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how to pack up, move, and start over

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ive gotten this as some advice for my current circumstances. but as i have come to realIZE, THE police are jackass slow motherfuckers in getting someone thrown in jail that obviouslt needs to be there

since my detecxtive wont give me any status reports on our cases, what the hell. how can we move if we know that most likely we still have to maybe even testify (which i doubt if he plea bargains)

moving is fucking expensive..... our lease isnt up until sometime in late june
dread lord says that doesnt mean shit to him, he can and will move whenever he wants

i just dont know what kind of move would be advantagous to us at this point. we are both juniors in college for business administration. we are aiming for masters. but my goals have seemed changed to an unreal degree.
i just dont care about anything anymore
dread lord does his best to help me out emotionally and now he is on paxil he does an ENORMOUS amount of work around the apartment
it's completely rearranged.....
we have 3 bedroom, and he changed the old bedroom to a computer room for 3 pc's and o ur new bedroom is really nice

i have NEVER seen him work so hard in all the years i have known him

so. in a way, i feel like we dont have to move necessarily...

he is really keen on business and has tons of business knowledge on his own, regardless of college. i headed in the same way because a business administration degree is pretty much a switchblade degree

i just recently thought...... maybe if i only get my bachelors and help him along with his masters, he can really get a kick ass job considering all the experience he has. i was thinking. why the hell couldnt i be his administrative assistant then? i will be more than qualified as he teaches me along the way.

what do you think? i just know im fucking tired of school and want to move on with my life and my career or whatever

he seems to like the idea of me being his admin. assistant. he would need a secretary anyway, and i guarantee, with my IQ and experience i can learn everythng i will ever need to know to do the job properly

our relationshiop, fortunately, is unbeievably solid. we are going to get married soon. just by a justice of the peace or whatever, no ceremony because our families hate us and we have no friends

i dont klnow why i bother telling all this stuff on elite. i have no other way to express my emotions to any 'real' people, but there are some people here that i do trust and like to confide in

ive always been crazy ambitious with goals and everything, but i just dont want to do anything any more after the assault....

im just rambling these ideas out for myself more than anything else, i can't really talk excessivley to him about it because he is busy enough onhis own to listen to my jibberish.

this post probably doesnt make any sense, but for the few of you out there that know what happened, what do you think about this?

i am very capable of getting an MBA, i just don't think i want or need to anymore. i'd rather play the loving housewife and/or his own personal little secretary.
i worry about the age old idea of the boss fucking the secretary anyway, and i wouldnt want that to happen at all, that would destroy me now. even though all this is thinking at least 6 months to years ahead i just wanted to get some feedback on what you think

i might come out of my slump and regain all that ambition, but honestly, ive always been a bad luck person and bad stuff happens to me far too often.
i just want to make things easy for myself and the person i intend on speending the rest of my life with

sigh...

:sulk:

questions, comments, flames, anyhting is welcome in this thread
 
hon, move.

second... one of you work... the other get the degree(s)... then the other works, the other goes to school.

don't give up. work for a while, then get back at it. i suspect you'll be glad you did.
 
I'd move. After all you've said about what's happened, sometimes it's good to start fresh somewhere else. Where nobody knows who you are, you and mr dread are like mr and mrs jones.

Whereever you're from, you need to leave. Too many bad memories IMO.
 
The Nature Boy said:

Whereever you're from, you need to leave. Too many bad memories IMO.
Click to expand...

how many years left on your course outta curiousity?

but yeah....a move might be the best thing for 2 newly weds
 
As we come to the crossroads in life, we all face the simple facts. The easy path, or that which is less traveled.....I choose forever Darl'in....

Nothing in life is easy, but the hardships can multiply overnight it seems...Luckily, you have a good man, a good realtionship to build your life....

Move?? Your family is dread lord, and where you and he travel, you home is at the end of that journey Babe.....

Enjoy the ride!!!

Ranger's Words....


