Merci bien.........
French History
>The complete military history of France
>
> One of our favorite Allies has been rather heroic:
>
> Gallic Wars - Lost. In a war whose ending foreshadows the next 2000 years
of
> French history, France is conquered by of all things, an Italian.
>
> Hundred Years War - Mostly lost, saved at last by female schizophrenic who
> inadvertently creates The First Rule of French Warfare; "France's armies
are
> victorious only when not led by a Frenchman."
>
> Italian Wars - Lost. France becomes the first and only country to ever
lose
> two wars when fighting Italians.
>
> Wars of Religion - France goes 0-5-4 against the Huguenots
>
> Thirty Years War - France is technically not a participant, but manages to
> get invaded anyway. Claims a tie on the basis that eventually the other
> participants started ignoring her.
>
> War of Devolution - Tied. Frenchmen take to wearing red flowerpots as
> chapeaux. The Dutch War - Tied
>
> War of the Augsburg League/King William's War/French and Indian War -
Lost,
> but claimed as a tie. Three ties in a row induces deluded Frogophiles the
> world over to label the period as the height of French military power.
>
> War of the Spanish Seccession - Lost. The War also gave the French their
> first taste of a Marlborough, which they have loved every since.
>
> American Revolution - In a move that will become quite familiar to future
> Americans, France claims a win even though the English colonists saw far
> more action. This is later known as "de Gaulle Syndrome", and leads to the
>
> Second Rule of French Warfare; "France only wins when America does most of
> the fighting."
>
> French Revolution - Won, primarily due the fact that the opponent was also
> French.
>
> The Napoleonic Wars - Lost. Temporary victories (remember the First Rule!)
> due to leadership of a Corsican, who ended up being no match for a British
> footwear designer.
>
> The Franco-Prussian War - Lost. Germany first plays the role of drunk Frat
> boy to France's ugly girl home alone on a Saturday night.
>
> World War I - Tied and on the way to losing, France is saved by the United
> States. Thousands of French women find out what it's like to not only
sleep
> with a winner, but one who doesn't call her "Fraulein." Sadly, widespread
> use of condoms by American forces forestalls any improvement in the French
> bloodline.
>
> World War II - Lost. Conquered French liberated by the United States and
> Britain just as they finish learning the Horst Wessel Song.
>
> War in Indochina - Lost. French forces plead sickness, take to bed with
the
> Dien Bien Flu
>
> Algerian Rebellion - Lost. Loss marks the first defeat of a western army
by
> a Non-Turkic Muslim force since the Crusades, and produces the First Rule
of
> Muslim Warfare; "We can always beat the French." This rule is identical to
> the First Rules of the Italians, Russians, Germans, English, Dutch,
Spanish,
> Vietnamese and Esquimaux.
>
> War on Terrorism - France, keeping in mind its recent history, surrenders
to
> Germans and Muslims just to be safe. Attempts to surrender to Vietnamese
> ambassador fail after he takes refuge in a McDonald's.
>
> Let's face it. When it comes to war, France gets rolled more often than a
> Parisian prostitute with a visible mustache. They've been beaten so many
> times there's no fight left in them.
I'm sure there are more,,fell free to add to the list
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