Losing a parent

[PWTurbofan]

My old man passed away very recently, and I find myself running through hundreds of "what-ifs" and I can't get them out of my head. I was able to fly home and see him before he slipped consciousness, but I keep thinking about things that could have been different. "What if I had gone home sooner, could I have talked him into going to the hospital sooner than he did?". Or "what if I didn't recommend that he get a second opinion on his doctor's recommended treatment, could he have started treatment sooner and survived?" Or "what if my mom, brothers and I didn't leave the hospital at 4am to go home and get some shut-eye, would he have fared better had we stayed at his side the whole time?" Or "what if I returned to the family business, would he have had greater motivation to survive?"

I slept an hour last night, just thinking of the last few hours I got to spend with him. I always said I never wanted to be there when one of my parents died; I didn't think I could watch that happen. But I did, and as awful as it was, I wouldn't trade those last moments with my pops for anything in the world.

He was everything to me. And I miss him so fucking much.

 

[Gymgurl]

((((hugs)))) I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers today. You are going through such a hard time. I guessing this was really recent but your post. Give it some time...it never goes away and no it doesn't heal per say but it will get a little easier. Its okay to feel waht you are feeling and to think about him. That is what keeps him with you ...in your heart. They may be gone but they remain in your heart forever!

 

[PICK3]

My old man passed away very recently, and I find myself running through hundreds of "what-ifs" and I can't get them out of my head. I was able to fly home and see him before he slipped consciousness, but I keep thinking about things that could have been different. "What if I had gone home sooner, could I have talked him into going to the hospital sooner than he did?". Or "what if I didn't recommend that he get a second opinion on his doctor's recommended treatment, could he have started treatment sooner and survived?" Or "what if my mom, brothers and I didn't leave the hospital at 4am to go home and get some shut-eye, would he have fared better had we stayed at his side the whole time?" Or "what if I returned to the family business, would he have had greater motivation to survive?"

I slept an hour last night, just thinking of the last few hours I got to spend with him. I always said I never wanted to be there when one of my parents died; I didn't think I could watch that happen. But I did, and as awful as it was, I wouldn't trade those last moments with my pops for anything in the world.

He was everything to me. And I miss him so fucking much.

I'm very sorry for your loss. I'm not looking forward to that day. I'm the only surviving kid in my family, I lost my brother about 6 years ago.

I'm not happy with this arrangement of everyone we love will leave us.

 

[Gymgurl]

((((hugs))) Pick...that has to suck too....I can't imagine...

 

[superqt4u2nv]

Very sorry for your lose.

 

[sawastea]

Be strong pwturbofan!

My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.

 

[Pamela]

I'm so very sorry for your loss!

 

[heavy_duty]

sorry for your loss man.
my parents are both over 80 so the next 5-10 years probably something will happen.
but you need to forget about the what if this and what if that and just believe that he is in a better place. death only sucks for the living.

IF is a big word you know, for example IF your aunt had balls she would be your uncle.

 

[H_T_]

cherish the time. and those memories are the roots of the future.

 

[Y_lifter]

I'd say that what you are thinking and worrying about is pretty normal.
As long as it doesn't go on for more than a long while that is.

We all try to second guess and "what if" when things don't go well.

Just realize that what happened, happened and try and move on.
And also realize that once you do move on, you probably will occasionally
still have these thoughts. Just less often, and not keeping you up at night.

My Dad was in a long term care facility and the Dr weren't sure how long he would live. Not days, maybe weeks, months maybe ??

We had planned a Vacation and were going to cancel, but I decided we should go anyway. He died while we were away and I felt bad for not being there.

I got over it, but I still sometimes wish I had known somehow and been there..

 

[Raptorex]

Very sorry for your loss, the only thing I can say is healing will take time, you will never forget, however I think we lose memory of the bad and only the good prevail.

Prayers for you bro.

 

[Kano]

My prayers are with you..

 

[ksharp01]

I am one of the few that hasn't had to experience the lose of a parent or sibling. I couldn't even try to imagine how hard that is but I have experienced the power of guilt. It does diminsh over time but for me I always think about how selfish I was to not go see my grandmother in the hospital before she passed. I was alot younger to and I just didn't want to see her like that in the hospital. In fact I really didn't even know I would never see her agian or I am sure I would have. She went into surgery for a fairly minor surgery for any one of us but since she was so old her organs fail her on the operating table. (she was having surgery for a broke hip)
I still remember the pain I felt from the loss but I don't hurt like I did. Time has a way of healing all wounds big and small.

