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My relationship sucks part 2

Lady Viking

Lady Viking

Well-known member
Woke up thinking bout you today
Why does it have to be this way
We drove each other crazy
Bye bye babe
Bye bye baby
Well I guess it's over and it's done
We had some good tiimes and we had fun
We drove each other crazy
I'll always love you

[CHORUS]

Bye bye baby
Babe bye bye
Bye bye baby
Don't you cry
Bye bye baby
Babe bye bye
Bye bye baby
Don't you cry

Woke up thinking bout you today
Felt sad and lonely
We drove each other crazy
I'll always love you baby

Well I guess it's over and it's done
We had some good times-we had fun
We drove each other crazy
I'll always love you


We were at the counseling on Monday. It went pretty well, the whole week was quite good.
I didn´t tell in the earlier thread what does suck in our relationship. Well, it´s his drinking. Every freakin´weekend, on Fridays and Saturdays. This has kept going on over a year now. If he would do this couple of times a month, it wouldn´t bother me at all. But obviously that isn´t enough for him. I have tried everything, nothing helps. He admits that he has a problem, but he doesn´t do anything to work it out.

Yesterday he promised that we´re are going to do something together today. He was helping his parents almost whole day (that´s was fine with me), but when he came home, first thing he did was... surprise surprise... open a beer.
I freaked out complitely. I asked him (very nicely) to fuck off. I took his keys and almost threw him out.
I´m so done now :bawling:
I´m single Mom now :worried:
 
I wish I could say something to make you feel better....gotta support all the EF Thick Chicks.

:rose:
 
Lady Viking said:
Woke up thinking bout you today
Why does it have to be this way
We drove each other crazy
Bye bye babe
Bye bye baby
Well I guess it's over and it's done
We had some good tiimes and we had fun
We drove each other crazy
I'll always love you

[CHORUS]

Bye bye baby
Babe bye bye
Bye bye baby
Don't you cry
Bye bye baby
Babe bye bye
Bye bye baby
Don't you cry

Woke up thinking bout you today
Felt sad and lonely
We drove each other crazy
I'll always love you baby

Well I guess it's over and it's done
We had some good times-we had fun
We drove each other crazy
I'll always love you


We were at the counseling on Monday. It went pretty well, the whole week was quite good.
I didn´t tell in the earlier thread what does suck in our relationship. Well, it´s his drinking. Every freakin´weekend, on Fridays and Saturdays. This has kept going on over a year now. If he would do this couple of times a month, it wouldn´t bother me at all. But obviously that isn´t enough for him. I have tried everything, nothing helps. He admits that he has a problem, but he doesn´t do anything to work it out.

Yesterday he promised that we´re are going to do something together today. He was helping his parents almost whole day (that´s was fine with me), but when he came home, first thing he did was... surprise surprise... open a beer.
I freaked out complitely. I asked him (very nicely) to fuck off. I took his keys and almost threw him out.
I´m so done now :bawling:
I´m single Mom now :worried:
Click to expand...

Niin tuttua suomessa. Mun sisko hakee eroa miehestään ja mikä on syynä siihen? Ryyppääminen tietenkin.
 
You freaked over a beer? If he drinks on the weekends then he's no different then 99% of the guys. Just drink with him :)
 
Last edited:
LV- it might be the wakeup call he needs. and if not... things will work out for the best in the end.
wouldn't it be nice to be in a really good relationship? where you get along great and do stuff together and you support one another? thats in your future, either with him, or without if he doesn't wake up.
good luck hon.
 
jerkbox said:
kicked him out for having A beer?

seems a little extreme...

what's the usual behavior pattern here?
Click to expand...
I forgot to mention, that the one beer isn´t enough. He drinks every fuckin´time 12-20 beers.
Very extreme.
 
Mr. Black said:
1.Is he an asshole when drinks? 2.Does it make him fat? 3.Does he get violent? 4.Does 1 drink turn into 20? 5.Or do you simply have a problem that he has the occasional drink?
Click to expand...
1.Yes.
2. Sooner or later.
3. I´ve called cops once to pick him up.
4. Yes. Always.
5. No.
 
so is he always violent and seems unable to quit? does he drink in the day? does he deny his drinking to others when asked? does he hide his alcohol? has his repotoire of drinking narrowed (i.e. from drinkning wine, beer and vodka to just beer)? does he feel the need to drink? has it affected his health?

not contradicting you in any way, just wondering, this is the kind of suff a doc would ask him

Has he tried AA meetings? there is a drug called Disulphram (Disulfram in America as you guys could never spell properly) which is used with alcoholics. basically it makes you feel incredibly sick when you drink alcohol but fine otherwise....its therapy kind of like the way orlistat makes you avoid fat as if you eat it you have diarrhoea...you end up being too scared to drink.

this may sound naieve on my part but what efforts has he made to reduce his drinking? I assume you gave him the ultimatum that if he does drink he will lose you but is it literally the case he cannot tear himself away from it? what do his parents/mutual friends have to say about it?