Forever

An instant's bliss…
That moment of joy
Utter and complete,
So unlike
Any other.
Like lightning,
Or the flash of a firefly
In the night;
They blink by…
Brilliant, yet brief;
Forgotten amidst the pain
That is life.
Between these many
Seconds of ecstasy
And the ending…
A finality of
Rest,
We must choose a path.
Shall we take
The cherished moments,
Or the peaceful rewards
Of Death;
I, for one…
Will choose forever.

Ranger
 
should we up and move and say fuck the lease?
we've both alerady been accepted to a very decent school near here, not too far a commute
so should we just chill out and stay until then and then try to move, because moving NOW i dont really feel is an option

now that we literally have no one in our lives, no one, and since the apartment is COMPLETELy redone, top to bottom, thanks to dread lord, i dont think i'd mind staying here until the lease ends

its shitty here anyway and we pay too much rent for what it's worth
so i want to move, but he's the man with the money

i'll talk to him about it more
but he always tells me i worry too much or that it's too far ahead in the future to really judge yet
which is in a way true, so .
we are just hanging here, not leaving each other's sides and trying to be as close as possible, and i'm loving every minute of it

he may have been a dick in the past, but he really is a good hearted person who wants nothing but happiness for me
he has really changed, and it's permanent change not just bullshit words to make me feel better

im going to go chill with him
give me some more thoughts on this

all the replies mean alot to me, and i will get back to you guys on this

thank you all for the support and sympathy you have given me/us
:)
strange to say the only true friends i have are on elite fitness

talk to ya in a few hours or so
 
just want to point out that working with a spouse may not be the best thing in your life. seeing that you sill see a different side of each other, and TOO much of each other, work is freedom from the house life, and vice versa. I just wanted to throw this at you...
 
I would move...out of state, too. Just go somewhere where both of you can start over...finish school....work somewhere new...and just be with and support one another. So what if you have to go back to testify. Go back and testify and then the heck outta dodge. Don't look at it as running away...sometimes people need change...and a drastic one at that.

Good luck girly...you are in my thoughts.
 
the People's Champ said:
just want to point out that working with a spouse may not be the best thing in your life. seeing that you sill see a different side of each other, and TOO much of each other, work is freedom from the house life, and vice versa. I just wanted to throw this at you...
Click to expand...

our relationship, not to be ... overboard... but we have a really close relationship that we consider very special
we just get along unbelievavbly well,

everyone on this board seems to think that you should keep your past sex life and all that jazz a secret, but we are open books to each other

at different times, before our 'total' commitment, we have seen each other through and been strong to help the other, just out of good will

we started out as friends long before it progressed into anything else

i honestly believe i have seen everything in him, both good and bad, and so thats why i think it would be cool for us to work together sometime

that's just the way we are. somehow lucky in our bond with each other that most people dont ever get to experience.
our erlationship hasnt always been rosy, but we have both busted balls to fix the issues, and now we literally never fight and havent fought in such a long time i dont even remember

you make a VERY good point though, and i know people who work long hours and commute just to have time alone, but we really enjoy time spent with each other ... before, and now especially after all the bad shit happened
 
Night Fly said:
I would move...out of state, too. Just go somewhere where both of you can start over...finish school....work somewhere new...and just be with and support one another. So what if you have to go back to testify. Go back and testify and then the heck outta dodge. Don't look at it as running away...sometimes people need change...and a drastic one at that.

Good luck girly...you are in my thoughts.
Click to expand...

we were seriously (and still are) looking into moving to somewhere in canada, perhaps to fininsh our masters degrees
we have both lived in texas all our lives, and now that we have to family or anyone else to speak of or a reason to stay, we can literally pick and choose where we want to live and be as selective as we want. that is a nice thought in itself
it just may not be "soon:"...
that is still undecided. if we wanted to pick up and move in a week we couuld. thats the coolest thing.

but we just want to make the right decision, financially and otherwise.
neither of us has worked in a while due to school
i dont exactly feel up to geting a job yet... i just dont want to be around people yet, much less have to interact with them
but we have enough savings that its no big deal for us to just sit back and let things return to semi-normal
 
Fuck it - move.

