me and made" gave me a strong sense of resentment towards a country that could treat people in such a bad and you mean "an" inhuman manor.

Sorry for being so picky. Comes from participating in too many writers' groups!

 

[flex123]

2shy take a look....and thanks

The Unchained Memories: Readings from the slave narratives

This is a HBO documentary on the lives of people in slavery, done with some famous stars like Opera Winfrey, Whoopi Goldberg, Samuel L. Jackson and many others. The basis came from a project done in the 1930’s. During that time the WPA sent out writers to conduct interviews with some of the 100,000 former slaves, the last of the slave generation who were still alive. The Work Projects Administration interviewed 100,000 former slaves--the last of their generation-- in the 1930s. In 2003 HBO filmed a documentary based on these narratives. The actors read the narratives as though they were playing the part of the former slave they perceived the people would sound like. The show showed photos of the slaves during the readings.
During the show a couple of things stood out from the rest. The thing that I noticed the most was the intenseness of the readings and reaction it got out of me. I most noticed the intensity of the readings and my reaction to them. At times I was disgusted that human beings could totally degrade other human beings like this. At times when slaves misbehaved the owners would tie them on the ground stripped of their clothing and whipped in a crisscross pattern on their backs. Another thing that jumped out at me with Amazement was in one reading they described the pride that one of the slaves had for her duties. How about begin this sentence with "One of the slaves described how proud she was of her duties"? BTW, this confuses me. Was she proud because she picked her limited amount? Your sentences make it sound that way. She described how she always picked more than her limited amount of cotton that was demanded by the Master. One couple talked about their separate lives and treatment they received from their different owners. The man talked about how he was grateful for being free while his wife was angry that they left the plantation because she thought she was better off there. She said she would rather be with her owner where she had food and was provided with the things she needed, rather then live free and starve.
HBO's documentary is a great review on the history and the lives of slaves that need to be remembered. Many stories and movies have been done on the life of the slaves. Seeing a true documentary and hearing the words of actual slaves impacted me more than any book or Hollywood movie about them ever could. The words have left a strong impact on me and gave me a strong sense of resentment towards a country that could treat people in such a bad an inhuman manor.