If you do have a kid it might be worth exhausting all the options you have before you guys call it quits....especially if he is a good father and hubby sans alcohol...
 
Last edited:
Are you guys trying to be funny or do you seriously not realize that the guy has a drinking problem? Did you actually read her post?
 
danielson said:
so is he always violent and seems unable to quit
Click to expand...
He has been once. Not after that.

danielson said:
this may sound naieve on my part but what efforts has he made to reduce his drinking? I assume you gave him the ultimatum that if he does drink he will lose you but is it literally the case he cannot tear himself away from it? and is he consistently argumentative when he is drunk? what do his parents/mutual friends have to say about it?
Click to expand...
His friends are single and they drink a lot. His family knows his problem, but what can they do. I guess his mother has same problem.

danielson said:
Has he tried AA meetings?
Click to expand...
No he hasn´t. And he won´t do that.

danielson said:
If you do have a kid it might be worth exhausting all the options you have before you guys call it quits....especially if he is a good father and hubby sans alcohol...
Click to expand...
He is a good father and hubby sans alcohol.
 
Lady Viking said:
He has been once. Not after that..
Click to expand...

once is bad enough, it depends on whether he admits he lost control in part due to the alcohol he was drinking

Lady Viking said:
His friends are single and they drink a lot. His family knows his problem, but what can they do. I guess his mother has same problem..
Click to expand...

how long has he drank like this for? has he evenr considered raising his consumption with the councillor or his doctor? or even reducing his intake of the beer rather than stopping it completely?

Lady Viking said:
No he hasn´t. And he won´t do that. .
Click to expand...

what about the disulfram medication? what does the councillor say about it?

Lady Viking said:
He is a good father and hubby sans alcohol.
Click to expand...

looks like he will have to make a choice at some point,i just hope the councillor gets him to realise that.
 
LadyV I am sorry to hear this but you did the right thing IMO. He needs to get his drinking under control and if you didn't kick him out that would be like saying it is ok for him to continue his behavour. I hope for your sake and the sake of your baby he gets the help he needs and can be a good father to your child.
 
danielson said:
once is bad enough, it depends on whether he admits he lost control in part due to the alcohol he was drinking



how long has he drank like this for? has he evenr considered raising his consumption with the councillor or his doctor? or even reducing his intake of the beer rather than stopping it completely?



what about the disulfram medication? what does the councillor say about it?



looks like he will have to make a choice at some point,i just hope the councillor gets him to realise that.
Click to expand...
Yes, he admits he lost control in part due to the alcohol he was drinking.

He has been drinking over a year like that.

Never heard about that medication. The councillor didn´t talk anything about medication.
 
Lady Viking said:
I´m single Mom now :worried:
Click to expand...

The strongest women I've ever met are single Moms.

Drinking is like drugs, if you don't control it, it WILL control you and it will ruin lives.

I hope your ex (?) can get the help he needs.
 
It is always better to be single than to be miserable.

Until you folks have had to deal with someone that lets alcohol control them, you don't know what it is like. Because their excuse for their behaviour is always "I didn't know" or "I had too much to drink". Pathetic.

Relationship sucks? Get out. Hard fact to accept, but there are some people that no matter how much you care, they simply don't care that much back. Your life is a journey. And a key to having the happiness journey possible depends on choosing the right companion. The wrong companion is nothing more than a ball and chain holding you back from the happiness you are entitle too.
 
