Moral type question about condom use

[Bobber]

Well school is done and I will be going home tomorrow and spending a lot of time with my ex. A lot of time with us together with nothing to do equals a lot of sex. I am not bragging or anything cause to tell you the truth I think its pretty dirty, but I had sex with quite a few random girls this semester......sometimes unprotected.

Now my question is do I have a moral obligation to wrap it before having sex with her, or maybe even telling her about my escapades, eventhough we have never used one in the past? I know she has not had sex with anyone but me in the past 4 years and would not want to bring any problems into our already frail relationship with one another. What would yall do? Should I just not even worry about it?

 

[gymtime]

Comes down to whether or not you want to risk her health simply to keep up appearances.

How you gonna feel if she catches something from you?

 

[Stryc-9]

Er...ah....hmmmm....

How about YES?!

For the love of all that is holy: YES!!

*pauses* *contemplates issues further*

Wait...screw it...maybe you should just not worry about it.

 

[The Shadow]

Do you think YOU deserve to know if she has been spreading them for anything that walks???


...thought so.

 

[Bobber]

Do you think YOU deserve to know if she has been spreading them for anything that walks???


...thought so.

What is the annswer to this question? Sometimes things are better left unknown.

So are you saying I should tell her about these people that mean absolutely nothing to me and risk her being completely grossed out? To tell you the truth I do not care too much if I told her and we ended up not having sex, its more the thought of her freaking out and not talking to me anymore or not loving me on an intimate level like she always has as a result of my actions. That is what I would be afraid of.

This board is like having a psychologist right there when you need him, I appreciate yalls input.

 

[Stryc-9]

Sometimes things are better left unknown.

Bro, this is not one of those times. Seriously, if you have any respect for her at all you'll give her the option of deciding for herself whether or not she wants anything to do with you.

What you'd be doing is basically humiliating her, keeping her in the dark like that.

 

[b fold the truth]

Chances are that if you would feel guilty about telling her that you slept with these other women...you should NOT have done it in the first place.

You shoud wear a condom...for sure. Try explaining to someone that you love how YOU gave them an STD.

B True

 

[Stryc-9]

B fold hit the nail on the head...couldn't have said it better myself.

You see, peeing in someone's pool or enjoying the smell of your own farts....those are the kind of things you keep to yourself....but having unprotected sex with multiple partners is the sort of thing you oughta share with someone you care about.

 

[The Shadow]

What is the annswer to this question?

Dude - if my answer wasn't clear enough...the syphillis is eating your brain already

 

[Bobber]

Chances are that if you would feel guilty about telling her that you slept with these other women...you should NOT have done it in the first place.

I don't know about guilty, more along the lines of slutty. Before we split up we had always prided on the fact that neither one of us really ever slept around just to have sex. I hate to say this but my friends had A LOT of influence on the way I conducted myself sexually these past few months and it is the exact opposite of how I was when I was with her.

You shoud wear a condom...for sure. Try explaining to someone that you love how YOU gave them an STD.

B True

Is this spoken from experience?


Stric9 - I refuse to lose someone that knows me the way she does due to my stupidity.........even if it means messaging the truth this ine time.

 

[Kali]

I am not bragging or anything cause to tell you the truth I think its pretty dirty, but I had sex with quite a few random girls this semester......sometimes unprotected.

Okay, no offense, but if she is not your girlfriend, she is pretty much racked up in that "sex with random girls" pile. Lets call them the dumpster pile. Now since you are not really with anyone in the dumpster pile... guess what, they are not really with just you either. So, I can pretty much guarantee you that she is giving you the same "lying about the past 4 years" bullshit as you are giving her. Everything that is going through your head right now is going through hers. Yeah, she is fucking around too, accept and overcome. So moving forward...

Now my question is do I have a moral obligation to wrap it before having sex with her, or maybe even telling her about my escapades, even though we have never used one in the past?

Lets just stop you right there. Technical obligation? NO. Moral obligation? MAYBE. Now the real question, do you want to take the chance of getting something from her? NO. Protect yourself, because no one else will. If you are scared of offending her, just bring it up and say that one of your friends just got a girl prego while she was on birth control and you are a little scared. Most likely she will be happy that you brought it us because she is probably going through the same thing. Personally, I would not have sex without a condom if I was not in a monogamous relationship... maybe a few STDs later you will change your mind and take some responsibility. Until then, good luck. I think you already know the answer to your question. Personally, I think that if you are not ready to talk about it and protect yourself, you are just not ready and mature enough to have sex.

