Is It Wrong For Me Not To Like My Dad?

[curling]

I just don't respect him at all. When I was growing up he never came to any of my games and made fun of anything I was interested in. He messed around on my mother which is a super person. So he lost her he used to hit me and belittle me for being just a little late to work in front of my coworkers(used to work for him in college quit soon as I got my degree).

He is also a manic depressive that refuses to take his medicine because he thinks he is healed.

And now he is down visiting and gave me crap about being 10 minutes late. I said lets compare financial statements sucker and see if it matters what time I get to work?

I mean I almost want to smack him. I can't help myself. I know that is not the Christian thing to do but he brings out the worst in me. I really don't look at him as my father at all I look more towards my grandfather as taking that posisition in my life. I think my dad is a selfish self asorbed jerk. I was wondering am I the only person that feels this way about his dad? What about ya'll?

I can't believe I told ya'll all this but I am at my wits end. One thing he does know how to do besides lose money any business attempts is push my buttons to make me go ballistic.

 

[havoc]

There is no rule that states you have to like someone you are related to, so "no" it's not wrong. What is your age curling?

 

[beastboy]

Curling, you really baffle me.

 

[Puddles]

Curling, it's ok not to like your dad. Just because he donated some sperm doesn't make him a good father or a good person. You don't owe him respect if he's never given it to you.

I don't like my mother, but I adore my father. I went to counselling over it a few years ago. The guilt was terrible...like...how can you not love your parent? Well...it's ok not to. While I was in councelling I wrote my mother a letter and read it on the phone to her which gave me a sense of relief...it allowed me to tell her how I feel and now I don't have guilt about feeling the way I do. I also don't have to fake any emotional attachment to her out of guilt.

If it's eating at you and you don't think you can handle it on your own, go to councelling and you'll feel better.

 

[curling]

I am 38 havoc. Why?

Beastboy, I am like Rodney Dangerfield I baffle myself too. Man, my life is or I am weird and I think it is because of my dad. Maybe, I need to see a shrink of something huh?

 

[curling]

Thanks MrsPuddles. I am glad to see I am not the only one alone in this mess. I mean I love my dad because he is my dad but I really don't respect him. Is your dad and mom still married? In your letter to you mother did you tell her you would rather not see her anymore or just how you felt about the way she treated you?

 

[madbomber31]

i hate my dad... not even in doubt about that one.... of course, i havent seen him in 25 years... and the last and only memory i have of the fucker (in person) is him yanking me through my moms car window and then getting arrested...

damn, why dont i like him? maybe i should visit him and let things come naturally.... or unnaturally with a bat.

 

[theoak01]

I think its fine,sucks it must happen but thats life,my dad also cant manage funds,has cheated on my mom,and treats me the same way yours treated you,some people are just pieces of shit,if it wasnt for my grandparents we would be homeless

 

[Puddles]

Thanks MrsPuddles. I am glad to see I am not the only one alone in this mess. I mean I love my dad because he is my dad but I really don't respect him. Is your dad and mom still married? In your letter to you mother did you tell her you would rather not see her anymore or just how you felt about the way she treated you?

Unfortunately, I don't feel any true love for my mother. She abused me mentally and physically to the point where I tried to kill myself a few times when I was a teenager. I never realized how sick she was as a mother until I became one myself. I don't understand how she could have treated her child the way she did.

My parents were never married...long story short, I'm the product of an affair which continues to this day. My father was married and had 2 kids before he met my mother, but when he was in Korea in the war his wife cheated on him repeatedly, so upon his return, he remained with her for his children's sake, but he met my mother and I came out of their affair. He was always a caring and loving father to me as well as his other children. We all love him and I think we all understand why his life took the turn it did. A few years after I got married he officially moved in with my mother and only then did he realize what a bitch she could be, but at that point it was too late for him to go back to his wife. So now he's a sick old man living with a wacko woman. For financial reasons he's still married to his wife. He still goes back to spend a little time with his family a few times a year (we're in FL now, but his wife and daughter are in NY, his son in Vegas).

