Got this from Vixenbabe....

[The Shadow]

I read an article the other day, which asked a couple married 52 years, how they made their marriage work for so long.... The response was , "We've never fallen out of love at the same time"...Fantastic response! It just goes to show you;sometimes you have to work for the other person when they are lagging behind!


Guys - you want to know the secret to marriage. That says it all.

 

[havoc]

The secret to marriage is "respect" and "tolerance", kind of on the same line that the married coupled Corn was speaking of said. peace

 

[casavant]

I'm pretty good about respect, it's the "tolerance" part that's hard sometimes. But at 21, "marriage" isn't really in my vocabulary right now.

 

[WODIN]

Very true. I have had several bouts of "falling in love with" my wife over the past 14 years as I am sure she has had with me and we've been lucky enough to not fall out at the same time.

Just to add.

I think you have to Like the person you marry as well in order for things to workout. That's the only way I know to say it.

 

[Zebo]

I like that........simple but true.

I've been in my current relationship 19 years (started dating in 82', married in 89') and while respect is a no brainer....Havoc's right, tolerance is very important.....how she puts up with my shit is mind boggling........

I've found the real test comes with having children....if you can weather that.....the rest is cream cheese.........

 

[decem]

the secret to marriage = not fucking doing it...


we weren't meant to stay with one person for our entire lives.. it's not in our nature.. our genes..

 

[The Shadow]

the secret to marriage = not fucking doing it...


we weren't meant to stay with one person for our entire lives.. it's not in our nature.. our genes..

Not in your genes maybe...

 

[casavant]

the secret to marriage = not fucking doing it...


we weren't meant to stay with one person for our entire lives.. it's not in our nature.. our genes..

This surprises me after reading your thread the other day in which you expressed longing for female companionship.

 

[da big thinker]

This surprises me after reading your thread the other day in which you expressed longing for female companionship.

longing for female companionship and getting married are two different things...

ps:i agree w/ havoc

 

[casavant]

longing for female companionship and getting married are two different things...

ps:i agree w/ havoc

Of course they are, but did you read that thread? The impression it gave was that Decem was a hopeless romantic, not a cynic. Go read it if you haven't.

 

[decem]

sorry casavant.. you're right.. i really don't believe what i wrote..

i do believe in marriage.. but for me.. there is no secret..

if two people love each other.. and were meant to be... there will be no working at it.. not conciously anyway.. everything will come together and it will work out..

otherwise.. they're just not right for each other.

 

[casavant]

sorry casavant.. you're right.. i really don't believe what i wrote..

i do believe in marriage.. but for me.. there is no secret..

if two people love each other.. and were meant to be... there will be no working at it.. not conciously anyway.. everything will come together and it will work out..

otherwise.. they're just not right for each other.

Unfortunately, it seems to not work like that too much anymore.

 

[vixenbabe]

That thought from the couple brought tears to my eyes, Corn. It spoke VOLUMES to this lady!

Decem, I'm not the same person that I was when he married me AND he is not the same man! People grow and change in their life....It takes MAJOR work to go with those flows. Not bashing you..just my thoughts on your statement of "no working" on it theory. If we did not work on it..we would have been history year's ago!

 

[VooDoo Lady]

I read an article the other day, which asked a couple married 52 years, how they made their marriage work for so long.... The response was , "We've never fallen out of love at the same time"...Fantastic response! It just goes to show you;sometimes you have to work for the other person when they are lagging behind!


Guys - you want to know the secret to marriage. That says it all.

Wow...you just brought a little bit of peace to my heart.

Thank you.

 

[AziaReign]

sorry casavant.. you're right.. i really don't believe what i wrote..

i do believe in marriage.. but for me.. there is no secret..

if two people love each other.. and were meant to be... there will be no working at it.. not conciously anyway.. everything will come together and it will work out..

otherwise.. they're just not right for each other.

