Life changins events

[Austin316]

What is the single biggest most profound event that most impacted your life, shook you to the core, changed you, etc etc......?

Id like to be redundant and say that mine was graduation, getting through college, my first relationship, etc.....But after the last month, to those who have read another thread and know what Im talking about (but not in the mood to retype) that would be it and Im still trying to come to terms of being OK with me as a person, and where I go from here now that my moral and spiritual self has been shaken to the core and left me a totally new person

 

[Rex]

I saw my grandmom die when I was 13. I was the oldest one there out of me and my 2 cousins. I tried juggling keeping them calm, myself calm, and calling 911. That was almost 7 years ago and the day is scarred into my mind still. Trying to see if she was breathing. Being told to go outside to let the dog out while the EMT's tried to resuscitate her, coming back in just as the put the white sheet over her. The looks on every single one of my family members' faces when the saw her.

 

[starfish]

I rarely talk about it so I wouldn't even know how to go about posting a response. I just can't.

Changed me forever... Life is so fragile.

 

[Daisy_Girl]

When I came home one evening and KNEW my mother was going to die soon. She had been sick for many years, but I knew the night she was going to die. I was too young to be able to handle it, so I just left the room. 3 hours later, she died. I'll never, ever, ever forgive myself for leaving, for not spending just a couple more hours with her. It completely devistates me everytime I think about it.

I now, 13 years later, still have panic attacks about dying....and also losing my family (dad, brother, sister, stepmother....)

 

[starfish]

I now, 13 years later, still have panic attacks about dying....and also losing my family (dad, brother, sister, stepmother....)

I can totally relate to that.

I also rarely get close to people for fear of losing them.

 

[IvanOffelitch]

In no particular order;

Losing my mom

Losing a child

Making my peace with God

 

[Werd]

The seperation from my children and living with the knowledge of what it has done to them.

I have spent countless hours sobbing uncontrollably emitting sounds that can't even be characterized as human for nearly one year now. Something inside me has been shut off. No one is allowed to comfort or touch me or love me, not even my family who so obviously loves me... only my kids. They are the only ones whose company, love and affection I crave. Yet I live in constant fear that no matter what I do from this day forth I will never be able to earn it again....

I can see that they are affected likewise which makes my anguish even worse.

I don't know if I will ever be the same again.

Today was the first day that I have been allowed to spend one on one time with them after having begun the lengthy process of being vindicated in a court of law. We went to the grocery store... I was fucking overjoyed... to go to the grocery store. Could you imagine?

Later we went to the circus... For a short time we clung to each other and were filled with hopes and dreams for a happy future together, the way I promised I would bring them before I made the fatal mistake of trusting their care to their father... The costumes, the performers from all over the world, the magic they created all underneath the bigtop.... cotton candy... It just isn't a circus without cotton candy.

I read them countless stories today too, like I had nearly every night since my oldest could sit and listen. She was about one, she is now well over 10 years old. Sort of making up for all the stories that I didn't read them this year past... They kept saying, "Read another one Mommy." Their teachers would always invite me to class to read stories. I could read entire pages of The Cat in the Hat or Green Eggs and Ham on one breath, would amaze all the kids. LOL

I also had the extreme pleasure of giving them a bath... Hadn't been able to do this for 9 months. We play this game where I towel them off and they hesitate and wait for me to slap their tusches, but then they try to pull away before I can do it...

Now I will spend the night with time spent between all their beds. How can I choose only one? How can I sleep alone?

....sorry to ramble.

The circus gave us hope. It was truly magic.....

 

[Austin316]

I rarely talk about it so I wouldn't even know how to go about posting a response. I just can't.

Changed me forever... Life is so fragile.

I never intended to, not here anyways......but I dunno I guess it was just set off, its easier to relate this to strangers, I can't tell my parents, Id fear there dissapointment, perhaps disgust although I doubt they would condemn me so considering it really was a life or death matter. I can't even talk about it with my gf, its too painful for her so we don't bring it up, ever...the last time we did I found out I would of had a son.........one of my best friends had a boy just two days earlier and Ive never seen him so happy. I don't know, I just need to figure out how to forgive myself, and support the person I love and pray that what Im expecting, well we are expecting to happen, does not and she somehow gets better. A transplant without proper insurance isn't really an option though, so I have no idea

 

[p0ink]

joining the military.

