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NEW YORK - Scientists have sniffed out the location of the Fountain of Youth and it's deep in the bowels of the New York City subway system - in a public toilet!
At least 150 elderly homeless people who've sipped from the mysterious toilet bowl have inexplicably become young again overnight, the researchers claim.
"This is the greatest discovery of the new millennium," declares Dr. Lawrence Bishwell, a London-based biochemist who has been hunting for the fabled font for more than 30 years.
"Many of these individuals had abused their bodies for decades with alcohol and suffered from a host of medical woes, ranging from liver damage to senile dementia. "But after drinking less than an ounce of the toilet water, they were restored to good health.
"People who'd looked like haggard wretches regained their youthful appearance and vigor - looking and feeling as much as 40 years younger.
"Gray hair turned black, wrinkles disappeared - even scars vanished overnight."
New York City officials refuse to confirm the story or identify which of the hundreds of subway stations under the streets of Manhattan houses the so-called miracle toilet.
"You'd have eight million New Yorkers converging on the john," a City Hall source says.
Dr. Bishwell says the unique properties of the toilet water were first identified by an 82-year-old bum named Larry who slept in the men's room with his mangy old mutt, Max.
"The dog drank from the toilet bowl and when Larry woke up the next morning, he was stunned to see his companion had turned back into a playful, yelping puppy, with a sleek, shiny coat," reveals the scientist. "He decided to give the water a try himself and, sure enough, the next day, he found that he looked and felt like a man of 35."
Larry's homeless buddies soon noticed the transformation. And so, for four years, the location of the Fountain of Youth was a jealously guarded secret, known only by homeless people who flocked to the toilet to sip from it and get a new lease on life.
"We learned of this urban legend and tracked it to the source," Dr. Bishwell says.
The biochemist and his six-man team are now analyzing the amazing water, which they say might contain rejuvenating chemicals that come from underground rocks.
