Men Strike Back!

[barnes3]

How many men does it take to open a beer?
None. It should be opened when she brings it.


Why is a Laundromat a really bad place to pick up a woman?
Because a woman who can't even afford a washing machine will
probably never be able to support you.


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Why do women have smaller feet than men?
It's one of those "evolutionary things" that allows
them to stand closer to the kitchen sink.

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How do you know when a woman is about to say something
smart?
When she starts a sentence with "A man once told me..."

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How do you fix a woman's watch?
You don't. There is a clock on the oven.

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Why do men fart more than women?
Because women can't shut up long enough to
build up the required pressure.

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If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife
is yelling at the front door, who do you let in first?
The dog, of course. He'll shut up once you let him in.

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What's worse than a Male Chauvinist Pig?
A woman who won't do what she's told.

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I married a Miss Right.
I just didn't know her first name was Always.

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Scientists have discovered a food that diminishes
a woman's sex drive by 90%.
It's called a Wedding Cake.

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Why do men die before their wives?
They want to.

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Women will never be equal to men until they can
walk down the street with a bald head and a beer
gut, and still think they are sexy.

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In the beginning, God created the earth and rested.
Then God created Man and rested.
Then God created Woman.
Since then, neither God nor Man has rested.

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Send this to a few good men who need a laugh and
to the select few women who can handle the truth...

 

[barnes3]

Email I thought that I would share...lol

 

[tuc biscuit]

lol, fantastic, it is funny because it is very, very true






















true I say!

 

[Stangfriik]

Nice!

 

[Gemini_Man]

What's the difference between God and a family court judge?

God does not think he is a family court judge.


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How many Supreme Court judges does it take to change a light bulb?

Just one, she holds the bulb still and the world revolves around her.


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What do you call a lawyer with an IQ of 40?

Your Honour.



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The young clerk's responsibilities included bringing the judge a hot cup of coffee at the start of every day. Each morning the judge was enraged that the coffee cup arrived two-thirds full. The clerk explained that he had to rush to get the coffee delivered while it was still hot, which caused him to spill much of it along the way.

None of the judge's yelling and insults produced a full cup of coffee, until he finally threatened to cut the clerk's pay by one-third if he continued to produce one-third less than the judge wanted.

The next morning he was greeted with a cup of coffee that was full to the brim, and the next morning and the morning after that. The judge couldn't resist gloating over his success and smugly complimented the clerk on his new technique.

"Oh, there's not much to it," admitted the clerk happily, "I take some coffee in my mouth right outside the coffee room, and spit it back in when I get outside your office."


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While walking through a courthouse, a kid enters an empty courtroom. He sees a fine leather briefcase (the kind the lawyers carry) sitting on the table, picks it up and exits through the back door of the courtroom into the judge's chambers. And who should be sitting there - the judge.

Judge: "Hey kid, are you familiar with the liquor store across the street from the courthouse?"

Kid: "Yeah?"

Judge: "Good, I want you to go across the street and steal me a bottle of booze." The kid runs across the street, enters the liquor store, and when the proprietor is not looking, slips a fifth into the briefcase and brings it back to the judge. The judge immediately opens the bottle and swigs half of it.

Judge: "Hey kid, I need you to run another errand. There's a contractor, Slapdash Construction, next to the liquor store. Go to them and tell them that the judge sent you. They'll give you a brown paper bag. Bring it back to me."

The kid runs to Slapdash Construction, tells them that the judge sent him, receives a brown paper bag filled with fifties and hundreds, puts it into the briefcase and takes it to the judge.

Judge: "Kid, you did great. Now unzip my fly."

Kid: "Hey wait a minute mister. I'm not a real attorney; I just found this briefcase in the courtroom."


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After his death, the family court judge found herself with the devil in a room filled with clocks. Each clock turned at a different speed and was labeled with the name of a different occupation. After examining all the clocks, the judge turned to the devil and said, "I have two questions. First, why does each clock move at a different speed?"

"They turn at the rate at which the members of that occupation collectively sin on earth," replied the devil.

"What's your second question?"

"Well," said the judge. "I can't seem to find my occupation. Where is the 'family court judges' clock?"

The devil momentarily looked confused, and he started checking the clocks. "They should all be here," he muttered, looking frantically, "It has to be here somewhere... Oh, there will be Hell to pay for this."

Suddenly, the devil relaxed, slapped himself on the forehead, and exclaimed, "Oh, yes! How silly of me. We keep that clock in the workshop and use it for a fan."


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You’re trapped in a room with a tiger, a rattlesnake and a family law judge. Your gun has only two bullets. What should you do?

Shoot the judge. Twice.


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Did you hear that the Post Office just recalled their latest stamps?

They had pictures of the Court of Appeal judges on them ... and people couldn't figure out which side to spit on.


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Your family court judge and your ex-mother-in-law are trapped in a burning building. You have time to save only one of them. Do you have lunch or go to a movie?


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What is the difference between a family law lawyer and an onion?

People cry when they chop up onions.

 

[SoKlueles]

LOL








NOT but nice try boys. Women rule

 

[Boulder257]

very funny!

 

[hamstershaver]

VERY sexist
























i like it

 

[hardrock]

I gotta show this one to the guys at work. Poor married saps.