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Tiervexx
New member
for the last year i have been hanging out with this girl a whole lot.
i met several of her friends at the mall one night and got invited to a party. I was the only guy that showed up and there were about 15 girls, most of which were really pretty. She dared me to strip down to my boxers, which I did in front of all those hyper girls. A fantastic ego boost.
A little after that i realized i was gay (felt so comfortable around those pretty girls despite not being attracted to any). After this she and i start hanging out allot, and i mean allot. for the rest of the summer she asked me to hang out just about every day. Which would normally piss me off but we had so much fun together. Most of her friends did and still do think of us as a couple in a way. We also have almost identical personalities. The only thing that creates any difference between us is that she has had allot of boy friends (but she is not a slut, she is extremely prude with all of them) and is therefore very laid back and outgoing meanwhile i have been more than a little lonely.
we still hung out allot over the school year. She told me, and several other people that i was her best friend. She ditched me a few times. I reacted very badly because she is my only real friend, the only one i have ever met that i can truly relate to. There was one time in particular that really hit me hard. I was already in the middle of a nervous breakdown because of certain family troubles that i don't feel like getting into.
She does not know all the reasons behind it but she did know that i was already at a serious low point that weekend, we made plains to do something that Sunday but that did not stop her from ditching me. That ripped my fucking heart out. for the next 6 weeks i felt like their was a gapping wound in my chest. I told her how i felt and she apologized profusely.
I still felt like she would not have done that if she really cared about me at all, even if she says that i am her best friend. A part of me wanted to move on and forget her but there is a problem with that. I have spent literally hours on the internet looking for somebody, whenever somebody i talk to mentions a gay guy they know i practically interrogate them, but despite all of that effort i have only come up with a handful of unattractive guys that i have nothing in common with. And despite many attempts i really can not connect with the other people i talk to, or at least not anywhere near to the level i do with her.
I realized that without her i really do have nothing. I feel somewhat humiliated by the way i forgave her so quickly. After a while i mostly relaxed even though i still can't completely forgive her for ditching me multiple times in the past like she did. we did not hang out or talk much the fist month of summer break because she has summer school and i always start to lose my mind towards the end of the school year. but we made plans to see T3 tonight for the first time in a while.
I was really looking forward to seeing her but surprise! she diapers! I know that her boyfriend and her friends will tell me that she felt bad, and bla bla. A part of me thinks that these are innocent mistakes, you know how women have mood swings and she does have a bad memory, and i am not the only friend that gets ditched sometimes, and her friends insist that she thinks very highly of me. But a large part of me thinks that this is absolute BULLSHIT! i can't help but think they are talking shit behind my back and that i am the butt of some joke, and that i seem to be way too easy to forget.
I am getting really tired of feeling like I am alone in the middle of a huge dark field so a part of me thinks insists that i need to fix some contact with people that i know in person, but I also can't help but think that people are more trouble then they are worth and that the only friend i need is the steel in the gym. The only think i know for sure is that something in me is snapping. Rant over.
i met several of her friends at the mall one night and got invited to a party. I was the only guy that showed up and there were about 15 girls, most of which were really pretty. She dared me to strip down to my boxers, which I did in front of all those hyper girls. A fantastic ego boost.
A little after that i realized i was gay (felt so comfortable around those pretty girls despite not being attracted to any). After this she and i start hanging out allot, and i mean allot. for the rest of the summer she asked me to hang out just about every day. Which would normally piss me off but we had so much fun together. Most of her friends did and still do think of us as a couple in a way. We also have almost identical personalities. The only thing that creates any difference between us is that she has had allot of boy friends (but she is not a slut, she is extremely prude with all of them) and is therefore very laid back and outgoing meanwhile i have been more than a little lonely.
we still hung out allot over the school year. She told me, and several other people that i was her best friend. She ditched me a few times. I reacted very badly because she is my only real friend, the only one i have ever met that i can truly relate to. There was one time in particular that really hit me hard. I was already in the middle of a nervous breakdown because of certain family troubles that i don't feel like getting into.
She does not know all the reasons behind it but she did know that i was already at a serious low point that weekend, we made plains to do something that Sunday but that did not stop her from ditching me. That ripped my fucking heart out. for the next 6 weeks i felt like their was a gapping wound in my chest. I told her how i felt and she apologized profusely.
I still felt like she would not have done that if she really cared about me at all, even if she says that i am her best friend. A part of me wanted to move on and forget her but there is a problem with that. I have spent literally hours on the internet looking for somebody, whenever somebody i talk to mentions a gay guy they know i practically interrogate them, but despite all of that effort i have only come up with a handful of unattractive guys that i have nothing in common with. And despite many attempts i really can not connect with the other people i talk to, or at least not anywhere near to the level i do with her.
I realized that without her i really do have nothing. I feel somewhat humiliated by the way i forgave her so quickly. After a while i mostly relaxed even though i still can't completely forgive her for ditching me multiple times in the past like she did. we did not hang out or talk much the fist month of summer break because she has summer school and i always start to lose my mind towards the end of the school year. but we made plans to see T3 tonight for the first time in a while.
I was really looking forward to seeing her but surprise! she diapers! I know that her boyfriend and her friends will tell me that she felt bad, and bla bla. A part of me thinks that these are innocent mistakes, you know how women have mood swings and she does have a bad memory, and i am not the only friend that gets ditched sometimes, and her friends insist that she thinks very highly of me. But a large part of me thinks that this is absolute BULLSHIT! i can't help but think they are talking shit behind my back and that i am the butt of some joke, and that i seem to be way too easy to forget.
I am getting really tired of feeling like I am alone in the middle of a huge dark field so a part of me thinks insists that i need to fix some contact with people that i know in person, but I also can't help but think that people are more trouble then they are worth and that the only friend i need is the steel in the gym. The only think i know for sure is that something in me is snapping. Rant over.
