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How To Be Politically Correct
1. She is not a BABE or a CHICK -
She is a BREASTED AMERICAN.
2. She is not a SCREAMER or MOANER -
She is VOCALLY APPRECIATIVE.
3. She is not EASY -
She is HORIZONTALLY ACCESSIBLE.
4. She is not DUMB -
She is a DETOUR OFF THE INFORMATION SUPERHIGHWAY.
5. She has not BEEN AROUND -
She is a PREVIOUSLY ENJOYED COMPANION.
6. She is not an AIRHEAD -
She is REALITY IMPAIRED.
7. She does not get DRUNK or TIPSY -
She gets CHEMICALLY INCONVENIENCED.
8. She does not have BREAST IMPLANTS -
She is MEDICALLY ENHANCED.
9. She does not NAG YOU -
She becomes ORALLY REPETITIVE.
10. She is not a SLUT -
She is SEXUALLY EXTROVERTED.
11. She does not have MAJOR LEAGUE HOOTERS -
She is PECTORALLY SUPERIOR.
12. She is not a TWO-BIT WHORE -
She is a LOW COST PROVIDER.
HOW TO SPEAK ABOUT MEN
AND BE POLITICALLY CORRECT:
1. He does not have a BEER GUT -
He has developed a LIQUID GRAIN STORAGE FACILITY.
2. He is not a BAD DANCER -
He is OVERLY CAUCASIAN.
3. He does not GET LOST ALL THE TIME -
He INVESTIGATES ALTERNATIVE DESTINATIONS.
4. He is not BALDING -
He is in FOLLICLE REGRESSION.
5. He is not a CRADLE ROBBER -
He prefers a GENERATIONAL DIFFERENTIAL
RELATIONSHIP
6. He does not get FALLING-DOWN DRUNK -
He becomes ACCIDENTALLY HORIZONTAL.
7. He does not act like a TOTAL ASS -
He develops a case of RECTAL-CRANIAL INVERSION.
8. He is not a MALE CHAUVINIST PIG -
He has SWINE EMPATHY.
9. He is not afraid of COMMITMENT -
He is MONOGAMOUSLY CHALLENGED
10. He is not HORNY -
He is SEXUALLY FOCUSED.
11. It's not his crack you see hanging out of his pants....
It's MALE CLEAVAGE.
1. She is not a BABE or a CHICK -
She is a BREASTED AMERICAN.
2. She is not a SCREAMER or MOANER -
She is VOCALLY APPRECIATIVE.
3. She is not EASY -
She is HORIZONTALLY ACCESSIBLE.
4. She is not DUMB -
She is a DETOUR OFF THE INFORMATION SUPERHIGHWAY.
5. She has not BEEN AROUND -
She is a PREVIOUSLY ENJOYED COMPANION.
6. She is not an AIRHEAD -
She is REALITY IMPAIRED.
7. She does not get DRUNK or TIPSY -
She gets CHEMICALLY INCONVENIENCED.
8. She does not have BREAST IMPLANTS -
She is MEDICALLY ENHANCED.
9. She does not NAG YOU -
She becomes ORALLY REPETITIVE.
10. She is not a SLUT -
She is SEXUALLY EXTROVERTED.
11. She does not have MAJOR LEAGUE HOOTERS -
She is PECTORALLY SUPERIOR.
12. She is not a TWO-BIT WHORE -
She is a LOW COST PROVIDER.
HOW TO SPEAK ABOUT MEN
AND BE POLITICALLY CORRECT:
1. He does not have a BEER GUT -
He has developed a LIQUID GRAIN STORAGE FACILITY.
2. He is not a BAD DANCER -
He is OVERLY CAUCASIAN.
3. He does not GET LOST ALL THE TIME -
He INVESTIGATES ALTERNATIVE DESTINATIONS.
4. He is not BALDING -
He is in FOLLICLE REGRESSION.
5. He is not a CRADLE ROBBER -
He prefers a GENERATIONAL DIFFERENTIAL
RELATIONSHIP
6. He does not get FALLING-DOWN DRUNK -
He becomes ACCIDENTALLY HORIZONTAL.
7. He does not act like a TOTAL ASS -
He develops a case of RECTAL-CRANIAL INVERSION.
8. He is not a MALE CHAUVINIST PIG -
He has SWINE EMPATHY.
9. He is not afraid of COMMITMENT -
He is MONOGAMOUSLY CHALLENGED
10. He is not HORNY -
He is SEXUALLY FOCUSED.
11. It's not his crack you see hanging out of his pants....
It's MALE CLEAVAGE.
