helping someone who doesnt want it

[theoak01]

I got a buddy who is slowly killing himself,he drinks himself to sleep every night and then gets drunk about 3 nights a week when he goes out.

all our friends and even his brother are worried about him,we try and not drink when we go out with him but he gets hammered anyway, he eats like shit and has gained weight to the tune of about 100lbs in a lil over 2 yrs

a few of us have confronted him on it but he wont admit he has a problem.

so how they fuck do we get this kid some help?

 

[nycgirl]

Sorry to hear that.

Have you tried an intervention meeting w/ a professional that can deal with these issues in attendance?

 

[ZKaudio]

start scheduling things not involving alcohol, if he starts getting defensive, make him evaluate his own reactions as proof... hard to deny your own visible emotions.

 

[theoak01]

nope,havent tried much because he wont let us get involved or hear our concern

 

[theoak01]

start scheduling things not involving alcohol, if he starts getting defensive, make him evaluate his own reactions as proof... hard to deny your own visible emotions.

sounds like a good idea,thank you

 

[nycgirl]

nope,havent tried much because he wont let us get involved or hear our concern

How about a surprise intervention?

What about before and after photos? When I was depressed about my career and where it wasn't going last year, I ate to deal with the depression. it took photos and an intense conversation w/ my boyfriend for me to snap out of it and get my act together and gain control. I didn't realize what I was doing to myself and the people around me. Now, I'm training again, in grad school, and happy.

 

[theoak01]

he's saw what he has done to himself and knows what he is doing isnt right,he got turned down for life insurance at 20 which should have been a huge wake up call.

can you give me more info on how to do a suprise intervention without making him angry?

 

[nycgirl]

he's saw what he has done to himself and knows what he is doing isnt right,he got turned down for life insurance at 20 which should have been a huge wake up call.

can you give me more info on how to do a suprise intervention without making him angry?

What's wrong with him getting angry?

 

[EnderJE]

He's going to be angry, Pants. There's nothing you can do about it.

Your other option is to cut him loose and let him go.

 

[theoak01]

I just dont want to hurt him or seem like a dick,but its becoming apparent thats the road I will have to travel

 

[marshallmadman]

Code Red. Yeah, this guy's gonna get angry, but someday he will thank you. I have a friend like this too. I just don't know what we're going to do about him. He weighs close to 400 pounds, Thursday night he drank 23 beers, Friday night he drank over 25, and he was drinking yesterday when I saw him. Not only that, he goes through 2 cans of Skoal every damn day.

 

[AAP]

pittbulstl says to punch him in the mouf and call his momma.

But you are not going to be able to help him as long as he is in a stage of denial. I have the same problem with a friend and I posted on here last year for opinions. Basically, only he can help himself. He has to either want to get help or hit rock bottom and have a moment of clarity to know what he is doing is destructive.

You try to help now, you are just going to be "harassing him".

 

[nycgirl]

I just dont want to hurt him or seem like a dick,but its becoming apparent thats the road I will have to travel

Before you do that, see if there is an AA group in your community. They should be able to provide you with information re: planning an intervention w/ your friends. See if you can get a counselor to attend.

If he is still resistant, then may be you should let him go.

 

[theoak01]

pittbulstl says to punch him in the mouf and call his momma.

But you are not going to be able to help him as long as he is in a stage of denial. I have the same problem with a friend and I posted on here last year for opinions. Basically, only he can help himself. He has to either want to get help or hit rock bottom and have a moment of clarity to know what he is doing is destructive.

You try to help now, you are just going to be "harassing him".

thats what I think man.

hopefully this works out,thanks for the help guys

 

[JayC9]

You can't help those that won't help themselves. Your friend has to first admit that he has a problem, then he has to want to make changes.

The root cause of the problem must be addressed, ie what is making him drink so heavily, otherwise he could clean his act up and just as easy slip right back into it again.

Is he drinking to forget, to take himself away from his problems, has he had something happen recently that would account for his heavy intake?

 

[Raina]

Does his family know? Last year one of my uncles found another one of my uncles passed out in his apartment wearing the clothes he'd been wearing for the last 8+ weeks. He'd been on a drinking/drug binge. They went to court and got legal guardianship of him (he's over 40). He's been in treatment since.

 

[DIVISION]

I got a buddy who is slowly killing himself,he drinks himself to sleep every night and then gets drunk about 3 nights a week when he goes out.

all our friends and even his brother are worried about him,we try and not drink when we go out with him but he gets hammered anyway, he eats like shit and has gained weight to the tune of about 100lbs in a lil over 2 yrs

a few of us have confronted him on it but he wont admit he has a problem.

so how they fuck do we get this kid some help?

When I was stationed in Germany I worked with another soldier who was the same way, he drank every single night to inebriation and he was hung over for PT the next morning all the time. Everyone liked the guy so noone ever told on him or got him in trouble but we always worried about him. I got to know him and I tried to understand him before I intervened. Evidently he had a bad childhood and there were "things" that he just coudn't come back from, "things" that haunted him. I tried to get him to cut down on his drinking and it worked as long as I was hanging around him, but I realized that it's something he had to want for himself. I couldn't be around him 24-7. Eventually it was him being overweight that got him chaptered out of the Army but it's a shame how he was so taken in by the disease of alcoholism.

I felt bad for the guy, but I felt there wasn't anything I could do for him. He wouldn't be consoled, he wouldn't accept help.