 

[alien amp pharm]

.....due to my stupidity

At least you admit it was stupid.

As far as not telling her, I believe you are being VERY SELFISH. You're only thinking about yourself here.

No offense by this, but that is my opinion.

 

[PolishHammer1977]

Bobber,

Keep this in mind. Whatever you have done sexually with other people outside of your X is going to equal or come close to what she has done in her life away from you. It follows the same principles of karmatic rule.
Protect yourself and her. B-Fold made the point clear as day. I would tell her outright that you have had other relations. In turn, she may say the same or she may not. Point being, you will both be on the same page.

 

[Bobber]

Re: Re: Moral type question about condom use

Okay, no offense, but if she is not your girlfriend, she is pretty much racked up in that "sex with random girls" pile.

After being together for 3 years, being engaged, and almost having a kid I don't think she will EVER fall into the "sex with random girls" pile.

So, I can pretty much guarantee you that she is giving you the same "lying about the past 4 years" bullshit as you are giving her. Everything that is going through your head right now is going through hers. Yeah, she is fucking around too, accept and overcome.

I highly doubt this but if it were true then I would understand since I am doing it. Afterall women are extremely scandalous.

 

[Bobber]

Bobber,
I would tell her outright that you have had other relations. In turn, she may say the same or she may not. Point being, you will both be on the same page.

I told her I had sex with another girl like 6 weeks back and eventhough it it seemed to hurt her pretty bad she still said that she has not had sex with any other guys. The reason i believe her is because we had quite a few problems with past partners before we got serious and she is not the type of person to go back to doing something if it is not right or will make life any more difficult than needed. But like yall say she could be doing the exact same thing as me, so I guess my question is answered. This should be an interesting break.

 

[Warik]

I can't even begin to respond to this thread without sounding like an asshole.

OK... I'll try.

* You've had premarital sex frequently without the use of protection from STDs or pregnancy.

* You've had sex with a bunch of random girls in the past 16 weeks without the use of protection from STDs or pregnancy.

* Your ex-girlfriend, who hasn't seen you in said 16 weeks (or more), is going to have lots of sex with you who has had unprotected sex with a bunch of girls and is not committed to her in any way.

This kind of behavior will very likely result in both of you acquiring some form of STD at some point in the future, so whether or not you use protection this time will probably have no effect on the eventual outcome. My suggestions would be one of the following. Choose whichever you wish, as they are all good.

a) Stop behaving that way and prolong both of your lives.

b) Use a condom with her and any other future conquest.

c) Don't use a condom, but please please please please please please make sure you don't breed - pleeeeeeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaaaaassssssssseeeeeeeeeeee.

-Warik

 

[Rockafella Skank]

You said she was your exgf. Surely she would understand that you've had sex with other people. And it would make sense, then, for you to want to be careful. The habit of using a condom isn't an insult.

*Still shaking my head that you would prefer to put her at risk to "spare her feelings." What a tradeoff. Dolt.*

 

[danielson]

wrap it

 

[Bobber]

You people really need to get off your fucking high horses every now and then. Here I am just trying to get a consesnsus of what the right thing to do would be and all you do is shun me for it. Did yall ever stiop and think maybe we don't all grow in the same type of environment and that maybe I what I am used to seeing and hearing about and executing could be different than what yall are used to?

Hell I am not half as bad as some guys I know when it comes to being permiscuous and safe and actually have the conscious to think about it unlike others and yall act like I am a horrible person.

I would like to see one of you "perfect" guys sit down with this beautiful girl who thinks the world of you and tell her "hey I fuck all kinds of other girls now and I am no longer the good boy I used to be when we were together," and see the hurt I would see in her eyes and then proceed to attempt and follow that up with "so I think we need to use a condom."

This is selfish yes but I know what I am capabale of and I know what I want so if and when we were to ever get back together I don't want shit like this hanging over my head and causing problems.

I will wrap it, but I refuse to tell her anything about my sex life that will make her uncomfortable.

 

[gymtime]

If you can't handle people's opinions, I suggest you not ask for them.