The letter to my mother came as a result of a few things she did to my daughter, she didn't hit her, but she was verbally cruel and used poor judgement on several occasions, so better safe than sorry, I had to lay down the law to my mother. I had always been afraid to do that but my counsellor helped me work through that fear and guilt. The letter basically said that I couldn't trust her and she'd never be left alone with my daughter again, that I remembered how things were when I was a kid and I won't risk her doing anything to my daughter, and that I never realized the severity of what she did until I became a mother myself.

She was abused as a child, but coming from that myself, I just don't see how it gets repeated. If you truly love your child, how can you cause them so much pain and anguish? She also now denies ever hitting me. I don't know if she really doesn't remember or what...she's just a mental case. I've spoken with two of her sisters and they both agree that my mother needs help, but she refuses to accept that anythings wrong with her. I'm fairly sure that if she'd get to a decent shrink and get on some meds she'd level out, but that's never gonna happen. She doesn't think there's anything wrong with her.

 

[Paulos]

If I knew my dad I'd tell you.

But no, nothing wrong with that. The only person in my family I like is my mom.

 

[Lumberg]

As if I wasn't already dperessed enough already........this thread is really bringing me down and making me realize how fucked up the world is and some people can be.......including my ex-gf.

But I do know that it is OK to not love your parents. Or respect them.

My dad was a douchebag. He died last February. I felt immense guilt, and I mean IMMENSE, that I wasn't sad that he died. I mean if anything it was a relief. But imagine telling anybody that. You'd be afraid that they would think you're a monster. But of course no one else can understand what my dad put me through.

I'm still ashamed and sad that I didn't have a "normal" relationship with my dad. You know, fixing things, playing catch, him showing me how to be a man, etc. And thinking about that makes me mad. Like "fuck you, dad. I'm glad you're dead."

Ideally your anger and rage and hate will subside as you grow as a person and learn how to not let them get to you as much. Then those feelings will turn to pity. Unfortunately my dad died before that could happen. The selfish shit drank himself to death in another country.

But it's happening with my mom and things are definitely getting better.

 

[curling]

I think its fine,sucks it must happen but thats life,my dad also cant manage funds,has cheated on my mom,and treats me the same way yours treated you,some people are just pieces of shit,if it wasnt for my grandparents we would be homeless

This is so true. My grandparents were the staples of my life too. We should have a beer sometime sounds like we have alot in common.

 

[theoak01]

if your ever up in my neck of the woods id be more then happy to buy a round

 

[Bikini Mod]

It 's 100% acceptable to NOT LIKE your parents.

My parents did a lot for me and for all the good they gave me I thanked and respect them. They could have been far worse.

Having said that -

I no longer have any contact with my mother and only tolerate my father because he shows up to my home on occasion, stays a short while, doesn't say anything harmful to my children and then he leaves.

My mother was and still is verbally cruel and abusive to me. It took me 27 years to realize just how NOT OK this was. But it wasn't until she made one of my own children feel this similar abuse. (It wasn't really abuse, but she was just very neglectful of the good intentions of one of my children. I would not have allowed her to see the light of day had she ever been REMOTELY abusive to any of my children. I am a mother BEFORE I am a daughter as I have no obligation to my parents - yet feel EVERY OBLIGATION to my children.)

Like MrsPuddles - one day around this time last year I told my mother EXACTLY how she failed me because I DID NOT FAIL MY DAUGHTERS IN THE SAME WAY.

Way too much personal shit for even me to divulge on the web. Suffice it to say that one of my worst fears did NOT come true. I did NOT fail my children THE SAME WAY THAT MY MOTHER FAILED ME AS A CHILD. I STOOD UP FOR THEM AND PROTECTED THEM AT ALL COSTS.

Curling - if your father makes you feel THIS BADLY then perhaps you shoud consider cutting the ties with him.

Blood ties are THE LEAST IMPORTANT FACTOR WHEN DETERMINING FAMILY.