You are very correct, I adore your response. If you have to work at staying together, and worried about keeping the other person happy all the time, then for sure it will not work and your future is not the way you want it to be. Things will automatically happen if you have found your soul mate.........your heart will always know.

You have to have that special connection, the one that you know its right. Everything happens on its own, everything falls into place by itself.

I'm only 22, but I know what I want...........and I sure as hell know what I've got. I don't have to work for anything, I am truly, deeply loved.
I never thought I could ever have so much love for one person. I get tingly feelings, still giggle and grin from ear to ear (so much it hurts!) when I think about my bay-bee.

 

[vixenbabe]

I'm laughing and not sure why......I may need to adjust those rose colored glasses on a few of you.....

If you people think that you'll always be the same person you are at 25....you are going to be in for a rude awakening in your "happy" little future's. Growth is good in a marriage but IT takes two to work thru some of those changes..has NOTHING to do with making the other person "happy"...IT'S ABOUT ACCEPTING LIFE AND DEALING WITH STAGES in marriage 2-gether!Takes work and you are fooling yourself if you think any different.



Just my humble 2 cents.....Peace!

 

[casavant]

You are very correct, I adore your response. If you have to work at staying together, and worried about keeping the other person happy all the time, then for sure it will not work and your future is not the way you want it to be. Things will automatically happen if you have found your soul mate.........your heart will always know.

You have to have that special connection, the one that you know its right. Everything happens on its own, everything falls into place by itself.

I'm only 22, but I know what I want...........and I sure as hell know what I've got. I don't have to work for anything, I am truly, deeply loved.
I never thought I could ever have so much love for one person. I get tingly feelings, still giggle and grin from ear to ear (so much it hurts!) when I think about my bay-bee.

Not a flame, but if you feel like that about someone, I don't see how you can do that partner switching stuff. It absolutely boggles me. Some say that truly loving someone has nothing to do with sex, but I don't buy that. If I don't care about someone, I don't care who they fuck, but if I really love them, the thought of some other dude banging them, or them with another woman for that matter, would make me go insane.
Damn, had to get that one out of my sysytem. I know it's off topic.

 

[Jimsbbc]

That thought from the couple brought tears to my eyes, Corn. It spoke VOLUMES to this lady!

Decem, I'm not the same person that I was when he married me AND he is not the same man! People grow and change in their life....It takes MAJOR work to go with those flows. Not bashing you..just my thoughts on your statement of "no working" on it theory. If we did not work on it..we would have been history year's ago!

but you love each other. I am so sick of hearing that people grow apart!!! Only if you allow that to happen!!!

 

[decem]

relax vixen.. breathe.. just breathe... j/p.. i get where you're coming from.. and i might even understand where you're coming from once i get there... but for now.. i'd like to believe what i believe and hope that i'll find what i think is true love..



azia... you and pauly are cool... you are.. and i understand that different people = different love = different ways of showing it.. and i've already expressed the way i think about y'all's situation.. so i'll just give a quick recap..


i wouldn't share the woman i love with anyone.


that's all.. but like i said.. different strokes for different folks.. and that's just me... maybe what y'all got will last a lifetime.. good for you if it does..

peace

 

[AziaReign]

Not a flame, but if you feel like that about someone, I don't see how you can do that partner switching stuff. It absolutely boggles me. Some say that truly loving someone has nothing to do with sex, but I don't buy that. If I don't care about someone, I don't care who they fuck, but if I really love them, the thought of some other dude banging them, or them with another woman for that matter, would make me go insane.
Damn, had to get that one out of my sysytem. I know it's off topic.

You're you...............I'm me....................Pauly is Pauly..............

 

[AziaReign]

I'm laughing and not sure why......I may need to adjust those rose colored glasses on a few of you.....

If you people think that you'll always be the same person you are at 25....you are going to be in for a rude awakening in your "happy" little future's. Growth is good in a marriage but IT takes two to work thru some of those changes..has NOTHING to do with making the other person "happy"...IT'S ABOUT ACCEPTING LIFE AND DEALING WITH STAGES in marriage 2-gether!Takes work and you are fooling yourself if you think any different.