 

[biteme]

Probably the day my daughter nearly died in front of my eyes from throwing up blood and having to stay up all night every night for 2 weeks to make sure that she wouldn't bleed to death in her sleep, and watching blood trickle out of the corner of her mouth as she slept. Yeah, I'd have to say that shit fucked me up for quite awhile. Before that happened she had encephalitis and had a 50/50 prognosis. Life is a fragile thing Harry, one minute your chewing on a burger, the next minute, you're pushing up daisies.

 

[biteme]

Probably the day my daughter nearly died in front of my eyes from throwing up blood and having to stay up all night every night for 2 weeks to make sure that she wouldn't bleed to death in her sleep, and watching blood trickle out of the corner of her mouth as she slept. Yeah, I'd have to say that shit fucked me up for quite awhile. Before that happened she had encephalitis and had a 50/50 prognosis. Life is a fragile thing Harry, one minute your chewing on a burger, the next minute, you're dead meat.

 

[superqt4u2nv]

My father passing away when I was 16 changed my life and me for sure.

 

[Austin316]

I dunno, if she dies Im really gonna be lost, I have no idea where Im supposed to go or do, and how the hell Ill ever forgive myself.......Im not sitting here being utterly depressed, drowning myself in booze, Im moving on, trying to help her, workign hard on each day, but that dull disgusting feeling in the pit of my stomach, mor elike my soul I don't think is ever really gonna fade

 

[Werd]

I dunno, if she dies Im really gonna be lost, I have no idea where Im supposed to go or do, and how the hell Ill ever forgive myself.......Im not sitting here being utterly depressed, drowning myself in booze, Im moving on, trying to help her, workign hard on each day, but that dull disgusting feeling in the pit of my stomach, mor elike my soul I don't think is ever really gonna fade

Darlin' go talk to a professional. Seriously... you are facing some very serious difficulties and regardless of how alone you feel - YOU ARE NOT.

Please go find a competent counselor and talk to them. They will not be able to give you answers... sometimes there just aren't any. But they will help to ease your burdens and help you to gain insight into how to effectively cope with such tremendous grief.

Alcohol will only numb pain for a short time. When the buzz leaves, the same problems will still be present.

Go talk to someone.... I sincerely hope that you can find comfort and strength soon.

 

[Austin316]

I would never turn to alchohol, and Id d nothing to endanger myself, I would never do something that would hurt my family, freinds, or gf liek that, I gotta be here for em, I gotta be the strong one with her, its just how it is Ill live and move on

 

[Werd]

I would never turn to alchohol, and Id d nothing to endanger myself, I would never do something that would hurt my family, freinds, or gf liek that, I gotta be here for em, I gotta be the strong one with her, its just how it is Ill live and move on

Wouldn't it be better for you and your family if you had help to carry your burden? If you were a member of your family that you loved and you knew of their suffering, wouldn't you want THEM to have help?

Only wishing you comfort and strength...

 

[Austin316]

Going to my family is not an option, my friends know, but Im not gonna risk shaming my parents

 

[Werd]

Going to my family is not an option, my friends know, but Im not gonna risk shaming my parents

First off your parents love you. I bet they would be more hurt if they found out you DID NOT come to them at a time when you truly needed them most. And I am not saying this to hurt you. Only speaking from the perspective of a loving parent myself - thinking how I would feel if you were my son. I make these comments with the utmost respect for you and your family. If I am out of line, I apologize. Those were not my intentions.

But if you still feel you can not, then might I reiterate my original suggestion of seeking counseling? Your friends might be a wonderful support system, but that doesn't mean that speaking with a trained professional might not do you a world of good.

Okay, I will stop harrassing you now...

 

[Austin316]

The mere fact I got someone pregnant would be what greatly dissapoints them, Im sure they would understand considering the circumstance the need for an abortion even though my mother HATES the concept

 

[Imnotdutch]

Getting laid for the first time........

 

[jnuts]

Bad car wreck. I, my wife and our two kids were in the car. Not a fun experience.

 

[Austin316]

yea that would suck, what have these events caused you to do or how did they change you?

 

[Lestat]

I don't mean to be a dick, but I have to say this is one of the all time gayest threads i've seen.