It's funny sometimes...

[EnderJE]

...when you think that things are perfect in everyone else's world, but fucked up in yours.

I've got this type of friend. We all have one.

He's got the "perfect" life. Everything seems to be going great for him. Great job. Great wife. Great kids. Great vacations. Great earning and savings. Great investments. Great parents. Great friend.

He just realized that he doesn't love his wife, kids, or life and doesn't know what to do.

For those that don't know, things for me for the past year have been going a little rough with my life with EF and the gym as my only escape; but that seems like a cakewalk compared to what this guy was telling me tonight.

I'm not sure what it is. I'm not sure if its a midlife crisis or what, but he's freaked. After he called, I just realied what a great life I do have.

 

[PBR]

it seems so many people live in constant illusion....when they "stop" for a moment and reflect- they are horrified of where they are and what they have become.
Its too bad your friend is so lost or percieves himself as such....its hard to imagine having it all, and yet having nothing that really matters to you. Sad state of mind to be in.

 

[feisty11975]

It's a hard decision to make. Unhappy with life and husband/wife so kids can be happy or happy with life without husband/wife and kids are miserable. I know my kids are still having a hard time accepting that me and their dad are not getting back together. He is remarried and having another baby and they still ask if we are gonna get back together.

 

[PBR]

It's a hard decision to make. Unhappy with life and husband/wife so kids can be happy or happy with life without husband/wife and kids are miserable. I know my kids are still having a hard time accepting that me and their dad are not getting back together. He is remarried and having another baby and they still ask if we are gonna get back together.

How can kids understand something we as adults cant understand?...all they know is that they want their mom and dad...to them, "love" and life are simple...."we" as adults make it complicated and we spend years explaining why we screwed it all up.

 

[feisty11975]

How can kids understand something we as adults cant understand?...all they know is that they want their mom and dad...to them, "love" and life are simple...."we" as adults make it complicated and we spend years explaining why we screwed it all up.

You are so right. We, the adults, are the stupid ones. I am not saying that I am stupid cause I left their dad. I am stupid cause I am the one that made them hurt. At least they get along with their step mom. It could be worse, they could still be in the same house with me and their dad fighting all the damn time. Now how healthy is that for them? We even went through marriage counseling. He just would not own up to being a cruel man. Being cut down for years puts a lot of stress on a marriage. Shit, I fought it for 11 years. I am much happier now even though I am alone.

 

[PBR]

You are so right. We, the adults, are the stupid ones. I am not saying that I am stupid cause I left their dad. I am stupid cause I am the one that made them hurt. At least they get along with their step mom. It could be worse, they could still be in the same house with me and their dad fighting all the damn time. Now how healthy is that for them? We even went through marriage counseling. He just would not own up to being a cruel man. Being cut down for years puts a lot of stress on a marriage. Shit, I fought it for 11 years. I am much happier now even though I am alone.

just so you know- i wasnt directing my response to your particular situation...but rather just being generalized...i agree with you 100%...an unhappy/unhealthy household is worse off IMO, than a divorce...

 

[Delinquent]

I'm not sure what has caused this mode of thought but most people seemed to be hardwired to think that their main goal in life is to grow up, go to college, make a lot of money, get married, have kids, and everything is peachy. What they never thought about is: are they going to college for what they truly love or just to make a lot of money. Did they truly get to know their SO or did they get married after a year or less of being together? Did those kids come because it was the accepted next step in their life or because they truly wanted kids?

Nowadays, people are so concerned with making so much money, they forget to "stop and smell the roses". They run around like busy little bees trying to obtain what they think is happiness only to find out that they have gone in the completely wrong direction causing this inevitable crash.

We are in desperate need of another renaissance period where people enjoy living life instead of working for life. A time where you don't have to work 40+ hours just to survive the ever increasing amount of material costs that you crave. A place where the simpler things in life are appreciated instead of discarded as trivial.

/end optimistic rant

Realistically though, most people are doomed to a life of servitude of their own vanity and greed

 

[MILF69]

It's a hard decision to make. Unhappy with life and husband/wife so kids can be happy or happy with life without husband/wife and kids are miserable. I know my kids are still having a hard time accepting that me and their dad are not getting back together. He is remarried and having another baby and they still ask if we are gonna get back together.

It's always toughest on the little ones...they are so fragile. When I get so pissed at my own situation and I wish I didn't have to raise them on my own or find someone new, I think they didn't ask for this either. There is always someone who has it worse than you do. Life is what you make of it, right here, right now! (hey that's an Van Halen song!)

 

[Raina]

I agree with what others have said. I think to some extent it's drilled into you, to get to a certain point of "ideal". I don't think a lot of people (myself included) ever take the time to ponder if that's what they really want. You keep moving forward and from the outside if looks so impressive. Wow, the perfect life.

But at some point you wake up and think "omg what the hell have I done". You resent everything. It's sad though that your friend has kids. Hopefully he's able to work out how he feels though. I think that once you have kids, you give up a lot of your own personal "rights" to just do what you want. You're not first anymore.

 

[EnderJE]

I think that once you have kids, you give up a lot of your own personal "rights" to just do what you want. You're not first anymore.

But, given the way things have gone, are you ever really first? Aren't you (the general you, not you specifically) living up to someone else's dream of what success or failure is? Aren't you following someone else's path?

And kids are just another piece of the equation. They can be given up for adoption or kept. Whatever the person wants.

Its also interestign that in this culture of pervasive self help, we (as a society) have made zoloft / prozac the number #1 drugs around...

 

[Raina]

Maybe people need to accept that not every part of life is peaches and cream. A lot of things suck but that's just part of the deal.

 

[rudeboyja]

I know i'm pretty much living on borrowed time. I should have been gone long ago, so I wake up every day with a smile on my face and nothing anybody does can wipe it off. I really do wake up and ask myself what if today is the last day of my life?

 

[*MissFit*]

life always looks greener on the other side.. but thing is.. u only see what ppl want u to see

Illusions they r grand

 

[silverbackn]

You are so right. We, the adults, are the stupid ones. I am not saying that I am stupid cause I left their dad. I am stupid cause I am the one that made them hurt. At least they get along with their step mom. It could be worse, they could still be in the same house with me and their dad fighting all the damn time. Now how healthy is that for them? We even went through marriage counseling. He just would not own up to being a cruel man. Being cut down for years puts a lot of stress on a marriage. Shit, I fought it for 11 years. I am much happier now even though I am alone.

I was in a house like that before my parents got a divorce. They were trying to stay together for me. It doesn't work that way. I was 12-13 when it got really bad, I hated being home because of the tension. They are better off without each other. I wouldn't want my kids to grow up in that. I wasn't perceptive enough to know exactly what was wrong, I couldn't articulate it, but i knew it was bad.