if he has been drinking like this for about a year, that would be the time about you became pregnant. when my ex-wife and i thought she was pregnant (she didn't turn out to be, she thought she has a miscarriage due to stress), i began drinking heavily, spending less time at home, and eventually i cheated on her. the only thing that woke me up was her leaving me. and by then it was too late and the damage was done. i didn't think i was ready for that type of responsibility and ran away from it. he could possibly be doing the same. if you truley love your husband, don't give up on him quite yet. he can change and for the better. i still love the woman i married very much, but i can hardly look at the bitter, selfish person she has become (due mostly to me). i have found someone who makes me very, very happy now and that i love very much, but there will always be a part of me that still loves the woman i married and fell in love with back then. don't give up on him yet LV. there has to be something that changes in your relationship that breaks the normal cycle. take notice what happens right before he heads to the fridge and grabs a beer. then in the future when you see that situation coming, do something TOTALLY different than you normally would. find something that keeps him from going to the fridge, something that breaks the cycle. our lives are made up of daily routines, our actions a result of some precursor or catalyst. once he realizes you mean business about him shaping up and quiting his drinking, and he comes to understand he needs to step up and be a better father and husband, help him not to drink in subtle ways without him knowing you're helping. let him believe he is doing it on his own. he could possibly resent you later if he thinks you controlled him someway, your quiet victory must be just that, quiet. he needs help and support from you once he understands his family is in jeopardy. remember bitching about the situation will never help anything, it will only drive him to drink more. in fact maybe next time he messes up, just say NOTHING! not even the next day. be the complete opposite of what you normally would be, this occasionally works by making him feel very guilty about his actions. don't give up on your marriage yet, but make him understand you don't need him to raise your son. he doesn't have to love you, but he should definately choose to love you. be a very strong person. make yourself attractive to him. let him remember why he wants to be with you. a sad depressed person is hardly attractive to anybody. i want your marriage to work as much as you do. i hate the idea of divorce and believe most marriages can be saved with a little work. marriage is not easy, it takes work. you both have to be willing to work, sometimes you may have to work a bit harder than him. your marriage can not be saved overnight, but it could be alot better 3 months down the road. stay positive, your family depends on it. i'm praying for you
 
Lady Viking said:
Yesterday he promised that we´re are going to do something together today. He was helping his parents almost whole day (that´s was fine with me), but when he came home, first thing he did was... surprise surprise... open a beer.
I freaked out complitely. I asked him (very nicely) to fuck off. I took his keys and almost threw him out.
I´m so done now :bawling:
I´m single Mom now :worried:
Click to expand...

I'm sorry about this, LadyV.......

It appears he has moderate substance abuse issues, and you're right, it's not really conducive for a good relationship. You don't seem happy at all right now with the way things have transpired, I think you made the difficult but necessary choice here. I wish you the best, and I hope things improve for you, honey.


DIV

:chomp:
 
Devastation said:
be a very strong person. make yourself attractive to him. let him remember why he wants to be with you. a sad depressed person is hardly attractive to anybody. i want your marriage to work as much as you do. i hate the idea of divorce and believe most marriages can be saved with a little work. marriage is not easy, it takes work. you both have to be willing to work, sometimes you may have to work a bit harder than him. your marriage can not be saved overnight, but it could be alot better 3 months down the road. stay positive, your family depends on it. i'm praying for you
Click to expand...
I have tried everything, nothing helps :worried:
I think it´s best for both of us to be separated for a while (we´re not married though).
It´s his turn now.
 
Lady Viking said:
I have tried everything, nothing helps :worried:
I think it´s best for both of us to be separated for a while (we´re not married though).
It´s his turn now.
Click to expand...

I think you're right, it's time for you guys to spend some time apart. It's just too bad you had a kid with him in the first place. Was it planned?


DIV

:chomp:
 
DIVISION said:
I think you're right, it's time for you guys to spend some time apart. It's just too bad you had a kid with him in the first place. Was it planned?


DIV

:chomp:
Click to expand...
Yes he was planned.
 
Sorry to hear it LV, but I think you are doing the right thing. My father was an alcoholic, and my mom kicked him out when I was in 7th grade. Unfortunately that didn't wake him up, the only thing that did was 7 years in jail. Today he is clean and sober, but it took a very hard lesson for him to get there.

I'm sure you know this by now, but the only one who can help your husband is himself. There really is nothing you can do to make him change, he has to address this problem on his own in order to overcome it. Alcoholism is a terrible thing. My father is the reason why I don't drink socially today, except for one beer every great once and awhile.
 
Lady Viking said:
No. But a woman´s got to do what a woman´s got to do.
Click to expand...

It's not gonna be easy, I can assure you of that, but I'm glad you have the right attitude. I hope you stay positive about this, hon.



DIV

:chomp:
 
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