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First Resume I Have Ever Done, Please CRITIQUE!

MonStar1023

New member
Those of you who are good at bullshitting please help me out. I want to make this sound as BSed (but still good) as possible.

  • QUALIFICATIONS
    Responsible and quick to learn new things. Working at a fitness center alloyed me to gain the skills necessary to work and communicate in a people environment. Confident in my knowledge of weight-training, both free-weights and machines, general fitness, supplementation, and nutrition.


    EDUCATION
    1998 - 2000, Salesianum High School
    2000 - 2002, A.I. DuPont High School, Graduated


    EMPLOYMENT
    6/00 - 3/01 Circuit Trainer, Delaware Health & Fitness
    I was responsible for bringing gym members through a weight-training routine designed to meet their specific fitness goals, and/or aid in their recuperation of an injury. Many members at Delaware Health & Fitness were seeing the neighboring chiropractor and coming to the gym for example to alleviate joint problems, etc.

    3/00 - 6/00 Stock / Bagger, Acme Markets
    I was responsible for a few things while I was working at Acme. The first and utmost responsibility was to assist the customers. Greeting them as you saw them and asking if they needed any help with anything. The second responsibility was to stock the shelves with the necessary food items. The third responsibility was to bag shoppers’ groceries and help them to their vehicles.
MS
 
Name and Address and contact info should be centered in the header area.







  • EMPLOYMENT
    6/00 - 3/01 Circuit Trainer, Delaware Health & Fitness
    Responsible for bringing gym members through a weight-training routine designed to meet their specific fitness goals, and/or aid in their recuperation of an injury.

    3/00 - 6/00 Stock / Bagger, Acme Markets
    Responsible for a few things while I was working at Acme.
    The first and utmost responsibility was to assist the customers. Greeting them and asking if help was needed. The second responsibility was to stock the shelves with the necessary food items. The third responsibility was to bag shoppers’ groceries and help them to their vehicles.

    EDUCATION
    1998 - 2000, Salesianum High School
    2000 - 2002, A.I. DuPont High School, Graduated


    QUALIFICATIONS
    Responsible and quick to learn new things. While working at a fitness center allowed me to gain the skills necessary to work and communicate in a people environment. I am confident in knowledge of weight-training, both free-weights and machines, general fitness, supplementation, and nutrition.

 
Change that "circuit trainer" title to something else, maybe "fitness specialist", also putting "Confident in my knowledge of weight-training, both free-weights and machines" sounds like you don't know much, do you know about cables and ab balls too?
Either leave this out, re-word it or elaborate more, in regards to:"Many members at Delaware Health & Fitness were seeing the neighboring chiropractor and coming to the gym for example to alleviate joint problems, etc. "

Your resume at the present moment says "this young buck has alot to learn but could possibly be an asset to this workforce".

See its the "possibly" part that worries me, one who does not have the "possibly" stigma associated is the one who will land the job. peace, good luck man
 
Not to sound like a dick but there are too many things wrong to list.

I was taught to never put any kind of High school credentials or job experience while in high school on your resume. Most companies sure as hell aren't going to give a rats ass when they hear you were a bagger, they might actually laugh at it.

Are you planning on going to college?? What kind of job are you looking for??

Besides that, the content and structure of the resume is all wrong, just do an internet search for resume examples and you will quickly understand what I am talking about.

There is much room for improvement but that comes with any first resume.

good luck.
 
Last edited:
What shoud my objective be like? If I am applying for a general position at a gym, or a front desk person at maybe a hotel, etc. What should I put?

Ill try and work on the rest and repost it.
 
A lot of things have been covered already, but I will wade in too.

Your "Qualifications" section should actually be a part of your cover letter.

Since you just graduated high school, I think it is OK that you include it. Just make sure you put your most recent high school first.

I agree with DOT that you want to bullet your job duties. List 3 or 4.

I disagree about the objective. I know what your objective is. You want a job.

Zen
 
WHAT KIND OF JOB ARE YOU APPLYING FOR.

SINCE YOU HAVE NO REAL WORK EXPERIENCE, I RECOMMEND PUTTING DOWN SOME OF YOUR INTERESTING HOBBIES AS WELL.
 
Realize that an employer is likely reading over many resumes and won't read wordy, lengthy papers.

Use bullets or numbers and quick yet powerful explanations of jobs. Never talk in sentences or refer to yourself. Don't be afraid to make what you've done seem a lot more important.
 
when writing a resume, the following can never hurt:

1) lying about your age or previous salary. say you were the CEO of any company and you are very likely to get hired.

2) random bolding of words.

3) describe as frequently as possible how much you love working with children. don't worry if the position you desire doesn't involve working with children - people appreciate honesty and kids are always honest.

4) don't underestimate 3D fonts. they can really help you stand out from the other piles of resumes they have there.

