my 4 year old daughter started acting up

[foreigngirl]

the past like 2 weeks and its driving me nuts. She doesnt listen to me most of the time: I tell her she cant play games at that time, she keeps on saying "but I want to" no matter how many times I repeat myself. I tell her to leave something she took, she is holding it close to her even thighter like I didnt say anything. The list goes on and on....its like she doesnt even care about what I say, but its enough if her dad says only "Hey" and she listens right away.
What do I do to change this? I started standing on my word when I tell her something, but I dont know if thats gonna be enough. I am with her and the 11 month old all day long all by myself, cause my husband works long hours. She feels like I love her little sister more than I love her.

 

[covergrl80]

My Daughter started acting the same way,and It takes a while to get them onthe ball. If you start taking things away that mean alot to her,that will help. Standing in the corner works great. Also making her sit in her room for a while works.

Now days you can not spank! and have to use other methods of punishments. My Daughter is 8 so I can make her sit in her room a little longer then you would your 4 year old.

 

[Bikini Mod]

Have you tried to involve her in helping to care for her sister? Not saying that she should be made to feel responsible but rather that "you can't do your mommy-job without such an excellent helper as her".

Also, see if you can find someone to watch the baby and take your older daughter out for a little special time - just mommy and her. It could be something as simple as a walk to feed the ducks in the park. Talk about everything and nothing. Do something JUST YOU AND HER. It does not have to cost a cent.

My girls are the same but when our time together is already so limited is hard for me to spend any one on one time. So it could be as simple as a 5 minute trip to the grocery store.

She may just be expressing frustration of not having you to herself like she did before. It is very difficult to be a stay-at-home parent.

 

[Cutiebaby]

so the story of my life.....having 2 small kids is not easy.....
my daughter is 2 so it is a little more complicated because she is still learning NO, and she tests me hourly..........needto just looks and she straightens up but with me i speak to walls.....she is starting to do a lot better with me now that she is learning what i say goes..mostly i blame myself for the 2 years of broken threats.I would tell her i would take some thing away and then i never did...being my only girl she is spoiled rotten...we are learning together! and having my 11 month old is rough as i dont have enough 1 on 1 with her.....she is getting a lot better just keep on her and do not change your word and soon she will learn that NO is NO....i also find that plain old NO does not work unless i back up my reasons...i.e-- she wants to play with a small toy i say "no, you cannot play with that because you and brother can choke on it" instead of just saying NO and walking away.dont know if this helps but i hope things work out for you!

 

[foreigngirl]

well, I started telling her that if she doesnt put her toys away I will pick them up and throw them in garbage. It worked few times and then one day she just told me: "throw them" and she herself started taking them over by the garbage can

 

[foreigngirl]

so the story of my life.....having 2 small kids is not easy.....
my daughter is 2 so it is a little more complicated because she is still learning NO, and she tests me hourly..........needto just looks and she straightens up but with me i speak to walls.....she is starting to do a lot better with me now that she is learning what i say goes..mostly i blame myself for the 2 years of broken threats.I would tell her i would take some thing away and then i never did...being my only girl she is spoiled rotten...we are learning together! and having my 11 month old is rough as i dont have enough 1 on 1 with her.....she is getting a lot better just keep on her and do not change your word and soon she will learn that NO is NO....i also find that plain old NO does not work unless i back up my reasons...i.e-- she wants to play with a small toy i say "no, you cannot play with that because you and brother can choke on it" instead of just saying NO and walking away.dont know if this helps but i hope things work out for you!

oh, yeah I explain why I am mad at her and why I dont let her do certain stuff. Cause once I asked her does she know why mommy is mad and she had no clue.






