I fucked up.

[jnevin]

So this is kind of a sequel to my phone pic thread. I had gone on a bender for a while after that whole thing, and had talked to a girl I knew when I was divorced. Nothing happened, but we texted back and forth for about a week and a half. She was very flirty and had sent me a ton of pics. Like knuckle deep pics, which I deleted. Once, in a drunken stupor, I sent her one. I stopped the texting and told her it wasn't right and I couldn't do it any more. Hell, it's what got me all upset and on the bender in the first place.

So for over 5 months now, I haven't heard from her or talked to her. Friday she started drunk texting me. She was being flirty, I really wasn't. I called her to tell her to stop and that the whiff and I had worked things out and that I didn't want to be talking to her. So apparently last night she sent me the text of the pic I had sent her months ago saying she wanted it, etc. The message was pretty graphic. So, the whiff wakes up early this morning, picked my phone up to see what time it was, and my phone said it had a message. She hit a button she thought would make the message prompt go away, and el picturo del my wango with her message shows. I don't think I need to tell you she's not happy.

What she's mostly upset about is the fact that I wasn't going to tell her about what had happened. She told me about her pics because she felt so bad about it and wanted to get it out and be honest. I said nothing because I was ashamed of myself and was drunk out of my gourd. In AA they say to make ammends unless you think it would do more harm than good. This is kind of what I was thinking with this situation. I honestly would have been happier never knowing that she had sent any pics to that guy and she ended whatever without me ever knowing. Her feelings are so hurt. I feel like such a dick.

It doesn't help that we haven't had sex for as long as I can remember because she had TMJ, then I got the flu, then she had this 3 week PMS thing where her nips were hurting so bad, she was almost in tears when she got just a little cold. Now she has the flu.

Fuck. Just fuck.

 

[PICK3]

cliff notes

 

[Subzeero]

el picturo del my wango

lol

Tell her to read this post of yours. She should really understand. There is no reason to be upset at all.

She deserves a good explanation, like this one, so give her one mang. Life is full of ups and downs like these.

 

[Smurfy]

Dude damn that sucks. it sounds like a sequence of poor decisions on both parts (we've all made bad decisions). just try to be as honest with the whiff as possible and explain what you are and were feeling and tell her that you never meant in any way to hurt her and that you take responsibility for your actions (like she did when she fessed up about the phone pics a while ago) and see where it goes from there. what else can you really do? you cant change what happened.

 

[jnevin]

el picturo del my wango

lol

Tell her to read this post of yours. She should really understand. There is no reason to be upset at all.

She deserves a good explanation, like this one, so give her one mang. Life is full of ups and downs like these.

I told her, and I think/ hope she knows that there's nothing going on. I read the Friday conversation this morning, and it looked like I was egging her on because I was pretty much just replying with 1 word answers. Then I called her to tell her to stop texting. She's hurt about the pic, and that I never told her.

 

[jnevin]

Dude damn that sucks. it sounds like a sequence of poor decisions on both parts (we've all made bad decisions). just try to be as honest with the whiff as possible and explain what you are and were feeling and tell her that you never meant in any way to hurt her and that you take responsibility for your actions (like she did when she fessed up about the phone pics a while ago) and see where it goes from there. what else can you really do? you cant change what happened.

I know. I think about it every day, honestly. (the past texting)

She left this morning to teach her classes and sent a text saying she won't be coming home until late.

 

[Smurfy]

I know. I think about it every day, honestly. (the past texting)

She left this morning to teach her classes and sent a text saying she won't be coming home until late.

You can imagine how she's hurting right now, because you were so upset about HER phone pic incident that it actually caused you to go on a bender.

give her time to work through her feelings and being upset. dont try to force her to understand at this juncture. she needs to work through the anger and hurt first (like you did previously).

damn I shoulda been a counselor

 

[bran987]

fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck.
similar thing happened to friend.
alcohol is so fuckin' bad.

 

[jnevin]

You can imagine how she's hurting right now, because you were so upset about HER phone pic incident that it actually caused you to go on a bender.

give her time to work through her feelings and being upset. dont try to force her to understand at this juncture. she needs to work through the anger and hurt first (like you did previously).

damn I shoulda been a counselor

I think I need to go beat a homeless person up. That will at least make me feel slightly better, cause I ain't drinking.

 

[gonelifting]

I agree with the high priced fridge. Show her this exact post you made (exclude the last paragraph and print "wife") Seriously, show her the printed text of what you wrote. Do it!

Can you cry on demand? That would also help. Just saying...

 

[habitualhealth]

Dude damn that sucks. it sounds like a sequence of poor decisions on both parts (we've all made bad decisions). just try to be as honest with the whiff as possible and explain what you are and were feeling and tell her that you never meant in any way to hurt her and that you take responsibility for your actions (like she did when she fessed up about the phone pics a while ago) and see where it goes from there. what else can you really do? you cant change what happened.

I'm convinced men are just NOT capable of doing this. (not necessarily jnevin..bc i don't know you) but just in general.