You've got nothing to lose by the sounds of it. I've moved several times, and I always get something out of the experience. If you move to Canada, I'd move to BC. I'm a bit biased, but from my experiences, it is the best province of the bunch. Unless you like territories, then I'd look into Nunavut.
 
it must be nice to have someone to move with. luckily, i have someone to move in with but i doubt he & i would be able to move around together.

i've thought about southern mexico myself. alot of americans move there. there might be places in china that speak english too (i know english is a popular language there). so america, canada, southern mexico, UK, australia & china are all options.

dread_lady said:


we were seriously (and still are) looking into moving to somewhere in canada, perhaps to fininsh our masters degrees
we have both lived in texas all our lives, and now that we have to family or anyone else to speak of or a reason to stay, we can literally pick and choose where we want to live and be as selective as we want. that is a nice thought in itself
it just may not be "soon:"...
that is still undecided. if we wanted to pick up and move in a week we couuld. thats the coolest thing.

but we just want to make the right decision, financially and otherwise.
neither of us has worked in a while due to school
i dont exactly feel up to geting a job yet... i just dont want to be around people yet, much less have to interact with them
but we have enough savings that its no big deal for us to just sit back and let things return to semi-normal
Click to expand...
 
mel, bc is nice but expensive. i really agree you should move out of state/country.

if you want to come check out calgary beforehand you can come stay with me and i'll take you around. i'm serious. anytime you want to come let me know ok?

i'm moving from the area at the end of april though...

let me know, k?
 
I wore moccasins, a loin cloth, and an Iron Maiden headband. It was a bit cold when I jumped into the river, but that solved itself when I licked my stove element.
 
Save up, pick a place (US/Can), travel out for a couple days. Smell the air, walk the streets & look at the people, decide if you'd like to live there for a few years. Even a smaller change of neighbourhood might be good.
Personally I woulda been gone already. But reactions are as different as people, so that's only my opinion.
 
M.. I am sorry that I didn't reply sooner, but I just couldn't do it. I have some freaky shit on my plate right now and I will be THE FIRST to admit that I am an emotional basket case: happy and confident, feeling like nothing can touch me sometimes then feeling serious anxiety in anticipation of what stunt to anticipate from my ex next as we will be battling it out in court in the next few weeks...

I stopped at the way home from visiting with a friend and got some groceries and went to the craft store. I decided to make my girls little beaded hemp necklaces for Valentine's presents... I completed one necklace in about an hour.... I wasn't thinking about anything really, just tying the knots and stringing the beads and thinking about how much my girls will love that I MADE them a present instead of something store-bought...

See, in the fall I won't have a lot of free time anymore.

Today almost a year to the day was the day that I asked my ex to leave and told him that I wanted a divorce. I told him that he should go his way because I would surely go my way - PERIOD... and never looked back.

The last year has been a haze for me.... there is so much that I don't even remember. I had seen so many lows, nearly took my own life on more than one occasion.. and seriously contemplated it on others... almost walked away and gave up everything just so that the fighting between my ex and I would cease as I could see how much it was hurting the girls...

Engaged in a few short-term, BAD affairs and a one night stand or two... Had one wonderful friendship that became something that was so strong that I still have difficulty grasping of it... now at a total standstill, it seems.

Have now begun other "adult relationships"...... no-strings attached.

Began work as a go-go dancer to support me and my girls as I get ZERO childsupport.... I have a free, heated, place to live so I am NOT complaining...

Today, finally, I had the balls to actually go to campus and begin the application process to enroll in school in the fall.... nearly a year to the day when I told my ex we were over....

This time last year, I wanted to die... I was so confused and hurt that I didn't know which end was up.

Now I am going back to school, staying afloat financially and preparing to compete in the early spring....

