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i think i'm going to start using outdated humour

smallmovesal

smallmovesal

New member
Q: How many Contras does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Only one, but he doesn't know where it came from.


Q: How many Contras does it take to change a light bulb?
A: One, but he needs one Iranian, one Israeli, four Canadians, and Arab, twenty Swiss, and Afghan, and Oliver North to help him.

how about that jessica hahn? what's up with that? tammy faye looks like a drag queen... woah, i kid folks. you're a great crowd.
 
WODIN said:
She's here till Thursday. Try the Veal....
Click to expand...

:lmao:

now what about gary hart? i mean, the guy has a yacht called "monkey business" and he takes a woman out for a lil' sumthin sumthin on it... i mean, what gives with these politicians?
 
Call me a sentimental S.O.B., but I miss Yakov Smirnov. I know the Cold War has been over for a few years now, and that is a good thing. Still, I long for the days when Yakov Smirnov used his special brand of immigrant humor to point out the foibles of life in Communist Russia.
The first time I saw Yakov was on an episode of “Night Court.” He was mixed up in some sort of real estate scheme and had to go to court. I feared that Dan Fielding would nail Yakov’s russki balls to the wall, when suddenly Yakov chimed in with his “What a country” bit. Needless to say, the courtroom was adjourned for a slight recess of riotous laughter. When the hearing resumed, Judge Harry dropped all charges and let our beloved Smirnov go home a free man.
A few months later, I saw Yakov during his “No funny, no money” tour at the Crazy Shack comedy club in Chicago. As the zany political refugee took the stage, the Midwestern crowd became a little apprehensive. They didn’t know what to expect from Smirnov. What they got was a blistering 12-hour set of “What a country” jokes.
As I sat near the exit, I counted at least a baker’s dozen comedy fans being carried out on stretchers, having suffered violent laugh attacks. Five of those people would die, but with smiles on their faces. What a way to go.
Those were the good days. Unfortunately, no one has heard from Yakov since the Berlin Wall fell. Where is he now? Maybe he is directing films in Hollywood. Maybe he is sleeping in John Larroquette’s garage. Maybe he is being brutally tortured by angry Russian nationalists.
Whatever the case might be, I think we all owe it to Yakov, and to ourselves, to find him. Let us scour the earth. Please join me in this crusade.

Better yet, let's hire him for our party in Boston.
 
smallmovesal said:
Call me a sentimental S.O.B., but I miss Yakov Smirnov. I know the Cold War has been over for a few years now, and that is a good thing. Still, I long for the days when Yakov Smirnov used his special brand of immigrant humor to point out the foibles of life in Communist Russia.
The first time I saw Yakov was on an episode of “Night Court.” He was mixed up in some sort of real estate scheme and had to go to court. I feared that Dan Fielding would nail Yakov’s russki balls to the wall, when suddenly Yakov chimed in with his “What a country” bit. Needless to say, the courtroom was adjourned for a slight recess of riotous laughter. When the hearing resumed, Judge Harry dropped all charges and let our beloved Smirnov go home a free man.
A few months later, I saw Yakov during his “No funny, no money” tour at the Crazy Shack comedy club in Chicago. As the zany political refugee took the stage, the Midwestern crowd became a little apprehensive. They didn’t know what to expect from Smirnov. What they got was a blistering 12-hour set of “What a country” jokes.
As I sat near the exit, I counted at least a baker’s dozen comedy fans being carried out on stretchers, having suffered violent laugh attacks. Five of those people would die, but with smiles on their faces. What a way to go.
Those were the good days. Unfortunately, no one has heard from Yakov since the Berlin Wall fell. Where is he now? Maybe he is directing films in Hollywood. Maybe he is sleeping in John Larroquette’s garage. Maybe he is being brutally tortured by angry Russian nationalists.
Whatever the case might be, I think we all owe it to Yakov, and to ourselves, to find him. Let us scour the earth. Please join me in this crusade.

Better yet, let's hire him for our party in Boston.
Click to expand...


lol, I just recently read the op/ed article above http://www.uwosh.edu/AT/04-12-00/LighterStories.html. too funny.

you can invite him to the party, I'm going to invite him to be my best man whenever I get married.
 
smallmovesal said:


are you coming to the party nature boy? i promise we won't make out.
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when is the party? I have a kind of fucked up schedule work wise, meaning I work during some weekends.... on the road.

as for making out, you never know. some women have told me that they have a confounding combinaiton of feelings toward me. Most often it's a cross between total arousal and extreme revulsion. its very interesting really.
 
The Nature Boy said:



:( I can't make it. I'll be working from a cesspool also known as Cleveland Ohio. It's a fun town, but not nearly as upscale as Boston.
Click to expand...

maybe you can re-enact the "cleveland rocks" sequence from drew carey instead.
 
smallmovesal said:


maybe you can re-enact the "cleveland rocks" sequence from drew carey instead.
Click to expand...

yes but instead we can have mutants and mullet headed freaks and crackheads and midgets and pigmen and amputees following me around and raising hell like in Drew Carey.

and they will say, in unison, with missing teeth and marble filled mouths, "cleveland rocks"!!!!
 
The Nature Boy said:



:( I can't make it. I'll be working from a cesspool also known as Cleveland Ohio. It's a fun town, but not nearly as upscale as Boston.
Click to expand...



Will you be in indianapolis, cincinatti or dayton anytime soon?
 
The Nature Boy said:



:( I can't make it. I'll be working from a cesspool also known as Cleveland Ohio. It's a fun town, but not nearly as upscale as Boston.
Click to expand...

speaking of upscale - I know two bars here that homeless people frequent. the cool thing about those is the drinks are cheap. talking under $1 cheap. the downside is they are pretty dirty and smokey. but cheap. to find one we gave a homeless guy that was carrying a level (don't know why - it was a huge like 5ft long one too) $2 and he showed us where the place was. then he blew the $2 on booze. I knew he wasn't really an architect.
that one is in Back Bay of all places, and then the other is in Davis Square in Somerville (Slummerville) and is called Sligos. the average age there is 70 or so and not a whole lotta teeth in the place. but lots of smoke.

very very upscale.
 
HappyScrappy said:


speaking of upscale - I know two bars here that homeless people frequent. the cool thing about those is the drinks are cheap. talking under $1 cheap. the downside is they are pretty dirty and smokey. but cheap. to find one we gave a homeless guy that was carrying a level (don't know why - it was a huge like 5ft long one too) $2 and he showed us where the place was. then he blew the $2 on booze. I knew he wasn't really an architect.
that one is in Back Bay of all places, and then the other is in Davis Square in Somerville (Slummerville) and is called Sligos. the average age there is 70 or so and not a whole lotta teeth in the place. but lots of smoke.

very very upscale.
Click to expand...

you know, you've got me thinking. I wonder if there are any hot homeless women. I might have to stop by at that bar.
 
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