Pansy way out seems to stand strong for most men. Seems easier to run and avoid, than man up to it.

Great advice though, smurfer.

 

[jnevin]

I'm convinced men are just NOT capable of doing this. (not necessarily jnevin..bc i don't know you) but just in general.

Pansy way out seems to stand strong for most men. Seems easier to run and avoid, than man up to it.

Great advice though, smurfer.

No, I told her I was/ am sorry, and about why it had happened and that it had stopped. She's hurt about the fact that I didn't tell her before.

I personally wouldn't want to know any of this if nothing had happened. I think I was just thinking this way instead of telling her and getting it out in the open and upsetting her. I would have been happier if I didn't know she had sent the pics to that guy. Nothing happened between them, I didn't need to know about the pics.

 

[Spartacus]

I agree with the high priced fridge. Show her this exact post you made (exclude the last paragraph and print "wife")

heh

 

[jh1]

Eh.... I am having trouble understanding.

From what I gather you two were divorced? You did what you did if that's that case. You were DIVORCED. Nothing to be ashamed of. I wouldn't have told her either, she needs to wrap her head around that and understand why you wouldn't want to share that information freely - i.e. it would hurt her feelings.

I feel bad for her that she had to have seen that and was hurt by it, and for you for having to be in that position... but if I understand this right - I think you did the best you could and that's all anyone can ask of you.

Now change your phone number.

 

[jnevin]

Eh.... I am having trouble understanding.

From what I gather you two were divorced? You did what you did if that's that case. You were DIVORCED. Nothing to be ashamed of. I wouldn't have told her either, she needs to wrap her head around that and understand why you wouldn't want to share that information freely - i.e. it would hurt her feelings.

I feel bad for her that she had to have seen that and was hurt by it, and for you for having to be in that position... but if I understand this right - I think you did the best you could and that's all anyone can ask of you.

Now change your phone number.

What is is that we got divorced and were apart for over a year. This is when I had met the texter. The wife and I got back together and have been working things out, but haven't re-married. 5 or 6 months ago, she came to me and told me she had sent boob pics to a coworker while we were apart. No big deal there. Then she told me that she had sent one that day and felt bad about it and wanted to tell me to get it off her chest. A bender ensued, leading to the first post. This all happened while we've been together.

 

[habitualhealth]

No, I told her I was/ am sorry, and about why it had happened and that it had stopped. She's hurt about the fact that I didn't tell her before.

I personally wouldn't want to know any of this if nothing had happened. I think I was just thinking this way instead of telling her and getting it out in the open and upsetting her. I would have been happier if I didn't know she had sent the pics to that guy. Nothing happened between them, I didn't need to know about the pics.

I don't know the entire situation so I can't really comment. I have a different perspective apparently than most...if you're committed to someone, regardless of what is going on, neither person should ever be entertaining someone else. Be it pictures, texts, emails, etc. In my mind, there is no justifiable reason or excuse. If there's insecurities or hope to keep other options open...then end the current relationship. Otherwise, unfortunately, this is exactly what happens. It creates so much heartache. I'm sorry you're going through this....it certainly sounds like you truly feel remorse for hurting her.

You could be like most men and project your own guilt, fear, doubts, etc onto her which would really cause her more pain than imaginable. I respect your position. Continue telling yourself you're doing the right thing. If it's worth having...do like smurfy said, give her time to be angry, hurt, etc....she'll come back around. If not, could be a blessing in disguise.

I can understand her being hurt and upset, feeling betrayed because you weren't honest and upfront. Relationships are so weird. I like to think there's a higher being involved but it seems like no matter what you do, be it right or wrong, if you're doing something that could or would ultimately hurt your significant other.....it's going to come out. Prob would have softened the blow a great deal if you had've told her up front. Sometimes, it's easier to live in fear of what reality could be and keep things like that to ourselves, than if/when we are completely honest.

 

[jh1]

What is is that we got divorced and were apart for over a year. This is when I had met the texter. The wife and I got back together and have been working things out, but haven't re-married. 5 or 6 months ago, she came to me and told me she had sent boob pics to a coworker while we were apart. No big deal there. Then she told me that she had sent one that day and felt bad about it and wanted to tell me to get it off her chest. A bender ensued, leading to the first post. This all happened while we've been together.

Oh.

 

[jnevin]

I don't know the entire situation so I can't really comment. I have a different perspective apparently than most...if you're committed to someone, regardless of what is going on, neither person should ever be entertaining someone else. Be it pictures, texts, emails, etc. In my mind, there is no justifiable reason or excuse. If there's insecurities or hope to keep other options open...then end the current relationship. Otherwise, unfortunately, this is exactly what happens. It creates so much heartache. I'm sorry you're going through this....it certainly sounds like you truly feel remorse for hurting her.

You could be like most men and project your own guilt, fear, doubts, etc onto her which would really cause her more pain than imaginable. I respect your position. Continue telling yourself you're doing the right thing. If it's worth having...do like smurfy said, give her time to be angry, hurt, etc....she'll come back around. If not, could be a blessing in disguise.