Was this directed towards me?

 

[AziaReign]

relax vixen.. breathe.. just breathe... j/p.. i get where you're coming from.. and i might even understand where you're coming from once i get there... but for now.. i'd like to believe what i believe and hope that i'll find what i think is true love..



azia... you and pauly are cool... you are.. and i understand that different people = different love = different ways of showing it.. and i've already expressed the way i think about y'all's situation.. so i'll just give a quick recap..


i wouldn't share the woman i love with anyone.


that's all.. but like i said.. different strokes for different folks.. and that's just me... maybe what y'all got will last a lifetime.. good for you if it does..

peace

I didn't pop into this thread to discuss what what we did. Stay on track EVERYONE.

 

[casavant]

You're you...............I'm me....................Pauly is Pauly..............

I don't think my post implied otherwise.

 

[vixenbabe]

Originally posted by AziaReign


Was this directed towards me?

----------------------------------------------

In a way it was Azia, but not in a bad way sweetie! It's just that at 22 you have to expect change in your future. I hope you change in the years ahead cuz change and getting to know yourself is good, doll! You jusy have to hope that the man in your life can deal with those changes too. THIS TAKES WORK!

Hon, I'm 37 and still on the road to change..I change for MYSELF and my well being. Not for my man...

 

[decem]

I didn't pop into this thread to discuss what what we did. Stay on track EVERYONE.

sorry...

 

[AziaReign]

sorry...

Thank you

 

[vixenbabe]

Originally posted by Jimsbbc


but you love each other. I am so sick of hearing that people grow apart!!! Only if you allow that to happen!!!
------------------------------------------------------------------

You know what Jim? If you can tell people that you REALLY worked on the marriage, I mean explore allllll avenue's of making it work...then at least you can say you tried! I'd hate to think that I did not try...a true failure is not exploring a "fix".

 

[Jimsbbc]

Originally posted by Jimsbbc


but you love each other. I am so sick of hearing that people grow apart!!! Only if you allow that to happen!!!
------------------------------------------------------------------

You know what Jim? If you can tell people that you REALLY worked on the marriage, I mean explore allllll avenue's of making it work...then at least you can say you tried! I'd hate to think that I did not try...a true failure is not exploring a "fix".

I feel the same way!

 

[Sebass67]

I once went to a seminar where a guy argued love was " A choice to honour someone." I think it makes a lot of sense, cause there is no way you can love someone forever if it is an emotion. There are times you love, there are times you hate and there are times you are indifferent.

 

[AziaReign]

Originally posted by AziaReign


Was this directed towards me?

----------------------------------------------

In a way it was Azia, but not in a bad way sweetie! It's just that at 22 you have to expect change in your future. I hope you change in the years ahead cuz change and getting to know yourself is good, doll! You jusy have to hope that the man in your life can deal with those changes too. THIS TAKES WORK!

Hon, I'm 37 and still on the road to change..I change for MYSELF and my well being. Not for my man...

I understand what you're saying hun, and thank you for being "mom-like" ..............Everyone is different. Let me say this, bear with me while I vent for a sec! (and its not directed towards anyone here, please believe me)

I'm fucking sick and tired of people telling me how my life is going to be, what I'm going to go through, what WILL happen..........I am NOT naive. YES, I am still young and I have a shitload of life to go through, but my life is what I make of it. There will be things that we experience together, and we will grow and change TOGETHER throughout life.
We know what we want, we know how we feel, and no one is ever going to change that.
People tell me "Well, you think everything is peachy-keen now.......wait til your my age. You'll be divorced, with 3 kids, shitty paying job, etc." "Marry for money, not for love!" THAT pisses me off the most. Just because you have a crappy life does not give you the right to tell me how my life is going to be. No one knows us, how we are when we're together ('cept for Kronk and Kronkette)...........no one knows how strong our relationship is, no one knows the things we do for each other, no one knows our happiness.............no one knows how real our love is. If my life should change, if God decided to take him out of my life, for goodness sake, I'd either go Lesbian, or go through life alone! Thats how I feel, no one can make me feel any differently. No one's comments or outlooks can change my perception on our relationship, no one can ever change my feelings.

