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Girl question

Robert Jan

New member
Im a 17 yr old high school student.

for about 18 months now i have been hanging out with this girl, I take ballroom dancing course with her and weve been to the theatre a few times and we discuss books we read... lot of smart shit basically. I took her to the school dance, the school dance is a huge deal to her. We are close we get along extraordinary well but we never kissed. Im not in love with her but i think she may be in love. Shes extremely intelligent, nearly 19 yr old, virgin, shes funny, shes anorexic, perfectionist, perfectionist dresser, neurotic and sensitive. shes about 5"6.5 and 90 lbs and never talks about that. Im 6"3 226 lbs, for a visual.

Ill name some examples to make sure you understand shes not kidding/
I once spent a day with her from 10:00 in the morning till 11:00 in the evening. during this time she did not eat anything except half an apple and she did not drink anything. we actually walked around the city all day and had a pretty intense hour of dancing.

before a test she gets about 2 hours of sleep a night. she has the highest average in the school and she still goes mad stresssed for every test. she walks around in panic saying she cant do it, then scores a perfect mark.

she gets up at 5:30 every day while school starts at 8:30 so she can do her hair and choose her clothes and make-up

Now I have a date with this other girl. shes 16, I have known her a bit for a while. I suppose Im not doing anything wrong at all but im scared to see the reaction of the older girl. I guess its a fairly common situation when you feel entrapped by a friends instable personality. any tips? I think she really thinks we are serious. I cant take my hands completely off that either, weve certainly flirted alot. to make it even more harsh and honest... id date this girl if she just ate. i cant put up with the way she looks, its extreme, people stare at it, and shes always busy hiding the fact she does not eat. I know about these disorders and i know it probably get worse if i date another girl now but i cant stay trapped like this. im too damn young for this drama....

id probably hide it from her but she knows this girl a bit so that is not really possible.

Im pretty scared to tell the 18 yr old girl
 
Last edited:
Robert Jan said:
id say they are about equally pretty except one is kinda fit, and the other is underweight

I didnt mean mental pics son.
 
First a question:
how did u find a virgin over 14 in Holland?

A solution:
Give me the first chick's phone number , I'll um , take her minf off you breakin her heart (u bastard!).:angel:
 
well ok Rob , listen , how about u explain to chick number 1 that u really dig her but the not eating things is really a turn-off. I gotta hit u up next time I come down to Holland , I've met quite a few hot dutch chicks but was put off by a perceived stereotype that they were major sluts.
 
just a question to understand whats goin on with these 2 girls.

u just dance and chill with the anorexic girl just as friends but flirt alot....?

if thats the case... i would say go on the date with the other girl not telling the anorecix one.... fuck the shit out of her.... then fuck the shit out of the anorexic one.... just be careful not to break her.....

i just kidding man... the anorexic girl sounds like she has some serious issues with herself... it would prolly be the best idea not to get involved with her bro... her problems will drag u down like u woudn't beleive if u get into that shit...

i would go on the date with the other girl and if the anorexic one gets all pissy just tell her that your not her bf... lol
 
I know this might sound harsh but it sounds to me like you can date whomever you want. The fact that the girl has got some issues doesn't mean that your choices should be influenced.

If I knew that a guy was only considering not dating another girl because he THOUGHT it might upset me, I would have to reconsider MY BEHAVIOR.

I feel for the girl you are talking about having had most of my life consumed by eating disorders. I am telling you - THERE IS NOT THING ONE YOU CAN DO FOR HER. SHE MUST DEAL WITH THESE TROUBLES ALONE.

Go out with whomever you wish and if the first girl gets upset be straight up, "You and I are friends. I enjoy spending time with you but I am not ready for a serious relationship."
 
if the one with the eating disorder is fixated, your choosing another over her might tip her over the edge into a really really serious disorder. so no matter what you do you have to respect this situation and dont be a selfish asshole.

apart from that follow your heart, like usual.

imo communicate with the older girl about how you feel about her looks. you have a hold on her and could probably influence her to eat more, and so youll get what you want, and help her out too.

but of course stay in touch with the younger one. cant burn all bridges now can we ;) .
 
