how far would you go?

[GoldenDelicious]

reading bits and piece of my posts around EF, some of you might have deduced that im a tad pissed off lately about a certain long term relationship.

cut a long story short, live with a girl for 4 years, love her to bits, but she is one of those 'if its meant to be, its meant to be' people. i moved away (work) and the long distance thing knocked it off the rails. now i hear she is 'seeing' someone (seeing means coffee and walks with this girl...shes a ballbreaker who doesnt give it up fast...if whe has, well, game over...but im getting ahead of myself) for a week.

ill admit im devastated, lots of hurt flying around. she is blocking me out...she highlighted all the bits of her diary which recorded the insensitive stuff i had done to her (innocent stuff...im not perfect, sheesh. forgetting anniverseries, late presents, occasional bouts of depression...that sort of thing) and she reads it all the time, focuses on the negative sides of our relationship, and that is her means of getting over me. obviously a new guy is the next step.

now before i go on, of course this whole scenario pisses me off. i think its a bit gutless to do something like that. if you want to finish a relationship then finish it, but dont taint your own mind about what was otherwise a nice relationship with bullshit like blocking.

now, the other thing i must mention is that she suffers the delusion that if she gets with someone, i will take her back 'somewhere down the road' when i have 'gotten over it'. ahem. fuck that. i dont know about you guys, but i take things like this rather poorly. id say that as a result of my own defense mechanisms, she would be quite likely to cop a punch in the nose if i saw her again after the fact. (to clarify, yes, i will hit a woman. but only if its something really, really serious, like burning my toast, not handing me the remot control, nagging, putting too much sugar in my coffee...you know, all the important stuff )

so, i have 2 choices: 1) get over it, turn into the town slut and have a whole lot of random roots until im a jaded old bastard, or 2) jump on a plane, accept this persons faults, and rekindle the relationship.

if i choose option number 1, ill admit im going to torture myself with the "what if" question for AT LEAST a decade. hell i remember the guy who picked on me in high school, where he lives, and im still planning revenge.

if i choose option number 2, ill probably dwell on what she did to survive at this time. i mean, im all about doing what it takes to survive, but in her shoes, i wouldnt have done that. im more dedicated and loyal (ok, and maybe a little bit stubborn, or as one member of this site said it, 'opinionated' ( ) )

sooooo borlys and borlettes, tell me what you think. i think im on a plane next week. i hate leaving things unfinished.

cheerios

 

[Buddy_Christ]

you said taint.

 

[GoldenDelicious]

you said taint.

er, yes, yes i did. its right there. go on, look again, its not going anywhere

 

[Buddy_Christ]

oh, but in seriousness....

if she does the "dwell on your faults" thing a lot, it sounds like she's looking to punish you constantly. i wouldn't want to stick around a relationship like that.

don't punch her unless she kicks you in the balls. literally.

you've been in the relationship for 4 years, and i'm sure it's hard to let go. you have to really figure out if it's worth going any further or not. if she's already seeing someone else, is it to get back at you? if so, do you really want to keep her around?

we all have our own personal faults. if she makes yours into major fights constantly and uses them to get back at you, she's just wrapping you around her little finger.

she highlights bad stuff in her diary? it sounds like she has some issues.

dunno which to tell you - stay or go....tough decision. i might call it quits at this point. hard to say goodbye, but if this is how your relationship has been for the past 4 years, it's not going to change. period.

good luck.

and yes, you did said taint.

 

[superqt4u2nv]

if i choose option number 2, ill probably dwell on what she did to survive at this time. i mean, im all about doing what it takes to survive, but in her shoes, i wouldnt have done that. im more dedicated and loyal (ok, and maybe a little bit stubborn, or as one member of this site said it, 'opinionated' ( ) )

sooooo borlys and borlettes, tell me what you think. i think im on a plane next week. i hate leaving things unfinished.

cheerios

I believe the correct term would be personality not opinioated.

I think you should go for option 2 fly over there and see what comes of things. At least that way you will know you gave it one last kick at the can not matter how it turns out.