I can understand her being hurt and upset, feeling betrayed because you weren't honest and upfront. Relationships are so weird. I like to think there's a higher being involved but it seems like no matter what you do, be it right or wrong, if you're doing something that could or would ultimately hurt your significant other.....it's going to come out. Prob would have softened the blow a great deal if you had've told her up front. Sometimes, it's easier to live in fear of what reality could be and keep things like that to ourselves, than if/when we are completely honest.

I agree with that. We've just both been so busy lately, I started a new job, everything's stressful, and then this. Sonofabitch.

 

[stilleto]

jnevin- you both made bad decisions and if you're really being honest now with her, and sharing your feelings and stuff, time will heal things.

good luck.

 

[gonelifting]

What's with the k messages?! "High priced fridge"= subzeero. damn you people!

 

[Gambino]

i don't understand why these naughty pics of girlie were not promptly posted here for us to oggle

 

[Gambino]

and jnevin i don't mean to be negative
but dating a gal you divorced-disaster waiting to happen again.
didn't you learn the first time around/

 

[caligirl]

and jnevin i don't mean to be negative
but dating a gal you divorced-disaster waiting to happen again.
didn't you learn the first time around/

sometimes it's hard to let go.

 

[jnevin]

and jnevin i don't mean to be negative
but dating a gal you divorced-disaster waiting to happen again.
didn't you learn the first time around/

It's a bit different than probably 98% of relationships that ended in divorce.

 

[gonelifting]

I'm sure you've already told her this but this is the deal..... I'll also add.. IF she doesn't do this, then she may just be seaking some kind of attention or power thing from you and the relationship, so tread carefully...


Now, tell her that it's in the past and all you can both do now is apologize and move forward because you DO want to work things out with her. again, you may have told her this slready... but if she keeps this up, she may want what I described in the first sentance up top. Tell her and "do it"! If she can't understand that, then she just may be seeking that stuff. Good luck man. My hat's off to you guys for even trying again. props.

 

[jnevin]

I'm sure you've already told her this but this is the deal..... I'll also add.. IF she doesn't do this, then she may just be seaking some kind of attention or power thing from you and the relationship, so tread carefully...


Now, tell her that it's in the past and all you can both do now is apologize and move forward because you DO want to work things out with her. again, you may have told her this slready... but if she keeps this up, she may want what I described in the first sentance up top. Tell her and "do it"! If she can't understand that, then she just may be seeking that stuff. Good luck man. My hat's off to you guys for even trying again. props.

Thanks. I was kind of thinking that too. Or that in a way, she's relieved that I was an idiot douchebag and did this because it makes us even-ish. It sucks any way you cut it.

 

[digimon7068]

anything that you did when you were apart and had no reason to believe that you weren't going to stay that way should not be held against you. . .period.

i was never a playa but i had my moments. . .some of those "moments" were with women that ended up married to someone that remained within my circle of friends. . .what i'm saying is that there are still occassions when we are in the same room together in social situations and we still exchange christmas cards. . .my wife doesn't know shit. . .it was before she came on the scene and i see know reason to tell her. . .it would just make things. . .weird. . .what for?? life is short. but, if she did find out, i would expect her to deal with it and move on. . .same goes for me.

 

[medical]

It doesn't help that we haven't had sex for as long as I can remember because she had TMJ, then I got the flu, then she had this 3 week PMS thing where her nips were hurting so bad, she was almost in tears when she got just a little cold. Now she has the flu.

SCOY, bro.

 

[OMEGA]

cliff notes

^^

 

[Smurfy]

I'm convinced men are just NOT capable of doing this. (not necessarily jnevin..bc i don't know you) but just in general.

Pansy way out seems to stand strong for most men. Seems easier to run and avoid, than man up to it.

Great advice though, smurfer.

I dont know. Ive been with men who were pretty intouch with their emotions (read = crybaby pussies, j/k) and they are/were most certainly better at expressing their feelings and talking about things than I ever was (working on that!). Men might not be AS in touch in general with their emotions or what they're feeling, but at the same time, women in general are not AS in touch with logic/reason/reality.

 

[Smurfy]

^^^I'm accepting KARMA donations for my last post here, guys. You know how to reach me.

 

[Subzeero]

What's with the k messages?! "High priced fridge"= subzeero. damn you people!

thats very funny GL.

 

[habitualhealth]

I dont know. Ive been with men who were pretty intouch with their emotions (read = crybaby pussies, j/k) and they are/were most certainly better at expressing their feelings and talking about things than I ever was (working on that!). Men might not be AS in touch in general with their emotions or what they're feeling, but at the same time, women in general are not AS in touch with logic/reason/reality.

Some, true but
more often than not, they think they are in touch but really have no clue.

And yes, women are definitely fueled by there emotions. No doubt. Fortunately, when logic/reason/reality kick it...it partners for a big ol wake up call. At that point, we figure it all out.