Now I am strong and confident - I HAVE BALLS! Do I have all the answers? HELL NO!... but I am no longer so terrified that I don't leave the house, don't eat and don't even bathe... Yes, I spent MANY months like that last year.

I don't know what I am trying to tell you M... I know what it is like to be blamed and hated for something THAT WAS DONE TO YOU!.... DO NOT LET IT EAT YOU UP FROM INSIDE! You will get through this as I got through my most difficult times... YOU WILL!

Gurl - DO NOT GIVE UP ON SCHOOL TO BE A SECRETARY!!!

DON'T

DON'T

DON'T

If there is one word of advice that you EVER take from me, it IS TO LIVE YOUR DREAMS .... You will not be satisfied fulfilling the dreams of others!

PLEASE BELIVE ME! I WOULD NOT LIE ABOUT THIS!

FINISH SCHOOL.... then if you STILL want to be Dreadlord's "sexetary" BE MY GUEST! I am sure that he would NEVER want you to sacrifice YOUR DREAM for HIS!

Call me if you need to talk, OK?

I don't know if I can help you gurl, but sometimes it helps just to bend another's ear....

You HAVE MY NUMBER......USE IT. :)
 
Dread Lady,

Maybe a move would be good for you... I have started over like that twice in my life. I just got a burr in my butt or something..
It is an adventure... You are not running from something- maybe you are running to something..

Many of my friends who went to college at the same place and live in the same place tell me they are jealous of how I have lived.

When I moved to where I live now, I just packed up my car and moved... There was a job I wanted in this city so I moved and busted my butt until I got the job..No one could tell me I couldn't get it.. I had fun and learned a lot. Then I went back to college.

I'm fixing to move again..... Need more adventures :) :)

starfish
 
move move move move move!!! Start over with your honey! Move somewhere where there are good schools for you guys to finish your degrees. Screw your lease!!! If you need to, tell them your story and if they give you any shit they must be heartless ghouls!

I've moved around 2x already since I got out of college, and by myself too. It will be so much easier to do it with him and it'll even be fun to explore a new place together.

I know we don't know each other all that well 'cept from being ROADIES but I can tell you'd be someone I'd want as a friend off of Elite.

Best of luck and everything good to you. I hope this whole incident will only make you stonger not weaker.
 
thanks guys :)
you all really know how to cheer me up
i have been doing MUCH better lately
i tend to get grumpy for no reason at dread lord, for which i always apologize, it's these damn antipsychotic drug things
they keep me stable, but i just get snappy a bit too much wen i shouldnt

we are still riding the roller coaster... big time
but we somehow seem to be coming out far ahead than everyone else involved in this whole mess
that in itself is a very satisfying feeling

we both definitely still have our goals. bachelors degrees, no doubt. i will probably get my masters degree, but that just depends how i feel about it at the time. i know dread lord will get his, and we are at the exact same pace right now (both juniors) so who knows. i may stop at a BBA or go on for my MBA
we dont give a shit where we finish
we have a bit of money saved so that we can chill out and relax for a while, which is helping tremendously and i have plenty of stuff to keep my mind off anything negative

the moral support i have received here is unbelievable, and i promise, i will never forget it.. :)

some things have settled down, so we aren't so pressed to move immediately like we were thinking for a while
i am sure we will move, haha. just not sure where or when yet
canada is still looking as promising as ever
we may finish our bachelors degrees up here, and do our masters in canada, still a bit too far in the future to say or plan yet

i acrtuallyy feel happy now. i didnt expect to say that for a while! but how could i not be happy with such a great guy
i am truly lucky (now that i have trained him! and still in the process)

the police are profiling the shit out of us. they are so pissed off that they couldnt pin anything drug related to us that they now just trail us when we leave and ticket dread lord all the time in his camaro. he got 4 tickets in the same day for the same things! so we are just letting it sit while we drive the wrecked acura around. heheh, it is sort of humorous in a 'god likes to make people suffer' type of way
 
i feel alot stronger as an indiviual now. i depend on dread lord, yes, greatly, but by no means do i feel he cntrols me, my life, or my destiny

i just want to do what i feel is "right"
maybe it took certain events to unfold for us both to realize, there is a greater plan out there for us, and we are only headed up in the world, not down

a positive attitude is the best i can manage now,
i used to be so negative, and i still am occasionally
but then i look at what i have, and what i will have, and also who i am to offer myself to the world and know... somehow... i was meant to perhaps suffer this (even though i suffered alot already) just to show me many life lessons...