 

[GoldenDelicious]

oh, but in seriousness....

if she does the "dwell on your faults" thing a lot, it sounds like she's looking to punish you constantly. i wouldn't want to stick around a relationship like that.

don't punch her unless she kicks you in the balls. literally.

you've been in the relationship for 4 years, and i'm sure it's hard to let go. you have to really figure out if it's worth going any further or not. if she's already seeing someone else, is it to get back at you? if so, do you really want to keep her around?

we all have our own personal faults. if she makes yours into major fights constantly and uses them to get back at you, she's just wrapping you around her little finger.

she highlights bad stuff in her diary? it sounds like she has some issues.

dunno which to tell you - stay or go....tough decision. i might call it quits at this point. hard to say goodbye, but if this is how your relationship has been for the past 4 years, it's not going to change. period.

good luck.

and yes, you did said taint.

no she doesnt pick fights or is nasty, she highlighted and reads the bad bits after i left so she could focus and get over me. im so lovable it was hurting her, you see it was a nice relationship. sure it had some downsides, but htats what you get when youre in long relationships for the first time, live with someone for the first time, all that sort of stuff

I believe the correct term would be personality not opinioated.

why, yes, the sweeter, funnier, and more intelligent members of the board would probably agree

 

[superqt4u2nv]

why, yes, the sweeter, funnier, and more intelligent members of the board would probably agree

Agreed

 

[gonelifting]

Go there and TAKE her back. Don`t ask... Don`t guess.... Don`t argue with her... Just go there and GET YOUR WOMAN.

Then go kick that childhood bully`s ass.

 

[the_only_sepe]

I think you two should have gotten things squared away and been upon agreement that you were both going to see other people before she decided to see someone else. A true good girl that wanted to be with you would be totally dedicated to you and not even think of seeing someone else.

 

[from zero]

she highlighted all the bits of her diary which recorded the insensitive stuff i had done to her

Like she's fucking perfect?

Move on.

 

[broley]

QUOTE OF THE DAY
Too many people are looking for the right person, instead of being the right person.
- Unknown

 

[ChefWide]

Apple Man,

I fear that you are on another plane, that from reading your posts and discussing matters with you for some time, I am of the opinion that she is really not of your calliber, from what little I can gather from your post. Diaries? Ok, for some, I can't argue. But rereading them and pointing out matters from them is juvenile and malicious. Even the idea of blocking someone out with intent, someone that you have been with for four years!!?? Grow the hell up and confront your problems, woman!

Her behavior is unusual at the least and really not complimentary to the way you deal with folks: again, with the little that I can claim to 'know' you.

SO... advice based on very little is usually worth about as much, but I think her actions show some pretty deep issues that you may very well be better off without.

If the gestalt of the situation is such that you think she might be your life long love, then toss advice to the winds and go make it so. If you have any real reservations about making that statement, then, frankly, fuck it: you're a good man and she was lucky to have YOU, and you will find a much better friend in a different lover.

 

[lucidblue]

Couple questions and then I'll give my opinion.

1. Why did you move away (even for work) when you were living with her for 4 years? Did you ask her to go with you? If so, did she decide not to go with you.. and why?

2. How long ago did you move? How often do you see each other now?

 

[the_only_sepe]

by scotty two hotty: I don't care who it is... your parents, your boss, your girlfriend. If they don't treat you like gold... tell them to get the fuck out of your life. Cause life's too short to spend time with anyone who treats you any less.

this always helps me

 

[from zero]

I don't care who it is... your parents, your boss, your girlfriend. If they don't treat you like gold... tell them to get the fuck out of your life. Cause life's too short to spend time with anyone who treats you any less.

That might be the best thing ever. I'm so using this.

 

[lucidblue]

by scotty two hotty: I don't care who it is... your parents, your boss, your girlfriend. If they don't treat you like gold... tell them to get the fuck out of your life. Cause life's too short to spend time with anyone who treats you any less.

this always helps me

I should definitely start using this.

 

[crew9]

by scotty two hotty: I don't care who it is... your parents, your boss, your girlfriend. If they don't treat you like gold... tell them to get the fuck out of your life. Cause life's too short to spend time with anyone who treats you any less.

this always helps me

On the flip side you've got to treat the person just as good. Can't expect to get a Rolex watch for christmas if you're giving vacuums.

