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gate way drugs?

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WASHINGTON, DC—The Office of the Surgeon General issued a warning Monday that sustained use of Mountain Dew—an addictive, caffeinated soft drink popular in youth-counterculture circles—may lead to the use of such harder beverages as Surge, Jolt, and even espresso.


"There are children as young as 10 in this country who regularly do the Dew," Surgeon General David Satcher said. "While the risks associated with use of this extreme soda are lower than those of other, even more caffeinated substances, the decision to become a Mountain Dew user sends a young person down a dangerous path. It is the first step on the journey to hardcore beverage use."

"'It's only Mountain Dew—I can handle it,' is something I hear all too often," Satcher added.

According to UCLA Medical Center addiction specialist Dr. Audra Hurst, Mountain Dew is a "gateway beverage," one that serves as a bridge between safe drinks like orange juice and milk and dangerous substances like black tea and "Water Joe," the street name for a powerful strain of chemically enhanced caffeinated water.

"Everyone is familiar with the frightening image of the trembling, barely functional coffee addict, unable to face the world without his morning fix," Hurst said. "But few people think about the beverages that coffee junkie started out on before working his way up to that pathetic state."

"Regular Mountain Dew use sets the stage for far more serious things," said Lenora Nunez, president of Think Before You Drink, a New York-based soft-drink-industry watchdog group. "You get hooked on it and, suddenly, walking into a Starbucks and ordering a double mochaccino with 144 mg of caffeine or slugging down a carton of Strawberry Quik at 90 grams of sugar a pop doesn't seem like the taboo it once was."

Early-stage Mountain Dew users describe experiencing a sweet, highly pleasurable oral sensation and, in high doses, a rush of energy known as "doing the Dew." In certain users, the product also induces feelings of extreme confidence and invulnerability, leading them to engage in such high-risk activities as bungee-jumping and skydiving.

"What many users don't realize until it's too late is that when the effects of the Mountain Dew wear off, their energy level plummets and they immediately start looking for another Mountain Dew, sending them spiraling downward into a cycle of dependence," Nunez said. "Before they're even aware of it, the user has developed a profound psychological and physical dependence to the Dew."

Because it is legal and its use widespread, Mountain Dew is often assumed to be safe. The drink, however, is known to pose many medical risks. Clinical studies have linked its consumption to rapid heartbeat, insomnia, diuresis, anxiety, hyperactivity, and the inability to concentrate.


Above: Former Mountain Dew drinkers who admit to using coffee daily.
In a trend Nunez calls "alarming," recent studies have shown that the average age at which a child drinks his or her first Mountain Dew is plummeting, while recreational use among young people is sharply on the rise.

"A young child does not possess the maturity and decision-making faculties necessary to use Mountain Dew responsibly," Nunez said. "I've seen kids as young as seven walk up to a soda machine on a street corner and plug their money in."

Exacerbating the problem is the fact that parents often dismiss their children's Mountain Dew use as harmless soda experimentation, something they themselves did when they were young.

"Mountain Dew came into vogue in the late '70s as a performance-enhancing beverage, consumed by young people seeking to prolong their enjoyment of such activities as horseback riding and rope-swinging over swimming holes," Hurst said. "But that was a far more innocent time. Today, we know a lot more about the costs of recreational Dew use and what it can lead to."

Despite such warnings, most regular users dismiss the notion that Mountain Dew is a gateway drink.

"That's a bunch of bull," said Troy DeSilva, 31, a Petoskey, MI, auto mechanic who started drinking Mountain Dew at 13. "What about the millions of decent, tax-paying, home-owning Mountain Dew users who have never gone on to use any harder beverages? Why don't we hear about them?"

"I've been a six-pack-a-day Mountain Dew drinker for almost 20 years, and it hasn't negatively affected me whatsoever," DeSilva continued. "If it did, I could quit any time I wanted to."
 
The FDA has nothing better to do. Can you imagine caffiene as a prescription drug? Never happen.
 
Blood&Iron said:

Ever hear of satire?

