Suggestions
#1) Anti-Depressants - weak way to do it, but some people need anxiety/depression drugs.
tried zoloft on two length occasions - I much prefer not being on anything - but if you are clinaclly depressed and do have lower searatonin levels, then these definitely can help you out at feeling normal again.
#2) Grain Alcohol - People will tell you not to drink if you are depressed. I am not one of those people.
I certainly have done this one, but I had a slight "problem" you might say and now I probably have on average one beer a week - perhaps even less.
#3) Suicide - I don't condone it, but there are a lot of people who do.
I tried that, but all kinds of people get really pissed about that. if you are goin gto do it - whih I don't advise - at least be polite to whoever finds you and try to find a non-messy and/or gruesome way of going. nobody likes cleaning up brains... well, maybe the goatslayer.
#4) Heroin - Need I say more?
never tried this, but did induldge in various psychotropics
heroin has that whole "addictive" thing and the cost makes it annoying too.
#5) Cheap Prostitute - Syphillis is always fun.
never tried this. likely never will.
#6) Nationwide Murder Spree - Just don't get caught.
I'd totally be a serial killer if it weren't so much work. weed out the dipshits of this world - but again, people really look down on that.
#7) Self-Mutilation - You'll be too busy bandaging your wounds to be depressed.
I had a girlfriend in high school that did this. never up for it myself. although I sometimes beat my penis pretty severlely.
#8) Mope and listen to sad songs - Well, might as well finish that sex change.
this is my motto... well, not so much the sex change
#9) Lift weights with total focus - Always good motivation, you could even throw the weights at your neighbours for an added bonus.
this is good b/c of all of the things you listed, this is actually constructive as opposted to destructive... well, at least not to yourself.
#10) Herd Sheep - Personally, I find this to be a great way to keep my spirits lifted.
hmm, this makes me think of ministers. no wonder they are always so happy.
another good way to stay happy is to fuck sheep - but again - so many people frown on this.