fat midget stoner theory debunked

[HappyScrappy]

Well, I recently posted that I thought I had a mouse in my apartment.
I hadn't actually seen it, but there was stuff eaten, mostly oatmeal, so it was assumed that it was a mouse.
But I also couldn't rule out a very quiet and polite, fat midget stoner that lived in the walls.

well, last night, I could prove for once and all that it was in fact a mouse. I heard a noise, turned on the light, and totally busted a mouse in the kitchen. I dove at him, and he ran under the fridge.
I verbally taunted him and then he ran out from the fridge and in the wall where the radiator goes in. he was really fast and brown.

there was some more verbal threats and taunts on my part, and then back to bed for me.

he was smaller than my fist, and really really fast. and furry.

so I'm now 99% sure that it is a mouse and not a midget that lives in my house.

tonight, or perhaps over vacation while I am gone, he will die a swift death in a snap trap, as will any of his cohorts seeing as I will be setting multiple traps for them.
and of course, the logical question is, what if I catch more than just the mouse. and I think the logical answer to that would then bring us back to the fat stoner midget, which would truly prove it all for once and for all - otherwise, we will really never know.

 

[gymtime]

I already hate myself for asking this, but how exactly does one verbally taunt a mouse?

 

[HappyScrappy]

I already hate myself for asking this, but how exactly does one verbally taunt a mouse?

Well, at first it was mostly swearing. And I informed him that I in fact now knew where he lived, therefore now he would die.
That was what made him run out from under the fridge.
Then I shook my fist at him and swore at his trick - for he did not really live under the fridge but was just trying to throw me off.
Then I informed him that either way, he will still die a terrible death - which is even more tragic since he was exposed while looking for food - but all the food is now up high in mouse proof containers.

die die die mouse

 

[gymtime]

The shaky fist is just plain cruel, even when performed to an audience of a single rodent.

Scrap, if I could be so bold, it seems to me your hatred goes way beyond midgets, but is aimed at small things in general. The smaller the person, animal or object, the more you hate it, the more you wish it physical harm. So if I were say, Nature Boy's penis for example, I'd do well to steer clear of you.

 

[HappyScrappy]

so true.
this is perhaps why I have spent so much of my life repeatedly punching my genitals

 

[Doktor Bollix]

I live in an apartment building which is mostly law students. They have a high comfort level with other rodents so there is mice sometimes. Or maybe mice are some type of stage in the life cycle of a lawyer?

Anyway, every few months when I hear those tell-tale noises, I clean house totally, put down a fucking million snap traps, and throw down a warm, wet, smelly spoonfull of peanut butter in the middle of the kitchen floor. Not one of the pesky varmints has successfully traversed the maze of death. What sucks is when it gets caught and flails a bit it sets off a shitload of traps in a chain reaction and it wakes me up. Or one little bastard just lay there bitching instead of dying, selfish prick, then I had to get up and whack it with a shoe. My girlfriend thinks they're cute and I should catch them alive and let them go.

 

[HappyScrappy]

my gf is FREAKED by them, so I just need to make them disappear.

I can recall when I was little my dad's place having them and his snap trap must have been strong (or the mice were weak), but it would usually behead them.
at the time it was cool to me, but now that I'm the one that needs to clean it up, I'm less sure.
but I'm gonna go with the snap traps anyway.

die mouse, die.

(I'm also willing to bet that at night the mouse moves the trap, and then when I get up to take a leak I step in it and go OWWWWWWWW!!! just like some hilarious movie about mice hurting people - I think it was either the Great Escape or Muppets Take Manhatten... they both had Martin Lawrence in them).

 

[smallmovesal]

you look pretty mean taunting that mouse.

tell me, what do you use the piano for?

 

[HappyScrappy]

I came home from vacation and the mouse was dead.
apparently when you break the spine of a mouse, it pisses all over the place.
so I got to clean that up.
good times.

 

[Raina]

HS, did you set out lots of traps?? Where there are usually a bunch. Though maybe the mouse at your place was more of an outcast loner kind of mouse. The kind of mouse with a secret drug problem and a love for role-playing games. Maybe he was a poor sad lonely little mouse seeking some solitude and you went and killed him.

 

[The Shadow]

Damn dirty mouses

 

[HappyScrappy]

I set out 3 traps.
2 had these cheesy looking plastic things (in that they looked like swiss cheese). as much as I would like to think that mice innately are aware of what swiss cheese slices look like - I wasn't going to think that the mouse would care too much for it as is (the package swore there was no need for bait).
I don't know if they added some scent to it, or if mice are just curious enough that it would cruise over this thing and get killed.
so I smeared a bit of peanut butter on it, only a very very thin layer, mostly as a tease. my gf said that I needed to use more, and I tried to remind her that we weren't in fact trying to feed the bastard but instead get him on the trap so that it would kill him. if you have less, then he has to work to get it off. hot damn.
there were two traps like that, and then one that was far more fancy. it was black and was like a little room, it had rubber over the snap of death machanism and a better food thinging to entice the mouse in.
I thought for sure it would be the fancier trap that would get the mouse, but no, it was the one over by the microwave that got him. the best part is I put them out one night, and then looked the next day and he had repositioned the microwave one, but didn't set it off. then after the break I saw that he met his demise in that same one that he moved.
it was like he looked at it and figured that it would never properly break his neck the way I had it so he moved it a bit.
either way, I came back to dead mouse and mouse urine.

my gf called and I told her that the mouse was dead and had peed. she then said I had better make sure it was clean. I told her that while it wasn't likely to meet her standards, I did spit on it and sort fo scuff the spot with my shoe, so I felt it was clean. she actually believed me and was freaking out on the phone. I had actually used 409 and cleaned it up properly, but I never lose amusement in tormenting others - it makes me feel like more of a man.

there are still two more traps out for any other mice that might come out looking to see where dad went, or if we have an infestation of very small bears.

 

[Freak Show]

consider yourself lucky it wasn't the fat midget stoner. They are not so easily caught. Even the chinese finger trap only worked for a few minutes. not nearly enough time for me to administer the cyanide enema. Reverse psychology only seemed to agitate him to the point of laying on my kitchen floor for hours wearing nothing but his boxers and a "Sock It To Me" T shirt, clutching a bag of marshmallows, giggling like an idiot. However, they are easily persuaded. i simply told him there were no more Doritoes and King Don's in my house (when in fact i own stock in both companies) and promised i wouldn't change the locks before he came back.

SUCKER!