Sure it's satire, but those characters that work for the pharmaceuticals still have their fingers in the FDA's pockets. I don't see where ephedrine gives anymore of a buzz than caffiene and they're down on it. If it were me I'd be putting both in Mountain Dew, and ice cream, and Gerbers baby food, and ........
 
Whoever wrote this stupid politically correct article probably had nothing better to do with there time. Notice that they don't cite any good scientific sources, only arguments from authority and links.
 
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Actually and I thought this was obvious, it's just a very dry joke chillin 408.

It's from the onion and I put it here to make folks laugh when I couldn't sleep the other night.

Guess it wasn't all that funny after all huh?
 
LOL, you guys seriously need to pull your heads out of your asses and smell the coffee! I don't know how anyone could have mistaken this bit of satire for the truth. Loosen up guys.
 
Come on man...I've seen real articles that are indistingable from satire. It seems like every time I pick up time magazine or other politically correct mass media publication, there is either old news or stupid stuff like the caffeine thing. For example, look in the local papers(or tv channel) health or excercise section and you'll see stuff that this board and other boards talked about years ago--and there presenting it like its new! OK... I now I know that article about aspirin was the same ,but seriously I've seen similar non-satire (intended ) articles.

Does onion.com find the the most obscure articles or are they fake...I mean do they just pay authorities to say stuff so they can make a satire?

By the way, heres a classic example of what I was talking about...the fuckin DEA was getting erections over hemp products..and I think they censored them, but I'm not sure--i just haven't seen them in any local store and I heard the hemp product sellers were taking it to court. Come on , if that isn't obscure or indistingable from satire then what is?
 
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Listen, it's obvious we're having a problem in the communications department. In the future, you've got to tell me what it is you want right away, because otherwise I've got no way of knowing that you don't want to see my penis. I'm a pretty sharp guy, but you can't expect me to know how you're feeling all the time. Unless you tell me, I'm going to just assume that you want to see my penis.

I wish you wouldn't get so angry with me. What am I, a mind reader? How is it I'm supposed to know what you're thinking? I'm no Uri Geller. I'm just a guy with, if I do say so myself, a very nice penis. Hefty. Thick. Purpose-built. Nature's purest expression of form following function. A miracle of evolutionary design. There's no way anyone could look at it and think it's anything but a fine, healthy penis. I know, because out of the literally thousands of people who have seen it, not one of them has mistaken it for anything but a penis.

So please, you've got to be more clear in the future. If you don't want to see it, let me know beforehand, and I'd be happy to accommodate you.

To be honest, though, while I respect your wishes, I really don't see what it is about my penis that you object to. It might not be the biggest penis in the world, but maybe you've just seen more of them than I have, because it's a nice, big penis. Clean, too. No moss or anything on it—I even dip it in Nair twice a week out of consideration for people who want to see it, which is everyone as far as I know. I know this because no one ever comes to me and tells me they don't want to see it until after they've already gotten a good, long look.

If it bothers you that much, perhaps the best solution would be for you to leave the room whenever I'm thinking about taking out my penis, which is, unfortunately, all the time. It'd be a shame, though, because I enjoy the company. I like you, and I like knowing that you get to see my penis. Human beings are social animals, and I'm no exception: Showing my penis is my way of being part of the crowd.

More important, do you think I'd show my penis so much if I wasn't a friendly person? Of course not. I'm not just doing this for myself, though it does give me the warm feeling that comes from sharing. I do this because I want everyone to be my friend. And there's no better way to make friends than by showing people your penis.

All this talking about my penis makes me want to see it right now. Just to look at it, mind you. I'm not going to touch it in any fashion that doesn't relate to letting everyone see it better. That would be sexual, and that's not the point. The point is that everyone should get to see it. Therefore, if I have to raise it up a bit, or otherwise manipulate it so that it's more visible, then that's what I have to do. Of course, if you still don't want to see it, I won't take it out at all, out of respect for your weird neuroses.

I thank you for your time.
 
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