 

[Ceebs]

Curling, it's perfectly fine to not like your father. Sounds like the only way he was a father to you at all was by biological default.

 

[slobberknocker]

I think it's normal for most men to dislike their fathers, and for most women to dislike their mothers. I went through the same thing, but then I realized that I needed to grow up and give my dad some credit for all that he'd done for me and my family.


Just realize your parents aren't perfect; they're human and they make mistakes. Love them anyway.

 

[Bikini Mod]

Just realize your parents aren't perfect; they're human and they make mistakes. Love them anyway.

I think the most important part of this is to NOT PUNISH yourself for feeling "less than warm mushies" if you had the kind of parents that really did drop the ball.

I have respect for my parents, but that doesn't mean I want them in my life.

I didn't ask to be born. They brought me here so they were dutibound to care for me. Just as my girls didn't ask to be born.

Funny thing? A parent will disown their child in a heartbeat, yet a child will forgive and forgive and forgive and love and love and love. Isn't THE PARENT'S LOVE for the child supposed to be unconditional?! But it is TRULY the other way around.

I have realized this so I treasure the love of my children DAILY and strive to EARN THEIR LOVE AND RESPECT.

They didn't ask to be brought here - I OWE THEM EVERYTHING.

 

[Drunken_Weasel]

I hate my father... I actually want to slowly, and demonically torture and kill him. Watch his blood spray, watch his brains ooz, and watch him scream in pain.

I'm serious.

The End.

 

[Lumberg]

I hate my father... I actually want to slowly, and demonically torture and kill him. Watch his blood spray, watch his brains ooz, and watch him scream in pain.

I'm serious.

The End.

You don't really mean that. Believe me this feeling will pass and turn to pity.

 

[Puddles]

I didn't ask to be born. They brought me here so they were dutibound to care for me. Just as my girls didn't ask to be born.

Funny thing? A parent will disown their child in a heartbeat, yet a child will forgive and forgive and forgive and love and love and love. Isn't THE PARENT'S LOVE for the child supposed to be unconditional?! But it is TRULY the other way around.

So true! My father offered to send my mother to Puerto Rico for an abortion when she got pregnant with me. She refused. The doctor who delivered me offered to adopt me but again she refused. Then through my entire childhood she apparently resented the choice she made and she took it out on me but she hid it very well from my father and everyone else. Right after I graduated from HS and was engaged to my husband she threw me out of the house. It was the best thing she ever did to me...I never had to look back. Although I hated her, I loved her to a degree. Now as years have passed, I no longer hate her or love her...the feelings have turned into a kind of numbness and I could care less if she lived or died right now. I am still civil to her and see her a few times a year, but it's more out of pitty than anything else. Just because she was evil to me doesn't mean I should be that way to her.

Originally posted by Drunken_Weasel
I hate my father... I actually want to slowly, and demonically torture and kill him. Watch his blood spray, watch his brains ooz, and watch him scream in pain.

I'm serious.

The End.

DW...I used to feel like you. I used to have vivid nightmares of me slitting my mother's throat open while she slept but I knew I could never do such a thing in reality and the nightmares drove me nearly insane and caused a lot of guilt. It can eat you up inside. Just know that in time the pain will become less and the hateful feelings you have will lessen as well. They'll probably never go away completely, but it will get easier. You are fortunate to have had your grandmother around to teach you love...although she's gone now, she will always be a part of you in your soul...no one can ever take that away from you. Someday you will be able to share the lessons of love that you learned from her with your wife and children of your own (if you want them). Your grandmother will live on through you. As time goes on, train yourself to think of the negative stuff less and the positives more...it took me a long time to figure out that wasting my time focussing on the bad stuff was only making my days worse. Fuck that! I want to be happy!

 

[HANSEL]

Blood is Blood man.

I have alot of problems with my father, but you just have to overlook it and move on, he did his best.

However, I loved the part in Fight Club when TD is asked who he would fight if he could fight anyone and he responds " My Dad" like "Of Course" .