Feared or Respected

[Werd]

If you could only choose one, which would it be?

And no, you can not have both. You can either choose to be physically intimidating or totally NON-intimidating (meaning that even though you may be physically weaker you did not have access to "some good ole-boys" that would but a hurtin' on someone if they even looked at you sideways) but have people treat you a certain way because it was something that you deserved and earned the hard way.

Would you ever choose to be physically smaller and weaker?

 

[from zero]

Who says someone bigger can't be respected? Use a different choice of words orb.

 

[Werd]

Who says someone bigger can't be respected? Use a different choice of words orb.

You are missing the point of the question.

The point is the you must choose one or the other - either being able to physically pound anyone into the ground; thus being feared. Or you choose to be smaller and weaker with no possible way to inflict physical harm but you will be respected for other qualities.

When someone is very large in stature even though they might be the most gentle soul on the planet they are automatically feared; human nature.

I am a very small female who has been physically abused to the point where I have been beaten unconscious on more than one occasion so I automatically fear people that are larger than me.

What I am asking is, how many of you men would purposely choose to give up your stature and strength to be RESPECTED because of who you are on the inside?

Please be honest.

 

[tuc biscuit]

not me, being feared makes life easy, makes it so I can choose who I get to know

(ps, I talked to that girl on aol last night......she must be the most boring person I ever met, but thanks a million anyway werd : ))

 

[from zero]

You are missing the point of the question.

Nah, you should have just said "small and respected" vs. "big and feared."



In any event, I'll take "big and feared."

 

[The Shadow]

If you could only choose one, which would it be?

And no, you can not have both. You can either choose to be physically intimidating or totally NON-intimidating (meaning that even though you may be physically weaker you did not have access to "some good ole-boys" that would but a hurtin' on someone if they even looked at you sideways) but have people treat you a certain way because it was something that you deserved and earned the hard way.

Would you ever choose to be physically smaller and weaker?

..respected.

 

[from zero]

..respected.

Pussy.

lol

 

[The Shadow]

Respcect mah authoritay

 

[Imnotdutch]

didnt read the other replies but I would choose respected even if I were smaller.............

 

[Imnotdutch]

not me, being feared makes life easy, makes it so I can choose who I get to know

(ps, I talked to that girl on aol last night......she must be the most boring person I ever met, but thanks a million anyway werd : ))

You are only saying that because she didnt laugh at your jokes.........

 

[javaguru]

Hmmmm...I'll go with feared. This is a bodybuilding board after all.

 

[The Shadow]

Hmmmm...I'll go with feared. This is a bodybuilding board after all.

Looks around.


Re-reads cutting post...



Really?


Smirk......

 

[TheProject]

Respected.

Big and feared just means that those who are afraid of you will jump at the first chance to see you fall.

 

[superqt4u2nv]

 

[Lumberg]

I am a very small female

You're not small. You're pretty big muscle wise for a woman. Don't go giving people the wrong idea werd. Also I thought you said you are most attracted to very burly men?

Tp answer your question, that's a no-brainer. Respected. You'd rather have someone do something because they want to rather than because they have to. They are better motivated and will do a better job.

 

[javaguru]

Looks around.


Re-reads cutting post...



Really?


Smirk......

Ooh that's right, this is the chat board...

 

[Werd]

You're not small. You're pretty big muscle wise for a woman. Don't go giving people the wrong idea werd. Also I thought you said you are most attracted to very burly men?

Tp answer your question, that's a no-brainer. Respected. You'd rather have someone do something because they want to rather than because they have to. They are better motivated and will do a better job.

I USED to be... You should have seen me back in the day. LOL
I am not nearly as big and not anywhere near as strong. Now I have a compact body, look more like a gymnast than a bodybuilder and struggle to maintain that.

And yes, I am attracted to very big men. I am going through a whole lot of changes, introspection and self-assessment and I discovered WHY I am attracted to big men. It is because of my past. I have been physically hurt many times since I was little till as recently as about 4 years ago and on some level I have become very, very fearful of the outside world. The weaker I become the more I feel the need to be "protected", yet violence terrifies me.

I guess I am just trying to find ways to differentiate between a big man who can and WILL beat somebody down and a big man who won't regardless of the circumstances.

I want to feel protected, but I am tired of "falling for" what amounts to being nothing more than cromagnun fuckers that give a good show, but when all is stripped away are just abusive assholes; pure and simple.

 

[BrandonXJ]

feared.

 

[d3track]

respected

 

[The_Ghost]

R E S P E C T that is what I choose for me

 

[Werd]

R E S P E C T that is what I choose for me

Would you give up your physical strength though? Remember, you can only choose one.

