Please Scroll Down to See Forums Below I am currently a 4th yr in college. End of freshman yr through beginning of Jr. year, I had a very steady relationship with my first and only "love"...We broke up at the beginning of Jr. year because she was going to Spain for a year school. Thing is, our breakup was due to more than just the fact that she was leaving. We were getting too used to each other and needed a break anyways. Now for the predicament... since she got back this summer, we've been spending a lot of time together as friends. I talked to her about hooking up and being "friends with benefits" and she was cool with it. Now it's becoming weird. We keep it a secret from all our friends because we don't want people to get the wrong idea but this is just weird. Do any of you have experience going from being in love with someone to just hooking up and trying to bury those feelings? There is no possibility of us getting back together at this point so don't recommend that. I almost feel like I'm salvaging what is left of the old relationship by endulging sexually. O yeah, she's gorgeous, a virgin, and a fairly successful model... we do not have "sex" persay but do everything else. Aside from continuing to hook up, how should i handle this?
girl advice?
- Thread starter ZKaudio
- Start date
I spent about a year living with an ex. We slept together but didn't consider ourselves a couple....though we also weren't keen on the other one sleeping with other people. It was really confusing for our friends and family when they found out about it. They thought we were back together and that wasn't the deal at all.
I think that most of the time in that situation one person ends up having stronger feelings than the other one. If you're both being honest with one another and are mutually happy with the situation, then it sounds fine. If one of you starts wanting more though and the other thinks it's just casual, that's a set up for really hurting someone or getting hurt. Just make sure all your cards are out on the table and that you're on the same page.
I think that most of the time in that situation one person ends up having stronger feelings than the other one. If you're both being honest with one another and are mutually happy with the situation, then it sounds fine. If one of you starts wanting more though and the other thinks it's just casual, that's a set up for really hurting someone or getting hurt. Just make sure all your cards are out on the table and that you're on the same page.
that's where we are...(your second paragraph) It's weird for me not doing all the normal relationship stuff... i.e. holding hands, kissing frequently, etc. while still hooking up with someone like her who is so prudish... (that's the type of girls i go for though, no sluts allowed. Criticism welcome) I dated her for over a yr and didn't have sex... i feel like i deserve a fking medal or something. All I got out of it was lots of oral talent lol.
D
Deleted member 33117
Guest
It won't last, as gonelifting said. Enjoy the benefits while you can. Damn, no vaginal penetration? Not even a decent "friend with benefits" unless you are at least having anal then in place of it.
It`s just a matter of time before the "friendship" falls apart. SOMETHING must change.
once you start banging another girl, your "friend" will drive her car over a bridge with you both in it. Leaving you with a mangeled up face were you have to wear a mask and her dying. This is just the facts my friend.
I seen it happen in a Tom Cruise movie called "vanilla sky".
I seen it happen in a Tom Cruise movie called "vanilla sky".
The guy I was talking about was with me for a year and a half and hadn't slept with me. I lost my virginity on a whim a few weeks later to someone I barely knew. It was sort of a weird 6-9 months for me. The ex and I started sleeping together about a year later.
Just be careful with your heart. Having someone to snuggle with is nice but it's not worth it if you think you're going to have your heart broken.
Just be careful with your heart. Having someone to snuggle with is nice but it's not worth it if you think you're going to have your heart broken.
C
Citruscide
Guest
Girl Advice --
Keep it honest, Keep it casual... don't let your heart get ahead of your brain...
C-ditty
Keep it honest, Keep it casual... don't let your heart get ahead of your brain...
C-ditty
ZKaudio said:
Dude-
This type of feeling is what big-time regrets are made of (I have friends that can tell ya). You will never again be in a stage of your life like you are now. Luckily it will last for another couple years..
I would consider how many other people you could potentially get to know (in more ways than just bumping) but are not meeting cause of your relationship with her...
I always believed if it is going nowhere to get rid of it...
Also, if you keep getting with the girl, and find someone else, there is a large possibility you will get jacked up like flex123 says above.... It is a VERY rare situation where these "casual" arrangements work out without one person or the other getting very messed up over it. It sounds good in theory, but I have know very few to pull it off successfully.
B
Buffy Beffy
Guest
Been there...kinda. It actually kind of sucks. I think if you know that you guys have no chance of being together, then you need to stop hookin up. This could ruin your friendship. There's obviously something more there b/c of the jealousy factor that you mention, but why run on a dead end road? Does she even know that there's no chance of you guys getting back together? I have an f'd up relationship with my best friend like that: hooking up and stuff. Everyone really thinks that we're together, but we're not. He's not over his ex. So....it sucks for me b/c all the shit that has happend to ruin our friendship makes me want to run and never look back, but there is this little character tie: I am not the kind of friend to just leave...even if I'm going through hell. In saying all of that, don't let it go too far. More drama and hurt will be added.
bigschweeler
New member
One of you will end up having stronger feelings than the other and when that happens it's all over.
I don't think it can go both ways. Either you are just friends or you start a relationship. There are very few pure "friends with benefits." In most cases they are friends, or just someone to screw.
I've had a couple of these situations and they never last. They either change into just friendship without any of the physical activity, or just meaningless screwing that eventually ends.
I would decide to pursue another relationship with her, or decide just to be friends and knock off the "slap and tickle".
I don't think it can go both ways. Either you are just friends or you start a relationship. There are very few pure "friends with benefits." In most cases they are friends, or just someone to screw.
I've had a couple of these situations and they never last. They either change into just friendship without any of the physical activity, or just meaningless screwing that eventually ends.
I would decide to pursue another relationship with her, or decide just to be friends and knock off the "slap and tickle".
Buffy Beffy said:
Here is a great example of what can happen. You should cut that crap out because someone will get messed up over it. Really when it comes down to it, it is not a friendship because one person usually ends up using the other to get what they want (cause the other person is too attached to stop it). Not a friend.
Buffy- sorry to hear this (it sounds like it is ongoing - if so I hope you will make some good decisions that will make life better for you soon.)
The best decisions are often the hardest to make.
B
Buffy Beffy
Guest
Becoming said:
Thanks Becoming. You definatly nailed that one.
sh4dowf4lcon
New member
Citruscide said:
C- Ditty is right on time with his suggestion.
If you get too attached this could get ugly, keep things in perspective and enjoy what she brings to the table.
Don't set yourself up to be disappointed with lofty expectations.
SF
Buffy Beffy said:
buffy. you chased me when you knew i was crazy in love. you walked away in hopes of making me miss you and i did miss my best friend. i cant change the way things started between us but saying things like that really hurts.
B
Buffy Beffy
Guest
juicedmullet said:
I'm not quite sure what you're talking about.
Buffy Beffy said:
all you seem to talk about on here is how messed up our situation is. I didnt pick for things to happen between us like they did and i know you didnt either. you dont need to keep telling me how things suck between us and for that matter people on this board either. you know i read this stuff too.
you just posted about how f'd up things are between us.
B
Buffy Beffy
Guest
juicedmullet said:
I'm still not quite sure what you're speaking of. I don't think things suck between us.
B
Buffy Beffy
Guest
Buffy Beffy said:
So anyway....
There's my advice. I've been there. Just tryin to help a bro out....I mean, really, do you see the drama here?
slickdadd
New member
I'd say if any damage is going to be done to the friendship it has already been done. It's just a question of how long until it comes into play. Guaranteed action is a good thing, I wouldn't pass it up. You are passed the point of making things weird or changing the friendship. If you end it now or 3 months down the road, it's going to be different than it was before. So just go ahead and get the free love from the hot girl and take advantage as long as you can.
