Help!->I need advice :(

[Torch]

the second a gf tells you that she is interested in somebody else, and dont know what to do, tell her where the door is. That kinda drama you dont need.

I strongly agree with this statement.

 

[TEXgrl]

run away as fast as you can. she is totally disrespecting you. she is enjoying the attention you are giving her, so stop sucking her ass. there are plenty of other people out there. love shouldn't hurt like that.

good luck

 

[Mysterio]

This girl has very differant ideas about sex and relationships than I do. She and I have really no friends since we just moved to this area- now she usually has guy friends(she is bi, by the way) and the one guy she used to hang with that I liked- this guy Sam, he was ok, didn't try to mac on her, well....she told me she offered to fuck him while we were still together(this is a couple years back)-he turned her down and she said she probably wouldn't have done it anyway but damn. I was shocked. She never officially cheated since we were broken up when she fucked that other guy. She kissed a girl or two but I dont care about that. I asked her tonight if she was planning on communicating with the guy she says she likes- she said she was so I said then I am out of here, so she starting acting like she isn't sure if she is going to talk to him or not. I said that if she does or plans to then that is total disrespect for me and then its over. Now she is still uncertain, she wants a little time to figure out if she wants the one path(me and our life-she is also my drummer by the way) or the other path(on her own, "fresh and new" as she puts it, and also no doubt that other dude-he coincidentally she says also has a band and asked her to play-too fucking cute.)

She has been fighting herself with this for a few months she says. It is obvious that is true because during the morning today she was being really mean and bitchy to me....last night we were fucking like rabbits. By the way, this girl does everything for me that Kronk gets if you know what I mean. So....maybe I am pussy whipped or something. She keeps going back and forth, realizing I am right and that I am the man, then switching back to being mad and wanting out....its nuts.

Now, meanwhile I am left sititng here.....no car, no friends(they all live back east), all my money goes to "our" bills, no savings and fuck, I am scared. My band is close to finally getting where we want and if she dumps me then that will back me up 6 months at least. Why would a girl not want to be a rockstar? She says she wants to but she is not sure what she really wants. Do any girls know what they want? The boyfriend who I have loved for 3 years or the new guy I have known for 2 months.....it is crazy that she would see that as a legit choice. On the one hand we do love each other deeply and when its good its great and she really is what I live for- she truly is a wonderful and caring person,but all I want is a fucking girl who won't cheat on me(not that she has "technically")!!!Why is that so fuckin hard, I feel like a chump because I have been faithful. I did um...a little something when we broke up but I didn't tell her and she wouldn't mind anyway. It is really confusing, she says that if I was into another girl she would want me to go be with her if it makes me happy and that I would come back to her if it was meant to be or whatever. That is crazy to me. She says she has no problem being faithful when she is happy-well...she has been unhappy for awhile. I told her if she wants to bring girls in to our situation that's fine but no freakin guys. I cant deal with that shit. Bad enough knowing she fucked that asshole before and lied to me about it. Of course, had I know I would not have gotten back with her and she knew that-told me so in fact. I feel like all the sudden I am realizing my girlfriend is a ho. She really isn't but that creeping feeling is there- "is she thinking of him when we fuck?" that kinda shit goes thru my mind and I told her that- she has been with 20 guys or so she says, she is 23 so you make the call on that. I mean shit, I met her at a club and we fucked pretty quickly after that. So I guess, what do I expect?!She has said this herself. She said that is how she was but not necesarrily how she IS now. I have been with maybe 15 girls and I am almost 29. Not that she is a slut but she says she likes excitement every once in awhile, so I say keep it within the relationship.

I feel like she is going to go fuck this guy and not tell me then realize she fucked up and want me back. That has been the pattern. I dont blame her for being stressed because of the last 8 months or so and I dont blame her for wanting something new but this is really hurting me like I had never imagined. I have been through this before and the last time a girl left me after 3 years she had been boning a guy from work for A YEAR!!!! So....could be worse.

Like I said above, the weirdest part is that we have been really having allot of really great sex and been getting along quite well since this shit went down a few days ago so she might just decide to stay with me, however how do I then deal with this? It is like when we first dated, we went to the movies and I parked in the back of the underground garage and threw her in the back seat and pounded her out- she loved it. It is so messed up...I am having the time of my life getting freaky and also my heart is ripping out....fuck, the only thing good that is coming out of this(besides allot of pussy for me) so far is that my song lyrics have been fierce this week.

