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well lately I've been having trouble somewhat with drinking and taking shit. Over the last 3 or so months I've seemed to lose all my self control. I just get an urge to take something everyday and for the last few months or so that is what Ive been doing. its not anything in particular its just that I get a craving to get a buzz, usually at night when the day is over. whether it be drinking, weed, pain killers, and as of lately I've done meth a few times and coke for the last few days. I got 4grms of coke from someone for a payment on something, I expected to sell most of it, but that was stupid to think. I've done about half of it in the last 4 days.
Its not that I'm a druggie, but I've been pretty mixed up lately with school, grades, friends, and this shit. its gotten to be all pretty depressing cause I cant seem to change any of it. I had done a test/dbol cycle about 5months ago and to this day think that my test levels are still low, with I directly relate these problems I'm having with the possibilty of low test. I've been taking maca for the last week or so to help bring me back to normal.
Anyway, whenever I get depressed and pissed that I've done something, with happens every week or so I try my hardeset to stop and pray, but usually the next day my thoughts and feelings seem to pull a 180 degree turn on me and I'm back to the same old thing. Well, Monday night I had stayed up til 430 in the morning doing coke, Tues night til 230. I started praying cause it was sick of everything. I got an answer. I got an overwhelming feeling that the answer was to go wake up my mom at 230 and tell her I wanted to go see a psychiatrist. of course she asked why and usually I'm not open with my parent At all, I ended up telling her everything, everything I had done and I was tired of it.
I talked with someone today and he was a great guy. I still have coke left and ended up coming home and doing more right after talking with him. He advised me to give it to someone or flush it, but let me know it was my choice. I think that later I'm going to bring my mom into my room show her the 2grms I have left and flush it, before it causes me anymore problems.
Sorry for all this babbling but it has felt better to be getting all this off my chest lately, and anyone that will listen or has gone through this or is going through the same thing it would be great to hear from ya.
Its not that I'm a druggie, but I've been pretty mixed up lately with school, grades, friends, and this shit. its gotten to be all pretty depressing cause I cant seem to change any of it. I had done a test/dbol cycle about 5months ago and to this day think that my test levels are still low, with I directly relate these problems I'm having with the possibilty of low test. I've been taking maca for the last week or so to help bring me back to normal.
Anyway, whenever I get depressed and pissed that I've done something, with happens every week or so I try my hardeset to stop and pray, but usually the next day my thoughts and feelings seem to pull a 180 degree turn on me and I'm back to the same old thing. Well, Monday night I had stayed up til 430 in the morning doing coke, Tues night til 230. I started praying cause it was sick of everything. I got an answer. I got an overwhelming feeling that the answer was to go wake up my mom at 230 and tell her I wanted to go see a psychiatrist. of course she asked why and usually I'm not open with my parent At all, I ended up telling her everything, everything I had done and I was tired of it.
I talked with someone today and he was a great guy. I still have coke left and ended up coming home and doing more right after talking with him. He advised me to give it to someone or flush it, but let me know it was my choice. I think that later I'm going to bring my mom into my room show her the 2grms I have left and flush it, before it causes me anymore problems.
Sorry for all this babbling but it has felt better to be getting all this off my chest lately, and anyone that will listen or has gone through this or is going through the same thing it would be great to hear from ya.