it's interesting to see so many events, good and bad, unfold like they are

it has really made me believe in a god. not a christian god, persay, but that there is a greater being out there toying with us to see what decisions we make out of the circumstances
 
if there's anything i've learned about my bout with depression is that everything is what you make of it... sometimes it is really really hard to see anything good coming from life but eventually it all has a way of evening itself out as long as you don't totally give up. believe me, i was *this* close.
 
teh thought of suicide and then actually holding a gun with the intention are totally different things, believe me i also know from experience

i cant think of any relatives that have died from natural causes
three out of four of my grandparents commited suicide , first two when i was 7, and the other when i was about 9 or 10

so i;m no stranger to suicide, or it's effect on others.
it doesnt scare me at all, but really, when you are looking at the gun, it's a different ball game.
 
Been there... done that.

CALL SOMEONE, EMAIL SOMEONE, GET ON THE IM!

Not being allowed to see or talk to my eldest daughter on her birthday (first time) and then not talking to, having or seeing ANY of my children on my birthday a few days later had me up late on night cleaning the kitchen of one of my dearest friends.... I wouldn't turn around because I knew there was a loaded shotgun on the freezer behind me.... It was calling to me, but I kept scrubbing the stovetop, then the counters, then the sink.... Finally he woke up an came to get me. He asked me what I was doing... of course, I didn't tell him... I don't recall if I ever did.

But he was there when I needed him.

Second time around I told my sister about how I was going to give the ex EVERYTHING and just drive away and wait for death... SHE DID EVERYTHING IN HER POWER TO HELP ME WHEN NO ONE ELSE WOULD!

There are NO MORE dark thoughts now, M.... NONE and my problems have NOT gone away... as a matter of fact in many ways they have intensified. But I am OK WITH IT. See, I know that everything happens for a reason and life is NOT about suffering.... it is ABOUT LIVING! IT IS.. IT REALLY IS!

Please believe me!... PLEASE!

I have gotten to the point now where I forgive my ex for all of the cruelty he has perpetrated on our children in an attempt to hurt me... I even forgive him for what he most likely is about to do... same motivation.

Actually, I want to try and help him heal.... don't know if I can - HE HAS TO WANT TO DO IT. I will defend myself, make no mistake. But I will no longer BE or FEEL adversarial.

M - I don't know what else to say except BE STRONG. Life is wonderful... you may not be able to see it now, but one day you will! I promise you....

AND I NEVER LIE!
 
Satanic Goatslayer said:
I wore moccasins, a loin cloth, and an Iron Maiden headband. It was a bit cold when I jumped into the river, but that solved itself when I licked my stove element.
Click to expand...

That's standard issue civilian wear for Floridians.

Not sure about the stove, though...
 
Hey I just wanted to wish you good luck in whatever you do dread_lady. Remember it's all up to you and your man so make the best out of the situation that was brought upon you and it's up to you both and no one else. You both are the most powerful beings that have any influence on this unfortunate situation and I'm positive you'll both come out of it ok.
 
HEAR ME ROAR

we're just trying to get bills paid and shit for now...
i doubt we will be able to move even after our lease is up now
whoopee another year and a HALF here
but i'll try to get back in college this summer
bleh
seems so unappealing at the moment, but i always do what i say i'll do

i want to move, of course, and as you all have suggested, but it is just not an option financially
:/
so, i deal with it
 
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