I am glad we both came clean about the past but now how do I look at her? She can be faithful, but does she want to? Onl is she is sure about me. She said if she decided to be with me she will jump with both feet and work on the problems that caused this in the first place......how far do you go for someone you love? We really do have majorly conflicting ideas about sex. We are great together but damn, do all girls go around dreaming about fucking guys besides who they are with? Maybe I am the clueless one....feel like that sometimes.

Sorry this is so freakin long...this shit is tearing me up....I am confused and angry and feel numb inside. She could flick a switch in her brain and stop this madness. I dont have many people to talk to about this and maybe writing this will help me sort out what is going on inside my head. I fel like I am spinning. I cringe at the thought of more days of this. I am stuck and I am feeling like I am losing my mind. I am living in a Tool song right now.
"You see. shit adds up, now I'm dead inside.
Hatred, weakness, and guilt keep me alive
at the bottom."

I'm sorry to hear your hurting it's never nice I know more then I care to. If it works it works but I think it would be wise to move on. I'm slowly learning to let go even though I love this women so much I would want to be with her my whole life. If you need to every talk about things I'll listen because I think we both are going through similar situations. Peace and hope your problems get resovled soon.

 

[CrimsonKing]

NO RESPECT

YOU DESERVE IT !

You fucking don't even respect yourself enough to kick her ass out on to the street then you are nothing more that her ho...Why should she act and differently when all you do is whine about what she is doing.. FUCK HER! Stand up for yourself and learn to respect yourself first ...

 

[Raina]

I think it's awful that she would mess with your head like that. I think it's awful that you would let her walk all over you like that as well. Nobody deserves that kind of treatment. Even if the two of you worked things out now, if she "chose" you, wouldn't it always be different?? The trust is gone. The respect is gone. It's clear that you love her but don't you think it's better to move on and leave her behind rather than trying to fix something that sounds beyond repair?? Good luck.

 

[Boach]

I know this situation all too well. There is absolutely no hope, whatsoever. I know moving sucks but get rid of her before she gets rid of you.

If she comes crawling back, then you know you won and then it's time to make a decision (only if she was a good girl).

NEVER EVER settle for being second place prize. You never want that feeling that the only reason she chose you is because the person she really wanted rejected her.

In love, you want to be the big winner--the person she chose over everyone. That's what i think.

 

[Parrottrifle]

One thing is for sure. Girls are fucked up. Here's a quote I heard from somebody:

"Woman is a foe of friendship, an inescapable punishment, and an necessity evil."

AMEN!

 

[john937]

I am sorta screwed because I sold my car a couple months back to help pay bills, now she is the one with the car and so I would have to find an apartment(not cheap in So Cal)- and get a car.

Sorry to disrupt all this angst with a practical question:
Whose name is on the lease ?
If your name is on the lease then SHE's MOVING! not you.
And if both your names are on the lease then neither of you can legally kick the other one out.
If your name is on the lease and you move out, and she doesn't pay it - the landlord can come after you to pay her rent!

 

[Mezzanine]

She is on the lease, I am not-Problem #1. She has the car, I do not-Problem #2. All my money goes to her bank account to pay our bills-Problem #3.
Thank you guys for listening. It is hard to convey the whole situation of course because your hearing only my side but still....what she is doing is rough. She truly just wants things to be better and she tried to break up with me on Friday(which is why she threw the other guy in my face) and then over the weekend realized that she isn't sure if she wants me to leave. She wants us to be together but it has to get better. She has been unhappy for a long time and not all of it is me but she thinks it is. She never really cheated on me(she fucked a guy when we were broken up) but all this stuff about the past that we talked about caused a ruckus in my mind.

The bottom line is that she takes awhile to get back into things, I have been through this before with her except last time she didn't come home one night and I got mad enough to leave and stay with friends- now I dont have that option. It sucks, the apartment is in her name and she makes more money than me right now anyway- I have no car, nowhere to go and no friends here in Cali. Tough choice for me. If I have to go I will but I will be forced to pretty much sell everything I own to survive. Apartments are not cheap here and its tough to afford one on your own. She would have trouble on her own as well. After we broke up last time when we got back together it was good for a couple years and then got bad again out here in So Cal, she think the same might happen.....I disagree but who knows. When she is trying we are a great couple and she is faithful...when she is upset or not happy with the situation she will do something to change it.

