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I am soo tired today - NEED HELP
- Thread starter Meantime1
- Start date
tuc biscuit
New member
what's the difference between 'oooooooh' and 'OOOOOOOOOOOhhhhhhhh'?
about 3 inches
about 3 inches
ok.
this frog walks into a bank and goes to the desk of "miss patty black, loan officer".
He says "yes, hello, i'd like a loan please."
Patty says "hmmm.... we don't usually give loans out to toads, do you have any collateral?"
the frog pulls a little statue out of his pocket and shows it to her. She looks at it for a minute and says "no.. i'm sorry... its not enough"
The frog says "Can i please speak to your manager?"
Patty gets up and brings her manager over, who asks what the problem is.
The frog explains that he wants a loan and has collateral. He takes out the statue and shows it to him and then says "Miss Black says its not enough."
The manager looks at the frog, looks at the statue and turns to Miss Black and says "Its a knick knack Patty Black, give the frog a loan!"
this frog walks into a bank and goes to the desk of "miss patty black, loan officer".
He says "yes, hello, i'd like a loan please."
Patty says "hmmm.... we don't usually give loans out to toads, do you have any collateral?"
the frog pulls a little statue out of his pocket and shows it to her. She looks at it for a minute and says "no.. i'm sorry... its not enough"
The frog says "Can i please speak to your manager?"
Patty gets up and brings her manager over, who asks what the problem is.
The frog explains that he wants a loan and has collateral. He takes out the statue and shows it to him and then says "Miss Black says its not enough."
The manager looks at the frog, looks at the statue and turns to Miss Black and says "Its a knick knack Patty Black, give the frog a loan!"
There's 3 midgets. They're examining their bodies, when the first one goes 'I bet I have the smallest hands in the world.' The second one goes, 'Yeah? I bet i have the smallest feet.' Finally, the third says, 'Well, i don't really feel comfortable admitting this, but I think I have the smallest dick in the world.'
So they all, one by one, go and check the Guinness Book of Records. The first midget comes back, and happily exclaims 'Yeah! I have the smallest hands in the world!' The second midget comes back, also ecstatic. 'Yes! Smallest feet!!'
After a few minutes, the third midget comes back, with a very gloomy look on his face. The other two ask 'What's wrong dude?'
'... Who the fuck is The Shadow?'
So they all, one by one, go and check the Guinness Book of Records. The first midget comes back, and happily exclaims 'Yeah! I have the smallest hands in the world!' The second midget comes back, also ecstatic. 'Yes! Smallest feet!!'
After a few minutes, the third midget comes back, with a very gloomy look on his face. The other two ask 'What's wrong dude?'
'... Who the fuck is The Shadow?'
Deterass
New member
Two women were talking about their lives since they had become Nursing home residents.
They both agreed that life was good but one woman, Ethel, said she was rather upset because her sex life had really died out since she and her Husband had come to the nursing home.
The other woman said that her sex life was great!
"The secret to great sex is this," the woman told her, "when my husband is getting ready for bed, I get undressed, lay on the bed and put both legs behind my head. When he comes out and sees me like that he gets so excited, we have wild sex the rest of the night!"
Ethel says, "I'm going to try that tonight!"
When Ethel's husband is getting ready in the bathroom that night, she takes off all her clothes. Although it's a struggle, she gets one leg up and behind her head. Pretty soon, she has the other leg behind her head as well. After accomplishing this great feat, Ethel falls backwards and can't move.
It's not too long before her husband comes out of the bathroom. With a shocked look on his face, her husband yells "For God's sake Ethel, comb your hair and put your teeth in, you look like an asshole!"
They both agreed that life was good but one woman, Ethel, said she was rather upset because her sex life had really died out since she and her Husband had come to the nursing home.
The other woman said that her sex life was great!
"The secret to great sex is this," the woman told her, "when my husband is getting ready for bed, I get undressed, lay on the bed and put both legs behind my head. When he comes out and sees me like that he gets so excited, we have wild sex the rest of the night!"
Ethel says, "I'm going to try that tonight!"
When Ethel's husband is getting ready in the bathroom that night, she takes off all her clothes. Although it's a struggle, she gets one leg up and behind her head. Pretty soon, she has the other leg behind her head as well. After accomplishing this great feat, Ethel falls backwards and can't move.
It's not too long before her husband comes out of the bathroom. With a shocked look on his face, her husband yells "For God's sake Ethel, comb your hair and put your teeth in, you look like an asshole!"
Patrick Steele
New member
Have a large sized frappaccino from starbucks. It contains approx 600 mgs of caffeine. The equivalent to 6 small cups of coffee. It will deffinitelly get you up and going.
Last edited:
i got no replies to my most awesome joke so here is another:
two ladies are sitting there at a table having coffee. one looks out the window and says "oh no... here comes my husband with a bouquet of flowers for me"
The second lady says "so? whats wrong with that?? its very nice!"
She replies "well, that means tonight i have to take a bath, get all powdered up and lay on the bed with my legs spread."
and her friend replies,
"whats the matter, don't you have a vase?"
two ladies are sitting there at a table having coffee. one looks out the window and says "oh no... here comes my husband with a bouquet of flowers for me"
The second lady says "so? whats wrong with that?? its very nice!"
She replies "well, that means tonight i have to take a bath, get all powdered up and lay on the bed with my legs spread."
and her friend replies,
"whats the matter, don't you have a vase?"
