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Forgiving past lovers who wronged you....

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I've noticed that alot of people seem to hold grudges againts ex's or lovers that wronged them. However, this is not something I do, and I'm just curious how many of you have forgiven them, and how many still hold them in contempt. Yesterday I found out that the last girl I was seriously involved with (the one who actaully still had a bf she didn't tell me about and cut me loose on Dec 5th... also the one I posted about having a problem cumming with back at the begining of November due to being on a tren/eq stack with no test)... is doing ok, is happy right now and her life is going well. I found this out through second hand information. Hearing that she was doing well made me happy. Its strange, but she lied to me, used and then told me basically to fuck off, but I forgave her... and truely want her to have a good life. I still avoid going near her apartment, the bars/clubs she likes or anythign involved with the organizations she is an active member off on campus, because I don't want to see her... and I not longer want to be with her. It seems almost incomprehensable to me how some people can be truely in love with someone, and then hate them later. For me, love and even deep frindships are unconditional. If that person wrongs me greatly, I may not want them in my life anymore, but that does not remove the emotion or bond completely. Honestly, girls that I've cared about in the past who things didn't work out with, I look in on from time to time (maybe once a year), using various methods, just to make sure they are still alive and doing ok.

Anyone else have similar experiences? Or if you are the opposite, I would like to hear about it also, and would like to hear things from your point of view.
 
BodyByFinaplix said:
For me, love and even deep frindships are unconditional. If that person wrongs me greatly, I may not want them in my life anymore, but that does not remove the emotion or bond completely. Honestly, girls that I've cared about in the past who things didn't work out with, I look in on from time to time (maybe once a year), using various methods, just to make sure they are still alive and doing ok.

Anyone else have similar experiences? Or if you are the opposite, I would like to hear about it also, and would like to hear things from your point of view.
Click to expand...


WERD

I've been trying to explain this to peeps and they call me crazy for it. I bear no ill will towards anyone that I have loved and am even happy when I hear that they are doing well.

Part of me even feels this towards my ex, but there is part of me that wants to slit his throat while looking into his eyes as the life leaves them for what he has done to my kids. This hate is tearing me up and I don't know what to do with it. I find it cropping up at the most unexpected times. I never had it before and it is killing me not only that I have it inside me, but that I don't know what to do to make it go away.
 
Werd, its much easier to forgiven someone for what they do you personaly If he has caused pain to your children, perhaps your anger at him is not unreasonable. Its part of being human.
 
details ? OK..

I was 18.. sorta sheltered in the ways of women..
reason?
Was overweight in h.s and dated few women. kinda shy type
Lost weight after graduation and started to get strong as I got a job as a butcher
unloading trucks with dozens of quarters of cows weighing 200+ pounds.

Worked my way up to a Manager position at this market.
Met a woman that saw me for what I was(a kid) and took advantage of it.
We got married 6 months after meeting.

Gave up my good job as she talked me into moving when I really did not want to.
I just wanted to make her happy
Caught her cheating with a 45 year old dude within 6 months, and according
to the people she knew apparantly she had a history of this thing with Older men..

Here I am stuck in a city I don't want to be in and finally moved back to where I grew up and took months to find another good job starting all over again..

Good news is she came crawling back to me 6 months later and I had the pleasure of teasing her enough to get her hopes up. Only to let her down by telling her I had no interest in her any longer..

I have 0 pictures of her, even wedding pictures..
 
BodyByFinaplix said:
Werd, its much easier to forgiven someone for what they do you personaly If he has caused pain to your children, perhaps your anger at him is not unreasonable. Its part of being human.
Click to expand...

But how can I be a good mother if I am consumed by hatred for their father? On the other hand, what kind of mother could possibly forgive or NOT HATE a man for doing to her children what he has and STILL IS doing? There are so many moments that I feel utterly helpless and riddled with despair.


On a lighter note:
Ylifter.... GOOD STORY! LOL Stupid bitch... lucky for your current missus though that that stupid bitch did fuck up so badly, C'est nes pas? ;)
 
Ive never felt "wronged" by anyone. I have had interpersonal problems with people Ive dated or been with causing the end of the relationship (AKA I couldnt stand them anymore) but i definitely don't feel like Ive been a victim of anything by anyone else in this world. Ya just gotta kind of move on.
 
My one big character flaw is my inability to forgive. If someone truly wronged me I will completely cut them out of my life. I don't necessarily harbor any anger towards them but I also wouldn't feel bad if they got hit by a bus. There again I am a very emotionally detached person so I don't have feelings of guilt and remorse. Makes my life easier but also distances me from people.