DIV

 

[Ulcasterdropout]

I've been that guy....
If he's as stuborn as me, you can't help. Let him have a close call, lose his licence, etc...he'll come around or die.
ER visit can sober a motherfucker up with the quickness.

 

[Dakotah]

I got a buddy who is slowly killing himself,he drinks himself to sleep every night and then gets drunk about 3 nights a week when he goes out.

all our friends and even his brother are worried about him,we try and not drink when we go out with him but he gets hammered anyway, he eats like shit and has gained weight to the tune of about 100lbs in a lil over 2 yrs

a few of us have confronted him on it but he wont admit he has a problem.

so how they fuck do we get this kid some help?

I know how you feel hun my dad is going thru the same thing - we tried to help my dad but now it is too late; he is still alive but not for much longer. Im not trying to depress you by saying that or anything. I wish i had the answer years ago but i dont. I hope whatever you do is the right thing. It takes your friend to want to quit before he will I know that sucks to hear but usually it is the truth.
We are having the shittiest of time helping my dad now. Prayers to you and your pals.

 

[biteme]

I've had friends like that. If they don't feel that they have a problem, there's not much you can do. That's sad though. Best of luck on that bro.

 

[theoak01]

thanks for the advice guys.

I know why he drinks,he has alot of money issues,him and his brother bought a house,which his parents and sister live in,and they support all of them because their dad is 440+ and can barely move let alone work,and who knows whats wrong with their mom but she dont work either, and overall his money management is piss poor and he puts himself in the spot.

I wont give up on him though even if it means he hates me

 

[rudeboyja]

This may be drastic but I had a freind hooked on Heroin & he was fucking up his life. We literally kidnapped him one day, handcuffed him & put a shotgun to his head while we all spoke our mind. We told him if he wanted to die than will give him the gun and let him shoot himself. This went on for about 6 hours.

A day later he went into treatment. I wish there was a happy ending though. About a year later he relapsed after his mom passed. I attended his funeral last month

 

[theoak01]

sorry to hear about your loss,I had a friend die of heroin od senior year of high school,it was a tough thing to deal with

 

[Zebo]

pittbulstl says to punch him in the mouf and call his momma.

But you are not going to be able to help him as long as he is in a stage of denial. I have the same problem with a friend and I posted on here last year for opinions. Basically, only he can help himself. He has to either want to get help or hit rock bottom and have a moment of clarity to know what he is doing is destructive.

You try to help now, you are just going to be "harassing him".

Yep. Some people have to hit rock bottom or lose it all or a real tragedy like driving drunk and killing someone.

Alot of people will tell you to be there for him and be his friend. Well, sometimes you can't be. Get ready for that too.

 

[Diggerman]

You cannot live somebody elses life for them

 

[gonelifting]

The interventions I know of, are where all the family members and cose friends joining at one place to "convince" the guy he has a problem. They all collectively talk to him and explain why he should be getting treatment and why he does have a problem. This method might persuade someone who thinks they're OK to change his/her mind, because their family and friends are ALL there telling him that.

Pick a Sunday where everyone can be there, 7-10-15..20 people, it does'nt matter. Fuck embarrassing him, he's gotta learn, he's gotta have his eyes opened up to what he's doing to himself and others. He WILL be mad in the beginning but hopefully will thank all of you later if it works out. Hopefully seeing EVERYONE there saying the same things all at once, he'll get the point.

Good luck.

 

[Scotsman]

I got a buddy who is slowly killing himself,he drinks himself to sleep every night and then gets drunk about 3 nights a week when he goes out.

all our friends and even his brother are worried about him,we try and not drink when we go out with him but he gets hammered anyway, he eats like shit and has gained weight to the tune of about 100lbs in a lil over 2 yrs

a few of us have confronted him on it but he wont admit he has a problem.

so how they fuck do we get this kid some help?

Don't know if someone has said this already in the thread since I haven't read it all but, you cannot help someone who doesn't want to be helped. You can have all the interventions, talks, yelling, fighting, and going on that you want. Bottom line is you can't be there 24/7 to keep them from themselves, besides all it will do is ruin your friendship to try. Until he admits TO HIMSELF that there is a problem there will be no changes other than short term ones to get people off his back for a while so he can go about it again.

Cheers,
Scotsman

 

[chewyxrage]

I don't know if the intervention thing is a good idea. He's liable to get up and run the fuck out of there. I would.

 

[gonelifting]

I don't know if the intervention thing is a good idea. He's liable to get up and run the fuck out of there. I would.

I understand what you're saying, but if someone's a true friend, they'll stick it out and hold him there if they have to. Tie him the fuck down! lol Seriously. True friends understand why it's happening.

 

[wootoom]

I got a buddy who is slowly killing himself,he drinks himself to sleep every night and then gets drunk about 3 nights a week when he goes out.

all our friends and even his brother are worried about him,we try and not drink when we go out with him but he gets hammered anyway, he eats like shit and has gained weight to the tune of about 100lbs in a lil over 2 yrs

a few of us have confronted him on it but he wont admit he has a problem.

so how they fuck do we get this kid some help?

mna my best friends brother is the same way after there dad died. he just cant face up to his dads death and its distryong his life

 

[theoak01]

Im talking to all our friends this week and gonna see what they think and we will agree on something,hell if I have to kidnap him and put him in detox I will