need some good humour

[The_Ghost]

It is my job to provide the humour at a meeting today.

let me see what jokes you got that can help me out.

 

[MrMuscle]

A woman keeps asking her husband if her boobs are so small. ''Does this shirt make them look bigger? Does this one make them look smaller?'' she asks.
The next day her husband buys her a mirror. Before bed, she always looks in the mirror and asks her husband, ''Does this shirt make them look bigger? Does this one make them look smaller?''

Finally he gets so annoyed that he says, ''I know how to make them larger!''

''How!?!?!?'' she asks.

''Take a bunch of toilet paper and rub it in between your boobs.''

''Well how long does it take?'' she asks.

''They should expand over the years,'' he answers.

''How did you know that?'' she wonders.

''I dunno, but it sure worked for your ass, didn't it?'''

 

[havoc]

There were 3 gentlemen walking on the beach, one hispanic, one african american and one caucasian. They all came across this unusual bottle, it was a genie bottle. They popped the top and this genie came out graciously thanking them for her freedom. She said "gentleman" you get one wish each. The hispanic went first, he thought for a bit, then asked for all his people to be back in there home land of Mexico, *boom*, it was done, the african american went next, and asked for all his people to be back in Africa where they were meant to be, *boom*, it was done, the caucasian was next, he pondered this for a long time, finally he says "give me a Dr. Pepper".

 

[MommaKin]

A group of psychiatrists go to tour an insane asylum that is renowned for their progressive rehabilitation methods. They begin by visiting some of the patients.

The first patient they visit is a young woman. She is practicing ballet. One of the psychiatrist asks, "What are you doing?" She replies, "I'm studying ballet so when I get out of here I can possibly join a troupe and be a productive member of society." "Wow, that's wonderful."

The next person was a man reading a book with a pile of books next to him. The same question asked to him, "What are you doing?" "I'm studying biology, chemistry, etc. So I can enter medical school when I get out"

Room after room, they witnessed the incredible success and attitudes of the patients. Until they finally reached a room the asylums director was reluctant to open. Finally, he was persuaded to open it. Inside was a man balancing a peanut on his penis. The reaction of the psychiatrist, "My God what are you doing?" The man replied: "I'm fucking nuts and I'm never getting out of here"

 

[WODIN]

Want to know how to make a bitch scream when you cum?
Whipe your dick on her curtains!


Look at the guy / girl next to you...

"Hey does something smell bad to you?"

Sniff around for a few minutes and then pull a pair of shit stained underwear out of your innercoat pocket.

"Sorry, I just got back from a scat festival"

Gets em everytime!!!

 

[vixenbabe]

" To all the virgin chicks in this meeting, thanks for nothing".

 

[Bikini Mod]

This is my all-time FAVORITE joke....

"Why do witches fly on broomsticks?"

"Because vacuum cleaners are too heavy!"


HEHEHahehahehhaehahahahhaaa (Gosh, I KILL ME!)

 

[The_Ghost]

Tell them that Cornholio and Supersizeme claim to be heterosexual.

 

[double o seven]

this one day an older lady goes to her plastic surgen and tells him that she's there for another face lift. the surgen suggest to her that there is a new method called the knob that is supposed to help your skin look younger and smoother. he goes on to explain that the knob is inserted onto the back of her head under her hair, and that when she feels the need to look younger she just simply gives the knob a turn and it will tighten up her skin. extatic the older women tells her dr. thatshe must have it! so the dr. proceeds with the surgery and the women is on her way. 10 years later the old woman goes back to her plastic surgen. the dr. looks at the woman and say's "hey i haven't seen you in a long time how have you been?" great exclaims the old lady, and the knob is wonderful. anytime i feel the need to look younger i simply give it a turn and vuala! i look ten years younger. but after all these years i have run in to a few problems, you see no matter how young i feel i can't seem to get rid of these baggs under my eyes that i've devolped over time. so the dr. takes a look at the bags and say's,"well....there not exactly bags, those are your breast. to which the women say's," well then that explains the goaty."

007

 

[MommaKin]

why do giraffes have such long necks?
























































Cause their feet stink