 

[b fold the truth]

Hell I am not half as bad as some guys I know when it comes to being permiscuous and safe and actually have the conscious to think about it unlike others and yall act like I am a horrible person.

I would like to see one of you "perfect" guys sit down with this beautiful girl who thinks the world of you and tell her "hey I fuck all kinds of other girls now and I am no longer the good boy I used to be when we were together," and see the hurt I would see in her eyes and then proceed to attempt and follow that up with "so I think we need to use a condom."

I have been there and been hurt by it!!! I have had a woman sit down and talk to me about what she has done and how it will hurt me in the future!!! Maybe I am very passionnate about this, but it is becase I have been there. Lots of people think that they are immortal when it comes to sex and STD's...you aren't. No one is. It is scary to see a friend or someone that you love have to go through all of this.

I know how it could hurt you if you found out that you had an STD because of your choices. Lets say that you do get an STD and you learn to live with it. 4 months later you meet the woman of your dreams and she starts making moves on you. You have to stop her and tell her that you love her but that you can not have sex with her without the use of a condom because of the mistakes in your past. What if you have something that a condom can not prevent the transmission of? How do you explain that to her?

Do you know that 80% or so of all college students have an STD that condoms can not prevent the transmission of???!!!!

This is NOT directed towards you but to everyone who reads it and is ever faced with this decision in their life. Learn and help others...that is what we are here for. Learn and help others.

B True

 

[StoneColdGold]

even if it means messaging the truth this one time.

um... where i come from this is called "lying."

 

[The Architect]

Hey bro I hear ya- I'm sort of in the same situation. You have no obligation to tell her- you were not together. The next thing you should do is get tested and make sure things are cool. Then you will have complete peice of mind. If you tell her you slept with these girls all its gonna do is fuck shit up between you.

 

[Bobber]

Bfold - Do you care to share your experiences? If not openly on here then maybe you can email me. I know what you say is extremely true and scares the shit out of me and I would really like to hear what others have/are going through seeings how none of my sex fiend friends have ever come down with an STD, thank God.

 

[Bobber]

Hey bro I hear ya- I'm sort of in the same situation. You have no obligation to tell her- you were not together. The next thing you should do is get tested and make sure things are cool. Then you will have complete peice of mind. If you tell her you slept with these girls all its gonna do is fuck shit up between you.

Finally some one that sees it through my eyes! I would like to get tested but I have no clue where or how and would deffinetly be embarrased as fuck if anyomne ever found out.

 

[Rockafella Skank]

... seeings how none of my sex fiend friends have ever come down with an STD, thank God.

As far as you know.

... but I refuse to tell her anything about my sex life that will make her uncomfortable.

Heaven forbid you share your honesty and integrity, which are by far a man's greatest gifts.

 

[Kali]

Re: Re: Re: Moral type question about condom use

After being together for 3 years, being engaged, and almost having a kid I don't think she will EVER fall into the "sex with random girls" pile. I highly doubt this but if it were true then I would understand since I am doing it. Afterall women are extremely scandalous.

First of all if you really thought someone was special, you wouldn't even be asking this question. Obviously she doesn't mean that much to you because if she did, you would be more concerned with her safety than just getting your dick wet. And you think women are bad? You could be harboring some disease that could kill her and you are too concerned with not wanting to wear a condom or bringing up a topic that is going to make you uncomfortable. Love is respect and trust. How can she trust you when you are not telling her things, and how can you love her when you are obviously not respecting her enough to wear a condom. I am sorry that I am a little harsh on this, but this is very serious and close to me. Someone I know was doing this same exact thing and ended up giving a friend of mine a very serious disease that he almost died from. All of my friends and I had to get tested after this because some of them had been fooling around a year ago, or dated in the past and then moved on. You really need to think about who and what is important here.

 

[The Architect]

Yeah but you have to find out. Either go to your general doctor or go to the nearest hospital and find out- most of the time its free. I can understand your hesitation. Its not an easy thing to do.

 

[Bobber]

Re: Re: Re: Re: Moral type question about condom use

First of all if you really thought someone was special, you wouldn't even be asking this question. Obviously she doesn't mean that much to you because if she did, you would be more concerned with her safety than just getting your dick wet.

