GOP Harmony

[AAP]

BWAHAHAHAHAAAAAA

Two men in suits appear on screen. Their faces are blurred.

MAN #1
It’s hard when you’re holding hands with someone at a prayer breakfast and wondering, am I feeling more than the power of Jesus?

Cut to another pair of men, also dressed in suits.

MAN #3
The guys I’d meet randomly would find out I’m a Republican and want to get into it about Bush. I’d tell them, hey, if I wanted to get into bush, I’d be home with my wife.

MAN #2
Yeah, I didn't hire you to be the speaker, I hired you to be the whip!

Cut to the GOP-Harmony spokesman.

SPOKESMAN
At GOP-Harmony, we put you in touch with conservative congressmen, party leaders, and “reporters” looking for someone special for at least 15 minutes. We use 29 distinct items to match you to the perfect liaison.

Some of the categories float by: Denial, Self-Loathing, Committee Memberships, Inseam

Cut back to #3 and #4, holding hands.

MAN #4
It’s not easy to find a man who’s into tax cuts, nation building, and bare-backing. (raises his partner’s hand) But I did!

MAN #3
I'd look like a real hypocrite if I used condoms—I’m chair of the Presidential Commission on Abstinence!

SPOKESMAN
With GOP-Harmony, you don’t have to worry about messy exposés or embarrassing mug shots. We rigorously check out all of our members, weeding out officers, agents, reporters, bloggers….

Cut to another pair of men. One is dressed as Ronald Reagan, the other as Nancy.

REAGAN MAN
Now I never have to ask, “Are you a cop or from The New York Times?”

NANCY MAN
Unless we’re role-playing! (laughs)

SPOKESMAN
And you have our GOP-Harmony Guarantee—none of the men you’ll meet are gay!

Cut back to the first two men.

MAN #2
When people ask me if I’m gay, I ask them, “If I was gay, would I be voting against gay marriage?”

MAN #1
Exactly! I just want to have sex with guys, not a relationship with them.

MAN #2
Thank you, GOP-Harmony!

Cut to the Spokesman.

SPOKESMAN
So what are you waiting for, a subpoena? Go online today to complete your confidential, fully encrypted GOP-Harmony profile. Act now and you’ll also receive our free, full color Congressional Page-a-Day calendar, the perfect way to get up in the morning!

 

[binö]

does anyone really read these posts?

 

[AAP]

does anyone really read these posts?

According to my K history, yes.

And you did too. And posted here as well.

Whooooooo

 

[needtogetaas]

bro this thread is going to be a flop...its not one of your best.

 

[binö]

bro this thread is going to be a flop...its not one of your best.

AAP is popular though.
most peeps, including myself, click on this threads.
but, like most peeps, I never read anything, it's all the same democratic robotic propaganda that he gleaned from watching the daily show the night before lol

 

[AAP]

bro this thread is going to be a flop...its not one of your best.

It'll still probably hit two pages though as soon as Heather gets here.

 

[AAP]

AAP is popular though.
most peeps, including myself, click on this threads.
but, like most peeps, I never read anything, it's all the same democratic robotic propaganda that he gleaned from watching the daily show the night before lol

actually that is crediting with me more effort than it took.

it was a cut and paste from an email.

woot woot.

 

[needtogetaas]

It'll still probably hit two pages though as soon as Heather gets here.

ya or that dip shit army stubs.

 

[AAP]

Airport restroom welcomes Repubs

Hoping to draw business and attention from the Larry Craig sex scandal,
the director of a small commuter airport in Wisconsin says that
"Republicans are welcome to have gay sex in our restrooms any time."

Since a nearby airfield upgraded its facilities, business has dropped
by 65 percent, Barry Hoaxson says. In order to regain lost customers,
he's recruited male prostitutes to act as attendants in his airport's
two public restrooms.

"This county voted 85 percent for Bush in 2004, so we're thinking our
potential client base is enormous," Hoaxson says. "Any Republican who's
been considering having anonymous gay sex in a men's room should come
on in, if you'll pardon the expression."

Hoaxson says that local police have agreed to not patrol his airport
during the promotion, which ends after the 2008 elections. "We
understand that being a gay, closeted, anti-homosexual Republican is
tough," he says. "That's why we're trying to make it easier to enjoy
furtive, desperate encounters while traveling."

The dividers between stalls in the restrooms have been shortened from 6
to 3 feet and the doors have been raised from 1 foot above the floor to
3. "That way, you can get a good look at who's inside tapping their
feet. Never again will a Republican have to worry about being entrapped
in our men's rooms," he says.

He says that Democrats are welcome as well but complains that their
openness about their sexuality means few of them will partake of his
restroom's services. "They'll just go to gay bars or meet other gay
people at social events," he says. "Our service is for the Republicans
who prefer a life of sensual hypocrisy."

Craig has been invited to the renovated bathroom's ribbon-cutting
ceremony next week, but a spokesman for the Idaho senator said she did
not know if he would attend. "He's been getting invitations from men's
rooms across the country," the spokeswoman said. "He can't possibly
have sex in them all."

 

[binö]

seriously AAP, is bathroom pimpin a common gay thing?

 

[AAP]

seriously AAP, is bathroom pimpin a common gay thing?

A lot of married men do hook up in public bathrooms. They really have nowhere else to go. They can't risk being seen in gay bars or bookstores.

You have to realize that unlike here in South Florida, many states don't have a beach you walk by and meet anonymous guys. There isn't a nudist beach you can go on and walk the nature trails for a bit of fun.

The only thing they have left is public bathrooms, because there really isn't anything suspicious or bad if someone tells your wife they saw you going into a bathroom, hey... you had to piss. That's the explanation right there.

Most go in and make the offer to go somewhere else. Like that other Repub that just got busted for the same thing did. He was popped not too long before Craig. I have never seen an actual sex act taking place in a public bathroom. A club bathroom, yes. But nothing in a general airport/department store/mall/etc.. type.

 

[binö]

aww fuck this thread is gonna blow up now, HR is here