 

[the_only_sepe]

On the flip side you've got to treat the person just as good. Can't expect to get a Rolex watch for christmas if you're giving vacuums.

giving vacuums? as in blow jobs? u might get a rolex for that, but I only lick kitties

 

[GoldenDelicious]

Go there and TAKE her back. Don`t ask... Don`t guess.... Don`t argue with her... Just go there and GET YOUR WOMAN.

Then go kick that childhood bully`s ass.

the childhood bully grew into a nice man, and i never did get the opportunity to 'accidentally' spill some beer on him in a pub and start a brawl

as for taking her back, well, im not sure how it is going to go. a confrontation, certainly, and then either reconsolation (which i may or may not keep going...im feeling a bit more upset just this minute) OR at the very worst, far better closure.

 

[GoldenDelicious]

Apple Man,

I fear that you are on another plane, that from reading your posts and discussing matters with you for some time, I am of the opinion that she is really not of your calliber, from what little I can gather from your post. Diaries? Ok, for some, I can't argue. But rereading them and pointing out matters from them is juvenile and malicious. Even the idea of blocking someone out with intent, someone that you have been with for four years!!?? Grow the hell up and confront your problems, woman!

Her behavior is unusual at the least and really not complimentary to the way you deal with folks: again, with the little that I can claim to 'know' you.

SO... advice based on very little is usually worth about as much, but I think her actions show some pretty deep issues that you may very well be better off without.

If the gestalt of the situation is such that you think she might be your life long love, then toss advice to the winds and go make it so. If you have any real reservations about making that statement, then, frankly, fuck it: you're a good man and she was lucky to have YOU, and you will find a much better friend in a different lover.

very perceptive Chef. staggeringly so. Hell im looking around the room for the spy camera you surely planted! you touched on a few issues i omitted, but i wont get into that (for the very same reasons i neglected to mention them in the first place) by the way, the username has nothing to do with fruit

Couple questions and then I'll give my opinion.

1. Why did you move away (even for work) when you were living with her for 4 years? Did you ask her to go with you? If so, did she decide not to go with you.. and why?

2. How long ago did you move? How often do you see each other now?

1) she had just been accepted into the university course she had spent years trying to break into, and I had pre-arranged some work in my hometown and needed to spend some time with family. i had been away too long.

as for how often we see each other now? last time was...9 weeks ago. there are a few details i have left out (privacy...i know some people who occasionally come here) although i will admit, a couple of trips were cancelled, which aggravated the situation.

the_only_sepe: fantastic quote. a little hard to apply to people you love dearly, but very good. I certainly agree with your previous comment also, and must say that the relationship was a little blurry for a while.

thanks for the perspectives guys, honestly what can I say. I know i can do better (objectively speaking) than this girl, in all departments, but the crux of the matter is that I feel attached to her, and I cant leave it like this.

cheerios

 

[lucidblue]

My advice is to go with your gut. I'd probably get on the plane... if for no other reason than closure. I hate wondering what is/what could have been. I like to talk things out, even if the result isn't what I hoped for. If you love her and want to be with her and she wants to be with you, then you should both probably find a way to live closer to one another.

The blocking and not dealing with the problem head on, is extremley immature of her. Communication is important, even if it's hard and it's not what you want to hear.

 

[gonelifting]

You can always do #1 but you only have a small chance to do #2 now. Have no regrets.

The person we`re with is`nt perfect either. She may be making a mistake, a misjudgement right now in thinking she wants to have another relationship. If you guys should be together, then accept her "mistake" if it will ultimately work out. If you "dump her" then you are assuming she`s perfect and did`nt want you.

 

[GoldenDelicious]

as per a lousy sms message i received on my phone, i dont think im going to go. some people are truly gutless, and i think i changed my mind

i wont say what it said, its not the nicest thing to be said at all, and certainly not the sort of thing to be said in an sms message. fuck i cant believe she actually sent that. perspective readjustment for me.