 

[The_Ghost]

Would you give up your physical strength though? Remember, you can only choose one.

NO

Guess I will have to continue to strike fear into people then

 

[Werd]

NO

Guess I will have to continue to strike fear into people then

Based on this answer... any of the rest of you who chose respect care to change your answer?

Remember, you can only have one - to be feared OR respected.


I guess I am looking for a man that is big enough to be feared but who would never EVER use his prowess for that purpose. No matter how you slice it, when I have been with men like this, it always ended up that I ended up fearing them as well. I would rather die alone than to be with someone that I lost respect for AGAIN... because I ended up being afraid of them.

 

[TheProject]

I'm fine with respected.

 

[The_Ghost]

Based on this answer... any of the rest of you who chose respect care to change your answer?

Remember, you can only have one - to be feared OR respected.


I guess I am looking for a man that is big enough to be feared but who would never EVER use his prowess for that purpose. No matter how you slice it, when I have been with men like this, it always ended up that I ended up fearing them as well. I would rather die alone than to be with someone that I lost respect for AGAIN... because I ended up being afraid of them.

You should realize that i am sure there are many here on the board who do nothing and will still be feared by the way we look. That is just the nature of the beast. Its not our fault and I don't worry about it.

No one I am with has ever feared me or had reason to.

I am both so I can pick both

 

[Imnotdutch]

Fine as I am thanks........

 

[javaguru]

I guess I am looking for a man that is big enough to be feared but who would never EVER use his prowess for that purpose. No matter how you slice it, when I have been with men like this, it always ended up that I ended up fearing them as well. I would rather die alone than to be with someone that I lost respect for AGAIN... because I ended up being afraid of them.

Is it a question of wanting a big man who would never use his prowess or would only use it in the right circumstances? It doesn't matter if you're a man or a woman regardless of size it is NEVER right to lay a hand on your boyfriend/girlfriend. On the other hand if someone is getting out of line with a friend or my girlfriend I have no qualms about defending them. One thing my ex's have always said about me is they always felt safe with me around, tehre are soem real assholes in this town.

 

[The_Ghost]

Is it a question of wanting a big man who would never use his prowess or would only use it in the right circumstances? It doesn't matter if you're a man or a woman regardless of size it is NEVER right to lay a hand on your boyfriend/girlfriend. On the other hand if someone is getting out of line with a friend or my girlfriend I have no qualms about defending them. One thing my ex's have always said about me is they always felt safe with me around, tehre are soem real assholes in this town.

I hear you, that is something that i have always gotten as well with my GF's. They like that safe feeling.

 

[Werd]

Is it a question of wanting a big man who would never use his prowess or would only use it in the right circumstances? It doesn't matter if you're a man or a woman regardless of size it is NEVER right to lay a hand on your boyfriend/girlfriend. On the other hand if someone is getting out of line with a friend or my girlfriend I have no qualms about defending them. One thing my ex's have always said about me is they always felt safe with me around, tehre are soem real assholes in this town.

I always thought this was true... until I "made them angry"... or whatever. I am small and could never pose a physical threat to a man, yet every single man that I have loved has turned it around to either physically hurt me or intimidate me to the point where I thought a blow would be next.

The truth is that no matter how pissed off I become towards someone that I am smaller than, I could never EVER physically intimidate them. So, I always end up retreating, tail between my legs, reduced to nothing.

So you would think that I would change what I am physically attracted to. But I am not. I have gone out with many men that were very nice and attractive to other women, but because they were not large, I would get turned off...

I was discussing this with another female and she thought that there was something seriously wrong with my attraction to big men, she did not understand my fear. But then again, she was also never beaten unconscious, beaten down, molested or raped...

I had a lovely time with a gentleman last night who said (he knew a little bit about some of the hard things that I am going through - nothing about the stuff I just mentioned), "I can't believe how you can still smile and laugh as much as you do... How can you be such a nice person that only wants other people to be happy?" When people say things like this to me, it makes me want to hide more, makes me feel like more a freak. Is is THAT hard to believe that I could only want for people around me to smile?

 

[milo hobgoblin]

respected...

Look at Napeoleon.. his men would have followed him to hell.. but he would have gotten his ass kicked by a 12 year old girl in a bar fight.. Im sure his men still follow him in the afterlife..

The problem with being feared... The MOMENT you are down... all the people you oppress with your "fear" will beat you down faster than Rodney King at and LAPD convention.

 

[javaguru]

I always thought this was true... until I "made them angry"... or whatever. I am small and could never pose a physical threat to a man, yet every single man that I have loved has turned it around to either physically hurt me or intimidate me to the point where I thought a blow would be next.

The truth is that no matter how pissed off I become towards someone that I am smaller than, I could never EVER physically intimidate them. So, I always end up retreating, tail between my legs, reduced to nothing.