5) one word: photos

good luck!
 
I'm going to be very blunt, please don't take this the wrong way because it is not meant to dis' you...

What you put on your resume almost doesn't matter. You are an entry level employee without job skills at this point. You have a slight background working at a health club which may help you slightly in getting another low level health club job... but nothing of consequence.

At this point in your career evolution, given your lack of experience, employers are going to be far more interested in your reliability, work ethic, and ability to get along with people. You would be much better served by a cover letter that demonstrates maturity, insightfullness, and a responsible work ethic.

Also, please take this to heart given your young age - don't piss your youth away. Get some serious job skills now... and start to build on them. Try to decide early what career you want to work towards and set 5 and 10 year goals for what skills and achievements you want to accomplish.
 
Something i always put in a resume is Strengths and Attributes. At the end of the day, you are selling yourself and your employer wants to know what you can bring to the job.

For a gym position, look at what's needed and then put your strengths down. It gives extra punch to your resume. It's always worked well for me.

ie - Strong interpersonal and relationship building skills
- Ability to relate well to people at all levels
- Highly organised and efficient at performing multiple tasks
- Team player who is self motivated

et etc. These are examples of the types of things. You can be more specific in describing your own strengths and attributes, ie list technical skills, knowledge, etc etc. Make sure you have an example for each strength or attribute you put down. Don't just put somethin down and then the employer asks you a question and you say 'um ahh, um.
 
Its a catch 22 when you dont' have a lot of experience or training and you want a job and the employer will usually require some sort of resume, so you gotta have something to submit.

You could try something similar to this:

SUMMARY
Highly motivated fitness consultant with experience in fitness center environment. Areas of interest include weight training and fitness, nutrition and supplementation. Ability to establish excellent raport with clients new to fitness concepts and equipment. Skills include communication and attention to customer needs, client training and sales interaction, familiarity with fitness equipment and training concepts, fitness facility day-to-day <or business> activities.

EMPLOYMENT
Delaware Health & Fitness, <location of business> June, 2000 - March, 2001
Client Training Consultant (or Staff Personal Trainer or something)
* Provided custom weight-training and fitness schedules and routines to gym clients
* Interactively guided individual clients through custom weight training and fitness programs
* Worked with many clients referred by in-house chiropractic specialist to support recommended therapeutic exercise regimens.

Acme Markets, <location of business> March, 2000 - June 2000
Grocery Inventory/Stocker, Bagger
* Provided support and assistance to customers with specific questions or needs to ensure satisfaction with their visit.
* Maintain stock availability and presentation for all items.
* Assisted cashier in check out and item bagging, delivery of bags to customers' cars.

RELEVANT SKILLS
* Knowledge of weight training, fitness and nutrition concepts
* Customer care and communication skills
*< any additional stuff you have -- your own training knowledge, or experience in the fitness arena>

EDUCATION
High School Diploma A.I DuPont High School, <town, state> 2002



Because you dont' have training certs, etc in the field you need to promote your work experience and highlight those skills or responsibilities that would be required/of interest to the hiring person for the position you want. In this case, knowledge of equipment, etc. is almost as important as attention to customer service, sales, etc. You could replace the "SUMMARY" section with an objective, though if you are filling out a job application along with presentign the resume, the application form is where you can describe your objective. And there it is appropriate to say you are interested in a front desk or whatever position.

If you want to pursue a career or near-term career in the fitness industry, research some training certs, ask the hiring person if the gym has particular interest in a particular training organization and state that you are pursuing some sort of training or will be soon. (You don't have to lay it on real thick just to give them a warm fuzzy, but take the opportunity to ask what sort of training, etc. they see as useful to advance in the field.)

And of course it would also be useful to have a couple people from your previous gym job to provide recommendations for you -- get their names & contact info for a list of references to be provided upon request by the hiring person.
 
I recomend that you go to a resume writing service and have them put something thats more professional together for you, dont do it yourself. You dont have much to write about so it probably wont cost you more than $50.00. A good service can make you look golden on paper. Also, Go to College!
 
SofaGeorge said:
I'm going to be very blunt, please don't take this the wrong way because it is not meant to dis' you...

What you put on your resume almost doesn't matter. You are an entry level employee without job skills at this point. You have a slight background working at a health club which may help you slightly in getting another low level health club job... but nothing of consequence.

At this point in your career evolution, given your lack of experience, employers are going to be far more interested in your reliability, work ethic, and ability to get along with people. You would be much better served by a cover letter that demonstrates maturity, insightfullness, and a responsible work ethic.

Also, please take this to heart given your young age - don't piss your youth away. Get some serious job skills now... and start to build on them. Try to decide early what career you want to work towards and set 5 and 10 year goals for what skills and achievements you want to accomplish.

you know a guy name Tom Hopkins?
 
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