 

[PWTurbofan]

thank you all for your condolences, and my condolences to those of you who have suffered a loss. just a rough day today, today being the first day back and away from family and friends - alot of time to actually *think* about things now I 'spose.

again, thanks.

 

[Raptorex]

Two things, 1) find something fun to do now for a while 2) if you are having a hard time join a support-grief group, they have lots of great ideas.

Keep your chin up bro!

thank you all for your condolences, and my condolences to those of you who have suffered a loss. just a rough day today, today being the first day back and away from family and friends - alot of time to actually *think* about things now I 'spose.

again, thanks.

 

[solidspine]

Sorry for your lost,

But it sounds like you were close to your father and loved him very much


When my dad died, well he just died and we went to the funeral, was not close to him.

 

[swole]

My old man passed away very recently, and I find myself running through hundreds of "what-ifs" and I can't get them out of my head. I was able to fly home and see him before he slipped consciousness, but I keep thinking about things that could have been different. "What if I had gone home sooner, could I have talked him into going to the hospital sooner than he did?". Or "what if I didn't recommend that he get a second opinion on his doctor's recommended treatment, could he have started treatment sooner and survived?" Or "what if my mom, brothers and I didn't leave the hospital at 4am to go home and get some shut-eye, would he have fared better had we stayed at his side the whole time?" Or "what if I returned to the family business, would he have had greater motivation to survive?"

I slept an hour last night, just thinking of the last few hours I got to spend with him. I always said I never wanted to be there when one of my parents died; I didn't think I could watch that happen. But I did, and as awful as it was, I wouldn't trade those last moments with my pops for anything in the world.

He was everything to me. And I miss him so fucking much.

Although I never lost a parent, I can relate in some way. My grandfather passed away 4 days before Christmas; he was closer to me than any other man in my family, including my biological father who I have seen once in the past 7 years...so I feel you on this. Everywhere I go I feel him smiling, I feel his presence with me, I feel his proud hands rub the back of my head whenever I'm busting my balls, going forward, trying to make my family proud. He's always going to be with you. If you ever question that, take a minute to think of all he taught you. I swear sometimes I can feel my nonno smiling. He is with you right now. He's probably trying to tell you, "don't be sad." He really IS in a better place and expects you to keep pushing forward, for yourself and your family. His legacy lives in you bro. Make him proud.

PM me if you wanna chat.

 

[feisty11975]

I am very sorry to hear about your loss. You and your family will be in my prayers. Take care

 

[Gymgurl]

thank you all for your condolences, and my condolences to those of you who have suffered a loss. just a rough day today, today being the first day back and away from family and friends - alot of time to actually *think* about things now I 'spose.

again, thanks.

This is the hardest time.....it will get easier to deal with as time goes by.....(((HUGS)))

 

[Sassy69]

My heart goes out to you and anyone who loses a parent. It scares me to death every day. I think about things like - it used to be I wanted my grandparents at my wedding ... now its I want my parents to be at my wedding .. (no wedding scheduled, no prospects scheduled... parents healthy...)

But I did have the very miserable experience of being home during a college break while my grandmother had experienced a liver shutdown and there was no chance it would regenerate due to a condition she had as a child. So we basically watched her wasting away in a nursing home - meaning she couldn't process anythign she ate so ... well you get the picture. So here's me having to fly back to school, knowing its the last time I"ll see her. God it was heart wrenching. Pretty much no what-ifs - that's just the way it was.

Anyway my heart goes out to you and know that the love you share with your family is always there, the memories are there and things are all as they are supposed to be in the universe. (blah ... what else can you really do except get philosophical and let time bring the answers to the relevant what-ifs and also healing to those that are unanswerable.

 

[samoth]

My GF lost both her parents before she was 20 years old. I makes things very hard, indeed, in many different ways.

 

[H_T_]

it's time to honor them. new traditions inspired by them and the carrying on of their love for things. it's how we all survive eternity.....

 

[jenscats5]

My parents were both 40 years older than me, so they died before I was 30 and my dad was 70 and mom 68.....what you're feeling is very normal.....For example, my dad seemed similar to yours in not doing ALL to take care of his health, so what if I got him to quit smoking, what if I did XYZ? Those feeling will eventually fade over time and you will begin to cherish more that you were there during his passing.......