Which is the point of my post. Most people talk a good game but they can never truly "walk the walk." My ex-fiancee and I once got in an argument at my apartment and she gave me a right cross to the face. My response, "That's pretty damned brave of you to hit someone you know won't hit you back." She apologized immediately and I admittedly pushed her buttons with a couple of statements I made so I don't blame her completely. I've always considered myself the "guardian" of my girlfriends so the very idea of using force on them is repugnant. I'm also proud of my discipline and self-control and if someone can goad you into beating up someone weaker than yourself then you definitely need some work. That's one reason I've never bought into roid rage, aggression may be heightened but as human beings we don't have to act out our impulses. It's an excuse to be an asshole.

Likewise, there are plenty of 175# guy who have no problem smacking around their girlfriends either. In my experience the "big guys" you have to worry about are the one's with insecurities and "little man syndromes." I never could stand bullies, some of the lowest scum on the planet preying on those "weaker" than themselves.

 

[SAGAT]

i'd say respected. if that means i would be made tiny, i'd just start juicing like ronnie coleman and get humongous. that way, i get both yeehaa

 

[Rex]

Respected. I have some leaders who get us to follow orders b/c they make us fear getting charged. We do it, but we pray for the day that they fuck up and get busted down to our level so we'll be senior to them. I have leaders who I respect and will risk my own ass for them in order to save theirs out of respect.

When you're feared people act like they respect you, but the first sign of weakness and they will have you brought down.

 

[strongsmartsexy]

Respected

 

[c-sharp minor]

Neither.

The only opinion of myself that matters is my own.

 

[superqt4u2nv]

Neither.

The only opinion of myself that matters is my own.

Best reply ever!

 

[Lumberg]

"I can't believe how you can still smile and laugh as much as you do... How can you be such a nice person that only wants other people to be happy?" When people say things like this to me, it makes me want to hide more, makes me feel like more a freak. Is is THAT hard to believe that I could only want for people around me to smile?

I used to feel like that. If it's something you just do, you just shrug and say eh, it's just something I do that comes naturally.

If it's something you are proud of, you beam at them and say thank you! And if you're really comfortable with them you can say, that's something I work hard at.

Overall werd, if I were to give you one piece of advice, it would be chill out. Not that I am in a position to give advice.

 

[Lumberg]

respected...

Look at Napeoleon.. his men would have followed him to hell.. but he would have gotten his ass kicked by a 12 year old girl in a bar fight.. Im sure his men still follow him in the afterlife..

The problem with being feared... The MOMENT you are down... all the people you oppress with your "fear" will beat you down faster than Rodney King at and LAPD convention.

Never thought of that but very true. I'd be terrible at "not being caught slippin'." Shit sometimes I think my life is one hugh "slip!"

BTW I chose what comes naturally to me. I am not a big guy and never will be. But I am respected by many people. I'll take what I have any day (and it's not like I'm hugely popular or anything) over the ability to snap someone's neck like a twig.

 

[Lumberg]

Neither.

The only opinion of myself that matters is my own.

No man is an island, c-sharp.

 

[Werd]

I used to feel like that. If it's something you just do, you just shrug and say eh, it's just something I do that comes naturally.

If it's something you are proud of, you beam at them and say thank you! And if you're really comfortable with them you can say, that's something I work hard at.

Overall werd, if I were to give you one piece of advice, it would be chill out. Not that I am in a position to give advice.

You most certainly ARE in a position to give advice.

I've been getting counseling but won't be able to go again for a few weeks. I'm cool. It is just that when you realize stuff that you have felt, you just never understood *why* you felt that way, it hits you like a ton of bricks and takes a few days to "settle into it".

The female I was having the aforementioned conversation with did admit that she did not understan my feelings not because they weren't "real" but because she did not have the life experiences that I have had. It was so wierd, remembering and counting just how many time I have been physically taken down by people that I was supposed to have been able to trust. There was only one time that it was a stranger, someone I had never known before they assaulted me.

I remember what it felt like - not the initial hit to my head that sent me to the ground, but the pummeling I got afterwards.... I didn't feel pain. The only way that I can describe the feeling is like pounding your fist into cold meat.... only I was the cold meat. When I counted the number of times that I had been put into such a position, it even freaked the other female I was talking to out (she has known me my whole life).

If I forgot about it before, I know I can forget about it again... but this time maybe because I understand now why I am the way I am, I can truly begin to change these errors in judgement that I had committed for so many years.

I just don't want to be afraid anymore. I am tired of being afraid. I want to go back to the person who can trust people again, only this time I will just be a little wiser and slower to trust... It's just really hard.