I must humbly disagree Mr Delicious.

He is in no way, shape, or form responsible for her eating disorder nor can he help or make it worse. An eating disorder is all about her need to control HERSELF. Regardless of what he does, she will "use" his behavior to fit her perception of reality.

The more I think about it, the more I think Mr Jan should cut this girl loose before he gets sucked into a really bad situation.
 
I'd agree...
Couldn't a bodybuilder going out with an anorexic girl spawn insecurity?...Plus you said yourself she's mentally unstable (from what I understand, she seems obsessive compulsive) that's not particularly good for a relationship...but then again what does this 16 year old have, you never haven't talked about her that much. It's your own decision to make. You should think about it...in the mean time good luck.
 
Its hard.... you know sometimes there would be threads on here on peoples anorexic or suicidal girlfriends and id just go drop her your going to be in all sorts of shit, and there is nothing you can do. but now when i am the situation, even while shes not my gf but a close friend, it is hard. its so obvious that i am more important to her than vice versa. she doesnt even haave many friends, I can just see her light up when we meet or hear it when we talk on the phone. She is very valuable to me though... she is the single best conversation partner i ever had, and she has the best sense of humour i have ever encountered in a female.
I have already had a lot of crap and pain about her... she was at her worst physical and mental state when she left for her homeland of the former USSR for all of summer. she had rib definition from the back, and black eyes like a heroin addict and she was gone for months. I seriously anticipated a possible death or hospital care for her. I think at this time I was actually in love with her, in a weird way. I had a very slow depressed summer. She came back looking better, still underweight, but healthier. I can not see myself lusting for her, unless she changes with a full U-turn. she wont. she lives with her mom. they are carbon copies. she doesnt know any better.

as for more info on the 16 yr old... well shes tall, smart, fit and nice and she has had an eye on me for a long time, she sent me some shit with valentine 2 years back, i met her then but she was really too insecure to hang out with. now shes come back so to say with a badass attitude and im liking it. I dont know her well enough to judge if we are going to have something long term, something good. but im certainly going to check her out...

Should I talk to the older girl... explain roughly what I explained here, or just let things go as they go? In a way I feel the latter would be cowardice... its hard though. she just emailed me, if i want to go to a heavy dress code dance party at the dancing academy with her....
 
Don't try to hide it from the older girl if you decide to go out with the other one. The first girl has issues, and you not dating someone else isn't going to solve them. Sit her down and talk to her. Tell her that you are worried about her health. It sounds like you two have a good friendship, hopefully, she will understand.

Good luck.:)
 
You seem like a truly nice guy but you can't fix her. Be her friend but be straight up about your feelings for her (or lack of romantic ones).

I wish you good luck as well.
 
I still have not told her Im chicken as fuck. She was on the phone and she was all happy to talk to me it was sad. Im going to email her I think. not as an escape or whatever, its how we usually communicate outside school/dancing
 
I suppose my relationship with the older girl goes right back to the question whether or not a guy and a girl can be friends. what we have done for the past 18 months, and enjoyed, was friendship under the never outspoken assumption that we were going to hook up eventually.

Its hard for me to describe my feelings for her-
I care for her im protective of her I think she is cool and smart and elegant and sweet and honest and interesting, but i have never felt a desire to grab her, kiss her, caress her, fuck her, lick her or anything.....

Has anyone ever had that kind of thing?

i hope she takes it well i know im doing nothing wrong...
 
take advice from someone who has been with many fucked up chicks; RUN!

don't try to be their knight in shining armor, or think you can fix any of their problems, because you can't and they probably dont want them 'fixed' anyways.

her problems will eventually become yours as your attachment to her progresses. you are simply setting yourself up for nothing but frustration, anger, bitterness, and depression. RUN!
 
im certainly not going to fall in love with her (again)

Well I did it I emailed her and told her about this date. I did not go into the subject of what we have or dont have, I hope she doesnt freak, and i hope if she does freak she does not hide it from me
 
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