I need some advice..HELP!

[vixenbabe]

Do you know ANY friends or family members who get depressed?

I'm at a total loss on this end since I 've never had to deal with this situation before!

The situation: My pal lives far away. We talk and e-mail one another a lot. I always e-mail her and tell her that I'll be calling her at a certain time. I do not like to infringe myself in my pals personal space.

I've been trying to contact her for a couple of weeks, even after she's told me to call anytime. I get the answering machine, or a busy signal. I send her an e-mail yesterday kinda joking that I can take a hint. She responds saying that I should not take it personally but she is too depressed to talk to anyone.

Now...I'm a stubborn lil bitch and that shit don't fly for a number of reasons:

1) I'm worried about her and her emotional health right now.
2) She knows I won't judge her for HER feelings (Hell..She knows by at least talking with me for an hour I can get her to laugh for a bit!)

Stumped and worried...

I'll be surfing the web for info..BUTTTT ..PLEASE GIVE ME ANY ADVICE IF YOU HAVE DEALT WITH A DEPRESSED PERSON IN YOUR LIFE.

Thanks in advance!

 

[saint808]

the secret to being happy is to just be happy... sounds simple enough doesn't it... all you can do is talk to her... she will only get help when she feels she is ready for it.

 

[The Shadow]

yeah...have her go talk to a therapist...if she refuses - a local Gp can talk with her and prescribe Prozac(a little too stiff for most)///Adivant(for anxiety) or Paxil - IMO the best of the three - mild and once the dosages are leveled, very little sides some weight gain is possible but if she is exercising and watching her diet it shouldn't be a big deal..


If you want more details(and specifics) pm me.

 

[TEXgrl]

make her talk to you, find a way to do it. when i get depressed, i shut people out, i will avoid everyone, and it makes it worse. i always feel better when someone makes me talk. its like a load being lifted just to talk.

 

[the nature boy]

I get that way sometimes vix. she needs to go get help, that's no way for her to live her life.

 

[PolishHammer1977]

The only thing you can do is be supportive. If you stand aside her and walk along with her, she will know and understand that you are going to be there for her until the end. That in itself is the most warming and comfortable aspect of a relationship to someone experiencing depression. I know you can not walk along her because you are not with her. Look into my words and read into the meaning.

I can tell you that someone close to me has/had/ experienced depression. Those are the only methods that successfully worked in attempting to bring him/her back into mainstream reality. You can PM me if you need to. Good luck and stay positive.

 

[naturally anabolic]

hound her, call untill u reach her. You gotta talk to her and find out what it is that is triggering her depression, she may tell you she doesnt know but often times the depressed do and are trying to avoid going into it. Then just be supportive and go from there.

 

[vixenbabe]

She does take meds, or at least she's mentioned she does in the past. I can NOT recall what they are to be honest.

She HAS never shut me out before..EVER! This scares me more than anything!

I'm really worried right now. I just have this thought of her hurting herself ...I could NOT deal with that...I just could'nt.

Now I'm getting pissed and I feel guilty for being pissed at her!

I won't give up...I'm just a tad bit lost right now...Damn..HATE THIS FEELING!

 

[the nature boy]

sounds like she might want to see a therapist and get some new meds.

 

[vixenbabe]

I'm sorry......THANKS AND KISSES TO EACH OF YOU FOR ADVICE.

 

[saint808]

next time you talk to her even if it is an e-mail... tell her if she does anything to hurt herself that you will feel dissapointed in yourself for not being a good enough friend... somone close to me told me that once and i think about it when i have my lows.

 

[Y_lifter]

Vix, IMO don't pressure her to talk about whatever the actual ISSUE is. You have tried that and she is shutting down.

Go to her, and just be her Friend.
Don't even bring it up, just spend a bit of time with her.
Have a good time with her, talk about girl stuff.

And I bet out of no where, she will just open up and let it all out.

 

[vixenbabe]

Saint - this woman knows that I love her very much(no not in some sexual way for the pervs who read this)

I tell her that I love her and she's worth a lot to me . The people in my life KNOW that I love them...I've NEVER been one to not express myself.

I have NEVER felt so damn helpless as I do right now.

Supnav...I have not been an e-mailing fool..Trust me. I called and left only two messages the past two weeks as well.

 

[saint808]

Saint - this woman knows that I love her very much(no not in some sexual way for the pervs who read this)

I tell her that I love her and she's worth a lot to me . The people in my life KNOW that I love them...I've NEVER been one to not express myself.

I have NEVER felt so damn helpless as I do right now.

Supnav...I have not been an e-mailing fool..Trust me. I called and left only two messages the past two weeks as well.

sometimes people get caught in tunnel vision tho... they can't see the good things around them... all they can obsess about is the thing they are depressed over... most of the time things will change and they will pull out of it... but all you can do is be there if she wants to talk... i know you feel like there is more you can do but sometimes there isn't... don't crucify yourself for it... you can never get that last nail in.

 

[naturally anabolic]

for instance, i often time have to hit saint with a goddamn steel chair to the back of the head

 

[vixenbabe]

I'm listening..but my heart is having a hard time hearing...

I'll let her come to me...and ...I'll worry myself sick until I hear from her...

THANKS AGAIN EVERYONE...Really..THANK YOU VERY MUCH!

Natty....You better not hurt Saint's purty bald head!

 

[vinylgroover]

I'm sorry to hear it sweets.

Do you know of anyone that may live close by? Is she alone ie married, single?

Just keep in touch and reinforce her. Doesn't matter if you send e-mails, leave her messages whatever. You don't have to say 'please call me', just send her messages that give her positive re-inforcement or 'how you're thinking of her' or just talk about what you did on the weekend etc etc. She will be reading them and listening to them. she may not respond but i bet she will be taking in the messages.

I don't agree with 'not pressuring' her. Giving and offering love to a friend is not 'pressure'. Anytime a friend of mine has been seriously depressed, i am there reinforcing them, even when they tell me they don't want to listen. There's no such thing as smothering when loving friends and family is concerned IMO.

People get depressed through a drop in their self esteem or feeling of low self worth for whatever reason. Positive reinforcement is a great remedy.

I hope she responds to you soon.

 

[chesty]

I think depression is over rated. Not too mention treating the symptons with medicine instead the cause. It maybe that she has become used to her dose and has become dependent upon the medicine for happiness.

What is her life like? Is she married? Kids? Money troubles? All of these can lead to feeling depressed, what you have to realize is that only she can pull herself up. She has to want to be happy, and then do something about it. It is the battle to get there that will define her and strengthen her.

We all feel depressed at times, it is natural. But you can't let it rule your life nor allow drugs to be the cure.

Keep on her, till she responds. Be tough with her, but let her know you care.