BIKINIMOM - I take the kids over my moms for a sleep over Friday-Sunday. Every once in a while, I take the 4 year old with me through the stores and take her to the mall where thay have rides like that Mary go round

 

[Bikini Mod]

Consistent discipline is key. Think a bit before you deliver an ultimatum. Believe me, I know how hard this is to do especially when you feel worn through. But instead of (for ex) saying you will throw her toys in the garbage, say they go in a bag and mommy gets them until your daughter can "earn them back". Each time she does a little task or chore, listens she gets a toy back. Make the chore = the reward. Just as the punishment fitting the crime. Explain to her that if she can not care for her things properly then she loses the privilige of having them: important life lesson.

But also, talk to you daughter. I know 4 seems young but it really isnt. She may have a little trouble expressing to you what it is that she is upset about. Maybe she doesnt even know herself. She is afterall, only 4. We as grownups sometimes are not sure what is upsetting us until we have given some thought over a matter.

Or maybe she is just going through a growth spurt in her mental/emotional development. Studies show that tremendous frustration precedes a great spurt of growth because not all "the parts" are adding up yet. Be consistent and once it "clicks for her" you will BOTH be happier.

Or it could be a combination of any/all components discussed.

Consistency is key.

TALK TO YOUR KIDS... WHEN THEY TALK BACK - LISTEN.

 

[Puddles]

I agree with bikinimom.

The main difference I've seen with kids who listen and those who don't is that the parents are not following through with the consequences they threaten with.

It's great that you're taking special time with your oldest daughter. Remember, she was an only child for 3 yrs. and then this baby came and took a lot of her time away so it's natural for her to have some resentment at this age. Doing like you do by spending extra time with her is the best you can do to help make her feel special.

 

[wlmcrae]

And HUG YOURSELF! At least, you care. Don't be too hard on yourself - do your research, just like you would for a fitness problem or a work issue, and then take care of the issue. You're doing fine - after all, you can probably name people who really don't care what happens to the kids! That doesn't apply to you!

 

[thelion2005]

Montesorri day care for 4 hours per day. Define it as a special place.

She is bored and testing boundaries. Being with other kids
in a place with rules will help a lot.

 

[foreigngirl]

thank you girls I really put my foot down this week and after a little struggle, she starts giving in and listening



TheLion2005 - she will be going to school, what is it - august, september?

 

[Bikini Mod]

YEAY!!!!

The age doesnt matter - all kids WANT boundaries, so they push. It is sort of their way to see if you are paying attention.

Now that she is doing things right, make sure to "catch her doing it." In other words, go out of your way to praise her for her doing things properly without you asking.

I have always been a HYUGE proponent of positive parenting as opposed to giving negative attention for negative behavior.

Everyone prefers to be stroked rather than reprimanded. This is no different in the adult world.

 

[foreigngirl]

YEAY!!!!

The age doesnt matter - all kids WANT boundaries, so they push. It is sort of their way to see if you are paying attention.

Now that she is doing things right, make sure to "catch her doing it." In other words, go out of your way to praise her for her doing things properly without you asking.

I have always been a HYUGE proponent of positive parenting as opposed to giving negative attention for negative behavior.

Everyone prefers to be stroked rather than reprimanded. This is no different in the adult world.

oh, after she listens to me, I give her a big hug and kissess and tell her how good she was. Then I'll tell her that because she listened to mamma, she can play some games. For now this works

 

[Bikini Mod]

I was holding my 12 y/o like a baby the other night. Stroking her hair and giving her kisses like when she was a baby.... was so very nice.

(3 of my daughters are now as big or bigger than I am.)

I would give anything if my oldest would allow me to hold her like this. I am just lucky to hear, "I love you mami." again... didnt hear this for nearly 2 years.

 

[krissy]

My daughter is 5 and my son is 2. I totally know what you are going through, one I thing I learned is....put them in a structured enviroment, even if it is twice a week. They need structure and until I went back to work a few months ago, I didn't realize this either. When I was at home with them all day, it was horrible. Also, a regular bed time helps, then if they do not listen ...up it by half an hour, that will get her attention, especially, if she is going to miss a program..