I really dont have anywhere to go right now....I feel like all I can do is wait it out and see what she does...she says she will "decide" what she wants to do this week. I hate being a man and being in the no-power position....sucks bad. If that fucker calls again I am answering and telling him to fuck off. She told this guy we were on the rocks and to give her a call....that was when she was sure she wanted me out....then she changed her mind. Damn women are wacky sometimes. My friend from NY always says: "what are you gonna do?" I think that pretty much sums it up. I cant do shit....half of me wants to run away but I cannot financially and the other half knows we can work it out-if SHE wants to. What a pile of shit situation. I will be honest though, it was pretty bad when we broke up before...she was doing that other guy and I was sleeping on the floor of my friends apartment- sans car. Same situation. Then we got back together after about 4 months- I bought a new car and got a better job....I moved back in and we were really happy. It took her some time to accept me again and respect me but she did. She was a really good girl during this time. Until we moved here to Cali....been downhill since. I dont know what she is gonna do but waiting it out sucks....

Maybe I should just go about my business as best I can and try and not care anymore. She still wants to fuck me allot and all that yet this issue is in the back of my mind. Last night we had great sex again, it is odd- she was licking my ass and all kinds of great kinky stuff. I really went pretty hard on her, choked her and was pulling her hair. Made me feel a little better. Of course she likes it rough anyway. I am just going to pretend this isn't happening and in the meantime prepare for the boot she may very well give me. I am tired of feeling down. I need to get a plan for myself and then I wont feel so bad. Its all about money...I think if I had a bunch of cash I would have already walked out when she told me she didn't want me the 1st time. Common sense. Of course, if I had a bunch of money we wouldn't be in this situation in the first place- that is what started the stress. Life is such a fun game isn't it? What a fun paradox.... Times like this is when I need some hottie that I could go stay with for a week or so while my girl cools off and figures out how stupid she is acting. The other definately will not reject her, he called like 3-4 times in one day, pretty desperate if you ask me. I'm sure he realizes she would be an easy lay. I told her if she talks to him or hangs out with him then I walk. He has nothing to do with her decision to stay with me and he should not be part of it. She said fine she will forget about him but I know that cant be true. We'll see. She hasn't called him in front of me or anything, I would definately walk then. I would just get a room for rent or something. Fuck that shit, I told her I am not a doormat so if she plans on keeping us together at all she better not treat me that way. I have a feeling she is thinking this: " maybe I could just sleep with this guy and see if I really like him or if its just sex-then never tell my BF"- in which case, fuck a bunch of that, I am out. She is trying to find a way to figure this out. Should she see this guy or not, should she stay with me. She says this guy "lights a fire in her" which makes me fuckin sick. I said, then go be with him. She was like:"well I still love you I just need to make sure things will be better with us first"- how do you go about that? She says she might just like him because she wanted something new and was sick of us. Seems reasonable but I will not stay with her if she has feelings for another. That is what your all telling me to. If she says she wants me and we can work it out fine but if she stil has the hots for some prick then fuck that.

As a side note of advice for you guys: dont date bartender chicks if you can help it...my dad always told me that and I should have listened. He always told me they would stray if things weren't going perfect and that a girl in a normal job would not be hounded constantly like girls at restaurants do. You know the oldest trick in the book- "your BF treats you like crap, you should get someone better-I wouldn't treat you like that, you deserve someone better"- yeah right. Too much candy to choose from and EVERY guy is trying to fuck them. I liked it better when she was working a normal 9-5 lab job. She says she is going back to that soon...a month or so. I hate her bartending...good money but lots of guys hitting on her...so yeah if she is unhappy with me she dosen't have to look far for another guy that is willing to jump in her pants. Same thing with the last girl who left me for another guy- she was a bartender/waitress too.

My girl and I bought a bamboo plant yesterday for the apartment and I hope the mutha starts working soon cause my luck SUCKS!

On a good note...my back has been killing me for months- sciatica or something- I went running with her on Saturday and yesterday and I swear it is getting better. I am in WAY less pain now. Hurts like hell when I run but who cares if it helps me get better. I am almost ready to get back in the gym and that has me psyched. I am channeling my anger into the weights. I vow to myself to get buff as I can this summer. Damn, I have never written posts this long before....sorry to bore your guys.

 

[alphaxi]

So...why are you sitting around waiting for some girl to "make a decision" about YOUR life?? You are letting this girl not only mess with your head...but your life as well.
I think that you have already answered your question of what you should do in this situation. You know that this is not a good thing for you or for her...and that you are not happy...and the only thing good about your relationship is the SEX?!?!?! I dont know if you are aware or not..but sex does not hold a relationship together...
You need to get your shit together and get rid of this girl. Find someone who not only loves you..but respects you as well. Sure..its gonna be hard...but you will thank yourself later on down the road.
Goodluck!!