Thank you..............I feel better now.

 

[decem]

I understand what you're saying hun, and thank you for being "mom-like" ..............Everyone is different. Let me say this, bear with me while I vent for a sec! (and its not directed towards anyone here, please believe me)

I'm fucking sick and tired of people telling me how my life is going to be, what I'm going to go through, what WILL happen..........I am NOT naive. YES, I am still young and I have a shitload of life to go through, but my life is what I make of it. There will be things that we experience together, and we will grow and change TOGETHER throughout life.
We know what we want, we know how we feel, and no one is ever going to change that.
People tell me "Well, you think everything is peachy-keen now.......wait til your my age. You'll be divorced, with 3 kids, shitty paying job, etc." "Marry for money, not for love!" THAT pisses me off the most. Just because you have a crappy life does not give you the right to tell me how my life is going to be. No one knows us, how we are when we're together ('cept for Kronk and Kronkette)...........no one knows how strong our relationship is, no one knows the things we do for each other, no one knows our happiness.............no one knows how real our love is. If my life should change, if God decided to take him out of my life, for goodness sake, I'd either go Lesbian, or go through life alone! Thats how I feel, no one can make me feel any differently. No one's comments or outlooks can change my perception on our relationship, no one can ever change my feelings.

Thank you..............I feel better now.

amen

 

[lil k]

well i can only state my opinion on all of this.....i am 31 years old and kronk is 30, we both also have birthdays next month......we have been married for 8 years going on 9....now.....that means we were married when i was around 22 years old and kronk was 21 or so (i think it was more like 23 and 22) regardless.....YES....we did grow in many many ways...and went through many many changes....but we are still the same people that were madly in love back then....

although our lives changed and we matured and things of that nature.....when i look into those eyes of his...i see the same 22 years old that i fell in love with......getting together and being in love so long is what made our changes great....

YES things change everyday....however if you are with the love of your life...your soul-mate...you make these changes and adjust together....this (imo) is what leads to marriages that last a long long time!.....

make no mistake however...that some of the older couples that you see now that are having the 50th and 75th anniversary's...grew in a different time period....it was a period of women that followed men....women that did what men said and that was that....if the men cheated...the women still stayed etc. to me it means much more for me to say that i have been married the time i have.....and to know that we love and respect each other completely....

as far as people bring up sharing or swapping or whatever saying that it is impossible to share their mate....all i can say is that either you do not truly trust your mate...or its just not your bag!...who cares anyway?.....why when people hear that others have swapped or had sexual adventures does that somehow imply that the couples don't love or respect each other?.....

when the church created marriage (yes that's a fact), it was to control the out of control sex acts that were occurring. the church even made prostitution legal so that the could keep things under control....bottom line is that sex is just that sex....(unless you are making love to your partner)...

think of all the men out there that claim to be sooooooo in love...and they go to work and on business trips and buy things for the kids and love their wife's...and then CHEAT on them when they are not around them.....some of these couples are the same ones that have been married for lots and lots of years.....however...their marriage is a lie!

this is all just my opinion and i could really care less, however, it does get irritating to see people on this board get critical of people sharing mates or swapping.....when they have no idea the situation......if you are truly in love and you want to explore sex...what better way then to do it right in front of the person you love...no lying...no cheating....just SEX...that's all

i have no doubt that kronk and i will be married forever....that's just the way it is....we don't go behind each others backs...we always communicate....we share everything with each other.....think about that.....if people would have told kronk and i that 22 years olds dont know anything and we were not going to last cause we would change (and some did) they would have been proven wrong....our marriage has already lasted longer than most peoples that i know. imo, when these people said this to me it was becuase they had their own issues...maybe they had a bad breakup when they were younger...who knows...i didnt listen and here i am today....with the love of my life!

