monkeys

[HighIntensity]

lets here some monkey facts

monkeys shit up to 12 times a day

 

[MrMuscle]

some monkeys, instead of shaking hands when they meet, as we humans do, gives each other a quick fuck.

 

[frorider6]

Proboscis monkeys have the longest noses of all primates. In elderly animals, it can reach 17.5cm (a quarter of the body length) Although its function is not known for sure, it is likely to be a visual signal used in mate choice. The male vocalises through the nose with a kee honk sound.

 

[frorider6]

Rhesus monkeys were the first primates to be rocketed into space.

 

[frorider6]

 

[Norman Bates]

One day the monkeys will rebel against us and we will end as their slaves.
Oh wait, that was that movie.

 

[Newbie2building]

got to get this monkey off my back--aerosmith

 

[frorider6]

A lieutenant and a monkey were sent up together in a space capsule. Each had a phone beside his chair. After a few minutes, the monkey's phone rang. The monkey listened to a few instructions and carried them out carefully. The same thing happened about every ten minutes, and the lieutenant began to worry because his phone hadn't even rung once. Finally, after about six hours, it rang and the relieved astronaut lunged for the phone, answering in his most professional and military-sounding voice. The message he heard was short and sweet: "Lieutenant, feed the monkey."

 

[HighIntensity]

Hamadryas Baboon or Papio hamadryas

Travel in large groups of up to 200 called troops; troops are divided into bands of 60; bands are divided into several clans made up of several adult males each with their own harem of females

Males have exclusive breeding rights to their females and control their movements

Grooming is a social activity which relaxes and unites members of the group

 

[TheProject]

One time, I hired a monkey to take notes for me in class...

 

[frorider6]

A man who owned a hand-operated rotisserie was barbecuing a chicken in his back yard when a hippie strolled by. The hippie stood and watched for a couple of minutes and then said slowly, "Uh... I don't want to bug you man, but your music's stopped, and your monkey's on fire."

 

[frorider6]

Q: Why did the monkey fall out of the tree?

A: It was dead

 

[frorider6]

 

[HighIntensity]

The bonobo monkeys use sex (and/or sexual favors) to placate members of their social group instead of grooming. They are one of the few species of animals (humans being another) that have sex out of season and for fun

 

[HighIntensity]

The name of Jaba the Hutt's pet spider monkey is Salacious Crumb

 

[HighIntensity]

Amphetamines improve a monkey's ability to read facial expressions

 

[MrMuscle]

the worst thing is that they could keep this up all day

 

[TheProject]

The name of Jaba the Hutt's pet spider monkey is Salacious Crumb

It should be noted that Salacious Crumb is actually a Kowakian monkey-lizard.

 

[§äñît¥ Pôí§ðñ]

Monkey loves to be massaged, however, do not rub Monkey the wrong way

 

[Hannibal]

Chewbacca was a Wookie....that's kinda like a Monkey

 

[TheProject]

Chewbacca was a Wookie....that's kinda like a Monkey

But why would Chewbacca want to live with the Ewoks?

 

[§äñît¥ Pôí§ðñ]

If Monkey goes into sudden rage and you are within striking distance, please do the following:
fall to the ground immediately - lie face down
be absolutely quiet and play dead for 4 minutes
slowly put hands behind your head and spread legs apart
whistle something soothing while very gradually standing up
without making direct eye contact, apologize to Monkey for possibly being the cause of his outburst

 

[frorider6]

When born, your Sea Monkey has but ONE EYE! It is placed right in the middle of their forehead. As he grows older, two more eyes on each side of the original eye grow in, making him a three eyed "freak" of nature.Eventually, he sheds his baby eye and from then has two normal eyes.

Sea Monkeys breathe through their feet! Because sea monkey's gills are located at the top of his hollow legs he sucks oxygen through his FEET!

 

[TheProject]

http://www.assmonkey.net/

 

[Hannibal]

But why would Chewbacca want to live with the Ewoks?

This does not make sense....

 

[TheProject]

Assmonkey
- 2 part(s) Creme de Menthe
- 2 part(s) Cream de Cacao
- 6 drop(s) Chocolate Syrup
- 1 part(s) Bailey's Irish Cream

Directions/Comments: Mix Creme de Menthe and Cream de Cacao in glass. Slowly pour in Bailey's Irish Cream and let settle. Drizzle in Chocolate Syrup.

 

[IronMonkey69]

A man walks into a bar with a monkey he had just bought at the pet store. He sits down at the bar and orders a beer. The monkey jumps down off his shoulder and runs over to the pool table and ate the cue-ball.
The bartender says "Your monkey just ate the cue-ball!!! GET OUT NOW!!" so the man picks up the monkey and leaves.
Two months later the same man comes back with the monkey on a leash. The monkey jumps off his shoulder and grabs a peanut, shoves it up his ass, pulls it out then eats it.
The bartender says " Did your monkey just shove a peanut up his ass then eat it?"
The man says "Yeah ever since the cue-ball incident he checks everything for size"

Get your stinkin' paws off me, you damned dirty ape! Col. George Taylor

 

[frorider6]

 

[musclebrains]

 

[Code]

Most lower primates are at lower risk of contracting Driscoll's Firmament than humans.

 

[smallmovesal]

 

[musclebrains]

 

[crimson coal]

Monkeys (Chimpanzees) are the only other animal than man to "War" on each other.

 

[Legs1010]

some monkeys, instead of shaking hands when they meet, as we humans do, gives each other a quick fuck.

You should become a monkey, MM.

 

[§äñît¥ Pôí§ðñ]

monkey sex