Cheers,
Scotsman
 
Forgiveness is a process and sometimes when you figure out that you too can be imperfect in your actions it becomes easier to forgive others. And consequently there usually always a time where forgiveness and trust go hand in hand even if they should involved different people.
 
velvett said:
Forgiveness is a process and sometimes when you figure out that you too can be imperfect in your actions it becomes easier to forgive others. And consequently there usually always a time where forgiveness and trust go hand in hand even if they should involved different people.
Click to expand...
that's a beautifully eloquent way to
put that into words....

anyway, for me forgiveness has been easier
than forgetting... :rolleyes:
 
Life is FAR too short to carry that kind of emotional baggage around. Not to mention it hinders your ability to be healthy in your other relationships. The main person hindered or damaged by lack of forgiveness is the person bottling it up and holding on to it.
 
why do you even want to talk to your ex's still? they bring nothing but trouble. i'm totally done with that shit.
 
strongsmartsexy said:
Life is FAR too short to carry that kind of emotional baggage around. Not to mention it hinders your ability to be healthy in your other relationships. The main person hindered or damaged by lack of forgiveness is the person bottling it up and holding on to it.
Click to expand...

Interesting point. What about those whoh have forgiven, but still think about the person. I still dream about this particular one. Its not an angry dream, but I dream about talking to her pretty often. Just enjoyable conversations.... but in some of my dreams I ask her why it didn't work out... or why things turned out the way they did. This week, I find myself thinking about her alot more, even though I'm casually dating a couple of girls off and on, and there are a couple more who've expressed interest.
 
strongsmartsexy said:
Life is FAR too short to carry that kind of emotional baggage around. Not to mention it hinders your ability to be healthy in your other relationships. The main person hindered or damaged by lack of forgiveness is the person bottling it up and holding on to it.
Click to expand...

Buddy, the only baggage I'm carrying is one the size of a fanny pack. The contents consist of notes that say..."I hate that C U Next Tuesday, Die you selfish skank and my Lotto numbers".

Other than that...I'm Cool Hand Luke.

;)
 
strongsmartsexy said:
Life is FAR too short to carry that kind of emotional baggage around. Not to mention it hinders your ability to be healthy in your other relationships. The main person hindered or damaged by lack of forgiveness is the person bottling it up and holding on to it.
Click to expand...


seriously.,.. people need to just get the fuck over it!!
 
Hey stop hijacking my thread peeps (Bebe and Bilestew) this was a serious thread.
 
if you still have hangups over ex's, whether they be love or hate, that means there is something wrong with YOU no them.
 
BodyByFinaplix said:
Hey stop hijacking my thread peeps (Bebe and Bilestew) this was a serious thread.
Click to expand...

Sorry bro. I was being serious. That was until Bebe attacked me like a disgruntled ex disguised as a 17 year cicada swarm.
 
Bilestew, please elaborate about your ex wife. I was hoping for details and view points rather than just "I hate him/her" or "I forgave him/her".
 
BodyByFinaplix said:
Bilestew, please elaborate about your ex wife. I was hoping for details and view points rather than just "I hate him/her" or "I forgave him/her".
Click to expand...

Sorry dude...The "I Hate" answer is as far as I will go. I bust a lot of balls on here but I refuse to get caught up in the vomitting out of overly dramatic personal issues this board seems to get on a weekly basis.
 
Werd said:
Forgiving does not = forgetting. It only means that you harbor no ill will.
Click to expand...
Let's get rid of "forgive" and replace it with 'accept'.

I hope to 'accept' everything that happens to me, but I will not forget or forgive anyone who wrongs me. If they disgrace my honor, I will rectify the situation if given the opportunity - even years later.
 
Robert Jan said:
Whatever happened to forgetting but not forgiving?

I never forgave Hitler but I'm not consumed by hate for him.
Click to expand...

Darlin' those that forget history are doomed to repeat it.

You never met Hitler so how can you have hatred for him as a person? However, his actions and what he stood for most certainly did affect you. I should think that you most definitely hate those things. C'est nes pas?

When my children do things that are not proper (as do we all) I always make it abundantly clear that it is their actions that displease me and not them. I say these exact words, "There is nothing that you could ever do that would make me stop loving you. I may be displeased or disappointed or even hate the things that you do, but those actions will never affect my love for YOU."
 
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