It is NOT all about getting my dick wet. We saw each other about a month ago, hung out for two days and not even once did sex evn come close to being innitiated. Could have been b/c our friends were constantly around but still nothing happened which to both of us meant that we respected each other and did not have to have sex every single time we came in contact. I don't see how you can judge how much I care for someone from a single statement not knowing anything else that I think, feel, or do.

 

[Kali]

Finally some one that sees it through my eyes! I would like to get tested but I have no clue where or how and would deffinetly be embarrased as fuck if anyomne ever found out.

You know what is more embarrasing? When your friends start coming up with little bumps like my friends did. Or when I had to take AIDs prevention pills everyday for a month just in case. Or wait, my favorite is when you have a child and they come out with a disease and everyone in the delievery room and waiting room is looking at you like you just killed any chance of your child having a healthy and happy life. I have been through all of this. I was lucky, and smart from the beginning, but there is always a chance, and when someone gets something, it is not a secret. I am not saying I am perfect, because we have all fucked up, I just don't want to have to see you go through what me and my friends did, or what other people I know have. If you need any help with anything, I will be glad to get you any numbers or addresses in your area. I used to work with planned parenthood and know all about this shit. Please, if not for you, for the ones you care about... be safe. I am sorry for being a bitch about this, but see what I have seen and you would be too.

 

[Bobber]

You know what is more embarrasing? When your friends start coming up with little bumps like my friends did. Or when I had to take AIDs prevention pills everyday for a month just in case. Or wait, my favorite is when you have a child and they come out with a disease and everyone in the delievery room and waiting room is looking at you like you just killed any chance of your child having a healthy and happy life. I have been through all of this. I was lucky, and smart from the beginning, but there is always a chance, and when someone gets something, it is not a secret. I am not saying I am perfect, because we have all fucked up, I just don't want to have to see you go through what me and my friends did, or what other people I know have. If you need any help with anything, I will be glad to get you any numbers or addresses in your area. I used to work with planned parenthood and know all about this shit. Please, if not for you, for the ones you care about... be safe. I am sorry for being a bitch about this, but see what I have seen and you would be too.

I do not want to go to my family doctor to get tested, where can I go? Damn I feel weird asking this in public, eventhough it is just a chatboard.

 

[Kali]

You can enter your zip code and find a clinic in your area:
Planned parenthood


Information about Screening and Treatment for Sexually Transmitted Infections

The American Social Health Association

National Library of Medicine - MEDLINEPlus

 

[saint808]

dude.

it's not hard... go get tested and be honest and wear a fucking condom... there ya go problem solved.

 

[Citruscide]

Hmm... wearing a condom... that's something I need to do more often...

80%!?!? Fuckin' A.... I'm glad I wore a condom all the way through college...

C-Daddy

 

[Rockafella Skank]

Does your school have a health center? If so, go there and have them test you. I'd bet money that they give out condoms for free.

 

[Bobber]

Does your school have a health center? If so, go there and have them test you. I'd bet money that they give out condoms for free.

I have condoms bro.

 

[-SD-]

Go get tested before you open your mouth to your girlfriend about all of this. There might now be anything to worry about.

 

[Bobber]

Go get tested before you open your mouth to your girlfriend about all of this. There might now be anything to worry about.

I don't think there is, but Elite people are freakin me out.

 

[prophet]

my bet is your ex is a slut.....wrap it up bobber

 

[Bobber]

my bet is your ex is a slut.....wrap it up bobber

LOL!!! I would love to hear what you base this on, please do explain.

 

[prophet]

LOL!!! I would love to hear what you base this on, please do explain.

F + S = FS (Female + Single (being single) = Fucking Slut

dude all girls are slutz....she will probably tell you she doesn't get much sex at where ever she is, that a lie she gets her bottom pounded everynight....reason she is a female (female=slut)

 

[Bobber]

F + S = FS (Female + Single (being single) = Fucking Slut

dude all girls are slutz....she will probably tell you she doesn't get much sex at where ever she is, that a lie she gets her bottom pounded everynight....reason she is a female (female=slut)

I was not aware of this. From my experiences in life there are such things as good girls but what ever tickles your pickle. If you want all girls to be whores then whores they are.

 

[sigweed]

if she's your ex, then why the fuck would you care if she still loves you? I couldnt care less about how my exs feel about me.