 

[AziaReign]

Damn baby................you GOOOOOOOOOOOO!

 

[vixenbabe]

Kronkette,

Sometimes "cheating" has nothing to do with the lack of sex in a marriage as well."Cheating" can start with many other issues not being met in the marriage.

Also this is just a thought in regards to a threesome you may find kinda cute, or not. No dis-respect meant cuz I could care less what people do in or out of their bedrooms:
Thank God you all had a foursome...cuz I'm thinking that during a threesome, someone, as some point during foreplay, would have to feel like the fat ugly kid sitting on the sidelines watching all the fun.

Just a thought I had more than once...
PEACE!

 

[lil k]

Kronkette,

Sometimes "cheating" has nothing to do with the lack of sex in a marriage as well."Cheating" can start with many other issues not being met in the marriage.

Also this is just a thought in regards to a threesome you may find kinda cute, or not. No dis-respect meant cuz I could care less what people do in or out of their bedrooms:
Thank God you all had a foursome...cuz I'm thinking that during a threesome, someone, as some point during foreplay, would have to feel like the fat ugly kid sitting on the sidelines watching all the fun.

Just a thought I had more than once...
PEACE!

vix,

yep...there are many things that can lead to cheating that are non sex related....this is why kronk and i talk about everything...no matter how deep...or how silly....we share it all...good and bad...that way....we never have issues that sneak up!....regardless....just my 2 pennies!

thats funny (fat ugly kid thing)!! LOL! however.........i disagree......there ARE for sure ways for only three people to be getting some at the same time...all the time.....hehehehehehehe ...

however, that was damn funny girl! cracked my ass up!!!!

have a great one vix, you are a hell of a babe!

 

[HighIntensity]

Your life and my life flow into each other as wave flows into wave, and unless there is peace and joy and freedom for you, there can be no real peace or joy or freedom for me. To see reality--not as we expect it to be but as it is--is to see that unless we live for each other and in and through each other, we do not really live very satisfactorily; that there can really be life only where there really is, in just this sense, love.

Love does not consist in gazing at each other, but in looking outward together in the same direction.

It is wrong to think that love comes from long companionship and persevering courtship. Love is the offspring of spiritual affinity and unless that affinity is created in a moment, it will not be created for years or even generations.

Marriages are made in heaven and consummated on Earth

 

[vixenbabe]

Originally posted by kronkette




thats funny (fat ugly kid thing)!! LOL! however.........i disagree......there ARE for sure ways for only three people to be getting some at the same time...all the time.....hehehehehehehe ...
--------------------------------------------------------------------------

Thought you'd like that one....But ya have to admit DURING foreplay that SOMEONE is gonna be left out. Shit, I'm a selfish bitch and don't want to have stop my action when the other person is feeling left out...Damn, wash my frickin windows since ya ain;t doing shit but watchin us get it on...LMAO!

I hear ya on the talking...I have seen so many of my pals fall to the non-talking phase.

You also have a great night. My man is due home in a few and I plan on meeting him at the door with a kiss and a BIGGGG Thank You for him being a great hubby!


HIGHIntensity: Loved your input !

 

[HighIntensity]

bmp the good posts

 

[casavant]

as far as people bring up sharing or swapping or whatever saying that it is impossible to share their mate....all i can say is that either you do not truly trust your mate...or its just not your bag!...who cares anyway?.....why when people hear that others have swapped or had sexual adventures does that somehow imply that the couples don't love or respect each other?.....

If you were referring to my previous post-

"...I don't see..." & "It boggles me."- Two telltale phrases that should have led you to believe that it's just not my bag. Get a grip.

See ya.

 

[AziaReign]

OOOOOOOOKAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!
End of subject.